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In the happiest and healthiest phases of my life I was very sexual.
I don’t really understand why, in a psychological sense. I don’t masturbate often, I didn’t feel particularly emotionally connected to all of my partners, it was mainly hormones, it seems.
Looking back I notice that the happier I was the more sex I wanted and sex fulfilled something important in me.
Lately, I haven’t been as happy and coincidentally not as sexual.
I would appreciate some input from scientists saying if lack of sex or sex that isn’t fulfilling has a negative impact on one’s health.
 

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I am not going to say about science--though I think there is lots of information about it. Maybe later.

But what you said sort of reminded me of the concept of libido as a sort of energy source...just the metaphysical concept of libido as life force.

I think Maslow's heirarchy of needs is sort of messed up because he put reproduction at the bottom along with survival. If I was trying to survive--reproduction is not the first thing I would try to take care of in my hierarchy of needs. Because it would likely threaten my survival (as well as that of the offspring).

To me, sex would be far above the lowest rung of the hierarchy of needs, because being drained in other areas of my life (feeling unsafe or threatened, lacking in physical resources needed for my own sustenance etc...)all this inhibits sex drive or the desire to be in a romantic or sexual relationships.

So for me, sexual desire isn't really even a thing unless I feel some level of security in my life.
 

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I am not going to say about science--though I think there is lots of information about it. Maybe later.

But what you said sort of reminded me of the concept of libido as a sort of energy source...just the metaphysical concept of libido as life force.

I think Maslow's heirarchy of needs is sort of messed up because he put reproduction at the bottom along with survival. If I was trying to survive--reproduction is not the first thing I would try to take care of in my hierarchy of needs. Because it would likely threaten my survival (as well as that of the offspring).

To me, sex would be far above the lowest rung of the hierarchy of needs, because being drained in other areas of my life (feeling unsafe or threatened, lacking in physical resources needed for my own sustenance etc...)all this inhibits sex drive or the desire to be in a romantic or sexual relationships.

So for me, sexual desire isn't really even a thing unless I feel some level of security in my life.
But haven't we somewhat separated the urge to have sex from the urge to reproduce? One is a survival trait and the other is an intensely pleasurable act that may or may not be about building intimacy with a partner, or it may just be "mutual masterbation."

As for the OP, sure I can see where when you're happier, wanting sex becomes something you desire, but when you're not happy, the urge diminishes.
 

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But haven't we somewhat separated the urge to have sex from the urge to reproduce? One is a survival trait and the other is an intensely pleasurable act that may or may not be about building intimacy with a partner, or it may just be "mutual masterbation."

As for the OP, sure I can see where when you're happier, wanting sex becomes something you desire, but when you're not happy, the urge diminishes.
I do think they are separate, but I was trying to build off of Maslow's concept, where I think they would be combined.

Personally, I do find that sexual urge also diminishes though when I do not feel safe. If I feel threatened or as if I need to focus more on my survival, I do not feel sexual desire any longer.

At first I explained it as sexual desire being higher on Maslow's pyramid, but then I saw he had reproduction down at the bottom...so both as sexual desire and also as desire for actual reproduction--that part of his hierarchy makes no sense to me.

But I can see it as perhaps having the true physiological needs fulfilled, opening up to things like sexual desire, which imo is beyond just physiological for me.
 

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I do think they are separate, but I was trying to build off of Maslow's concept, where I think they would be combined.

Personally, I do find that sexual urge also diminishes though when I do not feel safe. If I feel threatened or as if I need to focus more on my survival, I do not feel sexual desire any longer.

At first I explained it as sexual desire being higher on Maslow's pyramid, but then I saw he had reproduction down at the bottom...so both as sexual desire and also as desire for actual reproduction--that part of his hierarchy makes no sense to me.

But I can see it as perhaps having the true physiological needs fulfilled, opening up to things like sexual desire, which imo is beyond just physiological for me.
I'm going to say that a strong intimate sexual relationship goes way beyond just love and belonging needs and can actually carry on through both our esteem needs, and self-actualization. Being completely loved and trusted by another human being to the point where you can bare yourself completely and feel the light of their love wash over you (and vice-versa) can influence a person to be a much greater person than they might be alone.
 

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I'm going to say that a strong intimate sexual relationship goes way beyond just love and belonging needs and can actually carry on through both our esteem needs, and self-actualization. Being completely loved and trusted by another human being to the point where you can bare yourself completely and feel the light of their love wash over you (and vice-versa) can influence a person to be a much greater person than they might be alone.
But would you say that if you were in a position where you feared for your own survival, as in the lowest wrung of Maslow's hierarchy is being threatened, that you would feel the desire for this sefl-actualization?

I know that for myself, I do not feel I can afford to be concerned with that when I feel threatened or unsafe. That is my point. It shuts down my libido as well as the romantic desire for me...and to be honest, much of my desire for human connection.

I also tend to be unhappy at times like that, to say the least.

I guess it might not really apply to the topic though, and it probably goes without saying for most people that feeling one may be in mortal danger can kill the libido.
 

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But would you say that if you were in a position where you feared for your own survival, as in the lowest wrung of Maslow's hierarchy is being threatened, that you would feel the desire for this sefl-actualization?

I know that for myself, I do not feel I can afford to be concerned with that when I feel threatened or unsafe. That is my point. It shuts down my libido as well as the romantic desire for me...and to be honest, much of my desire for human connection.

I also tend to be unhappy at times like that, to say the least.
Absolutely. According to Maslow, the lower needs have to be met before you can ascend to the higher ones. I agree, if you feel like you aren't getting these other needs met, it can greatly decrease your libido.
 

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Absolutely. According to Maslow, the lower needs have to be met before you can ascend to the higher ones. I agree, if you feel like you aren't getting these other needs met, it can greatly decrease your libido.
I agree too. Perhaps Maslow would have put the sexual desire somewhere else, but I was confused because he put "reproduction" on the bottom. I was trying to argue what you said (you said it more concisely), here.

I have found that when I am concerned about my own survival, I lose interest in romance, love, sex, and even friendship.
 

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I agree too. Perhaps Maslow would have put the sexual desire somewhere else, but I was confused because he put "reproduction" on the bottom. I was trying to argue what you said (you said it more concisely), here.

I have found that when I am concerned about my own survival, I lose interest in romance, love, sex, and even friendship.
Have you ever gone through a survival situation with a partner and emerged on the other side safe and sound, and found yourself with a strong "urge to merge" as a result?
 

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Have you ever gone through a survival situation with a partner and emerged on the other side safe and sound, and found yourself with a strong "urge to merge" as a result?
I don't think I've felt that as strongly--I do think some people might do that. Maybe I have--I don't really remember it markedly though.

Isn't there the stereotype that people watch horror films on dates, and then maybe because stereotypically the girl is frightened, the man sort of becomes her support so it is romantic? I've never watched horror films though and in my personal experience, it kind of creeps me out and does the opposite.

Though I suppose in those survival instances, recognizing trust is a libido enhancer--knowing who to trust and who isn't a threat. So perhaps that is part of it.

Often times I've found I require more reassurance--even if a partner goes away for a few days it's almost like I am a goldfish that needs to meet them again, get to know them etc. I just don't change modes very quickly, maybe.

My libido is strongest when I am alone and safe, I think. I don't find a huge difference in libido when I'm in a relationship and when I am not.

I would say I probably have a higher libido when I am happier--and when I have time to explore my own feelings, understand them, process them, and connect with those higher impulses (I do agree with what you said about it being much more than (or separate than) reproduction, and also more than dry definitions of emotional support etc.) Or perhaps when I felt most hopeful about a relationship--like that perhaps this person is the right person (the soul mate etc.) Of course it also makes some cynical sense that would happen more in my imagination since lol it doesn't seem to have happened in reality.

(but then again, I haven't had sex in about a decade now so I have probably forgotten what it is like to have a libido in a relationship)
 

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Maslow was talking about ensuring the species survives, not simply having sex and it’s more about biological needs tbh. You need food, water, shelter and to propagate the species. I do think that it should be in a different level because if I’m wondering where my next meal is coming from, having babies is definitely not on my mind.


There’s definitely been research linking libido to mood, especially in those with clinical depression.
But it’s also a mood elevator.
I don’t think there’s a straight answer because this will be different for everyone
 

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Have you ever gone through a survival situation with a partner and emerged on the other side safe and sound, and found yourself with a strong "urge to merge" as a result?
Sex is listed as one of the most common things that happen after funerals or death of a loved one.
 

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The boomer generation was the result of the survival cycle.
"Pip-Pop came home from the war and then they had our parents. Our parents are called the baby boomers because Pip-Pop came home from Normandy and he was like, “I’m not dead. Boom, Gladys, let’s fuck.”

- Iliza Shlesinger
 

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In the happiest and healthiest phases of my life I was very sexual.
I don’t really understand why, in a psychological sense. I don’t masturbate often, I didn’t feel particularly emotionally connected to all of my partners, it was mainly hormones, it seems.
Looking back I notice that the happier I was the more sex I wanted and sex fulfilled something important in me.
Lately, I haven’t been as happy and coincidentally not as sexual.
I would appreciate some input from scientists saying if lack of sex or sex that isn’t fulfilling has a negative impact on one’s health.
Premised on the bolded, your issue might be associated to the cortisol/testosterone negative interplay. Cortisol is produced by the body when someone's stressed and in doing so, it can lower your T levels. Lower T levels equate to reduced sexual desire.
 

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Premised on the bolded, your issue might be associated to the cortisol/testosterone negative interplay. Cortisol is produced by the body when someone's stressed and in doing so, it can lower your T levels. Lower T levels equate to reduced sexual desire.
Much of this is controlled by the endocrine system, but teasing apart exactly how hormonal changes affect mood and behavior is complex. Have you found good/in-depth material on the subject that you can share? It’s fascinating.
 

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Much of this is controlled by the endocrine system, but teasing apart exactly how hormonal changes affect mood and behavior is complex. Have you found good/in-depth material on the subject that you can share? It’s fascinating.
Too lazy to pull it up but the two hormones tap from the same precursor, specifically, prenenolone. So, one can call them competing hormones.
 

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But haven't we somewhat separated the urge to have sex from the urge to reproduce? One is a survival trait and the other is an intensely pleasurable act that may or may not be about building intimacy with a partner, or it may just be "mutual masterbation."

As for the OP, sure I can see where when you're happier, wanting sex becomes something you desire, but when you're not happy, the urge diminishes.
I can’t say I ever had the urge or desire to reproduce. I found the desire and need for sex to be completely natural and normal. My testosterone level must have been off the charts and my sex drive had far more control over me than I had over it. The thought of children never entered my mind, other than not wanting an accidental pregnancy. I found women to be amazingly attractive and desirable. I also found great sex to be wonderful for mental and emotional health. With it I was happy as a lark. Without it I was miserable and on the hunt.
 

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I think Maslow's heirarchy of needs is sort of messed up because he put reproduction at the bottom along with survival. If I was trying to survive--reproduction is not the first thing I would try to take care of in my hierarchy of needs. Because it would likely threaten my survival (as well as that of the offspring).

To me, sex would be far above the lowest rung of the hierarchy of needs, because being drained in other areas of my life (feeling unsafe or threatened, lacking in physical resources needed for my own sustenance etc...)all this inhibits sex drive or the desire to be in a romantic or sexual relationships.

So for me, sexual desire isn't really even a thing unless I feel some level of security in my life.
You're looking at it wrong. This isn't about being horny. Look at animals to get a better view over this. You don't see it like that because you feel like you have a long time to think about children. But take some random rodent which doesn't know what tomorrow brings (and it's kinda silly for humans to think it's all sorted out and that they have all the time in the world to have kids) and you understand why reproduction is high on the scale (or low).

If you don't feel like sex is important, then it could be loads of reasons, but I'd look first at what you eat. If your life is normal but your sex drive is shit then it's probably medical or nutritional related. Assuming you're not too old or too young for that.

What you don't put in perspective is time. You might be in a bad period where it ain't on your mind, but how about the long run? And advice, you can have kids without having your "optimal" level of wealth or comfort. With life getting more and more expensive, you end up with less and less time for kids. More money does equal more problems. You might earn 5000 per month and your expenses are 4500. But do you think that if you would make 10000 per month your expenses would be still at 4500? That is naive. The resource race is really yourself putting a carrot on a dishing pole to keep delaying yourself from what you ultimately desire.

People have been having kids regardless of their status or money. It is a basic need. You're not seeing it because you've been probably sold a lie by globalists telling you that you need more and more before you can think about having kids. If you were living in the wild and on your own with your family, you'd probably have kids by the time you're old enough to drink.

Sexual energy is something that is maintained and needs to be tended to. Lucky those that can have a healthy sex life without having a healthy body. It is work. It is also something that I've noticed has momentum. Sex leads to good sex, which in turn leads to more good sex. It's like a bike. The faster you go, the more stable it is. That's how it works for me. Helps that I'm married and don't have to swipe desperately every friday night on some dumb app to get some action. But that's more to "you made you bed" thing. And I'm not talking about you, just in general. Speaking of, a healthy sex life without feelings is kinda hard, at least for me. meaningless sex mostly results in low satisfaction. If feelings are involved it does add more.

Look into foods that affect your sex life. There are plenty of poisonous foods out there. As a man, anything that contains estrogens and phytoestrogens is a big no-no. It kills your mood and keeps you depressed. Beer is bad, wine is good, that's not just a myth. I don't even know if you're a man. But still. Fat and processed food is terrible for anybody's sex drive.
 

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You're looking at it wrong. This isn't about being horny. Look at animals to get a better view over this. You don't see it like that because you feel like you have a long time to think about children. But take some random rodent which doesn't know what tomorrow brings (and it's kinda silly for humans to think it's all sorted out and that they have all the time in the world to have kids) and you understand why reproduction is high on the scale (or low).

If you don't feel like sex is important, then it could be loads of reasons, but I'd look first at what you eat. If your life is normal but your sex drive is shit then it's probably medical or nutritional related. Assuming you're not too old or too young for that.

What you don't put in perspective is time. You might be in a bad period where it ain't on your mind, but how about the long run? And advice, you can have kids without having your "optimal" level of wealth or comfort. With life getting more and more expensive, you end up with less and less time for kids. More money does equal more problems. You might earn 5000 per month and your expenses are 4500. But do you think that if you would make 10000 per month your expenses would be still at 4500? That is naive. The resource race is really yourself putting a carrot on a dishing pole to keep delaying yourself from what you ultimately desire.

People have been having kids regardless of their status or money. It is a basic need. You're not seeing it because you've been probably sold a lie by globalists telling you that you need more and more before you can think about having kids. If you were living in the wild and on your own with your family, you'd probably have kids by the time you're old enough to drink.

Sexual energy is something that is maintained and needs to be tended to. Lucky those that can have a healthy sex life without having a healthy body. It is work. It is also something that I've noticed has momentum. Sex leads to good sex, which in turn leads to more good sex. It's like a bike. The faster you go, the more stable it is. That's how it works for me. Helps that I'm married and don't have to swipe desperately every friday night on some dumb app to get some action. But that's more to "you made you bed" thing. And I'm not talking about you, just in general. Speaking of, a healthy sex life without feelings is kinda hard, at least for me. meaningless sex mostly results in low satisfaction. If feelings are involved it does add more.

Look into foods that affect your sex life. There are plenty of poisonous foods out there. As a man, anything that contains estrogens and phytoestrogens is a big no-no. It kills your mood and keeps you depressed. Beer is bad, wine is good, that's not just a myth. I don't even know if you're a man. But still. Fat and processed food is terrible for anybody's sex drive.
You realize that poverty is associated with poor nutrition, right?
 
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