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Discussion Starter #1
Hey everyone,

I want to ask today about a dysfunction that affects me and many other men and women across the world. That is, that strong feelings of guilt ruin the whole experience of sexual attraction and sex.

I don't have much of a sexual past. My previous girlfriend and I did some fooling around, but it nearly all went her way. The one time it didn't, I completely freaked out, mostly through waves of guilt and strong feelings that she would be hating the experience of jerking me off. An experience a month later involved me nearly crying for feeling so guilty about wanting to look at her breasts. I'm now completely switched off the idea of sex because of the guilt and awkwardness.

I have a very healthy sexuality in private, but it when it comes to other individuals I am crippled by inconsistent guilt; sometimes the thought of casual sex appeals to me, and I can get very flirty with people without worry. Later on, the guilt comes back. I just feel like everyone else out there, by my age (18 and a half) is out having all sorts of no-guilt fun with sex. Me on the other hand? If I picture myself in a real life situation, it really alarms me.

It's deeply embarassing and shameful for me; I am ashamed of my inability to be a 'normal' person with regards to sex, and I feel shame for my sexuality when I am with someone I love and want to make love to.

What are your experiences with sexual guilt? Were you able to overcome it to live the kind of uninhibited, enjoyable sex that everyone else apart from you seems to be having?

I look forward to your responses.

Little Note: In the politest way possible, if you're going to tell me to man up or be normal or whatever, please kindly click back and comment on someone else's thread. I don't need to hear it. Its not going to help in any way because it's not that simple. Thankyou!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Maybe you're not emotionally ready???


You're only 18, still a kid. No need to rush anything.
Absolutely agree. But my current feeling is that when I eventually do come to it I won't be able to shake that guilt, it'll be there waiting for me. Many of my friends have been sexually active for at least a year with no guilt, at least not for the sex itself but rather the context.
 

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You said, "I just feel like everyone else out there, by my age (18 and a half) is out having all sorts of no-guilt fun with sex. Me on the other hand? If I picture myself in a real life situation, it really alarms me."

Take heart, IAmOrangeToday. Not all of us are "having all sorts of no-guilt fun with sex." There are still people out there, our ages, even, who don't get into that stuff. Don't be too concerned. As the person above me said, you're still young, and there's "no need to rush anything."

:)
 

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Absolutely agree. But my current feeling is that when I eventually do come to it I won't be able to shake that guilt, it'll be there waiting for me. Many of my friends have been sexually active for at least a year with no guilt, at least not for the sex itself but rather the context.


Who cares what your friends are doing...this is your life, not theirs and you need to live it at the pace that you're comfortable with.


To be honest with you...sex only further complicates things. Work on yourself, and when you're ready you'll know.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Not everyone is built for casual sex. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
The worst guilt I've had was specifically down to the fact that it was with someone I loved. The thought of their disdain for my 'callous' behaviour was why I freaked out both times. This isn't simply about casual sex or rushing into it, it's something deeper in me I feel.
 

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I feel bad simply asserting what I would like to happen, especially if it's something new. It's scary... and it feels selfish to me. I guess I'm just used to... following the lead of someone else >.<
 

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The worst guilt I've had was specifically down to the fact that it was with someone I loved. The thought of their disdain for my 'callous' behaviour was why I freaked out both times. This isn't simply about casual sex or rushing into it, it's something deeper in me I feel.
Callous? I don't understand. What behavior would be callous that someone might feel distain?
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I feel bad simply asserting what I would like to happen, especially if it's something new. It's scary... and it feels selfish to me. I guess I'm just used to... following the lead of someone else >.<
You might be naturally submissive. But I can sympathise with that fear... it's like you're ashamed of what you want and too scared to mention it in case it's really weird or your partner reacts badly to it and hates you or something. And then you feel bad for having the thought in the first place.

But there is nothing wrong with having sexual wants, provided they don't involve harmful behaviour. I just wish I could still believe that when it comes down to it :(
 

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The worst guilt I've had was specifically down to the fact that it was with someone I loved. The thought of their disdain for my 'callous' behaviour was why I freaked out both times. This isn't simply about casual sex or rushing into it, it's something deeper in me I feel.
I'm interpreting your guilt as based in fear that you're forcing your SO into doing something. Don't be afraid to ask, flat out, if your SO is okay with this. And if she says yes, trust her.

Are you feeling uncertain about your ability to read body language? is that part of the problem?
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I'm interpreting your guilt as based in fear that you're forcing your SO into doing something. Don't be afraid to ask, flat out, if your SO is okay with this. And if she says yes, trust her.

Are you feeling uncertain about your ability to read body language? is that part of the problem?
Maybe a little, but there's no danger I was forcing my ex into anything by wanting to admire her boobs for instance. I think it was because I felt that stuff is somehow crude and that she'd look down on me for that... i.e. for being an entirely normal male.

I did use to ask, all the time. Which is why I've never experience any issues with doing stuff for my partner. It's when things come back the other way that I totally freak out.
 

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I did use to ask, all the time. Which is why I've never experience any issues with doing stuff for my partner. It's when things come back the other way that I totally freak out.
Do you think that it was because things were progressing too quickly, and maybe taking smaller steps would help ease you into the naughtier stuff?
 
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