[Pizal]

I love to talk about everything. I'll debate or discuss anything and once I learn a little bit about something I feel pretty strongly about my opinions because I "know" they are true. How do you, my fellow enpfs, talk about this stuff without being preachy or getting in to arguments. I know not all ENFPs are preachy, but we tend to have the idea that we get how the world works. Oh well, I'm just curious if any of you struggle with this and what you do about it.

 

[chickydoda]

I'm not usually preachy even if I think I'm right. I avoid stepping on toes/offending people, although it still happens a lot, and often water down my beliefs, so I don't offend anyone. I wish others would be this courteous to me.

 

[Ace Face]

We can come off as preachy at times because we usually do have very strongly held beliefs. Here's my personal motto when it comes to things like this: "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." Delivery is everything!

It's always best to word things in such a way that you're not personally attacking or insulting the person your addressing. Those are very childish ways to get a point across indeed. It's always best to keep a respectful tone. The easiest way is to keep it from escalating to the boiling point is to truly respect the other person for his/her beliefs and the points he/she brings up. Don't be afraid or too prideful to give them props either! If they make a good point, say so! It will help keep things civil even if they start the conversation off in a disrespectful tone. Kind of like, "Good point, but..." or "I see where you're coming from, but I still believe _______ to be more valuable because..." etc. Acknowledge their points and truly take them into consideration. A debate is about figuring out and discussing what's right/wrong on a given topic. It's not about the defending your own pride or someone else defending his own pride in having the "right" conclusion, though many treat it that way. More often than not, people's opinions on right and wrong are strictly subjective anyway. What it really boils down to in the end is having respect for people even if you disagree with them and they are complete boneheads on that particular subject Respect, respect, respect. It's easier said than done, and I've certainly done my fair share of being an ass during a debate, but I'm learning

Wow, I got long-winded xD In summary, just read the first paragraph again

 

[Pizal]

@Ace Face That's funny because if someone asked the same question I just asked I probably would have wrote the exact same answer that you did. IMO they usually make the first snide remark although sometimes that is just percieved by me and not actually what they were doing. That's not an excuse, but yeah I try to notice when I agree with people as much as I notice that I disagree with them and point out that I get where they are coming from.

 

[Ace Face]

@Ace Face That's funny because if someone asked the same question I just asked I probably would have wrote the exact same answer that you did. IMO they usually make the first snide remark although sometimes that is just percieved by me and not actually what they were doing. That's not an excuse, but yeah I try to notice when I agree with people as much as I notice that I disagree with them and point out that I get where they are coming from.

Yeah, my initial instinct is to want to respond back to rude people with a "fuck you" or a more detailed insult That's silly though. It's about really thinking it through and realizing that your opinion is subjective just like everyone else's. It has the same potential to be wrong just as theirs does. It's also healthy to realize that it's okay to be wrong. Sometimes, we don't learn what's right until we've done something wrong. Sometimes, someone else bringing up a point that you can't top is just what you need. It gets you to think and question why you believe what you believe. That's a very healthy thing that more people need to do in my honest opinion

 

[Paradox1987]

The greatest caveat in the history of caveats is what I use to avoid preaching.

"in my opinion" or "personally, I believe". After that anyone who says anything about your preachiness can go to hell, you've stated an opinion which you've acknowledged to be subjective right from the start .

 

[beingbella]

I think I just found out I'm not the only one who has that problem. Well I tend to overreact trying to defend my point of view. Not in an aggressive way but, just like you said I tend to believe I get how the world goes...

 

[Pizal]

@Paradox1987, that's pretty good. That should work in most situations because it is something I'm too lazy to do sometimes. I know it helps though.

 

[Moby]

I don't have an issue with being preachy. I DO have very strong, closely-held beliefs; however, they don't require anybody's acceptance, or even acknowledgement. I don't feel threatened by other's having different beliefs, unless they start putting what I feel is undue pressure on me to change mine. Like Paradox, I qualify my remarks with an "In my opinion" or similar pretext.

Heck, the only way you'll probably get to finding out those deep beliefs or worldviews of mine is by asking anyways.

 

[liza_200]

I don't preach, I explain. Now,my explanation might sound like 'preaching' but I don't care as long as I make my explanation clear. :tongue:

 

[Matt Cork]

Give in to the hate and join the INTJ's.

We can promise you a seat in the New World Order.

 

[illicit iridescence]

"in my opinion" or "personally, I believe".

That, and:
"I think..."
"Perhaps/Maybe..."
"In my experience..."

Also, avoid:
"You should..."
"You must..."

Etc.

 

[TheLizzyB40]

I have learned that, in general, I keep my opinions to myself now. Or at least I try to. I've been burned one too many times going out on a limb with something I was sure I knew only to find out I was wrong later on. I have finally learned that I don't know near as much as I think I do. Hmm. There are some benefits to being an old ENFP after all!!!:wink:

That and I have a very opinionated mother. I have been verbally beat to sh*t for holding a different opinion one too many times. I refuse to do that to other people - unless I feel like they are trying too hard to push their opinion on me. Then I will push back - with evidence based facts.

Give in to the hate and join the INTJ's.

We can promise you a seat in the New World Order.

I didn't want to just thank. LOL is more appropriate!

 

[Laguna]

I guess I try to infuse words like, "For ME, it's like this or that ... " or "In my beliefs ..... " to show that this is my personal opinion and I realize it might not be theirs. I know a preachy ENFP and I sometimes cringe when he goes on a rant. ugggh. I think I was more like that when I was younger but I try to be diplomatic. But I can get fairly passionate about something and overtake a conversation if the other party hits a nerve with me. It usually ends soon after not because I"m "right" necessarily- but because I'm more passionate than the other person and they can't compete that way!

 

[killemdeader]

I have a very "do what you want, man" attitude, cause honestly, I have no idea where their opinions come from, who am I to get on their case. My opinions are strictly mine, I have no desire to push them on other people. If someone asks, I can explain where I'm coming from, and if someone justifies their opinion with something that is blatantly wrong (for instance, an untrue statistic used as fact), then I'll definitely start arguing with them, but on an opinion level, I tread pretty lightly.

 

[Success]

I preach sooooooooooooooooooo often.
It's like whenever I meet somebody new I preach to them :/