Yep, it's the negative side of "the chameleon thing", everybody constantly wears masks but the INTPs have taken it to a whole new level. We do this because of our lack of real social skills and our need to test others. By copying the behaviour of others we force them to be themselves, we try to make them feel at home so they will be more open to our ideas and more inclined to say what they really think and feel too. However, this way of interacting also has the negative side effect that we can't be ourselves because we're constantly mimicking others. We are too open-minded at the beginning of a conversation, but we're too harsh later on in a conversation when our inner principles are tested by the others. When this happens we stop being chameleons and will fiercely defend our inner principles until we are proven wrong by the other conversationalist. This makes perfect sense to us but it will feel as a personal attack to the other, who will either get angry, abruptly end the conversation or show incomprehension. This makes us feel misunderstood, because they seem to don't care for our ideas (which is the biggest insult in the INTP's book). Thus, the problem you're describing has a lot to do with our own way of interacting with others: we want to explain ourselves but they are usually not interested in having to deal with our inner workings and the accompanying debates.