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I'm a Type 2 & perennially feel taken advantage of, but I need to learn how to be selfish - any advice on how to do so? :unsure:

I have had innumerable daydreams of alternative realities, but in real life, I am always putting others first, which is particularly self-abusive in my workplace. Can it be that I've come to unconsciously think I deserve this treatment?! I know I could leave my job, but even if I had the nicest workplace ever, I am worried I would continue with the same pattern of self-abuse. I seem to self-sabotage any attempt to escape this cyclical behavior, or to be around caring people.

My work is very meaningful, but I physically burned out a couple years ago ending up in the hospital for 2.5 months. You'd think that a stint in the hospital would get me to switch things up, but I'm still drawn to helping people and working way too hard. I have begun to have difficulty making friends; I somehow see myself as being an outsider / not "normal," but my skepticism prevents me from seeking a place to belong. I need to figure out where to start, but I cannot seem to.
 

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You may feel good for helping others. That's a very selfish reward ;). But, in order to feel good one must not work too hard...
 

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Just popping in to say this is not an unfamiliar situation for me. I've had way to many friendships blow up in my face because of this "self-abuse" (which later turned into just regular abuse because they figured I'd given them license to do so because I was so passive.)
I'm not out of it yet, but I'm doing ok. I've got some good people in my life who know about my problems and help me to be the best me. I'd recommend trying to personify your needs and pretend they belong to someone else. When you're in a situation that might be compromising, ask yourself what you'd do if you were someone else who was asking for advice on the situation. I tended to be more fair to myself when I looked at it that way. I would always defend my friends but never myself, so I had to start treating myself like a friend of sorts.
 

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Just popping in to say this is not an unfamiliar situation for me. I've had way to many friendships blow up in my face because of this "self-abuse" (which later turned into just regular abuse because they figured I'd given them license to do so because I was so passive.)
I'm not out of it yet, but I'm doing ok. I've got some good people in my life who know about my problems and help me to be the best me. I'd recommend trying to personify your needs and pretend they belong to someone else. When you're in a situation that might be compromising, ask yourself what you'd do if you were someone else who was asking for advice on the situation. I tended to be more fair to myself when I looked at it that way. I would always defend my friends but never myself, so I had to start treating myself like a friend of sorts.
 

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I guess it helps when you have a person who promotes your self worth.But you need to practice saying no, it isn't wrong to do things in your own interests. People will constantly take from you till you got nothing to give.

I have friends who don't care if you're sick or got to wake up early, they'll pressure you to come out to party because of their own self interests.
Don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself and having time alone. If you take care of yourself you'll be able to give more. You're a human being and you have to meet your needs before you can take time to proceed in others interests.

It won't happen overnight, but I hope you eventually come to a state of self love. Don't forget that you deserve all the good that comes to you.
 

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I am a type two as well, and I feel the same way sometimes. I read a book yesterday and Barnes and Noble about Enneagram types which was incredibly enlightening, I learned a massive amount about myself in a matter of minutes and have felt better ever since I read it (here is a link if you want to check it out)
Amazon.com: Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery (9780395798676): Don Richard Riso, Russ Hudson: Books

The main point of the section on type 2's is that, as you said, we tend not to give ourselves enough love and care. I think that we don't necessarily have to become more selfish. Rather, we have to love ourselves, and fully accept ourselves. Once we do this we will not need to seek love in others (we will be willing to allow it to come to us naturally instead of trying to convince others that we are worth loving). One thing about INFP type 2's, regarding acceptance, is that we tend to have an ideal persona which is altruistic, selfless, loving, caring, and we are always seeking to be that person, but at times our emotions and thoughts conflict with that persona, and we are not always honest with ourselves about what we really want, or how we really feel, because we are trying so hard to be this saintly, selfless person. We can be really hard on ourselves, beating ourselves up for feeling angry or jealous, when really we just need to accept these feelings when they come, and learn from them. We don't have to act on them, but we can at least be honest about them being there and seek to improve ourselves by learning about their origin.

Hopefully I got the gist of that right.
 

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The main point of the section on type 2's is that, as you said, we tend not to give ourselves enough love and care. I think that we don't necessarily have to become more selfish. Rather, we have to love ourselves, and fully accept ourselves. Once we do this we will not need to seek love in others (we will be willing to allow it to come to us naturally instead of trying to convince others that we are worth loving). One thing about INFP type 2's, regarding acceptance, is that we tend to have an ideal persona which is altruistic, selfless, loving, caring, and we are always seeking to be that person, but at times our emotions and thoughts conflict with that persona, and we are not always honest with ourselves about what we really want, or how we really feel, because we are trying so hard to be this saintly, selfless person. We can be really hard on ourselves, beating ourselves up for feeling angry or jealous, when really we just need to accept these feelings when they come, and learn from them. We don't have to act on them, but we can at least be honest about them being there and seek to improve ourselves by learning about their origin.

Hopefully I got the gist of that right.
This is really good advice. I'm not a 2, I'm a 4, but I had a very close friend who was an INFP 2. It frustrated me that he would never allow himself to admit when he was feeling like anything but this ideal self you described. He would never admit when he was feeling angry, he would never allow himself to feel "selfish" feelings, but rather stuffed them down and put on a face of saintliness. Someone would disrespect him to his face, and instead of saying, "What a dick, So and So is not a very good friend and I should assert myself and then distance myself so as not to put myself in harm's way again," he would immediately start working on forgiving So and So so they could be friends again - even if So and So had apologized in the flimsiest way and it was obvious to me that they were not remorseful.

The impression I get from 2s is that they believe that if they show this "darker" side of themselves (which they commonly refer to as "selfish"), they might not be loved, might not be worthy of love. I don't know if it helps to know this, but I completely disagree. I wish my friend had been more assertive, had taken care of himself better, had admitted when he felt angry or didn't care about someone's feelings or disliked someone. As a 4 I am all about that shit. When someone tries to deny the reality of themselves I find them harder to like. I want to see someone owning themselves, accepting themselves for who they actually are.

There's nothing selfish about realizing you are human and accepting it. You can push your own needs away as much as you like, but they will never stop existing or being important. Stop feeling like you have to prove yourself worthy. People can smell that thought from a mile away and will take advantage of it.
 
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