Personality Cafe banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Do you guys ever read too much into things and conclude something like "that person hates me." there's NO rational explanation or anything to indicate it, but you think you did something to piss them off?

And you're under the impression that person hates you, until they reciprocate some kind of friendliness towards you? But until then, you read anything neutral as bad? :mellow:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
241 Posts
Yup - no doubt about it. say if someonedoesn't contact me for awhile, I assume that I've upset them/they're angry with me, rather than just that their busy. got a lot etter, but if you have no evidence ie a friendly gesture, it feels safer to assume the worst!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,849 Posts
I often have some kind of irrational sense in my mind that other people think worse of me than they actually do. So when they ignore me or do some small slight against me, then I am bound to think that this is evidence to support that, that it is true, they must really hate me. Then I get pleasantly surprised that it is not so. I've read too much into people's behavior in past but I have been working to change this mindset. First of all I think it is very selfish to think that other people are always going to be courteous and attentive towards me. So then if they ignore me, well, may be they are very tired or may be they had a fight with their bf/gf so then I'm not even in their thoughts at that moment. Second, this kind of thinking turns the world into a rather hostile and unpleasant place in my perception, and I don't want to think of the world this way. And third assuming things without any sort of concrete evidence can get one into very tricky places like a religious cult compound living in mountains somewhere in south america. So I try to avoid thinking this way. But I can't deny that I've found plentifull seemingly irrational impressions, wishes, and needs that my mind keeps holding onto, including this one, taking small things and then from them imagining that people must hate me :laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,835 Posts
For guys, not that much. I usually ask myself did they do something or did I do anything? If there's nothing there that I can figure out then I just think whatever and move on. Who knows, maybe they are busy.


For women, who outside of the work/school setting I don't know how to interact with (pretty much all), I do tend to make assumptions, especially when I like them. If I don't think they are interested (happens easily) then I quickly write myself off ("oh they must think I'm a weirdo/loner/etc.) and usually try to move on. If I don't move on then I feel terrible cause I believe my own insults lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,553 Posts
Did anyone else immediately think of that Puddle of Mudd song?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
484 Posts
Lol yes. Happening to me now, actually. There's this guy I'm trying to trap into becoming my Best Friend For All Eternity, and whenever he doesn't contact me for a few days, I start over thinking and wondering if he wants to get rid of me but just doesn't have the balls to say it to my face. Then he talks to me again and I laugh at myself for being silly. Repeat.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
484 Posts
For guys, not that much. I usually ask myself did they do something or did I do anything? If there's nothing there that I can figure out then I just think whatever and move on. Who knows, maybe they are busy.


For women, who outside of the work/school setting I don't know how to interact with (pretty much all), I do tend to make assumptions, especially when I like them. If I don't think they are interested (happens easily) then I quickly write myself off ("oh they must think I'm a weirdo/loner/etc.) and usually try to move on. If I don't move on then I feel terrible cause I believe my own insults lol.
^That makes me want to give you a hug. -virtual hug-
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
556 Posts
Sounds like more of an NFP or ENTP reaction.

A lot of the Ne types spaz out and jump to conclusions, ENTPs are particularly good at this, and INFPs are just very relationship oriented so they worry about such things and take some behavioural cues personally.

Most of the time when INFJs do this stuff, I notice they're trying to convince themselves of something that's usually not true - and they know it isn't true. It's more like "there's 3 highly probable reasons why they're behaving this way, and me being directly related is 1 of them. No point stressing, the truth will reveal itself in its own time", rather than "OMFG THE SIDES OF THEIR MOUTH WERE ANGLED 2º DOWNWARDS THEY HATE ME WHAT DID I DO?! WAS IT X?!? WAS IT Y?!?! HOW DO I FIX THIS RELATIONSHIP IMMEDIATELY/GET THEM TO LIKE ME AGAIN!! D;;;"

My usual assumption is: "They find it difficult to interact with me" or "I make them uncomfortable". Which is most likely true, it's not irrational. I read most good/bad things as neutral, not neutral as bad/good. The latter is more binary and desires to assign values, whereas the former is more concerned with balance and having a vantage point to assess perspectives.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
333 Posts
Yes. And deep down you know it isn't true, but you still have that nagging feeling that it is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
I don't go as far as to assume they hate me. I usually don't dislike anyone, unless there is a very rational and well pondered reason to do so. So my subconscious tends to assume that other people do similarly, when in actuality it's very easy for others to just have animosity towards someone for no good reason. (At least, no conscious reason)

I had a conversation about this at lunch last year with an ISTJ friend. I asked how anyone could just dislike someone and not ask themselves why they feel that way and if it is legitimate, and he just responded with something like "That's just how it is; if you don't like a person, you don't like them. It doesn't matter why."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
149 Posts
Is this when you are under stress? I think it's ore Se being unhealthy. When I'm under a lot of stress, I become obsessively focused on external data. It's almost as I notice too many things. I read them wrongly, become suspicious and all that. I also tend to overeat, and do a lot of shopping, doesn't sleep much. It's almost like a mild bipolar episode:laughing:

When I begin to overeat, I note I'm under stress. During such periods I do not pay a whole lot of attention to things I notice. I've learned NOT to trust my "intuition" because I have learned how wrong those can be. I used to react a lot to these, but now I've learned not react. I mean, I have to. I'm a teacher. I always have 35-40 students watching me, being suspicious about sensory details can be a really bad idea!
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top