Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 43 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, I constantly get second hand embarrassment from reading/hearing stories, sometimes letters. Especially from romance novels. Very often I have to stop reading and do something else for a while because it was too embarrassing to continue. Most of the time I feel like I'm experiencing exactly what the character or person is going through, it just seem so real. Just wondering how common this is for other INFPs.
 

·
MOTM Dec 2011
Joined
·
8,651 Posts
Yes, and I experience this in person in observing or listening to others. It was worse when I was younger. Some of it is identifying with the person's embarrassment and some of it is picking up on other's judgments towards them (which if they knew, they'd be embarrassed).

I like @Shrk108 's point about your own shame. I feel as I've gotten more comfortable with myself, including my flaws & goofs, I feel less embarrassed for others simply because I don't register it as necessary to be embarrassed. I still pick up on their embarrassment (if there), but I tend to take a "forgiving" attitude, to extend the feeling of "hey, it's okay to be a silly human!". I suppose I feel more compassion than horror now :D.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
I still remember not being able to finish watching the movie Meet The Parents back when it first came out because of how embarassed I felt for Ben Stiller's character. When Ben stiller accidently made the sceptic tank overflow all over the yard I just couldn't watch anymore.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,245 Posts
This happens to me all the time... For me it's even worse when I watch a character go through an awkward situation on TV or in a movie.
Teen, romance or oddness can influence me (and even the hopeless 'insider observations' that the movie watcher is only aware of) depending on how the plot device is used for relatability over schadenfreude many enjoy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
814 Posts
So, I constantly get second hand embarrassment from reading/hearing stories, sometimes letters. Especially from romance novels. Very often I have to stop reading and do something else for a while because it was too embarrassing to continue. Most of the time I feel like I'm experiencing exactly what the character or person is going through, it just seem so real. Just wondering how common this is for other INFPs.
Gah, this irritates me so much. This happens all the time. Like Kito said, I can't watch the bad/cringey auditions in talent shows without looking away or covering my ears. Nor can I read about embarrassing events without feeling the emotion myself. I think it's because I constantly have this voice in the back of my mind going 'that could've been you', and that I know what embarrassment feels like all too well, so when I see someone-else making an idiot of themselves it's just like 'no. Please stop. How are you going to live with this'.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
925 Posts
I can only do so much creepy stuff. In the age of Netflix.com and downloading a few seasons off the internet, sometimes it's a bit much to watch something that's too intense. I can think of Breaking Bad and the Sopranos as examples of shows I've had to take breaks from the marathon, so to speak. It's just a bit much. I don't feel like the character by all means, but too much "negative vibes" start to rub me the wrong way. It's the same with reading about Serial Killers and so forth. Again, I don't relate at all because I'm on the other end of the spectrum but I don't like too much of it. I feel like I need to come up for air. If I'm PMSing I am especially easy on myself. It's going to be a Jane Austen or a period film (lol literally, and figuratively) and like some sort of family movie or romantic comedy. I also can only take so many prison movies of a guy getting butt raped. Lol I know that's not the focus but it's just too unsettling. I of course have lived with my significant other for 2.5 years and my ex for 5.5 years, so it kind of happens by default. My new favorite is called Copper. It's like a science/detective show, in olden times. It's pretty damn good. My favorite thing to watch at dinner is something funny. That helps me unwind, like It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, or 30 Rock or whatnot....though, those are kind of stuff I used to watch. Anyways, again I don't feel like them I just take the vibes/energy too seriously sometimes. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,149 Posts
There was this HUGE controversy on Jeopardy last week. One of the kids misspelled emancipation proclamation and the judges wouldn't accept it and the final shot of the kid is his arms crossed, fighting tears. I remember saying to husband "it's awful! It's awful!!" and my eyes actually started to burn for the kid. Other things don't really get to me, but some commercials, sappy commercials do. It depends.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,350 Posts
Sometimes my friend would be at mine and sharing funny youtube vids and some of the things were unbearable. I'd be pleading "C'mon stop it, I get it". Just some people not being so aware of what they're doing, it'd be funny to him but slightly painful for me to watch. There's times watching movies when a character does something completely stupid and unrealistic that I have paused it and taken a moment to push on and keep watching.
 

·
Registered
INFP 648 sx/sp
Joined
·
2,937 Posts
I can't watch a good half of the cheesier American comedies which we get in the UK, or the films, because there's always a scene that makes me cringe and turn away. Or run away.

Okay, so this is a personality thing? Good, I'll cross it off my crazy list. :proud:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,087 Posts
Oh yes. Whenever I see someone fall, get rejected, or make a mistake on television, I cringe and blush. This especially occurs on audition TV shows like America's Got Talent or American Idol. I also hate seeing a person scream at another person then harshly criticize them for example, Hell's Kitchen. Even in books, I usually scream and call them an idiot while anxiously laughing, blushing, and throwing the book across the room.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,931 Posts
I experience this, not just with fictional character, but real people, and moreso when I was younger. I have been interally mulling over whether or not this was Fe-type behavior (knowledgeable enough of societal norms to be embarrassed on someone's behalf that is.) Glad to know it is an INFP thing. What is strange is that my mother is Fe-dom, and sometimes she does the most cringeworthy things in public, and I am ashamed for her. Or maybe I am just highly tuned in to what it feels like to be judged by others, as @OrangeAppled said
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
981 Posts
This is 100% of participating INFP population agreeing and relating. Explanations varied from empathy to (that could've been you) to grasping judgments of surrounding people.

What is the mechanism this happens with?

Given the chance to control this:
Do you want it to stop? or do you think it's a (nice) trait that'd you'd like to keep?

Personally, i used to experience that as a little kid, i'd cover my eyes watching something that's supposed to be funny like someone being humiliated. Growing up it stopped, yet some emotionally draining novels exhaust me as if i'm fully experiencing what they're going through, but never feelings of embarrassment anymore. Why i used to feel like that?i think it's because i like the character unconditionally, felt that they were so pure and special and amazing etc..probably projecting as a kid, so i felt what they felt and didn't want harm to touch them and so on. Growing older i observe the character more, and have better understanding of the situation they're in, and in real life situations, i stopped grasping surrounding peoples' judgments and thoughts about what's going on, i had to consciously stop myself from looking at things through the eyes of others.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,581 Posts
I don't feel it as much as I used to but I still cringe a little sometimes. I remember a woman singing solo at church long ago & she was off key & got out of synch with the organist & they kept starting over & couldn't get it right, her voice started cracking & they finally gave up. Dead silence & a LONG pause before the preacher starts talking. I felt like crying I was so embarrassed for her. Another time I'm at a comedy club & this young comedian starts off bad & goes downhill, totally bombs & people start heckling the poor guy to where I couldn't even hear him & he looks around & walks off. Things like that make me want to crawl under the table. Saw a guy propose to his girlfriend (Youtube) at a baseball game, cameras rolling & everybody's watching & he got "Uh....no." She turns & runs & he stands there looking goofy. I learned later it was just a publicity prank.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,328 Posts
I can't watch the embarrassing auditions on talent shows because of this. I have to look away while they do their cringeworthy thing and pray for it to end soon. It sucks.

Those are the best though! I crack up so hard xD But I actually do relate to the OP. That can happen to me, although not very often. I wonder if that is an Fi thing?
 
1 - 20 of 43 Posts
Top