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When I was a teenager, I did a stupid thing and cut myself. A lot. Rather deeply, too, and abandoned stitches. I have bumpy, lumpy scars in rather stupid places. Both of top of my thighs, top and inner lower arms (dumb idea, don't ask "why cut in an obvious place" because tbh, I don't know why either, and I dread myself for it). And they're not going to go away. It's pretty obvious what they're from.

I've been horny as hell lately, and sex scares me. Badly. I've fucked a few guys who never called me back... and I know why. Lately I've had many opportunities to fuck, and have been declining out of fear. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed that I deprive myself of a basic human desire. My last job, I had a huge crush on a guy I wanted to fuck, and I avoided talking to him because of it. I knew if I wasn't hiding something, I would have tried to. My life is basically hiding away from people out of fear they'll discover my past mistakes (I wear jeans/long sleeves pm all year; it looks suspicious), especially in regards to sex. My lack of confidence prohibits me from living a free life.

So, any advice on how to gain confidence and fuck regardless of what anyway else thinks? Just the idea of men touching my lumpy, distextured thighs makes me ill.
 

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Ah damn girl don't let your past haunt you. :( Can't you candidly say with out being too sappy or vulnerable like make light of your past thru humor. So they have been warned and leave it alone.

I was not a cutter. So I cant relate to that. But I actually have had melanoma enough times that having all my surgeries andmoles removed has resulted in me looking like I fought a tiger in some places. Its not that I love the scars but they are what they are.

I just wonder if your insecurity over it in your head greatly effects your perceptions. Maybe these one night stands are not calling back because they are one night stands and it is nothing to do with scars. ?And even so if they are that shallow who wants them anyways. Try not to assume you know why. Your almost creating a self fulfilling prophecy with something that is probably more perpetuated in your head as the reason, when its probably others factors like starting with how secure you feel, and how the interactions come about.
 

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When I was a teenager, I did a stupid thing and cut myself. A lot. Rather deeply, too, and abandoned stitches. I have bumpy, lumpy scars in rather stupid places. Both of top of my thighs, top and inner lower arms (dumb idea, don't ask "why cut in an obvious place" because tbh, I don't know why either, and I dread myself for it). And they're not going to go away. It's pretty obvious what they're from.

I've been horny as hell lately, and sex scares me. Badly. I've fucked a few guys who never called me back... and I know why. Lately I've had many opportunities to fuck, and have been declining out of fear. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed that I deprive myself of a basic human desire. My last job, I had a huge crush on a guy I wanted to fuck, and I avoided talking to him because of it. I knew if I wasn't hiding something, I would have tried to. My life is basically hiding away from people out of fear they'll discover my past mistakes (I wear jeans/long sleeves pm all year; it looks suspicious), especially in regards to sex. My lack of confidence prohibits me from living a free life.

So, any advice on how to gain confidence and fuck regardless of what anyway else thinks? Just the idea of men touching my lumpy, distextured thighs makes me ill.

I can't relate to the cutting but I can relate to being female and having insecurity.

You know, when it comes down to it, supermodel's and mere mortal's have very similar body perception ;) The girl's most content with their sex life, aren't always the one's with the best bodies.

In fact I can think of some friends with kids and stretch marks/saggy boobs, other's with extra weight, one with scars from fire, another from surgery; who are thought of as incredibly sexy by almost everyone they meet. It's all in how they carry themselves.
@Cinnamon83's advice is great.

Guy's really care about this stuff a lot less than woman do. You are going to be able to make a man feel really good. That's what matters. If you can relax and let them bring pleasure to you, that will make them feel even better.

Start to think of the things you DO like about yourself physically and concentrate on those. It may feel weird or uncomfortable at first but a lot of life is faking it until we finally really make it.

Cheering for you!! So proud of you for not cutting anymore!
 

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Sex can be scary. Even for me, because I'm comfortable with sex in general, but if you really like or care about someone, you face the very reality of humanity: love, birth, death. Sex is powerful or it can be. You may actually be right to be more careful and protect yourself. I mean if you are this self conscious maybe you should hold out for someone who you feel safe with. Invest in a good dildo/vibrator and get comfortable with your own body. Masturbate in front of a mirror. Guys can objectify you and be dismissive, so love yourself first and then do it.
 

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I can't relate to the cutting but I can relate to being female and having insecurity.

You know, when it comes down to it, supermodel's and mere mortal's have very similar body perception ;) The girl's most content with their sex life, aren't always the one's with the best bodies.

In fact I can think of some friends with kids and stretch marks/saggy boobs, other's with extra weight, one with scars from fire, another from surgery; who are thought of as incredibly sexy by almost everyone they meet. It's all in how they carry themselves.
@Cinnamon83's advice is great.

Guy's really care about this stuff a lot less than woman do. You are going to be able to make a man feel really good. That's what matters. If you can relax and let them bring pleasure to you, that will make them feel even better.

Start to think of the things you DO like about yourself physically and concentrate on those. It may feel weird or uncomfortable at first but a lot of life is faking it until we finally really make it.

Cheering for you!! So proud of you for not cutting anymore!
Aaand...Heidi Klum got dumped when she was pregnant.

It's about 1) how you carry yourself, if you are confident and sexy and attractive. ..2) which man you choose. You can choose a horrible man or not.
 

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I'm going to answer this as if I'm a guy who's meeting you:

I know a couple of girls who used to cut themselves. For me, scars can be scary: the fear that you still cut, the worry of whether I can handle it (that we both enjoy the relationship and maintain health).

Unless the guy is heartless, he'll probably think about the scars. Without you addressing it, he doesn't know whether these scars are from the past or the present. Having that question unresolved might also get in the way, because it's an elephant in the room and he'll might want to leave instead of addressing it on his own (because he's afraid of how you might react to the "intrusion on your privacy").

At least from my perspective, it would be best to say, "To warn you, I have some nasty scars from the past," and just go from there. This acknowledgement shows that you're comfortable with how you are now. Even if you don't like the scars themselves, you can show that you're currently in a healthier state of mind (i.e. you can accept the fact of the scars' existence). This should make the other person more comfortable as well.

I think one of the things that you really need to contemplate is WHY you're embarrassed. Often when I'm embarrassed about my own mental health, it's because I'm afraid that people won't understand me (and even try to give me shitty advice as if they know what I'm suffering).
 

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I used to be a cutter but all of my scars have faded and those surviving are thin light lines and not of the lumpy kind. I have eating disorders too that I'm trying to defeat, I know the struggle of feeling messed up.

I rarely went too deep despite my suicidal tendencies and blood focus and when I did, I made sure to do my best to make it disappear and heal so I can understand the deep shame of something that would be linked to your image permanently, to have something that brands you and exposes your pain and ghosts to the past out in the open. That feeling of self loathing or addiction and need for destruction but defeating that kind of ritual is an amazing task of resilience and inner strength.

I can identify with all of my negative memories, flaws and mistakes but that doesn't mean it's all I am.
It even feels dirty to talk about it openly and yet hiding things can be counterproductive in many cases.

This is all a matter of personal triggers and preferences so being honest with someone never backfires although I understand the deep fear of rejection but... you can put it on the table before any kind of connection deepens, to let them know and see if they feel comfortable regardless rather than have them panic over them or reject you out loud. You're talking about one night stands and it's not something I have any experience with, of course love and relationships are different, but if someone really wants you, they want you for your weaknesses as well (or in spite of them). It wouldn't be enjoyable for both if he didn't appreciate you for who you are and you felt self conscious because of it.

Maybe they didn't care, maybe they did.

Blaming yourself is so easy and yet that's your past and you cannot change it, there's no need to because it's a reminder of how strong you were able to be and how powerful your will and healing were. I really hope that it'll work out for you, it's not easy but when it does it feels amazing. Human bodies are never perfect and that's what it makes them so interesting, without forcing yourself into confidence, I hope you'll gather up the right feelings to own it and enjoy sex like you deserve to without feeling uncomfortable.

I have strong feelings about this, I wish you the best.
I plan to get a new meaningful tattoo over my most targeted arm area eventually.
 

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Take those scars like part of your story, your past, don't let it stop doing things you want. We all have our shadows and things we want to hide, but at the is what makes us who we are.
You are not scared of sex, you are scared to the fact that someone will see those scars and judge you.
First you need to gain self confident, after that, people will see you exactly who you perceive yourself.

If someone wants to be with you, that's the only thing that matters, other thing are just details, details that can be a hell in your mind but outside it, it's what it is.
 

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everyone has shit and no one is perfect. you wouldn't be human if you were. *shrug* get over it..you're not the only one with problems. enjoy the sex while you can. you'll be 50 before you know it and the only guys who'll want to fuck will be other 50 year old men lololol.
 

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When I was a teenager, I did a stupid thing and cut myself. A lot. Rather deeply, too, and abandoned stitches. I have bumpy, lumpy scars in rather stupid places. Both of top of my thighs, top and inner lower arms (dumb idea, don't ask "why cut in an obvious place" because tbh, I don't know why either, and I dread myself for it). And they're not going to go away. It's pretty obvious what they're from.

I've been horny as hell lately, and sex scares me. Badly. I've fucked a few guys who never called me back... and I know why. Lately I've had many opportunities to fuck, and have been declining out of fear. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed that I deprive myself of a basic human desire. My last job, I had a huge crush on a guy I wanted to fuck, and I avoided talking to him because of it. I knew if I wasn't hiding something, I would have tried to. My life is basically hiding away from people out of fear they'll discover my past mistakes (I wear jeans/long sleeves pm all year; it looks suspicious), especially in regards to sex. My lack of confidence prohibits me from living a free life.

So, any advice on how to gain confidence and fuck regardless of what anyway else thinks? Just the idea of men touching my lumpy, distextured thighs makes me ill.
Stop referring to it as fucking. Stop doing it because you are horny.

Find a guy you care about and vice versa and he will embrace you for you and take it as his responsibility to help you gain confidence and lead you away from the past you once had while understanding why you were there.

Only then will you be able to experience the bliss of a loving caress of your inner thigh under the dinner table that whispers "sneak out with me so we can be alone."
 

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I know, I am less scared of sex than I am rightful in preventing myself from performing sexual acts upon the bodies of others. I come very close in my opinion to doing something that no one could forgive.
 

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Maybe it would be better for you if you try to form a relationship before having sex. The men you fucked may have not wanted anything else anyway, other than a one night stand. Whether you want a romantic relationship or one for casual sex, it would be better if you get to know them first and they get to know you and your mistakes beforehand.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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Yes.

But here's the thing. You can FEEL them.

I could be overanalyzing. But... I feel guys won't want to be be with someone that is unpleasant to touch.

I know either way, my goal of sex work/stripping is completely defeated lol. I'd definitely get less work in comparison.
 

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I am so sad reading this. One bad thing invites others. You need to correct the initiating harm and get those scars fixed. The physical harm that you witness on a daily basis is more than superficial. It is physical proof of your psychological damage and you cannot hope to be well while it remains. Don't be persuaded by the false bravado suggested by others above, Things like what you've done to yourself effect everything and you need to start there.
 
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Yes.

But here's the thing. You can FEEL them.

I could be overanalyzing. But... I feel guys won't want to be be with someone that is unpleasant to touch.

I know either way, my goal of sex work/stripping is completely defeated lol. I'd definitely get less work in comparison.
Any insecurities are a process to work through @hoopla. I get that. But, you are making assumptions about what men like without acknowledging that they are individuals with different likes and desires.

Many guy's are fine touching heart surgery scars, burn scars, stretch marks, moles, birthmarks and may even enjoy incorporating these into sex (tracing with fingers...your imagination can carry this thought through). Humour can also be a great part of intimacy and I like that you can joke about things that are uncomfortable.

Also, there are MANY soft, touchable places on a woman's body. If you are not comfortable with one area, don't focus there. Behind the knees, the neck, the abdomen and so on are all places that can provide a lot of fun and would be a "stress-free" playground for you to concentrate more on with somebody. Just have courage and trust guy's to handle these conversations first. If they can't - good riddance. Seriously.
 

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Stop referring to it as fucking. Stop doing it because you are horny.

Find a guy you care about and vice versa and he will embrace you for you and take it as his responsibility to help you gain confidence and lead you away from the past you once had while understanding why you were there.

Only then will you be able to experience the bliss of a loving caress of your inner thigh under the dinner table that whispers "sneak out with me so we can be alone."
You're definitely on to something there Jake.
 
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