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This is my first post here and maybe I should have introduced myself or something, but this has kind of been on my mind...

There's this girl I've known for about a year who I suppose I'd consider my "friend". We ended up rooming together on a school trip recently and it was... weird. We talked about random stuff and I didn't think much of it until the happy fwendz party started. "Wow, I can't believe we relate to each other so well!" Ok. That's fine... I guess it was a one-sided bonding moment. I went along with it. I know I've had those before, but not with her, and I've never vocalized it. It seemed she felt really comfortable around me, which I thought was strange as she seemed pretty quiet and private prior to this trip and we were never really that close. But I mean... that's good for her. I felt uncomfortable but I figured she'd have her moment and we'd forget about it. Then the stream of secrets (what I think are really genuine) and "I've never told anyone this before, but..." started, ~*~*~*deep emotional profoundness tiem*~*~*~. FFFFFUUUUagdjshfgj. It was like she metaphorically stripped naked in front of me. It was the worst. I sat there like "oh. really. oh, weird." with my teeth hypothetically chattering. I wanted to get outta there.

In hindsight, I find this weird because until recently at least, I secretly loved hearing peoples' secrets. I love knowing the dark, twisted aspects of them. Maybe I only like it from certain people.

Anyway, I just thought it was strange that someone sharing something personal (which ordinarily I would have been quite OK with) was so off-putting. Now I feel guilty for not sharing the bonding moment or whatever that scary thing was.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? :|
 

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Yep. ISFP friend. Friended on facebook, and the very first conversation there we had, he told me everything about him, from his life story to his shoe size. It very much scared me off...

I think its just that I don't just go off and show all of my secrets to people from the moment I meet them, and having someone do that was very... Yeah.
 

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Oh my goodness. I know, I've been through something similar.
It took everything just to stay and try to go along with all the secrets being pushed onto you, and all that pressure...the obligations... the way I didn't have a choice.
But that was my fault, I couldn't stand it when someone wasn't content, and I would sometimes offer to be a listener. But in no way was I asking for a "best fwendz" moment like you said. That was quite hard to manage...
I did too, I've always had a penchant for secrets, and I'd love authenticity from people.
But the pressure is too much to handle sometimes.
And I suppose that's what drove me away.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, it isn't a good feeling at all if you're reserved...
 

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I may have experienced this, i hate it when girls strip nakes metaphorically, but doesn't actually take her clo... err, nvm.

I've gotten pretty much used to knowing everything about my friends, they end up telling me pretty much everything anyways, this is just faster i guess :p
 

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I think INFPs are greatly at risk of someone opening their hearts to them.

A couple of years ago I went to a boarding school (pretty normal where I live) and there was this girl I hadn't even talked with who asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. I didn't very much want to, but I agreed because I didn't want to let her down. So we went on a walk and suddenly she told me about all her problems, how she felt trapped at the school (it was the beginning of the school year). She even showed me text messages her boyfriend had sent her.

At the same school I got a room-mate; I joined the school literally the day before it started so I had to occupy a single room. The first night, this guy came to my room to smoke a cigarette with me (we weren't allowed to smoke in our rooms :wink:) and he started telling me about all his problems, how he sometimes cried etc. It was very weird and we ended up becomming room-mates, even though I didn't really want to; he kept me up at night talking about his suicidal thoughts :sad:

There was also a skin-head, intimidating type who suddenly opened up to me.. It's very weird because I seem to attract people who have a lot of issues. I've actually never been close to anyone who haven't had a clinical depression or at least frequent sessions with a psychologist or a psycho therapist..
 

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Has anyone else had an experience like this? :|
Ugh. So awkward. I mean, I don't want to be mean, but I just don't care as much as you think I do. You'd be better off talking to an inanimate object, or start a blog or somethin.

And then they want to be your best friend and attach themselves to your hip. Simmer down please, thanks.
 

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It use to happen when I was younger in my early 20's. I had various acquaintances wanting to tell me their problems, mostly. I'd listen because that's what INFPs do and it made me feel special that people wanted to talk to me about their issues.

It rarely happens now. Probably because I don't let people get very far into telling me their problems without saying, "well, what are you doing to fix it?"

The ones who are fixing the crappy things in their life, I try to get them to focus on what they can change. I say things like , "why don't you think what you tried worked out" and "what's the next step." Then the conversation starts being solution focused. Those are the ones I stay in touch with.

The ones who just want to complain always shut down and stop talking once I start talking about taking personal responsibility and making changes. They never talk to me again.
 

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It use to happen when I was younger in my early 20's. I had various acquaintances wanting to tell me their problems, mostly. I'd listen because that's what INFPs do and it made me feel special that people wanted to talk to me about their issues.

It rarely happens now. Probably because I don't let people get very far into telling me their problems without saying, "well, what are you doing to fix it?"

The ones who are fixing the crappy things in their life, I try to get them to focus on what they can change. I say things like , "why don't you think what you tried worked out" and "what's the next step." Then the conversation starts being solution focused. Those are the ones I stay in touch with.

The ones who just want to complain always shut down and stop talking once I start talking about taking personal responsibility and making changes. They never talk to me again.
I suppose we INFP's attract people like that but I tend to do like you do - focus on their own responsability. Otherwise you end up feeling suffocated. But it still happens to me all the time, that someone opens up and tell their life story. Some months ago I went to a consert with some people I am not close to and it went awkward... I was a little curious and wanted to figure out who this girl was who is dating a friend of mine who I like and I have been interested in. Well I talked about the music and I mentioned that I was a bit tired for some reason. After that it was a slippery slope and she started talking about having trouble sleeping and taking sleeping pills and bla bla... She told me she had manic-depressive disorder. I didn´t want to hear that in our first conversation in a fifteen minute intermission...

The thing I hate is I feel like I am responsable for them wanting to open up to me. What is that about? I must be able to sit next to a person talking and being really interested without them opening up completely. I know it is their choice to talk but sometimes I feel mixed up about the whole thing...
 

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I wonder if I haven't been on the other side of this, time and time again. Once I feel something special for someone, I take trust and our relationship as slowly as I can manage, but I know I've had WAY too many one-sided special bonding moments, and I have probably made many people quite uncomfortable...

I do like it when others open up to me, but excessive negativity is extremely annoying. I also turn the conversation to, "What are you doing to fix this?" instead of always agreeing - though I do empathise. I just don't like the down feelings.

But I can't help but wonder how many people I have put through this.
 

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Too much intimacy too soon really creeps me out. I've sometimes told someone more about myself than I meant to, and felt really odd about it almost immediately. I think I now put out some sort of vibe that I don't want to get involved because it seems people open up to me less than they did in the past. It's like they can sense my discomfort even though I don't think I'm being obviously disinterested. I do care about other people, but it takes too much of my energy to listen to all that, so I'd just rather not.
 
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