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I'm coping pretty well. School is going well. I'm getting on with my friends (most of the time). I'm emotionally stable. Gosh, I'm even being sufficiently creative. Yes, there are things I'd like to change, or achieve, or improve about my life, but the majority are somewhat out of my control or something I can do later...like getting a job, or getting a boyfriend, or losing weight. Aside from that, and the usual stress of school and housework and people, I'm content.

Help. It's awful.

I used to spend ages on PerC, or looking into MBTI stuff or the Enneagram, and it was wonderful. I felt like I was growing and gaining true insight into myself and other people. I'm worried that it's over. That's it. I've taken everything from that experience that I needed.

Part of me feels that returning to PerC and resuming my slight obsession with personality types would be a step backwards. After all, wasn't it the drive to better myself that I developed here the thing that told me to move on and live in the real world a bit more?

But now I feel so average. I have the same boring problems as everyone else and find satisfaction in boring, monotonous, everyday crap. I waste my time looking at nice pictures and listening to nice music and watching films and TV shows and talking to my friends about attractive people and body image and how difficult exams are and how we don't know what to do with our lives and it feels like enough, but it's not. I've lost myself to being average.

I want to go back to being a hopeless, misunderstood, quiet, intelligent idiot.

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I'm not really sure what the point of this post was, but I keep returning to this exact same thought every couple of weeks or months or whatever, and I really need to make up my mind about how to deal with it. Share your experiences, or tell me how stupid I am, or feel free to comment on any part of my rant.

I'd just like to understand how I'm feeling a bit better.
 

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I’m not sure I fully understand your disposition, it seems that you desire a challenge, an achievable one ? Something new to change the status quo, something you can lose yourself in and ultimately use to change your perception of things ?

Perhaps you should choose a new discipline, something in which you have a decent metric for evaluating your progress, like learning to play a musical instrument perhaps ? I’m not sure what skills you already possess, and where your interests lie, but some sort of intellectual pursuit with a physical component of sorts might be a good move for you.

I’m probably waaaaay off the ball on this one.
 

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feefafo said:
But now I feel so average. I have the same boring problems as everyone else and find satisfaction in boring, monotonous, everyday crap. I waste my time looking at nice pictures and listening to nice music and watching films and TV shows and talking to my friends about attractive people and body image and how difficult exams are and how we don't know what to do with our lives and it feels like enough, but it's not. I've lost myself to being average.
This part really resonated with me.

I would say that I felt more unique in some ways when I was still a misunderstood intellectual loner, like I was more "special" or something... but hating it because I felt so alienated.

Now that I've adjusted, have relationships, can relate to people, etc., I feel more "normal" but also less "special" if you get my meaning. And because I'm more capable of living in an emotional frame / embracing my emotions and integrating them, in some ways I feel less intelligent. Less rigorous. Fluffier, maybe.

But... in terms of quality of life, I'm much happier, and I seem far more effective.

I think extremism results in an intensity of experience that I lose to some degree the less severe / more balanced my personality becomes. So I probably can't use it as a compass for whether I'm doing the right thing. I try to focus on the two standards above -- I'm far happier/content/like to be alive now, and I also seem far more effective in life, even if I feel in some ways I've lost some of the fevered pitch of my main traits.
 
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Discussion Starter #5
I’m not sure I fully understand your disposition, it seems that you desire a challenge, an attainable one ? Something new to change the status quo, something you can lose yourself in and ultimately use to change your perception of things ?

Perhaps you should choose a new discipline, something in which you have a decent metric for evaluating your progress, like learning to play a musical instrument perhaps ? I’m not sure what skills you already possess, and where your interests lie, but some sort of intellectual pursuit with a physical component of sorts might be a good move for you.

I’m probably waaaaay off the ball on this one.
I think you've responded to the bits I meant to post but forgot about.

Something new and exciting and intellectually stimulating might be (at least part of) what I'm looking for. Musical instruments are possibly not the best choice for me, as I played trombone for 6 years as part of a range of youth orchestras and winds bands and DEAR GOD was I glad to see the back of it. Like a lot of INTPs, I have problems with practice and commitment and accepting that I might have to put effort in to become skilled at something. Maybe it would work if I taught myself an instrument independently - after all, it was my teacher that made those 6 years hell on earth.

A new hobby or interest might be a start to breaking out of this cycle...something to keep my mind occupied that is actually worth something, as opposed to spending time on...tumblr.

 

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I'm coping pretty well. School is going well. I'm getting on with my friends (most of the time). I'm emotionally stable. Gosh, I'm even being sufficiently creative. Yes, there are things I'd like to change, or achieve, or improve about my life, but the majority are somewhat out of my control or something I can do later...like getting a job, or getting a boyfriend, or losing weight. Aside from that, and the usual stress of school and housework and people, I'm content.

Help. It's awful.

I used to spend ages on PerC, or looking into MBTI stuff or the Enneagram, and it was wonderful. I felt like I was growing and gaining true insight into myself and other people. I'm worried that it's over. That's it. I've taken everything from that experience that I needed.

Part of me feels that returning to PerC and resuming my slight obsession with personality types would be a step backwards. After all, wasn't it the drive to better myself that I developed here the thing that told me to move on and live in the real world a bit more?

But now I feel so average. I have the same boring problems as everyone else and find satisfaction in boring, monotonous, everyday crap. I waste my time looking at nice pictures and listening to nice music and watching films and TV shows and talking to my friends about attractive people and body image and how difficult exams are and how we don't know what to do with our lives and it feels like enough, but it's not. I've lost myself to being average.

I want to go back to being a hopeless, misunderstood, quiet, intelligent idiot.

---

I'm not really sure what the point of this post was, but I keep returning to this exact same thought every couple of weeks or months or whatever, and I really need to make up my mind about how to deal with it. Share your experiences, or tell me how stupid I am, or feel free to comment on any part of my rant.

I'd just like to understand how I'm feeling a bit better.
Hah! You sound like me, dammit. I can almost totally relate. Being just another young fellow INTP, I say follow your heart. Trust me, cliches work. Just do what you want to do; and even if you do return to shitty states like these, give yourself a break. Its part of life. Think about it for awhile then break off and be happy. Also, while setting big goals is a good thing, don't expect too much from yourself in too short a time frame. Give yourself time to grow and improve. And maybe (not to use it as an excuse but) this is all just part of the bullcrap you get being INTP. Stay proud of it.

(this all came from quite some time of reflection, and while it may not be the best advice, at least it gives you a break. I hope. it did for myself)
 

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I've lost myself to being average.

I want to go back to being a hopeless, misunderstood, quiet, intelligent idiot.
Find something that makes you, well, un-average. Try integrating the hopeless, misunderstood, quiet, intelligent idiot back into your life. What did you do as a hopeless, misunderstood, quiet, intelligent idiot?

also, as for playing an instrument on your own, I HIGHLY recommend it. Or self-teaching yourself anything, really. I played the piano for 8 years with a teacher, and I really hated it in the end. I liked the piano, but I didn't like being taught by someone else. I recently picked up the ukulele, and (with the help of a few YouTube tutorials XD) I've been really enjoying it. At some point, I'll start playing the piano on my own (I want to put a keyboard in my bedroom, because I like the versatility of a keyboard vs. the grand piano that's currently sitting in the coldest room in this house). I did the same thing with drawing.
Although, I wouldn't tell anyone about it, for a little while. Don't aspire to show other people, either. I've found that I never went through with something if I told other people my goals. Otherwise, the goal becomes mind crack, and you just think about it and never do it. Don't tell other people about it before you feel comfortable with whatever skill/knowledge you acquire, otherwise it becomes about what other people think and not about what you think. I'm always happiest with the outcome of something (such as a drawing) when I've done it for my own personal gain, and not someone else's.

So that's my advice... I feel like I've lost myself to being average (and, by extension, less creative :crying:) lately, so I've been trying to find myself again.
 

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Why can't you just feel like you're better than everyone else?
 
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If it will make her feel content, then why not?
 

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I do this all the time, but it helps to do it when you should be working...

You'll start feeling like a hopeless intelligent idiot again in no time!
That's me too. I allways have something to do and never finish anything. I'm so lazy I don't even read the long posts.:frustrating:
 

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You could pick up Dota and get addicted. Just a suggestion.
 

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To an extent, I already do, but it would be nice to have something real to justify it. I feel like I'm smart, and an interesting thinker, but I'm not using my brain.
I think I'm going through something similar to what you're going through. I had an identity and then I compromised it for the sake of social success and now I'm realizing that being liked by a bunch of average people isn't really that great and I want to get closer to the old me.

My opinion is that the old me and the newer me were both unhappy and that the only solution is to work towards living a life where I can cultivate my intellectual side and still not have to be lonely. I think the best way to live such a life would be to have relationships with people who share my interests and to have a job that isn't mind-numbing like the minimum-wage job I have now.

All that sounds wonderful but it'll take a lot of time and effort before I can live such a life. I'll need to meet a lot more people than the people I know right now and I'll need to do well in school so I can escape my bullshit-ass job at a fast food joint. In the meantime, I'm trying to stay busy and work on learning everything I can about philosophy.

Anyways, since I don't know the details of your life I figured I'd talk about mine in the hope that some of what I said might possibly apply to your life.

Also, I don't know if this is helpful at all but I recently noticed this:

If I'm really bored, I find it helps to force myself to be busy.
If I'm really busy, I find it helps to force myself to relax (this was actually something I had a lot of trouble learning how to do).

I'm hoping I can just alternate between those two states to to kill time until I eventually turn my dreams into reality.
 

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I am unhappy when I alienate myself from others, aka being typical INTP . But I am unhappy too when I socialize with others.

Then I came to a conclusion that I am naturally pessimist person. But I laugh more when I am with others :)
 

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I'm coping pretty well. School is going well. I'm getting on with my friends (most of the time). I'm emotionally stable. Gosh, I'm even being sufficiently creative. Yes, there are things I'd like to change, or achieve, or improve about my life, but the majority are somewhat out of my control or something I can do later...like getting a job, or getting a boyfriend, or losing weight. Aside from that, and the usual stress of school and housework and people, I'm content.

Help. It's awful.

I used to spend ages on PerC, or looking into MBTI stuff or the Enneagram, and it was wonderful. I felt like I was growing and gaining true insight into myself and other people. I'm worried that it's over. That's it. I've taken everything from that experience that I needed.

Part of me feels that returning to PerC and resuming my slight obsession with personality types would be a step backwards. After all, wasn't it the drive to better myself that I developed here the thing that told me to move on and live in the real world a bit more?

But now I feel so average. I have the same boring problems as everyone else and find satisfaction in boring, monotonous, everyday crap. I waste my time looking at nice pictures and listening to nice music and watching films and TV shows and talking to my friends about attractive people and body image and how difficult exams are and how we don't know what to do with our lives and it feels like enough, but it's not. I've lost myself to being average.

I want to go back to being a hopeless, misunderstood, quiet, intelligent idiot.

---

I'm not really sure what the point of this post was, but I keep returning to this exact same thought every couple of weeks or months or whatever, and I really need to make up my mind about how to deal with it. Share your experiences, or tell me how stupid I am, or feel free to comment on any part of my rant.

I'd just like to understand how I'm feeling a bit better.
I can COMPLETELY relate to you here. I wanted to understand myself better, but I think I've became obsessed with the learning process instead of doing something with that new found knowledge. Perhaps I've worried a bit too much about this stuff, especially considering its just theories anyways, people are far too complicated to figure out using equations cooked up by observing them.

I dunno. Ultimately I just want someone who gets me because I don't half the time.
 
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