[ScientistGirl26]

How do you feel about sharing your most intimate experiences,thoughts and feelings with your partner?

I like to keep things pretty much mysterious, especially in the beginning of a relationship. I hate when someone tries to make me open up more than I want to and tries to find out about me more than I'm willing to share. I'd even leave them if they are too persistant about it. Not because I'm hiding anything, but because I feel more in control when my SO doesn't know everything about me.

Even if the relationship has gone on for years, I'll always keep some stuff to myself.
I value my freedom to the point that sharing most intimate stuff with someone feels almost like I'm giving them a leash to try and use it on me. Knowledge is power and I don't like giving away that much power to someone else.

 

[GoodOldDreamer]

I've never had a problem opening up to an SO. SOs are the only people I ever open up to. There's a certain level of trust that they have that no other does. In fact, one of my favorite things to do with an SO is to answer the "20 Questions" game. Whatever they're interested in, I'm willing to share. It's also a way to show my trust to them as well, to help them to feel comfortable being close and trusting me. )

That doesn't mean at some point the relationship won't go sour or whatever. But there's always that risk, even after something like marriage. Just gotta be willing to go with the flow.

 

[onebelo]

if i couldnt share my intimate experiences,thoughts & feelings with someone then i wouldn't be in a relationship with them.

 

[MonogamyIsNice]

Control is an illusion that enables one to setup false expectations for safety, in-turn necessarily amplifying and exacerbating the disappointed human emotional responses to naturally occurring incongruences with reality and ones preferences. And, to relate requires something, rather than nothing. I'm thinking to myself, "just what is her idea of a relationship? I want to pry her right the hell open!" You start mixing in concerns for power, you're crowding (and thus perverting) the pure (singular) agenda of love. Not that most people seem to have any idea what that really is, instead mistaking love for some kind of commodity.

What is this desire of yours to relate, coexisting with a desire to avoid it? Is that.. oh.. yes, I think it is. It's a self, over yonder, interfering with the process of harmonization, which belongs as much to it as it does to any! Oh, that Western self.

But really, love is surrender, sharing is caring, and risks are sometimes for taking. I think love is pretty fuh-king amazing, and that it sits quite high on the list of all conceivable things worth taking a risk for. Personally, the stakes are an afterthought. And I've had much more than my fair share of getting burned, or set on fire and left for dead. I'm alive, I know what I want, and I'm strong.

 

[Lorena Coliban]

I also don't see that as a problem for me - i would open up much easier to a romantic partner than to other people. After all, that's why they are a partner, so i could let them know about me, on a deeper level. A SO should be the closest person with who one can share their intimate experiences, thoughts and feelings (and they should do the same).
I'm usually a private person myself, but i like to open up to a special someone, when i know they are interested to listen and to get to know me, as long as i can trust & be close to that someone.

Plus, how could that SO understand you/your feelings & thoughts if you don't share such stuff with them. It's true that we all have secrets and very intimate things we can surely keep to ourselves, even from a partner, but the important stuff should be shared, even if it's intimate.

 

[Paradox1987]

Depends on the time frame of the relationship. After the honeymoon period is well and truly expired, being able to open up is pretty much my litmus test. The two relationships in which my SOs struggled to open up to me, approach me or even express their feelings openly to me both ended with their infidelity. So when an SO feels the urge to be closed off, it's a big red flag for me now. I know that lots of people struggle to open up immediately, I do myself. However, if you think I'm not worth opening up to, I don't see the long-term potential, and I'll downgrade the relationship to a FWB scenario, or move on.

 

[basementbugs]

I open up relatively quickly -- possibly too quickly -- when I feel a strong connection to someone. It has to be a very strong connection, though; otherwise I remain very much the opposite, quite closed-off. There actually isn't a whole lot of middle ground for me. If I'm close to a person and very comfortable with them, I can ramble on and on and on about everything floating around in my brain for ages. I've had a few experiences with misjudging someone and being far too open and then feeling very foolish, so I've become a little more hesitant -- which is not a bad thing, the way I see it. If I don't have any strong feelings for a person, getting very much of anything out of me can be quite difficult.

There's one particular issue I have when it comes to sharing how I feel about someone with that person themselves. I'm awful at putting into specific words how I feel, without feeling silly or like I'm being fake. It's so at odds with what's going on inside my head, though; I'm a highly emotional person who feels very deeply and strongly, sometimes overwhelmingly and almost painfully so, about those who are important to me. I've become pretty good at saying "I love you" to a few specific people, but I often have to say it sort of in a casual way... otherwise I feel too exposed. I feel silly. In my head, I have very intense and powerful feelings that sometimes drive me to tears; they're not "casual" or "silly" at all. The main way I show strong affection for those I love seems to be through things like really tight hugs or doing small, meaningful things... like offering to make them a cup of tea or giving them a handmade card on a special occasion. Although those actions themselves are relatively small, the fact that I'll choose to do them -- and happily so -- is actually a pretty big deal for me. Anyone who knows me well will know that I'm not really someone who bothers to go out of my way to do things for others very often, yet when I care deeply, it comes so naturally. I can get super excited about doing small things like that for someone and I find it very fulfilling. Another thing: in romantic relationships specifically (which I gather is mostly what we're talking about here), I tend to try to communicate to a person how I feel about them by sharing music. The music I listen to is probably the single biggest thing that makes me me; it's the main medium through which I filter my feelings about myself, the world around me and life in general, thus it's highly personal and I'm often very guarded when it comes to sharing it because it makes me feel so vulnerable. Anyone who's gotten to the point where I've opened up completely about music can be assured that they're pretty special to me, then.

And I feel kinda like I'm rambling here, so I'll shut up now. Haha.

 

[changos]

I don't have problems opening up and sharing intimate stuff, it is a very good way to explain what you wan't, like, and what you don't want in your life (and also what kind of experience you have... just saying "I don't want" but with no experience is somehow different), in this say you also explain the reasons, it is very deep.



What keeps me from doing so most of times it's the lack of understanding. Per example, I had a long term serious relationship with a widow... hey, very few get that so it makes no sense to tell and share a story if people just won't get it. You have to be really careful because some people WILL tell you in fact "I get it" while they don't.

 

[knittigan]

As a sexual/self pres. variant, I literally get off on sharing intimate things with my partner when I'm in a relationship. I need it or I don't feel satisfied with that person. If I don't have that intense, intimate connection, it's very difficult for me to have romantic feelings for that person at all and there's literally nothing to help me distinguish that person from a casual friend or acquaintance. My partner is my best friend and he knows things about me that I've not even told my best friends. And it needs to be a two-way street. I need for my partner to reciprocate as much as I do or I interpret it as rejection and I withdraw.

I can relate quite a bit to your comment about not wanting to be forced to open up before you're ready... it needs to be organic and it needs to be something that you do of your own volition. In my own experience, though, if I don't want to have that level of openness/intimacy with my partner, there's something wrong and it's usually me. That tends to be the point at which I cut my losses and walk away.

I'm thinking to myself, "just what is her idea of a relationship? I want to pry her right the hell open!" You start mixing in concerns for power, you're crowding (and thus perverting) the pure (singular) agenda of love. Not that most people seem to have any idea what that really is, instead mistaking love for some kind of commodity.

What an articulate description of my last relationship.

 

[kudi]

Allowing sharing to happen organically is ok and the pacing yourselves is good sometimes. Gives you time to think and enjoy your partner. Only concern I have is if my partner were afraid to share things with me because they are afraid I'd use it against them. It'd mean they don't trust me or fear intimacy, which both poison romantic relationships. Sharing should be mutual not a power struggle and from my experience the more you close up, the more others close up too. Being intimate should bond you and even make you feel liberated, if neither of these occur then something is wrong.

 

[Zster]

I've never had a problem opening up to an SO. SOs are the only people I ever open up to. There's a certain level of trust that they have that no other does.

This. I really miss that sort of closeness. The type of intimacy with a mate is different than that with family and friends, and very precious.

 

[strawberryLola]

I'm pretty open book and prefer someone who's open too. I dislike having to dig for mysteries like I'm jumping through hoops to figure someone out. I really lose my patience for games. I need communication, honesty, and a genuineness about our interaction. At the same time, I don't want someone who wants me to fix them or forgets there are boundaries and needs emotional tamponing 24/7. I want a best friend and intimate partner who I respect and admire both from a distance and up close and personal.

I value emotional connection with someone I'm sharing my life with- and finding that balance between separateness and togetherness helps to not lose my sense of self. I don't unload all my stories on someone, and sometimes the past is the past and it's really just a part of my experience that doesn't define me. The person I'm with now is someone who I am on a similar journey with to share and love. I see them for whom they are, and they see me for who I am. We have nothing to hide. I like that freedom to be myself and for the person to be themselves. It's like a breath of fresh air to accept and to be accepted non judgmentally without restrictions.

 

[angularvelocity]

I do not enjoy sharing information about myself as well. People often have the illusion of knowing me when they know nothing. I do share in a relationship though. It's my way of opening up and telling them I love them.

 

[Einstein]

Well I'm not going to share it with anyone else. I want to be able to open up and share all my thoughts with mt SO.

 

[lifeisanillusion]

I don't mind opening up with my partner and I don't think I force them to open up. Opening up feels really intense and I've found this has happened early in my few relationships. Now, I think I am scared to do this. Whenever I've done it before, and she has opened up as well, I end up being seen as a friend.

 

[Persephone]

Some things I'll never share, unless maybe we were already married and set to be together for life. If we break up, I don't trust them with this information, because they'd be strangers to me. Things you don't tell a stranger, you don't tell someone who might be a stranger, or worse, an enemy.

 

[bengalcat]

If they're at the stage where they're my partner I have no problems at all sharing these things. However I share pretty easily with anyone who I think is honest, interested and not likely to try to use it against me at some point, they don't have to be my partner. I'm quite into delving and sharing though so I want to be with someone to be able to be very honest and open with. Intimacy doesn't scare me, and I'm sort of miffed by the idea of mystery and control (no dig at you intended OP, this is just the way my mind and feelings takes me, I have no particular take on what is objectively best.) I think I believe that there is always some mystery there anyway... This may sound arrogant but I don't believe I can be truly "cracked". People can and will build their own good working model of who they think you are and why, but I don't really believe they'll map me to a point where I won't have anything in myself left for myself or unexplored for all my days. This also relates to how I feel with other people... There are some people who think I know them really well (more than anyone else in their life knows them, or sometimes more than they know themselves) and yet I often feel quite differently. It takes me at least a few years to start feeling like I do kind of know someone, and I never feel I understand someone as much as they might claim I do.

I do hate it though when someone is trying to pry or open me up when I don't feel comfortable with them and haven't been able to gauge yet whether they are trustworthy. Particularly if the chances they have very self-interested motives are high (- guys who desperately want a girlfriend or sex; - people who are known to enjoy a good gossip; - competitive, ambitious people).

I dunno. I generally like sharing whenever there's a nice person and setting for it because most people aren't really interested in really getting to know a person. I like it when people care.

 

[Master Mind]

Some things I'll never share, unless maybe we were already married and set to be together for life. If we break up, I don't trust them with this information, because they'd be strangers to me. Things you don't tell a stranger, you don't tell someone who might be a stranger, or worse, an enemy.

That's actually one thing with me: If a relationship doesn't work out and it was a unamicable breakup, I don't like the fact that there's someone out there with personal information about me. And considering the fact that some people are spiteful and unable to handle breakups like a mature adult, it would be unwise to arm them with anything they could then use against you out of a desire to get back at you. I've thought it would be great if after a failed relationship your ex loses all memories of any personal information that was shared while in the relationship so that they don't know anything about you they didn't already know before the relationship.

 

[GoodOldDreamer]

I feel I should point out that not only is marriage not a guarantee to being together for life, especially these days, it also tends to be more brutal all around in one way or another should it end. Divorce can mess people up way more than a usual break-up from a non-marriage. So if you're paranoid about your loved one using something against you should things go sour, well... keep on being paranoid, because things can go sour regardless of rings/bands on hands.

 

[Eerie]

I share these sorts of things with everyone, I don't really have a filter on my inner most thoughts or feelings. Sometimes I wish that I did, it can make situations incredibly awkward. For the most part though, I enjoy being such an open person.