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I'd say I have pretty good self esteem now, but I had to work through a lot I experienced during my childhood and teens that left me feeling worthless. Words really got to me back then and I think it's important for INFJ's to learn to say "No, you're full of shit, fuck off.". Sometimes, being offensive and cutting toxic people off really makes the difference.

Applying my standards for others to myself made a difference, too. I'm pretty self-critical and perfectionistic, but I would never think bad of someone else for doing the same mistake(s) I did. Basically trying to treat myself as I would treat the people around me.

Also, thinking through different perspectives helped me build up some self-assurance. Like knowing that the reason why I'm not getting positive attention in one moment might just be because my environment is too "shy" or that it's just this specific group of people. Or just random people on the street that think "Hey, that guy is pretty cool." like I would think of some people I encounter, others thought the same about me. Just thinking about these small things can help.

Ideally, you don't want to base your self worth on other peoples perception of you, but that's always a little easier to say than do.
 

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It's a struggle but I try my very best to see the more positive side of things and shape my perception accordingly.

I've accepted the fact that my natural self is quite a pessimist, in doing so I'm no longer fighting myself to develop my self esteem.

Instead I know that in challenging emotionally low moments I know that part of the reason is that I gravitate towards those thought processes, in part because its natural and in part is because I have conditioned myself to be used to it. Aside from external factors that might be contributing as well.

Awareness is 50% of the battle. The rest is force of will and effort to forgive oneself and move forward. Being your own worst enemy is a good thing because if you put it behind you you can use it to motivate you to an even better person than you could be.

But if it is in front of you constantly putting you down, shackling you to pain and compelling you into non existence then it needs to be challenged.

Your negative self is a representation of all your pain and suffering in the world. The truth is it is scared, lonely, afraid and is crushed by the debilitating nature that is an aspect of life. It finds a comfort in pain and thus would willingly push down anything that might alleviate it.

Accept it and make friends with it. Know that it is ok to cry and weep in suffering but that is not the entirety of life. Teach it to learn to love the things and the people around it, to appreciate the beauty that exists in the world and the light that is always glistening forth in even the darkest of corners.

Hold out your hand and embrace it for it is a part of you, but show it that the existence it lives is only a part of what truly encapsulates life.

Self esteem, self worth whatever term you use to describe the part of you that you wish to be stronger to face the unending chaos that life presents, stems from within by acceptance first.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
So infj's life is like everyone sees very complicated ..

This may be the problem of the genesis of stress.

In my opinion infj stress can cause a natural internal confound between Se vs Ni, the difference in perception (Se is very fast, Ni very slow), the need to have a huge supply of energy needed for Ni.

This is not a prototype in real life.

ps. as entp everyone knows that I have a happy child's soul, so I do not have sadness, but generally I tell people the worst scenarios of all events to recreate their inner strength...

So in the store I always have some positive energy..

Do you think that is some way?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
+ eg: For an INFJ, being misunderstood is one of the most frustrating things they can experience, but because of their personalities, it can actually happen quite often. They seek deep connections with others and are extremely perceptive. However, many traits of the INFJ personality type (like the fact that they are both logical and emotional) are conflicting, which can make understanding where they're coming from hard for others. That being said, when they do feel that someone does understand them (or is at least trying to!), it brings a sense of peace to their overly analytical minds.
 

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So infj's life is like everyone sees very complicated ..

This may be the problem of the genesis of stress.

In my opinion infj stress can cause a natural internal confound between Se vs Ni, the difference in perception (Se is very fast, Ni very slow), the need to have a huge supply of energy needed for Ni.

This is not a prototype in real life.

ps. as entp everyone knows that I have a happy child's soul, so I do not have sadness, but generally I tell people the worst scenarios of all events to recreate their inner strength...

So in the store I always have some positive energy..

Do you think that is some way?
Overly stressed INFJ's often react by shutting themselves (especially Se, Fe) off. We're not very good with handling our own emotions if they happen to come up. We are mostly driven to Ni, Ti in those scenarios. I think depressed INFJ's may be the coldest people out there.

I don't know what you mean with "the worst scenarios of all events to recreate their inner strength" but I really don't like any negativity when I'm feeling stressed or down. I need positivity, someone or something that brightens up my day and restores my energy by basically saying "you're so good, life can be good, just drop out of it and feel good!". It really is that simple for me. I obviously can't speak for other INFJ's in this regard, though.

+ eg: For an INFJ, being misunderstood is one of the most frustrating things they can experience, but because of their personalities, it can actually happen quite often. They seek deep connections with others and are extremely perceptive. However, many traits of the INFJ personality type (like the fact that they are both logical and emotional) are conflicting, which can make understanding where they're coming from hard for others. That being said, when they do feel that someone does understand them (or is at least trying to!), it brings a sense of peace to their overly analytical minds.
Absolutely.
 

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How to develop self-esteem:

- Think about what is affecting your self-esteem.
- Avoid negative self-talk.
- Connect with people who love you.
- Learn to be assertive.
- Set yourself a challenge.
- Focus on your positives.
- Take care of yourself.

I've been conscientiously doing the above so I'm pretty much comfortable in my own skin now.
Past failure was because I allowed toxic people to poison my mind. I now stay away from them and only engage people who are positive influences in my life, who can teach me things.

Avoiding negative people/negative self-talk is the first step towards establishing self-esteem.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I found this quote from infj:


I have yet to meet someone who wants to connect with me on a deep level. So "why have friends"? Yes, to spend time together, do activities together, have fun together.

I'm not afraid to open up to people--rather the opposite. People don't want others to be that open. People do not want to hear negativity, complaining, etc. People want to hear positivity, happiness, things that benefit them.


It reminds me of this song, is not it another illusion..?


Entp has a different strategy in real life that tells the worst scenario to people to stop them

And in a crisis situation they have a lot of positively energized ..
 

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Entp has a different strategy in real life that tells the worst scenario to people to stop them

And in a crisis situation they have a lot of positively energized ..
I'm not sure if we're talking about the same thing here - the negativity we mentioned and your telling people the worst scenario as a positive strength. You may have to cite me an actual example.

What I mean by negative people are those who try to talk me into thinking I'm not good enough or that my life is destined to be filled with unhappiness.
 

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Self esteem is independent of personality type.

How do you gain self esteem? By working hard on something and achieving it.

False self esteem: you are wonderful even when you aren't.

Myth: Bullies have low self esteem. Reality: Narcissists and psychopaths actually feel pretty good about themselves. They could care less what anyone else thinks about them.
 
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