[Paycen McGahey]

I think out my life in my head long before I ever do it. I always think about what is going to happen in any given situation, play over all options in my head, and choose the one I think is most likely to happen (not always what I WANT to happen). I feel like I hold myself back because I've already decided how things will happen before they do. For example. . .

When I was getting ready to graduate high school I had the next year planned out already. I was going to move away to college and live in my dorms. I was going to drink and do drugs for the first time ever and be one of the cool kids. I was going to meet a guy (I'm gay btw) who was "cool" and into drugs. I was going to fall madly in love, give my life to him and do anything to make him happy, get a little strung out for a bit, cut ties with my real friends and family, and eventually come to realize I don't want this type of life and go home. I even pictured where I would work once I moved back home.

Guess what happened?

On a related note, I get upset when I can't picture how something will be. And the situation usually ends up being a disaster. An example is when I was in third grade. When I was in first and second grade, as the year ended, I would picture world in the other classroom. I was usually correct in my assumptions. However, the way my school was divided up the third and fourth grades were on different floors and took their recesses at a different time. I didn't know anyone currently in the fourth grade and I had never met either of the 4th grade teachers. I had a hard time picturing what it was going to be like and it really bothered me. Coincidentally, my fourth grade year was by far the worst year of elementary school.

Anyone else go through this? I just discovered this site from a friend of mine and I can't get over how many other versions of myself are out there.

 

[chickydoda]

So, these things you imagine actually happen? Weird!

I believe in self fulfilling prophesies in one way... I believe if you tell yourself something enough times, it can happen... if you believe certain things about yourself, because people have told you a few times, and you took it seriously, over time, those things can become true, if they weren't already. I don't think its magical or strange though, I think if you believe something, you make it happen.

For example, if someone is constantly told they are fat and ugly, they may stop taking care of themselves because ''whats the point?''. As a result, they may stop exercising, because they feel self conscious about the way they look when they move, and instead of eating smaller portions and ordering salads more often then burgers, they'll get three course meals, calorific drinks and dessert- they start eating the way they perceive a fat person to, because ''hey, its too late- might as well enjoy myself!''. An attractive, slighter bigger person may end up with a serious weight problem after hearing such things about themselves. As for the ''ugly'' comment, they may stop ironing their clothes, brushing and shampooing their hair, brushing their teeth, picking out nice clothes, or putting any effort into their physical appearance, because they see themselves in such a negative light. I know these things are possible, because they have happened to me.

Another example is someone who is constantly told they are stupid. They may decide that school is a waste of time and of no value of them, so they stop paying in attention in class, doing homework and handing in assignments. As a result, they get bad marks, and come home with bad reports, and their worst fears are confirmed, whether they are really true or not.

Then there are the awesome people who are put down multiple time by haters, then decide to prove them wrong, and end up improving themselves. I think the most important words are the ones you repeat to yourself. I just need to tell myself I'm a hot, sexy bitch and I'll be on the right path ;-)

As for some of the stuff you've said, well I don't know how much you can control the things that will happen, because they involve uncontrollable circumstances, and other people. When I was younger, I thought I was going to have multiple boyfriends in high school (not at the same time lol), great friends, an amazing time at prom, perfect grades, great clothes, be the head of lots of clubs and be head girl of my school... none of these things happened. Instead, I got intensely bullied, I went through periods of being suicidal, and I became a Christian. The guys I was interested ran screaming in the opposite direction (not literately, but they treated me like a freak) and I did not do well at school as well. The problem with my situation was, I was initially surrounded by assholes, then, I went to a school with 1400 other girls, many of who were very ambitious, or who had been pursuing their interests since childhood, and were very talented at them. As for some of the other stuff, you either had to live in America (Cheer-leading isn't a big thing in New Zealand...), or have a lot of spare cash lying around (unless you spend all of your money, instead of setting some aside for I don't know, retirement?).

 

[liza_200]

I think out my life in my head long before I ever do it. I always think about what is going to happen in any given situation, play over all options in my head, and choose the one I think is most likely to happen (not always what I WANT to happen). I feel like I hold myself back because I've already decided how things will happen before they do. For example. . .

When I was getting ready to graduate high school I had the next year planned out already. I was going to move away to college and live in my dorms. I was going to drink and do drugs for the first time ever and be one of the cool kids. I was going to meet a guy (I'm gay btw) who was "cool" and into drugs. I was going to fall madly in love, give my life to him and do anything to make him happy, get a little strung out for a bit, cut ties with my real friends and family, and eventually come to realize I don't want this type of life and go home. I even pictured where I would work once I moved back home.

Guess what happened?

On a related note, I get upset when I can't picture how something will be. And the situation usually ends up being a disaster. An example is when I was in third grade. When I was in first and second grade, as the year ended, I would picture world in the other classroom. I was usually correct in my assumptions. However, the way my school was divided up the third and fourth grades were on different floors and took their recesses at a different time. I didn't know anyone currently in the fourth grade and I had never met either of the 4th grade teachers. I had a hard time picturing what it was going to be like and it really bothered me. Coincidentally, my fourth grade year was by far the worst year of elementary school.

Anyone else go through this? I just discovered this site from a friend of mine and I can't get over how many other versions of myself are out there.

That's kinda related to deja-vu isn't? It's uncommon for me.

 

[shedreamt]

I think out my life in my head long before I ever do it. I always think about what is going to happen in any given situation, play over all options in my head, and choose the one I think is most likely to happen (not always what I WANT to happen). I feel like I hold myself back because I've already decided how things will happen before they do. For example. . .

When I was getting ready to graduate high school I had the next year planned out already. I was going to move away to college and live in my dorms. I was going to drink and do drugs for the first time ever and be one of the cool kids. I was going to meet a guy (I'm gay btw) who was "cool" and into drugs. I was going to fall madly in love, give my life to him and do anything to make him happy, get a little strung out for a bit, cut ties with my real friends and family, and eventually come to realize I don't want this type of life and go home. I even pictured where I would work once I moved back home.

Guess what happened?

On a related note, I get upset when I can't picture how something will be. And the situation usually ends up being a disaster. An example is when I was in third grade. When I was in first and second grade, as the year ended, I would picture world in the other classroom. I was usually correct in my assumptions. However, the way my school was divided up the third and fourth grades were on different floors and took their recesses at a different time. I didn't know anyone currently in the fourth grade and I had never met either of the 4th grade teachers. I had a hard time picturing what it was going to be like and it really bothered me. Coincidentally, my fourth grade year was by far the worst year of elementary school.

Anyone else go through this? I just discovered this site from a friend of mine and I can't get over how many other versions of myself are out there.

Sounds like you might be holding yourself back with fearful negative thoughts. Have you tried mindfulness techniques or meditation? Envisioning happiness and success in my future in addition to really trying to be present and live "in the moment" has helped me to alleviate anxiety about future events. The only one who controls your destiny is YOU, no matter what life throws at you. It's all about how you react.

One part of your post that I can't relate to is what you said about drugs having some sort of "cool" image associated with them lol. Forgive me if I misunderstood you but it seems a bit...backward? Maybe you should've been born in the 60s? Fulfilling your potential in life is pretty cool too. You seem like a smart guy.

 

[chickydoda]

One part of your post that I can't relate to is what you said about drugs having some sort of "cool" image associated with them lol. Seems a bit...backward?

It seems like a lot of ENFPs on here enjoy smoking weird or whatever. Its weird, because its so against my values (having good health), that I find it weird that others would be so laid back about it.

Note to OP, I wouldn't be advertising to the internet that you plan on taking drugs, or that you take them, because if local authorities come across it, you could get in a lot of trouble.

 

[shedreamt]

It seems like a lot of ENFPs on here enjoy smoking weird or whatever. Its weird, because its so against my values (having good health), that I find it weird that others would be so laid back about it.

Note to OP, I wouldn't be advertising to the internet that you plan on taking drugs, or that you take them, because if local authorities come across it, you could get in a lot of trouble.

Lol right? Just goes to show how different we are from eachother. Fi values can be sooooo varied and personal.

 

[Bumblyjack]

The phenomena described in the OP actually sound more like experiences of introverted intuition than extroverted intuition. Sure, Ne is about possibilities...but the future never has only one "very likely" face. The future has a myriad of roads heading off in all directions and as until the future comes and shuts some doors, no one is any more real yet than another. Also, for an Ne-dom surprises (unless they are rather unpleasant) are not distressing but exciting, not alarming but expected. The stress associated with not being able to predict the future doesn't sound like anything associated with extroverted intuition and neither does this whole "planning your life out to a T" thing.

 

[chickydoda]

@Bumblyjack I've always thought the future had unlimited possibilities, so you had to make good decisions where ever you could, but now I feel like somethings happen because they are meant to, and we don't have as much control as we would like to think.

I guess they say that life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.

 

[MuChApArAdOx]

I think out my life in my head long before I ever do it. I always think about what is going to happen in any given situation, play over all options in my head, and choose the one I think is most likely to happen (not always what I WANT to happen). I feel like I hold myself back because I've already decided how things will happen before they do. For example. . .

When I was getting ready to graduate high school I had the next year planned out already. I was going to move away to college and live in my dorms. I was going to drink and do drugs for the first time ever and be one of the cool kids. I was going to meet a guy (I'm gay btw) who was "cool" and into drugs. I was going to fall madly in love, give my life to him and do anything to make him happy, get a little strung out for a bit, cut ties with my real friends and family, and eventually come to realize I don't want this type of life and go home. I even pictured where I would work once I moved back home.

Guess what happened?

On a related note, I get upset when I can't picture how something will be. And the situation usually ends up being a disaster. An example is when I was in third grade. When I was in first and second grade, as the year ended, I would picture world in the other classroom. I was usually correct in my assumptions. However, the way my school was divided up the third and fourth grades were on different floors and took their recesses at a different time. I didn't know anyone currently in the fourth grade and I had never met either of the 4th grade teachers. I had a hard time picturing what it was going to be like and it really bothered me. Coincidentally, my fourth grade year was by far the worst year of elementary school.

Anyone else go through this? I just discovered this site from a friend of mine and I can't get over how many other versions of myself are out there.

Sounds like your Ne is running away on you. Try not getting to far ahead of yourself. Welcome to PerC btw. It's never too late to make changes or follow a different path. Positive thinking can be good, although sometimes we can be unrealistic too. Maybe you could try setting goals that are realistic for yourself without beating yourself up if you can't live up to those expectations. Sounds like you would like to know the outcome of the unknown, crap, wouldn't that be amazing.;p Try putting all that in the past where it should be an work on making the changes you need for the future. It's o.k to dream for something big and grande as long as you can stay realistic about those dreams too.

And yes, i do know what you mean here. You think about how things will be/could be/might be/ .....i think that isn't so realistic because if it doesn't turn out the way you imagined it to be, you're setting yourself up for a fall/disappointments. You only have so much control over situations/circumstances. Sometimes it can be fun to just let things happen in random without trying to control that. Best of luck, feel free to ask questions, jump right in. The ENFP here are pretty good folk

 

[cue5c]

I do this all the time. It's incredibly unhealthy. Early on in the year I get a vibe about what lesson I'm supposed to learn that year. I promptly forget about and just live the year being myself. Then at the end of the year, I look back and remember what I said and realize that what I said subconsciously affected my choices to lead me where I thought I would be. Last year I finally accepted myself and my situation in life. I knew then that the next step would be about relationships and lo and behold out of nowhere someone pops up into my life to throw chaos and upheaval that makes me question everything I've come to accept about myself. It's been hard and it's not over yet, but I'm sure by the end of the year I'll have a significantly better emotional maturity. The worst is almost over, June is where I saw things getting better.

I hate my mind sometimes. :blushed:

 

[MyBigToe]

The phenomena described in the OP actually sound more like experiences of introverted intuition than extroverted intuition. Sure, Ne is about possibilities...but the future never has only one "very likely" face. The future has a myriad of roads heading off in all directions and as until the future comes and shuts some doors, no one is any more real yet than another. Also, for an Ne-dom surprises (unless they are rather unpleasant) are not distressing but exciting, not alarming but expected. The stress associated with not being able to predict the future doesn't sound like anything associated with extroverted intuition and neither does this whole "planning your life out to a T" thing.

Yeah I agree, that sounds more like Ni. The whole post seems more enfj than enfp to me.

 

[Tulipgarden]

I think we can create a "story" for our lives. Why else would someone go after a "dream" if they didn't have one to begin with?

I believe if you don't like the way your life is panning at that you can create a new "story". You can "re-story" and create an entirely new narrative. We have a choice in how we deal with what is going on right now in there and now and work towards something "better and more fulfilling". Definitely, life throws us curve balls which is not so fun and then we find ourselves creating a entirely new "story" once again.

I firmly believe in "choice". We choose how we handle and live our lives.

On a related note: When I divorced my ex husband and married my second husband I had this "ideal" image. I felt like my first marriage sucked and that my second marriage was my new "start" to the wonderful white picket fence, with a loving husband, and perfect family. The grass is always greener on the other side, not. That was one tough lesson learned. It was a life long lesson. My second marriage was worse...by a long shot. I kept staying in there hoping things would change and get better but then he finally left me. Thank God, right? I was upset my "dream" was shattered but after I got out the relationship I could feel myself coming back to reality. I dropped my "pie in the sky" ideas and think more realistically now. I also choose what I want to allow in my life and how I want to "narrate" my own life. I decide my story, even if it has to re-storied many times over.

 

[Paycen McGahey]

I'd like to clarify a few things. . .

If you'll notice a put quotation marks around the word cool. I don't think drugs are cool. Now at least. I grew up with my dad being a drug and alcohol counselor and at the time I wanted to rebel. And all the cool kids in high school did drugs so I really did think that's what the cool kids did. Now, it's a different story. One of those cool guys I graduated with is a janitor in my office building. The guy I was into was a meth user and anything else he could get his hands on. It was a bad day in our house when he couldn't get high.

Also, my "prophecies" aren't always bad ones. Take for instance my last job, I saw the office, evaluated it, and figured out how they were going to react to me and I to them. I figured I would be one of the "favorites" and guess what? I was a favorite.

I've also learned over the years to see what could probably happen given the state of things, not liked it, and changed it. As ENFPs we have the ability to persuade and move people's emotions. Say in a work environment if I don't like the vibe I get and don't think I'll fit in well in the environment, I inspire others to the proper vibe.

On a related note it should also be known that I suffer from an anxiety disorder, which is what triggers my anxiety when I can't decide what's going to happen. Over the years I've learned to deal with this and it's only a minor issue now.

On another non-related note, ENFPs are long winded. My friends

 

[Ntuitive]

From my point of view in general and about what's been said so far, I think nearly anyone can try to envision a future for themselves if they find it important to do so. I have a lot of anxiety too. Anxiety is just worrying about negative possibilities. Also, Ni isn't all about the future, it's about making large conceptual connections. I wouldn't rule out Ne though.

But as far looking into the future for myself, it's usually nothing how I envision it to be so I just kind of try to withhold some of my unnecessary thoughts. But I do definitely try to imagine the future sometimes. I'm not too good of a prophet though.