[Jynx]

I'm always at a loss on how to start off what I want to say so I may as well just plunge into it and sort it out from there.

I notice that sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, there are moments when I'm feeling frisky but don't really want to have sex. Not that sex isn't great, because it very well can be. But sometimes it's just better to fantasize and masturbate vs. having sex, or sometimes, just fantasize and leave it at that. O_-

It isn't about being selfish or not wanting to get the other person revved up either. It isn't about just wanting to get off and being done with it. When I fantasize, I'm going through a small script of whatever is in my head that's sexually exciting and I can rewind, replay, slow down or speed up whatever I'm thinking about.

I find you can't really do that during sex. You can't just stop in the middle of something and look into his eyes, "Hey, do that again, just like before. Okay, good, one more time because it was really hot."

You know? I'd almost be willing to say the fantasy is more satisfying at times because it lets you watch instead of being wrapped up in the moment. Having sex gets me out of my head and so I can't focus or drift at will. Fantasy for me is mental while sex is primarily focused on the physical and what's happening to me and not whatever it is I'm thinking.

Maybe it's just because I've got a crazy imagination? Maybe because my boyfriend is just very tame for the most part and I'm not? Although, sometimes I even end up fantasizing about regular sex so perhaps that isn't it...

But don't get me wrong. There's times I do want to get into the moment, feel everything happening at once, the overwhelming rush of the whole experience. But those other times, I'd rather just relax and "watch the show" and feel my body's response to it.

Do other people get like this? My boyfriend doesn't really. He's more of the mind of "if you're going to fantasize or tease, sex should happen at the end." lol -.- So, I'm wondering if its just a female thing, a type thing, or something else, maybe?

I hope I'm explaining this well enough. /facepalm :blushed:

 

[Rachel Something]

I understand what you mean. I have those moments as well, sometimes. There are times when I don't want to have sex at all, or even masturbate for that matter... just play over a certain fantasy in my mind. When I'm having sex with somebody, it's usually hard for me to fantasize at the same time because I keep getting distracted by what I'm doing/what's going on in front of me.

That said, there are times when I can masturbate and fantasize without much distraction, and there are times when I'd just rather not do anything physical at all. I've noticed that for me, this often applies to certain types of fantasies. I'm not going to specify what those fantasies are, but with some I can (and want to) masturbate simultaneously, and with others I just want to sit/lie back and imagine (nothing more, nothing less.)

 

[Drewbie]

reminds me of:

I really don't think it's uncommon.
It can be a lot easier to get yourself off than to get off with someone else and sometimes that's all a person really wants.

 

[Master Mind]

Makes perfect sense to me.

 

[Jynx]

Yes, Rachel! Exactly! Glad to know I'm not all alone in that!

And Fitz, LOL, that video had me laughin' all the way to lunch! xD

 

[Vivid Melody]

Yeah, happens all the time. I like to play around with it in my head to see what turns me on the most.

 

[SilentScream]

I think there's definitely some truth to finding "more" pleasure alone.

When it comes to a monogomous relationship, times can clash, moods can clash etc etc. And on top of that, a lot of couples force and guilt their significant others out of the habit of masturbation because of this archaic belief that they should only be satisfying each other.

I think that just because someone is with a sexual partner doesn't mean that they should derive, or even expect to derive all of their sexual satisfaction from that one person --- particularly if the person isn't being fulfulled completely.

Also, a lot of times couples end up blaming each other for their lack of sexual satisfaction on each other because of the guilt that has been projected onto them --- sometimes dating as far back as their early socialization in the world that makes them feel guilty for self-gratification.

I'm honestly pro self-gratification before and during a relationship. I do it regularly even when I'm in a relationship and will continue to do it. Nor would I think any less of my partner if she continues to do it. I can help her, and help her make her experience better. But if she wants to go solo every now and then. I'm not complaining.

I'm actually gonna bring out the video camera, if she wants that is.

 

[Jynx]

That's a really good point, Jawz. I think mutual masturbation is a lovely thing. Even if its just with the intent of exploring each other's bodies and not the ultimate goal of an orgasm. Just trying new toys or techniques.

Unfortunately, I'm still teaching my mate patience in some areas. He's much like a puppy that realizes the family is eating and goes into a sort of frenzy, hoping to get the scraps when he discovers I'm playing by myself. I end up having to literally send him out of the room or he starts trying to mix his body in with my masturbation, effectively turning it into sex, lol.

I have used the idea at the end of your post though. Since he always tries to get involved, sometimes, I'll record something and then spring it on him. That way, he gets a treat and I get the satisfaction I was looking for.