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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, i am stuck in a routine in which i basically wait until my family members go to bed, and then i sit in the living room and masturbate for a few hours, until like 3 am, then go to bed.

But now im thinking about it, and i usually do this even when im not horny or anything.

This leads me to question myself, how do i know when im really actually sexually aroused?

When do you know when you are horny? Im on adderall, so i have fuckin erectile dysfunction now, so i dont know when i am actually aroused.
 

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So, i am stuck in a routine in which i basically wait until my family members go to bed, and then i sit in the living room and masturbate for a few hours, until like 3 am, then go to bed.

But now im thinking about it, and i usually do this even when im not horny or anything.

This leads me to question myself, how do i know when im really actually sexually aroused?

When do you know when you are horny? Im on adderall, so i have fuckin erectile dysfunction now, so i dont know when i am actually aroused.
Erm, I've honestly never really pondered this in great depth. However, I'd guess when thoughts along the lines of "I could really do with some sex right now" or "I really wish someone would [insert erotic act] around about now" then you're sort of aroused? The penis itself is pretty unreliable at explaining arousal, it simply reacts to stimulation (as a general rule).
 

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BTW, why the living room? Why not your bedroom or bathroom?
Thats what I was thinking. I couldn't possibly feel like masturbating where family members usually sit.
 

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When all you want to do is have hot, passionate, intense, embarassing, deep sex with your ex girlfriend who most likely hates you. The mere mention of which afterward will turn her cheeks scarlett.

Either that, or it's just me... :p

On a completely unrelated topic @Promethea If you don't reply, how are we to have your signature to click on?
 

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When all you want to do is have hot, passionate, intense, embarassing, deep sex with your ex girlfriend who most likely hates you.

Either that, or it's just me... :p

On a completely unrelated topic @Promethea If you don't reply, how are we to have your signature to click on?
Typically this goes for exchanges that I have stopped participating in. The posts can be found in the thread.
 

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The penis itself is pretty unreliable at explaining arousal, it simply reacts to stimulation (as a general rule).
Yeah, a simple erection in and of itself isn't necessarily an indicator of sexual arousal. I usually have an erection when I wake up in the morning, but that's "morning wood," which subsides after I urinate. There have been times laying with a partner when she started caressing my lower regions and I got an erection, which wasn't because I was sexually aroused, but a reaction to a tactile stimulus—it wasn't unpleasant, I didn't mind her playing with my genitals, I got an erection. But after asking me once if that was okay and if I thought she was being a tease, I assured her that I didn't, and that it was okay for her to touch me without feeling obligated that it must necessarily lead to sex every time. If it naturally eventually progressed there, it was fine, but if it didn't go beyond touching and caressing, with perhaps some kissing added in, that was also fine. The brain is the most important sexual organ, not the genitals.
 

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I honestly have never really thought too much about being sexually aroused and just thought that it was something that just happened. Now that I think about it I think that sexual arousal is both psychological and physical, but it can sometimes be either physical where you just touch yourself without thinking and just feeling the sensation, or it can be psychological and you can fantasize and not touch yourself and maybe have intense sex dreams/nightmares.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
How do you know when you're horny? Well, how do you know when you're hungry? Thirsty? Tired? It's just something you're aware of.


BTW, why the living room? Why not your bedroom or bathroom?
My family has boundary issues, meaning i get no privacy at all. Thats an understatement, they are intrusive. I would like to go in my bedroom, but at night my mom has a thing with waking up in the middle of the night. She sleeps with my 12 yr old brother in his room, which is right next to my room. Every time she gets up out of bed randomly in the night, she would just barge the fuck right into my room.

The living room only has one entrance, which is through a small hallway. This gives me time to collect myself so i dont get caught. It is also less suspicious when i am seen in the living room with my laptop watching tv or whatever, than being in my room with only my laptop.

My family doesnt respect my privacy. They would, and have, gone out of their way to just fuckin spy on me, or catch me doing something "weird"...Its less of an issue now, but as a younger teenager it was ridiculous. The time i was supposed to be exploring sexual shit, i was being criticized, and my computer being "hacked" into by my parents and siblings. First time it happened, my brother had somehow found out the password on my first laptop.I had discovered skype before it got all famous, and was talking to some hot russian girl who was a sex addict haha, same age, 16 or 17. My dad looked through all the conversations i had with her, told the other people in my family....i apparently still havent lived that down, my siblings, 12 and 18, and dad regularly use it as an insult when they cant win arguments against me.

The latest time was when i got my newest laptop last year. My dad somehow got into it one day as i was sleeping in on a weekend, checked out all my history, all my saved passwords...Fuckin cocksucking piece of shit.....sry, shit pisses me off...And all he says to me is some shit like "hey....you gotta be more careful about what your looking up,okay?"..piece of fuckin shit.

I dont know why this makes me angry, nothing makes me angry...Probably some shit in my subconscious was fuked up during that stage of my development. Im sexually frustrated today, and socially anxious. I have to be paranoid, im constantly at risk of getting attacked.

The worst was when they broke into my account on a different forum site for anxiety. Read all my shit, which basically all talked about ideas about my situation and anxiety issue. Ive never been raped, but im sure thats something what it feels like, emotionally. I was so fuckin confused and scared and shit. My parents knew everything i thought about them, and everything i thought about other very personal issues.

And yes i know, i need to move out, i get it. Im a commuting college student. I dont have money for a fuckin apartment, and i get financial aid for being a commuter. But being a psych student, i now know how incredibly fucked up my parents really are. Basically, they need to have control over me, its fuckin abuse. My mom is an emotionally unstable and has the reasoning skills of a 14 yr old, and my dad is a textbook ESTJ who has a ridiculously overpowered ego, craving control and respect, when on the inside he is a scared little school girl. He is also constantly bitching at me for not being "normal" enough, projecting his self onto me when i was a child, making me play sports all the fuckin time. He cant stand when i get inside his head.

Shit...sorry..fuck, I want to resolve this, i am trying to, i want to take them to a family counselor, but my mom is an advocate of denial, and going to therapy isnt very "normal", what would other people think???? fuckin pathetic.
 

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@King_Moonracer that fucking sucks, yo. I'm paranoid about people going through my shit as well. My family hasn't brought up anything so I don't think they bother. I just worry about people going through my stuff in general. And I understand what you mean by emotional rape, violated is what I would use (that's just me and those who hate to abuse the term rape).
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
@King_Moonracer that fucking sucks, yo. I'm paranoid about people going through my shit as well. My family hasn't brought up anything so I don't think they bother. I just worry about people going through my stuff in general. And I understand what you mean by emotional rape, violated is what I would use (that's just me and those who hate to abuse the term rape).
Ya, its in-between "violate" and "rape" haha. Like tonight, i have to watch my 12yr old brother, who has fuckin ridiculous ADHD that is undiagnosed, assuming ADHD is a real thing. He wont stop FUCKING moving around. Now he is playing video games, completely engulfed by interest in the game. But he was walking around, i was lookin shit up on my laptop, and i could tell he was using the window to see the reflection of what i was looking up.

Good thing i caught onto it early...Shit would hit the fan if he caught me doing shit.
 

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Ya, its in-between "violate" and "rape" haha. Like tonight, i have to watch my 12yr old brother, who has fuckin ridiculous ADHD that is undiagnosed, assuming ADHD is a real thing. He wont stop FUCKING moving around. Now he is playing video games, completely engulfed by interest in the game. But he was walking around, i was lookin shit up on my laptop, and i could tell he was using the window to see the reflection of what i was looking up.

Good thing i caught onto it early...Shit would hit the fan if he caught me doing shit.
I just don't get how a family turns on each other like that. It's incredibly unhealthy for them to behave that way.
 
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You sound like you masturbate excessively, perhaps for reasons of self-comfort, perhaps out of loneliness, I don't know.

If you were really sexually aroused you'd probably have no issue with getting a hard on.

Also I think when men are truly sexually aroused they seek out sex, and may not even have to touch themselves or be touched to get an erection. I know with my ISTP he's actually been sitting across from me, talking about what happened that day, and then said, "you want to xyz, I'm hard." And he's just sitting there, not masturbating, and I'm not in his lap or touching him at all. This is an incredible turn on for me, especially when he gets aroused when we're just talking about something seemingly sexually unrelated, like I feel like he actually wants me.

It's been the same with other men, I think. And I don't think men are THAT physiologically different from women in some regards, though they clearly are in other obvious ways. Like I've been willing to have sex when I wasn't that aroused, but then got really turned on from the closeness to my partner and physical stimulation. I think it can be like that for men, too, in that they can be totally not thinking about sex but if you sit or lie close to them and stimulate their genitals, they may become truly sexually aroused.

I note that my ESFJ ex taught me a lot about men, like he did it in an open and instructive manner like, "guys do this because...I act like this with girls because I know..." and one of the things that he taught me about were the difference in his hard ons. Like some hard ons were bigger or harder than others. I think that may separate from tactical erections and erections from really hard-core sexual arousal. I think it's just like being a woman where I can have less intense orgasms, but still have an orgasm, if I'm not that turned on but am stimulated into it...while when I'm really very aroused my orgasms are very intense, and I may be more intense acting or aggressive with my partner as well.

I think a lot of it is in the mind like someone else said.
 

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My family has boundary issues, meaning i get no privacy at all. Thats an understatement, they are intrusive. I would like to go in my bedroom, but at night my mom has a thing with waking up in the middle of the night. She sleeps with my 12 yr old brother in his room, which is right next to my room. Every time she gets up out of bed randomly in the night, she would just barge the fuck right into my room.

The living room only has one entrance, which is through a small hallway. This gives me time to collect myself so i dont get caught. It is also less suspicious when i am seen in the living room with my laptop watching tv or whatever, than being in my room with only my laptop.

My family doesnt respect my privacy. They would, and have, gone out of their way to just fuckin spy on me, or catch me doing something "weird"...Its less of an issue now, but as a younger teenager it was ridiculous. The time i was supposed to be exploring sexual shit, i was being criticized, and my computer being "hacked" into by my parents and siblings. First time it happened, my brother had somehow found out the password on my first laptop.I had discovered skype before it got all famous, and was talking to some hot russian girl who was a sex addict haha, same age, 16 or 17. My dad looked through all the conversations i had with her, told the other people in my family....i apparently still havent lived that down, my siblings, 12 and 18, and dad regularly use it as an insult when they cant win arguments against me.

The latest time was when i got my newest laptop last year. My dad somehow got into it one day as i was sleeping in on a weekend, checked out all my history, all my saved passwords...Fuckin cocksucking piece of shit.....sry, shit pisses me off...And all he says to me is some shit like "hey....you gotta be more careful about what your looking up,okay?"..piece of fuckin shit.

I dont know why this makes me angry, nothing makes me angry...Probably some shit in my subconscious was fuked up during that stage of my development. Im sexually frustrated today, and socially anxious. I have to be paranoid, im constantly at risk of getting attacked.

The worst was when they broke into my account on a different forum site for anxiety. Read all my shit, which basically all talked about ideas about my situation and anxiety issue. Ive never been raped, but im sure thats something what it feels like, emotionally. I was so fuckin confused and scared and shit. My parents knew everything i thought about them, and everything i thought about other very personal issues.

And yes i know, i need to move out, i get it. Im a commuting college student. I dont have money for a fuckin apartment, and i get financial aid for being a commuter. But being a psych student, i now know how incredibly fucked up my parents really are. Basically, they need to have control over me, its fuckin abuse. My mom is an emotionally unstable and has the reasoning skills of a 14 yr old, and my dad is a textbook ESTJ who has a ridiculously overpowered ego, craving control and respect, when on the inside he is a scared little school girl. He is also constantly bitching at me for not being "normal" enough, projecting his self onto me when i was a child, making me play sports all the fuckin time. He cant stand when i get inside his head.

Shit...sorry..fuck, I want to resolve this, i am trying to, i want to take them to a family counselor, but my mom is an advocate of denial, and going to therapy isnt very "normal", what would other people think???? fuckin pathetic.
Well, in some cultures it's normal to sleep with your family members. Like my Argentinian friends, for example. They are more accustomed to sharing a bed if they have to, my ISTPs ESFJ mom has even said I could sleep in the same bed with her if it were necessary, because I'm "like family." There have been occasions where because of space/financial limitations her children had to sleep in the bed with her, and ISTP has had to share bedrooms with his ISxJ sister at some times, even as teenagers. Of course, not in the same bed alone with his sister (they're very close in age) but sharing a room all the same.

On the other hand, intrusive parents are intrusive. They should realize at the age of sexual maturity you need privacy. No one should ever question what you're doing in the bathroom, even if you live in an environment where people have to share bedrooms. Also, I don't think your mother should walk into your bedroom without knocking in the middle of the night if you are in your late teens or early 20s.

My ESFJ exes mother had boundary issues, and I believe it's part of the reason he has Borderline Personality Disorder. I actually lived with him and his parents for about a year of our six year relationship, and I remember his mom just waltzing into our bedroom and him yelling at her, like jesus fucking christ we could be having crazy sex and you just walk in. The boundary problems went two ways, though, because I felt like he could be intrusive with his mother as well, because she had been that way with him.

I wonder if my ISTP may have similar issues because of his ESFJ mother, because all of her children seem to have an extreme need for privacy: him, his ISxJ sister, and INFP sister are all very private people. One of his requests of me has been not to talk to his mother about our friendship/relationship, although she's aware of its existence. His INFP sister has stressed how private they all are, and it's not just because they're introverts.

However, you may have boundary issues yourself if you're jerking off in the living room for HOURS (not just for a few minutes to get sexual relief) and are looking at porn with your 12 year old brother in the room.
 
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