Hello there! I'm writing because I need help and insight from the scientists about another of your tribe. I'm going to make an extreme effort to be concise and effective.
Here's the situation:
I met this INTJ when he first came to the place he works at now. I studied with him for a time and I cultivated the hope that someday we'd be friends, both of us being in committed relationships, and though I find him attractive cheating is abhorrent to both of us.
March of when I'm studying with him: he starts going through a divorce. He never said one word about the divorce, but I knew what was happening to him all the same. I couldn't reach out though because of his silence.
September of last year: he comes back off of summer with no wedding band, I ask for his friendship. I'm still married. I'm still very much sensing that this would be a fulfilling relationship for me because of the compatibility of our personalities. Most of last year was spent grieving for him and he shut me out. We went out a few times, but there was little or no interaction.
This summer: my own relationship dissolves under my feet, and I struggle with the horrible decision of staying or leaving.
This September everything for the INTJ has changed as regards the silence he has given me. I'm his friend, he texts me, asks me out with him, spars with me, is sensitive and kind in every regard.
Three weeks ago I filed for divorce, and I told him about it. Ever since then he has kept up a steady stream of kindness and openness: extreme openness. "Call me anytime." "Come over and stay at my place." He starts letting me into his life in ways I can sense he doesn't allow others in. I'm grieving and hurting so I permit it. The strangest thing is the level of communication has tripled and the openness of the subject matter has also tripled. I can sense that he doesn't give that to many people either.
Recently in a passing conversation amongst other acquaintances he observes to me that he'll never consider a former student for a relationship that's romantic. Last night while he was helping me pack at my house, I decided to ask which category I fit into. "Former student... But I hope that's not the only category. You're certainly a great friend, a colleague, an alumna, etc."
Please help me! What does this man want? Is he being sincere? Is this normal for INTJ's to give such openness in one sense and then for safety's sake hold the relationship at a distance?
Just in clarification: I don't need a romantic relationship right now, anyways!!! I'm in so much agony I can't think about anything outside of surviving, but I find myself compelled to post this if only to understand what this person wants from me, if he's being honest with me, and to get a read on how I should act in order to keep this "friendship" from also falling apart.
Thank you in advance for any insight you could give me. :dry:
Here's the situation:
I met this INTJ when he first came to the place he works at now. I studied with him for a time and I cultivated the hope that someday we'd be friends, both of us being in committed relationships, and though I find him attractive cheating is abhorrent to both of us.
March of when I'm studying with him: he starts going through a divorce. He never said one word about the divorce, but I knew what was happening to him all the same. I couldn't reach out though because of his silence.
September of last year: he comes back off of summer with no wedding band, I ask for his friendship. I'm still married. I'm still very much sensing that this would be a fulfilling relationship for me because of the compatibility of our personalities. Most of last year was spent grieving for him and he shut me out. We went out a few times, but there was little or no interaction.
This summer: my own relationship dissolves under my feet, and I struggle with the horrible decision of staying or leaving.
This September everything for the INTJ has changed as regards the silence he has given me. I'm his friend, he texts me, asks me out with him, spars with me, is sensitive and kind in every regard.
Three weeks ago I filed for divorce, and I told him about it. Ever since then he has kept up a steady stream of kindness and openness: extreme openness. "Call me anytime." "Come over and stay at my place." He starts letting me into his life in ways I can sense he doesn't allow others in. I'm grieving and hurting so I permit it. The strangest thing is the level of communication has tripled and the openness of the subject matter has also tripled. I can sense that he doesn't give that to many people either.
Recently in a passing conversation amongst other acquaintances he observes to me that he'll never consider a former student for a relationship that's romantic. Last night while he was helping me pack at my house, I decided to ask which category I fit into. "Former student... But I hope that's not the only category. You're certainly a great friend, a colleague, an alumna, etc."
Please help me! What does this man want? Is he being sincere? Is this normal for INTJ's to give such openness in one sense and then for safety's sake hold the relationship at a distance?
Just in clarification: I don't need a romantic relationship right now, anyways!!! I'm in so much agony I can't think about anything outside of surviving, but I find myself compelled to post this if only to understand what this person wants from me, if he's being honest with me, and to get a read on how I should act in order to keep this "friendship" from also falling apart.
Thank you in advance for any insight you could give me. :dry: