I've been into a ESFJ for some time (he says he also tests as ESTJ), but, not even sure we are dating now, though we did briefly at one point. I haven't seen him in awhile due to both of us traveling, but he hasn't been in touch, which has been hard. I had stayed over with him for a second time and began feeling a little insecure because I didn't know where I stood with him. We didn't have intercourse, but just about everything but.

The issue I'm having is that getting sexual with him quickly (not really intended) triggered some insecurities for me and I don't know if it is worth sharing any of that with him. If he already is unsure, it isn't like I want to feel like I'm bringing up too much heavy stuff. I wanted to just be friends and appreciate him, be there for him and get to know him because I admire him and wanted to develop connections on other levels. I've been hurt in the past, especially men not treating me right or seeming to just want to hook up and not give me more...so I was nervous of that happening, and was concerned about getting defensive or uptight around him based on old fears. My personality changes quickly if I'm not sure where I fit or how much someone likes me, especially after putting so much of my self out there.

I was also sexually assaulted a couple years ago, which he doesn't know about it. I feel usually at peace with him, and actually the first night I stayed over with him I was so happy -- like none of the other stuff mattered...but I don't take sharing myself with him lightly because of this and really sensitive towards feeling like a sexual object. I know it wasn't just a hook up, but the silence hasn't helped that. I don't know if this is worth sharing and how he would react. His J is really strong, and I see him get upset or bothered by choices other people make or behaviors that he doesn't understand or that he finds annoying. I really wanted a friend, and he shared with me his most prize possession, which I thought meaningful., and the last I saw him was his birthday party, and got to meet his cousin, etc. And I have always wanted to understand him and explore the connection, but he hasn't been in touch...and wondered if my insecurity showed over staying over with him. I said awkwardly that I hoped we could do something with our clothes on next time we saw each other, more in reference to needing more of a connection with him and not going too fast physically. Sexually we are very compatible and I love being with him, and didn't know if perhaps he was sensitive and took it the wrong way. He is very systematic and gets busy, and always hard for me to read, because just when I think I don't matter or he doesn't care, he says something appreciative or flirts/kisses me.

Thanks for any thoughts!