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Do you have a history of running away from relationships or people you're interested in? Please explain why(and what causes this) or why not.
Running Away From Relationships
[INFJ]
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I rather have an elaborate history of running from people who are interested in ME!:wink:
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Haha, that would be a good twist to this. :crazy:
I have a tendency to run away in general not just from romantic relationships. This is why I read this book Amazon.com: Distancing: Avoidant Personality Disorder, Revised and Expanded (9780275978297): Martin Kantor M.D.: Books It is a bit too technical but has many different examples taken from life of how people consciously and subconsciously distance themselves from friendships and relationships in general. Ultimately I realized that it is just an intrinsic part of my personality and as long as it doesn't turn excessive then it is just working as intended.
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I have always distenced myself from people. I have never told anyone my deepest feelings. My friends all know something different about me that together is all of me but seperatly is just a peice.
To keep relationships is diffucult because of this. They have all been willing to let me open up but they more they tried the less willing I was. Right now I am with someone who is similar in that sense so it is rocky but probably the most understanding relationship I have had.
To keep relationships is diffucult because of this. They have all been willing to let me open up but they more they tried the less willing I was. Right now I am with someone who is similar in that sense so it is rocky but probably the most understanding relationship I have had.
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My mother tells me I am an expert at running away, but I don't think I do that anymore. I do hold a part of myself back.
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Oh gosh, that's crude LOL Hahahaha way to slip it in there that the ladies are pounding on your door :crazy:
To the Op:
I don't think I run away from my relationships, I'm certainly cautious at first, and 98% of the men I've met so far have not made the cut. For the two men that have, I got really really nervous in the beginning that it would all end if I say 'yes' to them. In both cases, it's been both guys who were so deeply infatuated with me (going so far as to say they loved me) and ended in both being TOO busy to maintain a relationship. How ironic and creepy is that? I feel like my subconscious is somehow sabotaging my relationships, but I can't tell if it's me or them.
I can't tell if it's because I haven't found the right person, or if I'm just manifesting my greatest fear into my relationships (of loving someone and not being loved back). I really REALLY wish to change this.
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I've never dated much, partly because I was never interested in dating (life has too much to explore to be tied down!), but partly also because I've always been afraid of being hurt or of becoming too attached to someone and losing myself in him. When I care about someone, I start to put that person's feelings and needs above my own; it becomes almost impossible for me to distinguish between what I need/want and what the other person needs/wants. Perhaps some of you can relate to that last part?
When I was younger, any time a guy showed the least bit of interest in me, I'd run as fast as I could in the other direction. I never felt like I knew how to act. I don't know how to flirt, and I felt that dating was so easy for everyone else; it was like there was a handbook that everyone else got, but I didn't. I worried that I'd disappoint this guy, or once he got to know me that he'd realize I wasn't all that great. And I never pursued anyone I had a crush on because I just knew that he couldn't possibly feel the same way about me.
I've finally outgrown those feelings and would like to start dating. Sadly, now there is no one around for me to date. Ah, life. :laughing:
When I was younger, any time a guy showed the least bit of interest in me, I'd run as fast as I could in the other direction. I never felt like I knew how to act. I don't know how to flirt, and I felt that dating was so easy for everyone else; it was like there was a handbook that everyone else got, but I didn't. I worried that I'd disappoint this guy, or once he got to know me that he'd realize I wasn't all that great. And I never pursued anyone I had a crush on because I just knew that he couldn't possibly feel the same way about me.
I've finally outgrown those feelings and would like to start dating. Sadly, now there is no one around for me to date. Ah, life. :laughing:
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True, I was telling a friend recently...i want to consume and be consumed by somebody, that's the way i feel about 'love', I would likely 'lose' myself in this person and like i said on another thread here, i don't know if i would survive a heart-break
When I was younger too, any guy that tried to bring up something, I'd begin to dislike him. I also felt guys weren't serious, cause even when I appear aloof, they weren't very persistent, so I couldn't care less.
Now that I like a guy, it's difficult to let go..to get out of the warm bubble I've built around myself, one that I have been really happy in.
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Running away? You mean, like when your body performs an about-face and your feet start moving while your mind is struggling to keep it from happening? While at the same time being extremely comfortable with the fact that you are no longer in that situation?
Avoidance? Like walking into a waiting room, seeing that all but one of the chairs is full, and, even though the person sitting next to your potential seat looks very friendly, you can't decide whether to wait outside or awkwardly take the available seat?
Got those covered if y'all would like to take a break.
I will be 28 in October (still young yet, of course) and I've never had a girlfriend. I've only ever gotten to know two women well enough to be comfortable asking them out. Both said yes, but then I went out with neither of them because I couldn't follow through with the next step. I don't do well with women who don't show enough, what I consider genuine, interest in me to pave a foundation on which to trust them. Not that I believe it is their fault.
Only lately have I felt like I could actually struggle through getting to know someone without running. The problem, now, lies in the fact that, while I may be able to get to know them better, I'm not sure that I could continue on from there without them putting in a lot of effort. And the very last thing I want is to seemingly lead someone along and then drop them on the roadside; dazed, hurt, and confused.
I've become much stronger by fighting it, but it really makes me feel like something is wrong with me sometimes.
Maybe it is like vel was saying, and it is just an intrinsic part of us. If that is the case, which seems likely enough to me, then it could be better to learn how to work with or around it instead of fighting against it.
Avoidance? Like walking into a waiting room, seeing that all but one of the chairs is full, and, even though the person sitting next to your potential seat looks very friendly, you can't decide whether to wait outside or awkwardly take the available seat?
Got those covered if y'all would like to take a break.
I will be 28 in October (still young yet, of course) and I've never had a girlfriend. I've only ever gotten to know two women well enough to be comfortable asking them out. Both said yes, but then I went out with neither of them because I couldn't follow through with the next step. I don't do well with women who don't show enough, what I consider genuine, interest in me to pave a foundation on which to trust them. Not that I believe it is their fault.
Only lately have I felt like I could actually struggle through getting to know someone without running. The problem, now, lies in the fact that, while I may be able to get to know them better, I'm not sure that I could continue on from there without them putting in a lot of effort. And the very last thing I want is to seemingly lead someone along and then drop them on the roadside; dazed, hurt, and confused.
I've become much stronger by fighting it, but it really makes me feel like something is wrong with me sometimes.
Maybe it is like vel was saying, and it is just an intrinsic part of us. If that is the case, which seems likely enough to me, then it could be better to learn how to work with or around it instead of fighting against it.
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That was high school for me. Haha
Although, instead of being grossed out, it was more of me always being interested in someone else and ignoring the "sex, sex, sex!" girls.
Foolish? Maybe, maybe not. My mom would say yes, my grandmother would say no. lol
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Looks like we all have the same problem.
I can relate a lot with what balderdash said.
I have a question for us. We know we do this..we know how our personality is..we know we are unreasonable.
Why can we not change this?
Sometimes I think I have this weird kind of love for sadness.
...but then again, sadness is not really the word to express myself.
I can relate a lot with what balderdash said.
I don't run away tho. What I do is, I "test" people. Which usually makes them run away. :crazy:
I have a question for us. We know we do this..we know how our personality is..we know we are unreasonable.
Why can we not change this?
Sometimes I think I have this weird kind of love for sadness.
...but then again, sadness is not really the word to express myself.
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In general, I tend to run away too or secretly yearn for people who are out of reach, but then if they become available or interested, I find some reason to avoid or run away. But as soon as they become out of reach...there I go again.
I both crave and wish for intimacy at the same time. I'm not sure I understand it too well myself. I'm partly nervous about getting close to people and sharing my feelings because that means I'm making myself vulnerable in a way. I will open up eventually but for some reason, there's a desire to flee in the beginning. For that reason, close relationships are hard to get started.
There are exceptions to that pattern, and on a rare occasions I find a relationship where our attractions line up and that I don't flee or hide from.
I both crave and wish for intimacy at the same time. I'm not sure I understand it too well myself. I'm partly nervous about getting close to people and sharing my feelings because that means I'm making myself vulnerable in a way. I will open up eventually but for some reason, there's a desire to flee in the beginning. For that reason, close relationships are hard to get started.
There are exceptions to that pattern, and on a rare occasions I find a relationship where our attractions line up and that I don't flee or hide from.
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i run when people show interest and my instincts are not in favour...i guess most ppl would go out awhile to test it out abd then drop them, but i know i couldn't dump anyone, so it's easier to run andsave then the pain of having led them on.
if my instincts are in favour however - very rarely, but it has happened - they i pursue directly so they don't get away.
if my instincts are in favour however - very rarely, but it has happened - they i pursue directly so they don't get away.
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And people say INFJs are passive. :wink:
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Ok, i dunno if telling a guy you liked, you like him can count as pursuing, because i've never had a problem telling a dude that (only 3 times i think). Once upon a time i told the wrong type and he 'fled'. He still apologizes to me till this day.
I'm afraid of being in love
I find that on one hand, the prospect of a relationship could bring many many good things
But on the other hand, it leaves me susceptible to my own weakpoints. What I mean by this is that I have a fear of letting people get 100% close to me. I don't like it when someone can have such influence over my emotional levels
Maybe someday I'll get over it
I find that on one hand, the prospect of a relationship could bring many many good things
But on the other hand, it leaves me susceptible to my own weakpoints. What I mean by this is that I have a fear of letting people get 100% close to me. I don't like it when someone can have such influence over my emotional levels
Maybe someday I'll get over it
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You know... this thread has really helped me a lot... i know i'm an INFP and all.. but here's the thing. I fell for an INFJ *sigh* ... to this day (two weeks after he ended things with me) i don't know why he all of a sudden decided to end things. We were still in the "talking stage"and as an INFP i was very careful to not hurt him or take up his energy or anything like that! And he told me and made the strong point to understand that "It was nothing you ever said or did, nothing at all like that made me make this decision" I'm so confused and hurt.. i fell in love. I've never let my guard down so fast and let someone take my heart like i did with him. We've only been talking for two months! he got a crush on a straight guy with a gf... something tell me he likes from a far but when someone gets close... he panics? He told me he doesn't know what he wants or what to do.. and he had mixed feelings because of this... I can't find closure without knowing at least why.. it's so difficult to let go. Especially as an INFP. When i give my love, i really give my love ........ but reading these posts at least gives me a good starting point from which to start... :/
he got a crush on a straight guy with a gf... something tell me he likes from a far but when someone gets close... he panics? He told me he doesn't know what he wants or what to do.. and he had mixed feelings because of this... I can't find closure without knowing at least why.. it's so difficult to let go. Especially as an INFP. When i give my love, i really give my love ........ but reading these posts at least gives me a good starting point from which to start... :/1 - 20 of 25 Posts
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