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I keep a relatively friendly or neutral relationship with almost everyone I know, however there are some people I’ve cut off in my life (see previous threads on “toxic friendships” and manipulative people). When I make this type of decision, it is emotionally difficult, because I rarely cut someone from my life permanently. In the past, I've put people on hold temporarily, where I back off for a little while and don't contact them, usually after an upsetting action by the other person. This happens after a lot things add up to one final "push-comes-to-shove" action. I just need to shut down for a time being so that I can clear my brain and I usually come to terms in a while with them again.

Right now, I am still in the healing process of what happened this past year, where I had to cut off some very toxic, unhealthy individuals. I've forgiven these people in the sense that I am no longer resentful of what they've done. However, healing from the emotional hurt and pain is not easy. While I have greatly healed throughout January to now (including my ability to forgive them), unfortunately, I'm in a situation where I will be running into these people for quite a while as we are in the same area. Every time I run into these people, it's like a wound being opened again.

1. How do you act when you run into people you've cut off?
2. How do you ask when you run into mutual acquaintances of people you've cut off? (And say these mutual acquaintances were part of the toxic environment created by the person you cut off. a lot of people, including on PerC advised me to isolate from this entire group for my healing process, which I've done, but IDK what to do when mutual acquaintances start coming up to me and chatting. i dont want to talk to them, but I have a hard time standing up for myself and what i want).
 

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Best thing to do is keep your boundaries & do not let them in to your emotional process or fall back into old patterns of interacting with them. Keep things neutral, and don't share too much personal info (or if things were really bad with these people just say hi and move on or ignore them all together if that's possible). Then give yourself some time to process any 'triggers' that may come up. Good luck!
 

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Thanks for the tips! I keep making eye contact with these people - usually I'm in lala land while walking around, lost in my own thoughts and somehow i sense someone looking at me, look up, make eye contact. One time this happened, I said HI because we were nearly face to face (about 10 ft away?) and kept walking straight, no more eye contact. But then she came in front of me to talk to me, asked me prompting questions, and ugh.... :(
 

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its the funniest thing ever!
kidding.
lol.

I will just act like I usually do, If i've cut someone off I usual make a statement why so there is no confusion in the end.
 

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Well an evil (and emotionally unstable who actually has OCD and takes meds and I'm sure has other problems) ex-friend of mine broke off with me, she was going way over the line to violence... shes friends with a lot of mine (except for one who just broke off with her) and they think she is NICE. She likes to pick on me because it's fun. So I just avoid her as best as possible.

I don't do it often... I do it with ex's it seems like. One of them I haven't talked to ever since we broke up. Ever. Other one's we talk now and then.
 

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1. How do you act when you run into people you've cut off?
It depends on the depth of the friendship. There are certain friends who have just crossed the line so much (taken advantage of me numerous times), I don't even pretend to like them. I just pretend they don't exist even if they're standing there; which can get awkward. There's a point at which I can care alot and past that...I couldn't care less in every respect.

If they're unaware that I've cut things off and we run into each other... I keep things amiable and superficial, but never allow the conversation to reach any depth. I always cut things short before getting to that point. If I have to pass them in the hall or something, I'll nod my head as a recognition but that's about it.

Really it all comes down to what the specific issue was. If I was being attacked, I wouldn't care thereafter. If however they were just toxic ,not having done anything against me but it was their indirect actions; it's a more difficult situation.

I've been in a similar situation once or twice in my life, and it's awkward for both party. They usually know what's up, if they don't yet... they eventually will.

2. How do you ask when you run into mutual acquaintances of people you've cut off?
(And say these mutual acquaintances were part of the toxic environment created by the person you cut off. a lot of people, including on PerC advised me to isolate from this entire group for my healing process, which I've done, but IDK what to do when mutual acquaintances start coming up to me and chatting. i dont want to talk to them, but I have a hard time standing up for myself and what i want).
With mutual acquaintances, if they were not part of the problem I still keep things open but distant and I try and block whatever it is that's bothering me about them from the situation.

That's a tough cookie. Most of the time though, the mutual acquaintances are emotionally far enough that it isn't a big deal. It's only a big deal seeing them because of not seeing them for so long. After being in a situation where you kind of 'have to' see them, it won't be a big deal.

It's kind of like a phobia (for me atleast). If I cut somebody off... the fact I don't go near them just reinforces that I don't want to be near them; the longer this occurs the more those feelings magnify. Once you're placed in a situation where you're forced to, it does one of three things... pops those feelings and you realize 'hey this isn't soooo terrible, life goes on, and they don't seem to mind' or they somehow do mind but it doesn't affect you because self-preservation switches 'F' to "T' mode; orrrr you have a panic attack. All three have happened to me :frustrating:
 
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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks for everyone's advice so far, it has been very helpful and I'm thankful for the support!

I feel that sometimes I draw the line, but they are insistent on "getting through" to me. The experience I had with these people was very traumatic and left me very burned, and it is clear to both parties that the relationship has been cut off. When they try to talk to me, I see it as a very conscious effort to cross my line and take advantage of me again. I see this as refusing to accept my decision , because accepting my decision would indicate some acceptance of blame and responsibility on their part. And I see this as really selfish.

GAH!!!

and Ethanol: i tend to do all three, too. :(
 

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It's even more annoying when you've cut someone off and they show up at your door!! People who can't take a hint, urg.

When I run into people I've cut off, I tend to let my Fe take full control. Be nice and get the hell out of there.
 

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I keep a relatively friendly or neutral relationship with almost everyone I know, however there are some people I’ve cut off in my life (see previous threads on “toxic friendships” and manipulative people). When I make this type of decision, it is emotionally difficult, because I rarely cut someone from my life permanently. In the past, I've put people on hold temporarily, where I back off for a little while and don't contact them, usually after an upsetting action by the other person. This happens after a lot things add up to one final "push-comes-to-shove" action. I just need to shut down for a time being so that I can clear my brain and I usually come to terms in a while with them again.

Right now, I am still in the healing process of what happened this past year, where I had to cut off some very toxic, unhealthy individuals. I've forgiven these people in the sense that I am no longer resentful of what they've done. However, healing from the emotional hurt and pain is not easy. While I have greatly healed throughout January to now (including my ability to forgive them), unfortunately, I'm in a situation where I will be running into these people for quite a while as we are in the same area. Every time I run into these people, it's like a wound being opened again.

1. How do you act when you run into people you've cut off?
2. How do you ask when you run into mutual acquaintances of people you've cut off? (And say these mutual acquaintances were part of the toxic environment created by the person you cut off. a lot of people, including on PerC advised me to isolate from this entire group for my healing process, which I've done, but IDK what to do when mutual acquaintances start coming up to me and chatting. i dont want to talk to them, but I have a hard time standing up for myself and what i want).
@curious0610 This may not be very helpful, but I know how you feel... I've done the same this past year, and very recently...(Still now) I feel as if I should cut off some people in my real life, and online... (Or try to resolve things - which sometimes I'm not sure how.)

It's stressful, isn't it? :/ Not trying to make you feel sad - Take this as someone that knows how you feel? :kitteh:
 

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1.) I'm usually pretty shook up--but when I realize who they are, I keep driving and get the bumper and windshield looked at in the morning.

2.) I MIIIIIIGHT back up and get out the car and call the ambulance.

Jk. It's hard to avoid people...and after a while just a pain, but I'm usually just normal. I find if I keep walking as they're talking to me helps. Randomly bringing up violent and tragic news stories also helps.
 
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If I cut someone out of my life, it´s for a reason (or a lot of reasons) and I have been thinking about it for a long while. It is not somehting that just happens out of the blue, it is a conscious decision and I stick with it.


How do you act when you run into people you've cut off?
I ignore them, I almost never forget why they are out of my life, so what works for me is to pretend they don´t exist anymore.
It is hard at first, but it is a technique I have been perfecting through time.


It sounds quite selfish and maybe immature, but I firmly believe if a person keeps hurting me they don´t deserve to be in my life in any way.

@LyricalWhip maybe that is why I don´t have a car, I would be sooooo tempted!! :laughing:
 

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I once realized I was walking behind someone that I door slammed in quite a big way after they betrayed me. A small part of me was hoping they'd see that I'm fine and still alive and well without them - and the majority was thinking 'SH*T! PLEASE don't see me, please don't see me....''
 

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I think it's best to not be fake, which means not pretending that nothing is wrong, but also not pretending like you don't know them. You will feel better if you are genuine. Considering that, you're in control of the conversations. You don't have to stop and chat if you don't want to. Acknowledge them and keep walking. If you get stuck in a conversation you don't want to be in, then simply excuse yourself. You don't have to answer questions you don't want to.
 
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