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i had an epiphany and now i'm venting about it on the internetz

so... love. i don't understand how it works. whenever i'm romantically involved with a guy, i get confused. when i was dating my ex-boyfriend, it was 8 months of complete and utter confusion. i felt like i was thrust onto the set of a foreign film without a goddamn script.

there would be times where i got insanely jealous but i didn't want to control the guy i was with so i kept my feelings to myself, but it festered up inside of me and it ate away at my self-confidence until there wasn't even an ounce of it left in me, and then one day these pent up feelings of mine would bubble up to the surface and, eventually, i'd snap. i didn't yell or scream. i just made a shit ton of assumptions i had no right making because keeping those feelings to myself caused me to over-think everything i could've possibly ever over-thought.

i over-analyze the shit out of everything to begin with, but over-analyzing relationships? it's hell. i started remembering every wrong deed he did (things that really weren't all that bad)... i don't even know how i managed to dig up these memories, considering how awful my memory is, but i did, and it wore a hole in my mind.

there's something about vulnerability... i just can't do it. don't get me wrong - i want to, but i can't. saying something as simple as "i like you" can take me hours. i'll ramble on about nonsense and casually slip it in, whilst adding a lot filler words, so it'll look more like this: "so yeah i sort of maybe kind of might like you a little bit idk maybe."

and, when we broke up, i told him to grow a pair and do it face-to-face and when he did, he cried for three hours while i sat there with a straight face... and he was the one doing the breaking up. i was fucking baffled. i didn't know what to feel. i remember thinking, "uh do i try to get him to change his mind? do i cry? am i supposed to cry? am i sad? am i mad? am i relieved? no, getting him to change his mind is stupid. let him do what he wants... but what do i want? what would a regular girl do in this situation? am i allowed to be angry? do i say something? anything? uhhh??" i mean, it hurt me, of course, but i was so confused in that moment that i didn't know what to do.

maybe it's not that i'm afraid of love, but that i'm afraid of trusting another human being with my um 'heart'... i don't know! it's a mindfuck and a half. i also wasn't in a good place when i was in that relationship so that could be a contributing factor to the clusterfuck of insecurities i had.

i just really don't want someone to... break my heart (sigh look at how silly i sound)
i don't think i've experienced true heartbreak yet. after a month or two after my 'relationships' end, seeing them with another girl doesn't really bother me. i'm sure if i truly loved the person when we were together that it would hurt me but i force myself not to care (and it works) but i'm sure if i really really really loved them that i wouldn't be able to just stop caring like that. i don't let myself fully love and trust people and it's starting to piss me off

(there are two other romantic interests of mine i wanted to make references to but that would make this already lengthy post even longer and ehhh i doubt you want that haha)


note: i'm not blaming men. i'm not really blaming myself, either. it is what it is, i guess

i would appreciate it greatly if nobody bashed me for thinking/acting/feeling this way... but i suppose i can't stop you if you decide to :/
i'm just wondering if there's anyone out there that has the same "problem"
and if there isn't someone like that out there, then post your experiences with love/opinions on love
 

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i had an epiphany and now i'm venting about it on the internetz

so... love. i don't understand how it works. whenever i'm romantically involved with a guy, i get confused. when i was dating my ex-boyfriend, it was 8 months of complete and utter confusion. i felt like i was thrust onto the set of a foreign film without a goddamn script.

there would be times where i got insanely jealous but i didn't want to control the guy i was with so i kept my feelings to myself, but it festered up inside of me and it ate away at my self-confidence until there wasn't even an ounce of it left in me, and then one day these pent up feelings of mine would bubble up to the surface and, eventually, i'd snap. i didn't yell or scream. i just made a shit ton of assumptions i had no right making because keeping those feelings to myself caused me to over-think everything i could've possibly ever over-thought.

i over-analyze the shit out of everything to begin with, but over-analyzing relationships? it's hell. i started remembering every wrong deed he did (things that really weren't all that bad)... i don't even know how i managed to dig up these memories, considering how awful my memory is, but i did, and it wore a hole in my mind.

there's something about vulnerability... i just can't do it. don't get me wrong - i want to, but i can't. saying something as simple as "i like you" can take me hours. i'll ramble on about nonsense and casually slip it in, whilst adding a lot filler words, so it'll look more like this: "so yeah i sort of maybe kind of might like you a little bit idk maybe."

and, when we broke up, i told him to grow a pair and do it face-to-face and when he did, he cried for three hours while i sat there with a straight face... and he was the one doing the breaking up. i was fucking baffled. i didn't know what to feel. i remember thinking, "uh do i try to get him to change his mind? do i cry? am i supposed to cry? am i sad? am i mad? am i relieved? no, getting him to change his mind is stupid. let him do what he wants... but what do i want? what would a regular girl do in this situation? am i allowed to be angry? do i say something? anything? uhhh??" i mean, it hurt me, of course, but i was so confused in that moment that i didn't know what to do.

maybe it's not that i'm afraid of love, but that i'm afraid of trusting another human being with my um 'heart'... i don't know! it's a mindfuck and a half. i also wasn't in a good place when i was in that relationship so that could be a contributing factor to the clusterfuck of insecurities i had.

i just really don't want someone to... break my heart (sigh look at how silly i sound)
i don't think i've experienced true heartbreak yet. after a month or two after my 'relationships' end, seeing them with another girl doesn't really bother me. i'm sure if i truly loved the person when we were together that it would hurt me but i force myself not to care (and it works) but i'm sure if i really really really loved them that i wouldn't be able to just stop caring like that. i don't let myself fully love and trust people and it's starting to piss me off

(there are two other romantic interests of mine i wanted to make references to but that would make this already lengthy post even longer and ehhh i doubt you want that haha)


note: i'm not blaming men. i'm not really blaming myself, either. it is what it is, i guess

i would appreciate it greatly if nobody bashed me for thinking/acting/feeling this way... but i suppose i can't stop you if you decide to :/
i'm just wondering if there's anyone out there that has the same "problem"
and if there isn't someone like that out there, then post your experiences with love/opinions on love
Yes. I completely feel you (pun intended). Dang this is spot on for me as well. Except I never got in a relationship. I stood by, wondering how to tell the beautiful INFJ girl i "loved" (did I though?) her. Yup, had that crush for four years. And she rejected me when I straight up told her after about a month of crushing on her. Spent the rest of the four years wondering why it didn't work out and trying to change things. I really didn't understand her signals. We remained friends even though she yelled at me and called me stupd...Hey I was young and arrogant (I'm still the latter..just not when it comes to relationships)..I perservered, certain that she would change her mind and trying to rationalize why this "love" thing didn't work out for me..it seemed to work out for everyone else. After a year I told her I got over her. The next year she started apologizing (still apologizes to this day) for the way she treated me. I was furious then. Not at her, at myself. I would sit in my room and scream at myself for not having noticed she was abusing me. Did I not have feelings? Anyways, I'm still completely lost when it comes to this thing. And I still have a crush on that girl. (she's a lot more mature now..or maybe I'm just rationalizing again...)

Also...is "intellectual crush" a thing? Like where you like somebodies brains so much you'd marry them for 'em?

So yeah....I completely feel you. You were spot on about EVERYTHING.
 

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Everyone is.

How could they not be? It holds extreme power over them. It's hard and involves sacrifice and extremes of trust. Almost everyone loses when they love at some point. The more you reveal about your deeper self the more you risk find out that you are weak, defective or even an outright abomination. At the same time, you might find that everyone else is what you feared you where. It reaches a level of truth nobody is simply comfortable with. Speaking of comfort, there is the actual act of advancing through it, questioning if you go to fast or to slow, knowing how to go, living in the fear that one wrong move could end everything. On top of that, they will die, maybe after you, maybe before, and when someone you love dies, it rips a part of you out. It's the evolutionary goal of life, it's ultimately responsible for just about everything we do. How could anything so potent be safe?
 

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What you feel is natural. Believe it or not, the majority of people feel scared of hopeful when dating someone cause we like them and want it to work out. The very few of us have understood the game of love and 'wait it out' before they say those three little words. However, we all have had that one or two people to make us feel a bit inadequate. Maybe they make us feel this way on purpose as a since of manipulation or we conjure up some thought that this person is better off without us.

Dating is fucking tricky. You got to acknowledge what's around you or you'll miss out on a great person. If you do miss out, God knows how long you'll have to wait to find someone as equally as good as the lost one. On the other side, its very true. If its meant to be it will happen for you and he WILL work through your insecurities...
 

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People hate to be open with your feelings, but that's what you have to do in relationshiips. Just be open with every strong feeling you have.
 

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This takes time and experience. And that experience takes risk in order to learn. And in order to learn, you might have to be hurt a couple times in the process. I relate to how you feel a great deal. But don't ever say you *can't*. You might not feel you can right now because you either feel uncomfortable opening up or you haven't met the right person to make you want to. I think we come across quite a few people in our lives who will do. We like them enough, convince ourselves that we even love them - and perhaps we truly do - but it doesn't work out in some way. And that's completely okay. Everyone messes up before they get it right. I'm not saying those relationships were failures on anyone's part; it just is what it is, as you said. I don't imagine you'll open up fully with each experience, as it takes quite a few or just the right one to get you to that stage - but do give yourself and the other person room to develop intimacy. Either by practice or by luck, you will come across someone who does it for you.

I've been in a few relationships and I did have feelings for all of them, but it was different for each one. Each time, a greater sense of intimacy was achieved because I either found people more compatible with me in certain ways or I simply just got better at letting myself be vulnerable. It's hard. It is, I know. It's something you can't force, for sure. But, if you do feel strongly for the person, do *allow* yourself to open up. This can take years to learn, or maybe it takes years to find that person. Anything meaningful in our lives is risky. Just go for it and follow your heart, and it will go as it should go.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Yes. I completely feel you (pun intended). Dang this is spot on for me as well. Except I never got in a relationship. I stood by, wondering how to tell the beautiful INFJ girl i "loved" (did I though?) her. Yup, had that crush for four years. And she rejected me when I straight up told her after about a month of crushing on her. Spent the rest of the four years wondering why it didn't work out and trying to change things. I really didn't understand her signals. We remained friends even though she yelled at me and called me stupd...Hey I was young and arrogant (I'm still the latter..just not when it comes to relationships)..I perservered, certain that she would change her mind and trying to rationalize why this "love" thing didn't work out for me..it seemed to work out for everyone else. After a year I told her I got over her. The next year she started apologizing (still apologizes to this day) for the way she treated me. I was furious then. Not at her, at myself. I would sit in my room and scream at myself for not having noticed she was abusing me. Did I not have feelings? Anyways, I'm still completely lost when it comes to this thing. And I still have a crush on that girl. (she's a lot more mature now..or maybe I'm just rationalizing again...)

Also...is "intellectual crush" a thing? Like where you like somebodies brains so much you'd marry them for 'em?

So yeah....I completely feel you. You were spot on about EVERYTHING.
ah, thank you! i really did think i was the only one. to me, it seems like everyone's got this romance business on lock while i'm struggling to do something as simple as vocalizing my feelings. i mean, i'm sure the guy knows i like him but saying it aloud is a mission and a half, haha.

i'm sorry to hear she yelled at you, but on the flip side, i'm glad she apologized to you. you have a crush on her but are you still gonna pursue her? that'd be a whole new level of perseverance.

as for the intellectual crush... sapiosexual may be the word you're looking for?


@Ecoas that was both depressing and beautiful. not to mention freakishly on point, haha.

@Kyandigaru "If its meant to be it will happen for you and he WILL work through your insecurities..." i liked this. thanks for your input.

@
chaoticbrain even feelings perceived as "negative"? (insecurities, jealousy, etc)
 

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Discussion Starter #9
This takes time and experience. And that experience takes risk in order to learn. And in order to learn, you might have to be hurt a couple times in the process. I relate to how you feel a great deal. But don't ever say you *can't*. You might not feel you can right now because you either feel uncomfortable opening up or you haven't met the right person to make you want to. I think we come across quite a few people in our lives who will do. We like them enough, convince ourselves that we even love them - and perhaps we truly do - but it doesn't work out in some way. And that's completely okay. Everyone messes up before they get it right. I'm not saying those relationships were failures on anyone's part; it just is what it is, as you said. I don't imagine you'll open up fully with each experience, as it takes quite a few or just the right one to get you to that stage - but do give yourself and the other person room to develop intimacy. Either by practice or by luck, you will come across someone who does it for you.

I've been in a few relationships and I did have feelings for all of them, but it was different for each one. Each time, a greater sense of intimacy was achieved because I either found people more compatible with me in certain ways or I simply just got better at letting myself be vulnerable. It's hard. It is, I know. It's something you can't force, for sure. But, if you do feel strongly for the person, do *allow* yourself to open up. This can take years to learn, or maybe it takes years to find that person. Anything meaningful in our lives is risky. Just go for it and follow your heart, and it will go as it should go.
i definitely had feelings for them but they weren't anywhere near as strong as they could've been had i truly opened up to them. i honestly feel like i could've saved 2/3 of those relationships if i wasn't afraid of being vulnerable.

there was one guy, actually, that i was 100 percent vulnerable with. it didn't work out because it was a long distance relationship (and other reasons), but i really liked him so one day, against my better judgement, i sent him a letter. i wanted to give 'us' another shot, was pretty much the gist of it. i don't ever recall being that vulnerable before.

i made it clear that if he didn't want to try again, it would probably be best for the both of us if he didn't reply. unfortunately, he didn't reply but i felt great because for the first time ever, i "followed my heart", i guess, and although things didn't work out, there's comfort in knowing i tried. i wasn't ~too~ sad because i respect him enough as a person to respect his decision. i was also pretty disappointed but it's for the best, i think.

in conclusion, that was probably one of the best decisions i've ever made in my life. i didn't exactly get what i wanted but i'm so relieved knowing i finally let a person know how i truly feel about them.

you were right about everything (literally everything) and i can't put into words how much i appreciated your reply. thank you. :happy:
 

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@Modal Soul No problem!

There are men and women out there that love to throw the word "insecure" to the person they are dating to make them feel guilty for questioning a person or situation. however, if this person is in love with you, they will STOP whatever act that they feel is making you feel inadequate with yourself. Meanwhile, you also have to do your part by feeling better about yourself.

-Get spa treatments
-Shop for new clothes
-Get in shape
-New friends.
 

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As far as jealousy goes: Not a good idea to hold stuff in, but it IS a good idea to recognize when your emotions are probably blowing something out of proportion. There's a way to admit that something bothered you and discuss it without putting any blame on the other person. It's important to communicate about feelings, even when you don't think you ought to be feeling the way that you are.
 

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As far as jealousy goes: Not a good idea to hold stuff in, but it IS a good idea to recognize when your emotions are probably blowing something out of proportion. There's a way to admit that something bothered you and discuss it without putting any blame on the other person. It's important to communicate about feelings, even when you don't think you ought to be feeling the way that you are.
I would say especially when you don't think you ought to be feeling the way that you are.
 

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i had an epiphany and now i'm venting about it on the internetz

i would appreciate it greatly if nobody bashed me for thinking/acting/feeling this way... but i suppose i can't stop you if you decide to :/
i'm just wondering if there's anyone out there that has the same "problem"
and if there isn't someone like that out there, then post your experiences with love/opinions on love
I see you've had a lot of useful help so far, so I decided to post my take, which will be a bit different to what people said before, but hopefully not taken as a "bash", since it is not intended as one, neither is it intended as some huge solution, just my thoughts.

Firstly you're only describing one relationship here, with that guy. I guess hearing the two others may be useful, but let's just look at him - I think there are two problems with your behaviour that are causing a problem. They are:

a; ) Lack of emotional clarity. Do you really know how you feel? Seemingly not - at one minute you are insanely jealous, but then can't even bring yourself to an emotional response when he breaks up with you? One one hand you are scared of vulnerability, but clearly you are not afraid of entering relationship with someone you do not trust - since you trust nobody - and doesn't this put you in vulnerable situation?

b; ) Lack of self-control about thoughts. Somewhat related to confidence, maybe. Now I'm not saying over-analysing, or analysing at all is the problem here. What I'm saying is similar to first, that you don't appear to have very much control over your thoughts. It seems to me (I might be wrong) that they appear in your head and you allow yourself to let them run by until they finish their course.

Points to think about:

a; ) Discuss emotions with people, especially romantic partners. Yes it opens you up and makes you vulnerable. I know that feeling too well myself !!! But if you don't trust your partner to discuss your emotions then in no way can you trust them to respect those emotions, so simple straight up you need to be able to talk to partner and to trust them if you want healthy relationship. Maybe you need to find someone really good who makes you feel safe to open up as it's not your fault necessarily: some people are just bad at making others open to them, and that's a skill they need to work on. But even if you must talk about it to nobody ever, then have clarity in what you feel. Know your emotions, at least then the course of action will be more obvious and self-evident to you.

b; ) You need better control of your thoughts to prevent damaging over-analysis. I don't mean to suppress your thoughts since that is hardly possible: but if chains of thoughts begin to run through your head, you need to work with those thoughts, compare and contrast them to previous analysis, ask questions, question yourself and your thought process: and if you come to conclusion, stick by it, until reasonable evidence suggests opposite. As human being your greatest power is ability to use thoughts: then do so. Take control of them, establish a mode of operation, and above all trust results.

Opened emotions - mastery of thought processes: it will help you be less scared of love, I think.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
@Modal Soul No problem!

There are men and women out there that love to throw the word "insecure" to the person they are dating to make them feel guilty for questioning a person or situation. however, if this person is in love with you, they will STOP whatever act that they feel is making you feel inadequate with yourself. Meanwhile, you also have to do your part by feeling better about yourself.

-Get spa treatments
-Shop for new clothes
-Get in shape
-New friends.
wait, what? i never said anything about being called insecure. i would not want to be with someone who would say things like that to me, haha.

the problem isn't that i don't feel i "measure up" because i love the shit out of myself. the problem is that i don't want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way. the insecurities don't arise because, for example, i think the girls he's talking to are better than me (horrible example but i couldn't think of another one on the fly), because i don't. key word: i. i get jealous because i don't know how he feels about them, which causes me to feel insecure about our relationship. it's the not knowing that bugs me. i also, like i said, have some pretty serious trust issues which only makes me feel even more insecure about our relationship. this is probably due to shitty communication between us than anything else.


i hope that clears things up! the way what you said was phrased sort or rubbed me the wrong way because of all the assumptions that were made (this especially: you also have to do your part by feeling better about yourself), but i do understand you're just trying to help. i appreciate it very much, but i think you misinterpreted what i was saying so i thought some further clarification was needed. :tongue:
 

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I see you've had a lot of useful help so far, so I decided to post my take, which will be a bit different to what people said before, but hopefully not taken as a "bash", since it is not intended as one, neither is it intended as some huge solution, just my thoughts.

Firstly you're only describing one relationship here, with that guy. I guess hearing the two others may be useful, but let's just look at him - I think there are two problems with your behaviour that are causing a problem. They are:

a; ) Lack of emotional clarity. Do you really know how you feel? Seemingly not - at one minute you are insanely jealous, but then can't even bring yourself to an emotional response when he breaks up with you? One one hand you are scared of vulnerability, but clearly you are not afraid of entering relationship with someone you do not trust - since you trust nobody - and doesn't this put you in vulnerable situation?

b; ) Lack of self-control about thoughts. Somewhat related to confidence, maybe. Now I'm not saying over-analysing, or analysing at all is the problem here. What I'm saying is similar to first, that you don't appear to have very much control over your thoughts. It seems to me (I might be wrong) that they appear in your head and you allow yourself to let them run by until they finish their course.

Points to think about:

a; ) Discuss emotions with people, especially romantic partners. Yes it opens you up and makes you vulnerable. I know that feeling too well myself !!! But if you don't trust your partner to discuss your emotions then in no way can you trust them to respect those emotions, so simple straight up you need to be able to talk to partner and to trust them if you want healthy relationship. Maybe you need to find someone really good who makes you feel safe to open up as it's not your fault necessarily: some people are just bad at making others open to them, and that's a skill they need to work on. But even if you must talk about it to nobody ever, then have clarity in what you feel. Know your emotions, at least then the course of action will be more obvious and self-evident to you.

b; ) You need better control of your thoughts to prevent damaging over-analysis. I don't mean to suppress your thoughts since that is hardly possible: but if chains of thoughts begin to run through your head, you need to work with those thoughts, compare and contrast them to previous analysis, ask questions, question yourself and your thought process: and if you come to conclusion, stick by it, until reasonable evidence suggests opposite. As human being your greatest power is ability to use thoughts: then do so. Take control of them, establish a mode of operation, and above all trust results.

Opened emotions - mastery of thought processes: it will help you be less scared of love, I think.
i think this is all very good advice. would it be alright if i messaged you privately? 'cause my response might get really deep and there's just certain things i don't feel comfortable posting on a public forum.. haha
 

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i think this is all very good advice. would it be alright if i messaged you privately? 'cause my response might get really deep and there's just certain things i don't feel comfortable posting on a public forum.. haha
That's fine, but I don't know what kind of response I'll be able to give.
 

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wait, what? i never said anything about being called insecure. i would not want to be with someone who would say things like that to me, haha.

the problem isn't that i don't feel i "measure up" because i love the shit out of myself. the problem is that i don't want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way. the insecurities don't arise because, for example, i think the girls he's talking to are better than me (horrible example but i couldn't think of another one on the fly), because i don't. key word: i. i get jealous because i don't know how he feels about them, which causes me to feel insecure about our relationship. it's the not knowing that bugs me. i also, like i said, have some pretty serious trust issues which only makes me feel even more insecure about our relationship. this is probably due to shitty communication between us than anything else.


i hope that clears things up! the way what you said was phrased sort or rubbed me the wrong way because of all the assumptions that were made (this especially: you also have to do your part by feeling better about yourself), but i do understand you're just trying to help. i appreciate it very much, but i think you misinterpreted what i was saying so i thought some further clarification was needed. :tongue:

iight..whatever. did my part...take care though. *walks off like a boss*
 

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I actually know exactly where you're coming from, because I feel the same way.

Hell, I even have gone so far to say that I'm going to be a career man.

My capacity to love is huge. I have the capacity to give my entire being to another person that I'm deeply in love with, and I'm afraid of this. Like you, I don't want it to be the wrong girl and just get hurt in the end.

What I'm doing is taking it REALLLLLLY slow. Things like sex, hanging out, and doing things together can still happen, but the actual 'love' part of it? That can wait.

I'm a huge hopeless romantic. Huge. I never really have admitted to anyone except on this forum. I'm a Motown listening, put rose pedals on the bed, candle light and red wine kind of guy.

If a girl can accept me as I am, stay away from playing games, be upfront with me, and think that the little gift giving, romantic thing I do is cute (rather than, say, annoying), she's well on her way to having my heart.

In terms of you, NTs have trouble making themselves vulnerable. It's part of the NT beast. However, if you want to build a meaningful relationship, you have to do it. That's part of a relationship, becoming completely vulnerable to each other. I know, as an INFJ, I can read past the "public face" that people put on (especially the ENTPs). It's as if before they head out everyday, they put on a mask.
@Modal Soul, you're still very young. It's going to be hard to take off this metaphorical 'mask,' but you have to do it consciously. You aren't perfect. You make mistakes, you will get your heart broken, you will do things you wish you could take back, you'll lose friends, you'll offend people, it's all part of growing up.

Once you realize that you aren't perfect and realize that your shit smells just as much like shit as the next person, you will open up, become a better person, and people (even guys) will become receptive to you.

Don't take this the wrong way, but it's an insecurity. I have it, you have it, and a lot of young NTs have it. You're afraid of what you may say to people. You're afraid of looking weak. But guess what, it takes a very strong (wo)man to be able to wear their vulnerabilities on their sleeves and say "hey, I'm human, these are my flaws, if you love me, great, if you don't, well move along. Love me or hate me for who I am, not who I want you to think I am."

Just hang in there!!
 

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i definitely had feelings for them but they weren't anywhere near as strong as they could've been had i truly opened up to them. i honestly feel like i could've saved 2/3 of those relationships if i wasn't afraid of being vulnerable.

there was one guy, actually, that i was 100 percent vulnerable with. it didn't work out because it was a long distance relationship (and other reasons), but i really liked him so one day, against my better judgement, i sent him a letter. i wanted to give 'us' another shot, was pretty much the gist of it. i don't ever recall being that vulnerable before.

i made it clear that if he didn't want to try again, it would probably be best for the both of us if he didn't reply. unfortunately, he didn't reply but i felt great because for the first time ever, i "followed my heart", i guess, and although things didn't work out, there's comfort in knowing i tried. i wasn't ~too~ sad because i respect him enough as a person to respect his decision. i was also pretty disappointed but it's for the best, i think.

in conclusion, that was probably one of the best decisions i've ever made in my life. i didn't exactly get what i wanted but i'm so relieved knowing i finally let a person know how i truly feel about them.

you were right about everything (literally everything) and i can't put into words how much i appreciated your reply. thank you. :happy:
That's great that you did that! It may not have resulted in the most ideal way, but you put yourself out there and you have that experience under your belt. It will help in the future, and it will help you overall in growing as a self-aware, mature person. As hard as it may be, keeping putting forth that energy into the world (as the feelings come, as scary as it might be) and, I promise you, at some point(s) you will get that energy back. It is very brave of you to do that and I hope things work out for you. ^-^
 
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