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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Do any of you ever feel guilt, shame, or disappointment towards yourself after sexual experiences? If so, do you know why? Feel free to share your experiences.

Also, it would be really helpful to get advice on how any of you have dealt with this before. How do you handle it? Does it work well for you?
 

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My parents are ridiculously religious Christians types and sometimes their sexual morality tries to manifest itself in me. It's an internal struggle for me.
 

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I feel guilt and shame even just thinking about it. I'm not really sure why.
- does it make you feel "dirty"?
- do you feel shame for the feelings you experience?
- do you feel sexually undesirable?
- have you excepted all the aspects of your sexuality?
 

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I used to very deeply until I became an atheist.
(I was raised Christian from an early age, I went to a Lutheran school, all the sex ed classes I've attended were abstinent-only and very moralistic, my mom has a masters degree in Christian Ministry, yadda yadda).
 

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My mother is a very paranoid person. When I was younger she'd always ask me after dates uncomfortable questions and then start saying, "I swear, if you get pregnant... ARGH! *Storms out of room*"

I think I've never really thought my mom was sane or respected her as a parental figure. As a person, yeah. Not as a parental figure though.

So, I've never regretted sexual experiences. I felt that if I regretted them I'd be letting my mom win me over psychologically. And I knew my mom was not particularly the smartest/most logical person to listen to. She still isn't but I love her very much.

I've always 'slept' with guys I knew I truly had a connection with and that respected me.

I once had mechanical sex. I didn't regret it because it was with someone I use to love. I trusted him. It didn't feel comfortable and the way I got over it was I thought, "It wont happen again. There's no way of turning back time. I might as well do things that counteract these bad feelings and restore peace of mind."

I'm good at switching off feelings though. And as for what I did for peace of mind, I read, learned new skills, and it gave me confidence. It made me feel that I grew from a 'bad' experience instead of becoming less of a person from my ill-made decisions.
 

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- does it make you feel "dirty"?
Yes, more often than not... it just doesn't feel right.

- do you feel shame for the feelings you experience?
Sometimes.

- do you feel sexually undesirable?
No. I often feel that I'm desired for the wrongs reasons though.

- have you accepted all the aspects of your sexuality?
Yes, I have. I've embraced them despite opposition since I was little.
 

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I think it's unfortunate that this phenomenon even exists. It's regrettable, and so much more tragic, because it's so easily preventable. This is the result of being brainwashed with idiotic, backward, dangerous systems that seek to repress and control human beings via their sexuality. It's sad that such a beautiful, wholesome, and natural part of human life is subjected to the worst, grossest persecution and corruption for the sake of someone's warped view of "moral purity".

This is why society desperately needs a new sexual paradigm. We're getting close, but it's time we loosened sexuality from its shackles and gave it the respect and exaltation it deserves.
 

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I think it's unfortunate that this phenomenon even exists. It's regrettable, and so much more tragic, because it's so easily preventable. This is the result of being brainwashed with idiotic, backward, dangerous systems that seek to repress and control human beings via their sexuality. It's sad that such a beautiful, wholesome, and natural part of human life is subjected to the worst, grossest persecution and corruption for the sake of someone's warped view of "moral purity".

This is why society desperately needs a new sexual paradigm. We're getting close, but it's time we loosened sexuality from its shackles and gave it the respect and exaltation it deserves.
Uhhh, it's also the result of different forms of abuse. To blame it solely on what you've stated here is nothing short of closed-minded. That's not to imply that you believe what you stated is the only reason, I'm just adding this other important point in here for its relation to the context.
 

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Happens to me a lot. Can't really discuss it with my boyfriend. I'm all for talking about things, but when I'm not in the mood and he mentions something sexual about us two I start feeling really uneasy. When I'm alone with my thoughts and think back on what I've done, I feel horrible. During sex and while doing sexual things, I don't really think about it and just let myself go... but afterwards when I'm back in my "normal" state, I just start feeling so guilty...
 

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Uhhh, it's also the result of different forms of abuse. To blame it solely on what you've stated here is nothing short of closed-minded. That's not to imply that you believe what you stated is the only reason, I'm just adding this other important point in here for its relation to the context.
You think I'm blaming religion. I am not; I'm simply blaming those who would use religion to control what people do with their bodies, for the sake of satisfying their own sense of inadequacy. Sexual abuse is certainly a factor; however, in 99% of cases I have encountered where this problem has arisen, the main concern was being filled with ideas that somehow, their sexuality was wrong, filthy, something to be hidden and ashamed of. How on earth would that help someone become happy, whole, and psychologically healthy? What it does is lead to the perversion of the natural impulse, and widespread sexual repression leads to nothing more than widespread sexual issues in society.

Sexual abuse is the result of someone with a sick, deranged mind exercising their power on someone without the ability to defend themselves. It is cowardly, pathetic, and the result of someone who has had the make-up of their mind polluted by their own psychological problems. Why on earth would I want to overlook such a thing?
 

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i felt ashamed sexually for several years after i was raped. but i'm pretty over the shame and guilt.

i do occasionally feel revulsion or apathy if my emotional needs aren't met though.
 

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You think I'm blaming religion. I am not; I'm simply blaming those who would use religion to control what people do with their bodies, for the sake of satisfying their own sense of inadequacy. Sexual abuse is certainly a factor; however, in 99% of cases I have encountered where this problem has arisen, the main concern was being filled with ideas that somehow, their sexuality was wrong, filthy, something to be hidden and ashamed of. How on earth would that help someone become happy, whole, and psychologically healthy? What it does is lead to the perversion of the natural impulse, and widespread sexual repression leads to nothing more than widespread sexual issues in society.
I don't disagree with this at all.

Sexual abuse is the result of someone with a sick, deranged mind exercising their power on someone without the ability to defend themselves. It is cowardly, pathetic, and the result of someone who has had the make-up of their mind polluted by their own psychological problems. Why on earth would I want to overlook such a thing?
I wasn't just talking about sexual abuse though. Verbal abuse is more than enough to fuck with someone to the point that they make shitty decisions when it comes to their sex lives which in turn could be the reason one might feel guilty before, during, or even after sex. It's kind of a snowball effect.
 

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I wasn't just talking about sexual abuse though. Verbal abuse is more than enough to fuck with someone to the point that they make shitty decisions when it comes to their sex lives which is another reason one might feel guilty. It's kind of a snowball effect.
Good point. What I described here is a form of verbal abuse; it's the result of a society that holds on to the perverse, outdated belief that sex is a vile, wicked thing, practiced only by whores and the filthiest sinners, all of whom deserve to burn in a lake of fire. Even if people aren't holding on to the specific belief, they are still affected by this dangerous, disgusting attitude that causes so many problems for all those who have the presence of mind to see through this nonsense.

In today's world, a girl who wants to explore her sexuality can't do so without fear of being ostracised and ridiculed, getting degraded and called filthy names. On the other hand, a man who does the same thing is encouraged without a further thought; pure hypocrisy! A woman who gets raped is told to "stop acting like a slut" or "dressing like that means you're asking for it"; nonsense! Complete and utter nonsense, based on nothing more than a the psychotic need of old, celibate men to manipulate and control people through their genitals. Rape culture is a direct product of this deluded mentality; can't people see just how this sick perversion is poisoning their minds?

Enough. This must stop. Sexuality needs to be given a rightful place in society. There is no other way.
 

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The only guilt I feel about sex is whether or not the person I was having a relationship with recently thinks I was just using him for sex. I don't know how to make it more clear that I wasn't.

I think I just feel guilt that I might have broke someone's heart. Sexual guilt? Non-existent in my book, unless there were terrible physical consequences, like babies or STDs.
 
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