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MOTM Nov 2010
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I've heard that many times we can rush into saying "I love you" and those words can actually make partners lazy as the focus may shift away from the quality of actions being done in the relationship. In other words, now all a partner has to say is "I love you", rather than show it.

ENFPs, how long do you usually take before saying "I love you" in a committed romantic relationship? Do you wait until you both know each other well? Do you wait until you've gone through major upheavals and disagreements so you can first see how good you two are at resolving them? Do you wait for a certain amount of time to pass or wait for the other person to say it first?

Has someone ever told you "I love you" but you could not at the time, reciprocate? Or were you ever on the other side of that scenario?

When is the right time for first saying "I love you"? And what is your motivation for doing so?
 

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I often have a hard time not saying, "I love you." It's just a great expression for me because I genuinely love almost everyone. :proud:
 

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I often have a hard time not saying, "I love you." It's just a great expression for me because I genuinely love almost everyone. :proud:
I love my doctor, my mechanic, the lady at the coffee shop, the guy at the gas station who has a smile every morning hahaha. I know what you're getting at in terms of using those words in the emotional romantic sense, yeah they came out quickly in each instance in my romantic relationships. Fortunately, it did not appear too early in any case as it was reciprocated in what I perceived to be a legitimate fashion.
 
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pink it good to know you read my mind often (i was actually thinking about making this thread today XD)

anyway i think it great that you guys (and girls) can say i love you so easily because im so shy that i cant even tell to this girl that totaly in love with me that i like her too

So no you dont say it too easily it actually a quality of your type i think
 

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Saying "I love you" is really hard for me, actually! I've always shied away from it, unless it's meant in a light, "haha" kind of way. When I'm being serious, it's hard for me to express my emotions. It's just this vulnerable feeling that I hate. I would much rather everything be light and airy. :dry: I really need to work on that.
 
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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #6
I often have a hard time not saying, "I love you." It's just a great expression for me because I genuinely love almost everyone. :proud:
I love my doctor, my mechanic, the lady at the coffee shop, the guy at the gas station who has a smile every morning hahaha. I know what you're getting at in terms of using those words in the emotional romantic sense, yeah they came out quickly in each instance in my romantic relationships. Fortunately, it did not appear too early in any case as it was reciprocated in what I perceived to be a legitimate fashion.
It's just too hard for me to have sex with someone and not say "I love you" afterwards. I don't know. Maybe it's me, but I feel like it cheapens things when we don't say that to each other afterwards.

My daughter is a teenage ENFP, she literally tells all her friends "I love you" before hanging up the phone. It's a trip. For me anyway, as I tend to reserve saying that to very few special people.

pink it good to know you read my mind often (i was actually thinking about making this thread today XD)

anyway i think it great that you guys (and girls) can say i love you so easily because im so shy that i cant even tell to this girl that totaly in love with me that i like her too

So no you dont say it too easily it actually a quality of your type i think
So you don't mind hearing it first from a girl? That's good to know there are no "rules" about when to say it. I said it to my INTJ ex first. And that is usually rare for me. He did however, reciprocate.

I really try to not say it for a while. I don't want to put pressure on anyone either. But past a 6 month mark, it gets very hard for me and I"m going against my natural tendencies if I don't say it.
 

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unleash the love pink say it loudly and proudly I LOVE YOU XD

actually im the kind of guy that going to wait until you come and tell me i love you
 

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I've never told anyone I loved them before they told me first. That doesn't mean I didn't love them, I'm just scared of being rejected. I remember after laying eyes on my SO I couldn't get him off the brain. I knew it was love. It's kinda crazy. Apparently he thought so too. A week after we finally started dating he went "I can't believe it, but I think... I'm kind of.. totally and absolutely... in love with you."
It was a lovely moment.

But yeah, needless to say I gushed out my feelings afterward.

In past relationships I've waited a few months before saying those three words. They're words I take very seriously. Don't say them unless you mean them and believe them. There was once where a fling told me he loved me, but I think it was an attempt to get in my pants. I had an awful time trusting anyone after that.
Love is serious business.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter #9
I've never told anyone I loved them before they told me first. That doesn't mean I didn't love them, I'm just scared of being rejected. I remember after laying eyes on my SO I couldn't get him off the brain. I knew it was love. It's kinda crazy. Apparently he thought so too. A week after we finally started dating he went "I can't believe it, but I think... I'm kind of.. totally and absolutely... in love with you."
It was a lovely moment.

But yeah, needless to say I gushed out my feelings afterward.

In past relationships I've waited a few months before saying those three words. They're words I take very seriously. Don't say them unless you mean them and believe them. There was once where a fling told me he loved me, but I think it was an attempt to get in my pants. I had an awful time trusting anyone after that.
Love is serious business.
Oh wow, a week? Doesn't love take time to develop? Or did you guys know each other for a long time before?
 

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Oh wow, a week? Doesn't love take time to develop? Or did you guys know each other for a long time before?
Not at all. We had the same acquaintances for about 10 years and even been in the same room but never talked or looked at each other. We finally locked eyes when I was hanging out with his sister, and I knew it was special. I've dated around a lot, and it was different. Electric? I don't know. I'm usually really reserved about saying love to anyone. It's a serious term for me. But... I don't know. When you know, you know, I suppose?
 

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Okay, so I'm going to quote this nice bit, and I've posted it elsewhere, but I don't care. Thought it might be relevant! :happy:


"Now, I've often referred to this: when you say to somebody else, "I love you," it's always rather disconcerting to the person to whom you say that. If you imply that you love them with a pure, disinterested, and holy love, they automatically suspect it as being a little bit phony. But if you say, "I love you so much I could eat you," that's an expression -- a way of saying to someone -- that you attract me so much that I can't help it. "I'm absolutely bowled over by you, I'm gone." And people like that. Then they feel they're really being loved, that it's absolutely genuine."

"It is self-contradictory when a community says to a person, "You must be free," or when members of a family say to each other, "You must love me; it's your duty." What a bunch of rot! If you say to your wife, "Darling, do you really love me?" and she replies, "I'm trying my very best to do so," that will not be the answer you wanted. You wanted her to say, "Darling, I can't help loving you. I love you so much I could eat you." You do not want her to have to try to love you, and yet that is the burden you lay on people when you demand their love. In almost every marriage ceremony it is said that you must love your spouse!"

"Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command."

-- Alan Watts
 

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Okay, so I'm going to quote this nice bit, and I've posted it elsewhere, but I don't care. Thought it might be relevant! :happy:


"Now, I've often referred to this: when you say to somebody else, "I love you," it's always rather disconcerting to the person to whom you say that. If you imply that you love them with a pure, disinterested, and holy love, they automatically suspect it as being a little bit phony. But if you say, "I love you so much I could eat you," that's an expression -- a way of saying to someone -- that you attract me so much that I can't help it. "I'm absolutely bowled over by you, I'm gone." And people like that. Then they feel they're really being loved, that it's absolutely genuine."

"It is self-contradictory when a community says to a person, "You must be free," or when members of a family say to each other, "You must love me; it's your duty." What a bunch of rot! If you say to your wife, "Darling, do you really love me?" and she replies, "I'm trying my very best to do so," that will not be the answer you wanted. You wanted her to say, "Darling, I can't help loving you. I love you so much I could eat you." You do not want her to have to try to love you, and yet that is the burden you lay on people when you demand their love. In almost every marriage ceremony it is said that you must love your spouse!"

"Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command."

-- Alan Watts
Woo! How did you know I LOVE Alan Watts??

Yes, I agree it can be demanding. That's what I meant by "pressuring".
 
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When is the right time for first saying "I love you"? And what is your motivation for doing so?
I haven't been in love myself yet or been told someone loves me. My share of girls have LIKED me, but I'm very cautious about dropping the "L-bomb" and I think my various dating partners can sense that and thus they don't rush it either. I did sense it coming with my last girlfriend...And since I was dissatisfied with the relationship and it was a month to Valentine's Day I broke up with her sooner then perhaps I would have so as to avoid a very awkward moment I sensed coming: Being unable to reciprocate an "I love you"
 

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I met a wonderful man on Friday.... we had been together EVERY day since then... after sunday (over 3 days, me working 2 full work days... we were together 22 hours...) he told me he had fallen for me... it was instant connection: mental, physical and emotional.. we are both hooked.. too quick? time will tell

I am blissfully happy.. did not know if i would ever find HIM and HE is it!
 

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I met a wonderful man on Friday.... we had been together EVERY day since then... after sunday (over 3 days, me working 2 full work days... we were together 22 hours...) he told me he had fallen for me... it was instant connection: mental, physical and emotional.. we are both hooked.. too quick? time will tell

I am blissfully happy.. did not know if i would ever find HIM and HE is it!
Lol. Is he an ENFP? He sounds like he might be an ENFP? And good luck. I'm happy for you!
 
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Lol. Is he an ENFP? He sounds like he might be an ENFP? And good luck. I'm happy for you!
haha not sure what he is... I am not good at assessing ppl... too much going on in my OWN head. I will eventually get him to do it...

He is very outgoing, personable, enthusiastic, smiling and laughing.. looking at the good side of everything, even tempered and calm, inquisitive, outdoorsy (a hunter, angler, archer), a very, very empathetic man... touchy feely.... he sounds VERY like me but with a calm centeredness....
 
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