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1765 Views 22 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  WickerDeer
My SO (whom I am head over heals in love with!!!) want to keep our relationship a secret because they says otherwise his childen and x-wife will never speak to him again because his culture forbids a woman having had more then one men from his culture. Now I spoiled the secret to my friend who is from that culture and I've known her from about 20 years but my SO is terrified she will talk...I'm afraid he will break up up with me
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She said "if you dont trust me I will beat you!!" But my SO still things she will talk
I'm sorry about this. Cross-cultural relationships can be difficult.
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Congratulations. I hope it works out well for the both of you. :)

P.S.: I don't think your friend will talk.
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My SO (whom I am head over heals in love with!!!) want to keep our relationship a secret because they says otherwise his childen and x-wife will never speak to him again because his culture forbids a woman having had more then one men from his culture. Now I spoiled the secret to my friend who is from that culture and I've known her from about 20 years but my SO is terrified she will talk...I'm afraid he will break up up with me
Hon, it's not much of a secret anymore. ;)

I wish you nothing but bliss. People shouldn't be alone if they don't want to be, and nobody should judge them harshly for seeking companionship.
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otherwise his childen and x-wife will never speak to him again because his culture forbids a woman having had more then one men from his culture
What culture is this?

And can you rephrase? Because I'm not sure "woman" and "men" are in the right place here.
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Now I spoiled the secret to my friend who is from that culture and I've known her from about 20 years but my SO is terrified she will talk..
As for this, if she's married to the culture, we are looking at a reasonable likelihood that she feels obliged. That, or simple gossip.

Again, depending on which culture/religion.
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As for this, if she's married to the culture, we are looking at a reasonable likelihood that she feels obliged. That, or simple gossip.

Again, depending on which culture/religion.
Could be. But my experience is that where there are strict rules, etc., there is also a lot of secrecy and lying. So the friend might keep the secret.
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Could be. But my experience is that where there are strict rules, etc., there is also a lot of secrecy and lying. So the friend might keep the secret.
For as long as the friend remains the friend of course
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Sounds like he is married. You might want to research whatever culture this is.
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My opinion is that the man has to have "the guts/balls" to override what community thinks, if needed. Maybe I'm biased about what culture says (if there really is culture around the world that prevents what you're in) but I'm still into thinking it doesn't matter in my opinion what others think - it's all up to those in relationship! Couldn't care less if I lived in a timeframe where relationship was mostly some community thing to decide - still would do what seems right!
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What culture is this?

And can you rephrase? Because I'm not sure "woman" and "men" are in the right place here.
What do you meen?
Sounds like he is married. You might want to research whatever culture this is.
He isn't married amymore. I don't really understand the culture...
But he didn't break up with me 馃檪
Electra you are WAY more attractive than that man. You can replace him, if he breaks up with you. * I saw the pic before it was taken down

Yes I said what I said! The man in that photo should never ever make you feel worried about if he breaks up with you. I do not know him. But eh if he is like ... What late 50s early 60s being able to fuck you, tell him to hit the fucken rode jack if he has a problem. You are like what 20 years younger?

I am sorry to sound fucken rude but what the actual fucken planet are some of these comments even on in playing along with this dynamic like this fucken dude shouldn't just be happy to even be fucken ya and shut the fuck up.

Oh wait blah blah some people want to pretend they are not shallow and just do rando flirty hide n seek games. Fuck ever. That dude is lucky he is even fucking ya. He better be eating you out every day and spoiling the fuck outta ya. Sense he is asking you to keep him secret. The irony there wtf. Tell him he is your dirty secret.
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@O.M.A.I.O I agree that it's pretty shabby treatment, but I didn't want to say so out loud.

It actually reminded me of my own experience. I met an ISTJ from a country in Eastern Europe (though he had been in Canada for decades). I thought I had finally met my Prince Charming. I never met his family, who lived almost next door to him, but he talked about them sometimes.

Then he suddenly broke contact and hid from me (which he was able to do because of his work situation). I was worried sick, and actually thought he might be dead.

Finally he came to my home to break up with me. He said his family wouldn't accept me. I asked which family members. He said his ex-wife (who had been married to someone else for years), and his 2 adult daughters (who both had funkier lifestyles than I did).

I happened to know a member of his extended family, and she said that was ridiculous: His family were not like that, and anyway I was a lovely person and they'd have no reason to reject me. I guess the man somehow believed what he said, but I was the one who suffered.

Another reason he gave was that his daughter had bought a house, so he would be spending a lot of time fixing up her house and wouldn't have time for me. I foresee that something similar will happen to @Electra . Someone will need something, or his kid's wedding is coming up (which somehow will take all his attention) or something, and Electra will be left out in the cold.

I think we all love Electra and know that she deserves better.

There is a Chilean movie called Gloria that depicts a similar situation. It's kind of fun and maybe worth a watch.
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Did he tell you you'd have to keep your relationship secret from everyone when you first started dating? That sounds really unreasonable to expect.

And what is his ex wife going to do to him if she finds out he's dating again? So he's just never supposed to date again? Seems fishy and unreasonable.

You are worth way more than to be someone's secret. You have a heart of gold, are a kind person, are beautiful and sweet. And even if you are trying to be kind to him, it wouldn't be your fault if anyone found out. That's HIS problem, that he shouldn't be pushing on you.

I also don't want to have to say this, but it sounds isolating for him to expect you to never talk to anyone about your relationship. This is possibly dangerous and it seems unhealthy to expect of you.

Tbh, I think you are worth more and I hope that you find happiness and someone who won't expect you to do things for no good reason.
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Did he tell you you'd have to keep your relationship secret from everyone when you first started dating? That sounds really unreasonable to expect.

And what is his ex wife going to do to him if she finds out he's dating again? So he's just never supposed to date again? Seems fishy and unreasonable.

You are worth way more than to be someone's secret. You have a heart of gold, are a kind person, are beautiful and sweet. And even if you are trying to be kind to him, it wouldn't be your fault if anyone found out. That's HIS problem, that he shouldn't be pushing on you.

I also don't want to have to say this, but it sounds isolating for him to expect you to never talk to anyone about your relationship. This is possibly dangerous and it seems unhealthy to expect of you.

Tbh, I think you are worth more and I hope that you find happiness and someone who won't expect you to do things for no good reason.
Thank you so much Wickerdeer!
He was married for 35 years, and he was afraid his children would find out that he was in a relationship, he thought it would be ok after we had dated for about 5 to 10 years he said.. but he broke up with me last week because of my jealousy, constant nagging and stuff.
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