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So I had an interesting talk with my ESFP sister earlier about our communication issues with each other and the perceived problems behind our motivation when talking to one another. We've come to the conclusion that she says things too on point for me (not enough information to conclude which action she wants me to take; this is something she says causes zero problems with her friends while I get annoyed because to me it comes across as if she wants me to read her mind by two words) and that I apparently talk/explain too much about what I want done. We both tend to tiptoe around each other as we both perceive the other to be hurt easily. She says she 'sugarcoats' what she tells me (says in a more roundabout way) and it gets exhausting, but she also knows I tend to overthink and analyse everything (lol, like right now ^^'), so when she needs me to get stuff done she'll be blunt, something I perceive not necessarily to be rude but not precise enough for me to conclude the right action for me to take. On the other hand, I tell her to do something in a normal tone I would use with any of my friends and she takes it as offensive even if I used neutral wording and tone. We've now resolved it by using a system, though only time will tell if it works. I have very similar but more extreme communication issues with my father, an ISFP.

What I was wondering, do you have issues similar to this (or any) with an Intuitive if you're a Sensor or with a Sensor if you're an Intuitive?
 

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My mother, an ISFJ, has problems understanding my thoughts and views on several topics. I also feel like she rarely see the real issue, the real problem or the real point in most things, while she thinks I am too dramatic and exaggerating.

I, too, over-explain things, to the point where they lose meaning, and I have been told I often re-explain things I say in many different ways just to make sure the person understands my point. Not repeating, but changing the explanation into something different, but still with the same meaning. I think this is because I need it to be as close as possible to what I am trying to express or explain. By that, I mean that I have been wondering how close you can translate your thoughts into words, and sometimes, thoughts and feelings are too difficult to be translated and expressed correctly to other humans. Some feelings and thoughts can't be put into words.

My best friend, an ENFJ/ESTP (she is unsure too), is the one person in the world who has understood almost everything I've ever tried to explain to her. Many of our explanations are based on abstract analysis of things we observe in the external world.

I don't have any Si-dom friends, but I have noticed Si-doms I have spoken to will often completely misunderstand everything I say and place it in their own context without really trying to break out of it.

Explaining things to Ne-users is, to me, bringing new views, and communicating with Ni-users often feels like clarifying something. I find it the easiest to communicate with Ne-users in general though.
 

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I've started to subscribe to Socionics when it comes to communication styles.

While intuitives are more abstract, less direct, somehow complex in their way of dealing with imperceptible concepts and analogies that are not a direct representation of reality, most of the communication issues that grow between sensors and intuitives are due to both parties using a different creative function. Valuing different feeling and thinking functions can generate a long string of misunderstandings, if not a big clash.

Op types as INFJ and his sister as ESFP. If both types are correct, there might be a lapse in understanding due on the grounds of Te vs Ti and Fe vs Fi, although both can meet with their mutual Se and Ni.

Explanations aside, while sensors tend to prefer a more matter of fact and detailed communication style, keep in mind that people have different taste and interests so it's likely that cognition can help a little but not explain individual problems as those are more of a personal matter. But I can see why Se + Fi can seem overly blunt to you, personally I adore that combination when it's not out to eat me. :p
 

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Me, an Intuitive: There was a ghost in our room last night.
My friend, a Sensor: That was just the air conditioning -
Me, an Intuitive: There was a ghost in our room last night.
 

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The only person I know really well who I assume to be an N is my mother. We have a ton of communication problems. For us, the big problem is how we're oriented with time. It's probably redundant to say so, but I'm oriented towards the past. If I'm going to talk about something, it'll be based off of my past experience. If I ask her to do something or get something for me and I don't give her a lot of context in my words, it's because I assume the context is there based on our shared past experience. I remember the past, those rules or situations still apply in my mind, so I don't think that I need to elaborate on them. Whereas my mother is very future oriented. So for her all of her experiences are new ones. Fresh starts, I guess. They don't have any context from the past, so she ends up giving me so much detail it feels like my brain is too full to take anything more in. Either way, we both end up hopelessly frustrated with each other.
 

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My way of speaking is very straight to the point and brief. I just say what I mean without using many metaphors or rambling too much. I have a hard time making those long, complex speeches most people (usually intuitives, but many sensors as well) seem to be able to make. I can't do that, and I don't feel I need to. Usually, when speaking in public, I can convey my message in a brief, simple way and pretty much everyone understands me.
Same goes for my writing style.
I usually express my "complexity" and "intelligence" (if you want to call it that) through actions rather than words because actions mean more to me.
I really have a hard time following too complex or long speeches.
And the fact is, not only intuitives can do them, but many sensors I know, as well. Like my mother, or my other ESFJ and ESFP friends.
 

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I haven't particularily noticed specific problems in communication with specific types. Being an Se aux I still tend to ramble a bit, and the thing I'm trying to tell someone can get long winded. This is however mostly because I think of more details that explain things, and then I have to add that to the story and it gets a sort of line of parenthesis before I get back to the main point and then I might think of something that relates again and then add more explanations about that. But I'm not that talkative usually and don't feel like I'm that good at telling stories, so I often lose steam midway and maybe think the other one is losing interest and then make a short ending. So long beginning and blunt end.

But I think also introversion plays a role. I've noticed lately that sometimes I leave things I'm talking about sort of halfway, leaving the other part in my mind (and maybe getting sidetracked to another subject too and forgetting to end the issue). So sometimes I think about the conversation later and then need to explain later what I meant to the friend, so that they won't misunderstand me from the half explanation. So maybe introversion sometimes thinks it through first, starts the explanation, then goes back to the head again without necessarily finishing aloud what was said. Maybe what I'm explaining is the Fi-Ni axis. I don't know. :)

And talking about communication styles, I'm not sure if I got that explained that clearly here. :laughing:
 

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I bet a lot of the tension, conflict, frustration, and misunderstandings in families is sensors and intuitives seeing things differently. It's one of the bothersome issues in life. You just have to deal with it.
 

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I like other NTs. Having said that, I find myself walking away from emotional sensors often, because not only do I not understand them, they start to get on my nerves. My least favorite type is sensing drama queens, because there is no way, I understand all the emotional things they have going on in their lives, :rolleyes:.

I often feel because I dislike sensors, they might dislike me too.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I want to reply to so many of you but I think I'll just answer in one general thing, but I'm really tired and afraid I'd mess it up but also want to reply now, so here goes ^^'

First off, thanks for all the replies, they're quite insightful :)

About how I communicate (this just being my perception of how I do so, I don't know if it comes across as something else to others), I don't think I use a lot of metaphorical language in everyday conversation either. I do try to be to the point, but I often do the whole over-explaining thing. I also often catch myself answering a question in a way that indirectly answers all the unsaid questions in the original question, effectively avoiding answering directly - because to me I have given the wanted answer. But then my sister or father will repeat the question again and only then do I realise I did this.

It possibly also has to do with the extrovert - introvert thing. She tends to talk a lot about her day and everything she did while I'm trying to concentrate on something else. I find it impossible to do a task if she (or anyone) is talking to me and usually end up listening fully instead of doing what I meant to do. This can get a bit annoying also because she'll stop and start talking again with constant time lapses, resulting in me having to keep interrupting myself doing whatever it is I'm busy with (reading this through, maybe I should talk to her about this..).

Long speeches hmm... yeah, I don't really do those either unless I'm very knowledgeable about the subject and/or very passionate about it. Most of the time I listen and observe. Most of the people I know are better able to keep talking for a long time. Though I guess this is also influenced by how comfortable I am with a person. With very close friends we can keep a conversation going for a long time, both talking equal amounts (I just noticed this is usually only a 1-on-1 scenario...as soon as it's more than two, I revert back to listening and observing).

About being typed correctly, my sister has only taken the test once (according to my own experience, I take any test results with a grain of salt) and got ESFP. In the weeks following our test results, extensive research on my part followed and I stumbled upon an ESTP (djArendee, I think) on youtube and asked my sister if the way she experienced the world was like his description of Se. She said that was exacty it. Next I tried to see if she used Fi or Ti. I also reached the conclusion fairly quickly that she was a Feeling type, since she can be extremely sensitive (logical as well, but usually her feelings and emotions play a great part in the way she acts). At this point, I'm fairly sure she is ESFP, she's is most definitely an extrovert and a Se-dom, plus her emotions direct the way she acts most of the time.
I'm sure I'm an NF type... I did initially think I was an INFP because that's what the tests told me (besides several other results) but since studying the functions and talking to a few different types, I concluded I don't use Ne at all, or very little at most, and while I do feel, it's nothing like that rich source of emotion Fi-users seem to describe. My emotional state is usually blank unless I'm interacting with people or otherwise mentally stimulated (like when reading fiction or watching tv etc. Right now all I seem to feel in concentration, something fairly frequent. Can that be classified as emotion?). I like to describe it as a calm pond with the surface only starting to stir and swirl when the wind (people etc) blow over it. Whoops, I guess there goes my metaphor quota for the day haha
Plus I'm also fairly sure I use Ti (I'm still keeping in the back of my head that I could be wrong, but I have to say, talking to some INFJs online and, recently in real life, have manifested my belief that I am indeed an INFJ).

About having to deal with it, yes I agree. I'm just glad that I discovered MBTI, because to me personally it makes a lot of sense and explains to me why people act certain ways or react etc. I don't intend to complain about Sensors in this thread at all - I'm not even able to type most people I meet at this stage and people are still just people, so I see and treat them the same. Obviously there are always people one simply is unable to get along with, but that's neither here nor there right now.

That's all I can think of right now, I think.

So would you say the key is to try and be as precise and keep it as short as possible when trying to trade instructions (or similar)?
 

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I have worked in roles that have centered around communication. I have found that most difficulties I have experienced result from assumptions, misunderstandings, and experience. I know that some don't appreciate a need for context to fully appreciate, describe, and discuss many situations as much as I do (aka, too much information). I don't know how this ties into functions necessarily, but those are my experiences.

My wife is an ESFJ daycare/pre-K teacher. She will often share her day in terms of what children did, what they said, how cold her room was, and things of that nature. I will try to take that raw info and see something beyond the facts to assess reasons, motivations, personality type, implications for upcoming events, and that sort of thing, following up by asking her questions to those ends.

Some vids:
 



 

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I haven't particularily noticed specific problems in communication with specific types. Being an Se aux I still tend to ramble a bit, and the thing I'm trying to tell someone can get long winded. This is however mostly because I think of more details that explain things, and then I have to add that to the story and it gets a sort of line of parenthesis before I get back to the main point and then I might think of something that relates again and then add more explanations about that. But I'm not that talkative usually and don't feel like I'm that good at telling stories, so I often lose steam midway and maybe think the other one is losing interest and then make a short ending. So long beginning and blunt end.

But I think also introversion plays a role. I've noticed lately that sometimes I leave things I'm talking about sort of halfway, leaving the other part in my mind (and maybe getting sidetracked to another subject too and forgetting to end the issue). So sometimes I think about the conversation later and then need to explain later what I meant to the friend, so that they won't misunderstand me from the half explanation. So maybe introversion sometimes thinks it through first, starts the explanation, then goes back to the head again without necessarily finishing aloud what was said. Maybe what I'm explaining is the Fi-Ni axis. I don't know. :)

And talking about communication styles, I'm not sure if I got that explained that clearly here. :laughing:
It is clear, I do the same thing XD

But really, ESFP and ISFP just don't do five minutes explanations. And that's pretty funny / enjoyable in a sense. Sometimes people also say "you re rehashing so much sometimes its obnoxious" qq

The main problem actually is writting. With time I began to understand that my "aura" or how I express myself are so different between writting and speakin its pretty unreal for people to fathom when they meet me for the first time, because writting put an emphasis of puttin down your thoughts into words right ?

While speakin is more like usin words as you speak to construct something so you don't really have the same thinking process when you communicate.

My writting is way more random, energetic, offensive than how I am / speak most of the times if I'm not in a playful / cynical mood (which happen when I'm around someone that I love, but not that much still :p ) Like I could appear to be super energetic or even angry / nervous or something when I'm writtin, or at least that's how majority of people would perceive it, while Im beein so CHILLED and not driven by any kind of emotion behind the screen, I've always found that funny.

The biggest shock ever when people meet me. "Well man you re really different compared to what I imagined from our interactions on the net. You re surprisingly really really calm" xD

Tl;Dr : writting is a bitch
 

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My mother and brother are Si type. Whatever I say to them is judged by my past record. No amount of explanation can pacify their worry (my mother openly, my brother silently in private) because what happened in my past.

My SIL is an Ne type. She would ask me questions and then start to speculate.

I have Se friends who'd tell me to enjoy today, don't over think.

When ppl hear something you say, they would process it thru their cognitive functions before giving you the reply. By then the dog you described earlier may come out like a racoon.

Frustrating but what can you do? We are all different ppl.
 

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What I was wondering, do you have issues similar to this (or any) with an Intuitive if you're a Sensor or with a Sensor if you're an Intuitive?
Honestly I ignored everything above this due to the lack of formatting.

The issues I most run into are that they HATE IT when I know things that are super obvious (I guess anything that's easily-intuited) and they get pissed off when I speculate on things--preferring I simply analyze what's present.

And I get annoyed that they won't let me be myself.

I remember I took a film analysis class. The teacher was probably like an ISFP maybe ?

Anyway, we would have frequent writing assignments, and she would always critique me--telling me "no, don't speculate on what's going to happen next--just analyze what's given." I found it really boring and soul-crushing.

And I'm in a criminology class right now in which the teacher is an ISTJ and she seriously HATES IT when I say anything cynical and obvious without citing some sort of study or something. Ugh -___-


Today we had to read this in class:
http://www.drabruzzi.com/sacred_rac.html


To illustrate the concept of ethnocentrism and cultural relativism.

And after we all finished reading it silently, she asked us our thoughts about it, and she got so pissed off that I had figured out what it was that the author was satirizing without her telling me. She said "oh, have you read this before? You shouldn't have answered--you should have let someone else have a chance to figure it out."

Um, no bitch, I haven't. It's called a fucking "rac." Was I supposed to think he was satirizing a shoe or something?
 

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The struggle is real. Only this morning my dad had told me to switch off the electricity before I go out and added that I seldom remember to turn it off. Yesterday, I DID turned it off.. What was he talking about?
 
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