[armika_armika]

Hi!

What is your experiences on this subject?

Do you consider yourself addicted to love or sex?

Have you managed to break a pattern of addiction?

Are you drawn to men who treats you "bad"?

I'm curious. I've just read the book "women who love too much" and I see my life and my behaviour in a different angle now. I'm thinking about trying to change, but I think it's extremly hard to do.

Maybe there's someone like me out there and we could share experiences and support each other.

 

[Erbse]

You mean the brigade of youngsters that love to love, rather than loving the personthey're with?

Yes, I know them.

They're hilarious.

I however don't see potential for growth, given that they obviously don't even learn it the hard way.

 

[armika_armika]

You mean the brigade of youngsters that love to love, rather than loving the personthey're with?

Yes, I know them.

They're hilarious.

I however don't see potential for growth, given that they obviously don't even learn it the hard way.

First, I would like to keep this thread serious, seriuos in the meaning that there's no mocking or making fun out of people with issues. Maybe it's an impossible wish, I'm aware of that. The word is free and it's an open forum. But I'm hoping for a respectful attitude.

Second, being addicted to sex or love or going through bad relationships isn't a question of age.

 

[Erbse]

Censoring my seriousness to fit your ideal of seriousness would no longer be serious as far as I'm concerned. However, I can respect your wish and thus shall oblige.

Best of luck.

 

[Chipps]

To be honest, I don't think there is a such thing as "women who love to much".

Its more like "Women who make poor decisions in men, over and over and over and over again, and can't admit that its them and not the men."

To answers your questions:

Do you consider yourself addicted to love or sex?

No, since I am not a slave to my impulses. I don't relate to love or sex very hedonistically.

Have you managed to break a pattern of addiction?

From what I've observed about women who do love all the wrong men is that they never stop. Ever. Its a continuous cycle through their lives. They are naturally drawn to these kinds of men for whatever fucked up reason, so when they want to stop seeing them its equivilent to an alcoholic quitting drinking: They will constantly be in a state of trying to overcome the temptation.

But, it could be some deep seeded psychological issue, and maybe uncovering it will cause the person to change the behavior.

Are you drawn to men who treats you "bad"?

No. I'm repelled by them, thankfully.

 

[zelder]

I don't think it's possible to love too much. I just think that it's more difficult for women to find good men than the other way around. If a woman falls in love with a man who chooses not to reciprocate then she's left burned. The problem is not the woman loving too much but rather the problem lies with the men who don’t love enough. The culture of cheap sex is adding fuel to the fire. Putting sex before love is like putting the horse behind the cart. It’s does not work well.

 

[Enfpleasantly]

I think the context is not in terms women loving too much, I think it means women who are addicted to the feeling of falling in love...like the butterflies, excited feelings that happen in the beginning. Yes, it is absolutely possible for people to be addicted to that feeling. Then once things arent as exciting, they find someone new to get their fix again. How many people love getting a new cell phone, car, outfit, etc? The same feeling but x1000 when it comes to falling in love, right?

As far as sex addiction...in my opinion, the girls are not addicted to the feeling or satisfaction of physical sex, but to the feeling of being wanted and desired. This is an issue that stems from poor self esteem and self worth IMO.

 

[Cover3]

I don't think it's possible to love too much. I just think that it's more difficult for women to find good men than the other way around. If a woman falls in love with a man who chooses not to reciprocate then she's left burned. The problem is not the woman loving too much but rather the problem lies with the men who don’t love enough. The culture of cheap sex is adding fuel to the fire. Putting sex before love is like putting the horse behind the cart. It’s does not work well.

Your culture point makes a bit of sense, but the rest is just terrible. How do you figure women love more, and how is a guy 'left' when he loves somebody and the woman chooses not to reciprocate? Exposing societal flaws and misconceptions is fine, unless you're shoveling out new ones for us to scratch our heads over.

 

[kikikins]

Your culture point makes a bit of sense, but the rest is just terrible. How do you figure women love more, and how is a guy 'left' when he loves somebody and the woman chooses not to reciprocate? Exposing societal flaws and misconceptions is fine, unless you're shoveling out new ones for us to scratch our heads over.

I agree with this. I have seen both men and women that find themselves in the situation at issue here. It is not an issue of men not loving enough, it's an issue with people and their tendency toward those who are just bad for them which is what this thread is about, i think. Self-destructive tendencies. Emphasis on the word "self" meaning those we chose to give our heart to can't be blamed for their inability to reciprocate love.
In defense of @zelder, I do think men generally determine when to "settle down" or be in a serious relationship based on a whole different set of criterion than women but I have seen grown men obsess over women and they got burned.

 

[strawberryLola]

I admit, I was a total relationship addict starting from a young age.. my teenage years. That lasted up til my mid-twenties and I became the complete opposite onwards.

I think people will be addicted for various reasons, and it's usually to escape a pain they've been avoiding to confront for so long. This type of addiction leads to unhealthy attachments and distorted beliefs about relationships and how things "should be" when really it's about finding that relationship with oneself first.

If someone has a totally unhealthy relationship with their own self, how are they going to engage and enjoy it with others when they haven't confronted their own demons? I think I was addicted because a part of me always wanted to fill in that missing piece of my life from losing my father. I always wanted to find my super-hero, protector and best friend who died when I was a kid. A part of me wanted to relive that experience, because I hadn't coped with my delayed grieving of my father. Until I confronted my own sadness and loss, and finally let go, I stayed locked in those patterns.

They say that people who have been traumatized tend to retreat at a level of "arrested development" at the age level of their personal traumas. So in a sense, when someone loves too much or is addicted without awareness, it makes sense that they are processing at a deeper level that they don't see but others do. They start behaving in similar ways. Those reactions don't stop until they've really hit rock bottom and wake up to realize they don't like the life they've led, and find an alternate path. I haven't read the book but heard of it. Sometimes people love for reasons that blind and bind them until one day something clicks in and makes sense.

 

[Razare]

They say that people who have been traumatized tend to retreat at a level of "arrested development" at the age level of their personal traumas.

Totally agree with your statement.

I wont compare my trauma to losing your dad, but I had my own when I was 12 or 13. It changed me for a good 10 years afterward. When I finally started to accept that I had feelings again, I was sort of repulsed by the fact that my feelings weren't much different than a 12-year old.

However! I was a pretty awesome 12-year old, so it's not that bad. I just sort of now accept that my emotional side is fun like a kid, I love it!

As far as sex addiction...in my opinion, the girls are not addicted to the feeling or satisfaction of physical sex, but to the feeling of being wanted and desired. This is an issue that stems from poor self esteem and self worth IMO.

Very true. Have to be careful of these women, guys. They're the heart-breakers.

 

[Ann Kane]

I'm reading an interesting book on Obsessive Love. Its about people who are obsessive about relatinoships, and the people who end up with those people. I attract a lot of obsessive guys. They love my scent or something..the scent of someone willing to sacrifice life and limb to nurture someone...(ok i'm getting over that)...i do see something things in my past that match the obsessive profile though. The thing is, i always ran the other way as opposed to show it to the person. I would go on and on talking about it to my friends instead. once i decided to stop talking and start acting, it got better. then i ended up marrying someone abusive. You think you learn something, then you get thrown back

thats ok this time i'm learning for real, and I wont be knocked down

this last guy i had a crush on, we've both backed off from each other, which is a good sign. I sense that he had a sorta obsessive crush on me..i could feel him getting jealous sometimes..we were only friends..i tend to harp and overanalyze...in fact i still haven't gotten to the forget about it completely phase. but i know in time i'll gain better perspective. Somtimes i think, oh he's a manipulative guy with issues..other times i think, no, he backed off cuz he knows i'm going through stuff..i'm not sure which is true actually. my gut tells me a bit of both. the bottom line is, only time will tell. patience is the one thing that has an impact on everything

 

[armika_armika]

I've recently have been attending SLAA-meetings and I must say it's a great help...