I have to share a story here.. I don't know if it's as tragic as yours, @Obligatoryusername91
, but it is
about ******* a potential relationship future with a girl due to an underdeveloped overload of Fe and later pondering about her now and then.
I try to keep this short..
While i was at community school there was this one girl whom I fell in love with. The first time I saw her a small flame got lit inside of me and ever since then there has been is a fireplace for her in my heart.
I know that we aren't probably compatible with each other - our values towards life were probably too different, but still I do love her. It's not a romantic, intense love anymore but just this warm radiance from the embers which used to be this love flame, which still hope only the best and happiest for this person in life.
I hadn't really ever fallen deeply in love before that. There were some crushes, some lasting longer than others, but this one was the first to give me some signals which hinted that she's also interested, and it truly empowered my emotions.
She used to glance towards me when she was walking outside and I was at a refectory inside. She used to glance towards me at bar while she was sitting at the bar counter. One time she actually came to my table to chat with me. And we would gaze at each other while dancing at the dance floor, but didn't still approach each other.
I was deeply in love. It was the "high school romance" which I haven't ever experienced before.
But my Fe was undeveloped. I didn't know what I should do.
I would be at Facebook to wait for her to show up, but even when she showed up I rarely could write a thing for her.
I wanted to ask her for a coffee but I couldn't.
I wanted to approach her at the bar events but I found it impossible.
Some of these problems I still encounter today, but they are not as frustrating and overwhelming problems anymore. I know that life continues on, no matter what happens in relationship situations.
But back then it felt that if I don't act right now, everything will be lost - I won't ever find someone like her again.
So I did the desperate thing and vomited my feelings to an incredibly long Facebook message for her.
Even if she had been interested up to that point, she really wasn't after that.. She went to a defensive position. "The looks and gazes, they meant nothing... I look at people all the time...
And I was like, "Oh.. Okay..
And instead of waiting for things to cool down and then trying again, I extinguished my Fe flame towards her with force ("She's not interested, she's not interested..
") and also removed her from Facebook friends.
I didn't want to feel anything towards her anymore. I wanted to forget her, to continue on in my life.
But when I deeply love someone it isn't done like that.. As I mentioned, I want the best for this person, no matter what. This "best" in life doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me, but I still want to be there to see this "best" turning to reality in her life.
So a couple of years later I started seeing simple dreams about her and realized that I want to know how her life is doing. Has she found the man of her life? Did she make it to the the study place which she wanted?
So I asked once again to be her FB friend. And she agreed.
Now I message her maybe once per year, just to hear how she's doing. And she always answers gladly and asks the same questions for me.
She's in a committed relationship and has found a proper job of which I'm really happy for her.
Also, the strange thing happened a year or two ago - this was before I knew she was in a relationship but had again asked to be her FB friend.
A random bloke asked to be my FB friend, a bloke which was also a friend of this girl.
I asked him via a message why he wants to be my FB friend. He didn't response so I rejected the offer.
I learned later that he was her to-become boyfriend.
This raised many questions in me.. If he was her boyfriend, why did he want to access the information regarding me
? Why did he want
to know more about me?
I came to the conclusion that he and the girl must have had a conversation about me. Of what nature - good or "He was a strange guy, go and ask to be his FB friend and you'll see.." - I don't know.
Yeah.. That's my story.