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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
There was this girl who was just horrible to me when I went to school with her. She was truly the second most evil and mean person I had ever met.

She died this morning in a car accident.

I feel sad. Weirdly enough.

I know some friends who, if in my position, would have been like "Hahaha, that's what you get!"

and yet I'm sad.
 

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I know EXACTLY what you mean - it's called schadenfreude, satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune, and no INFJ would ever feel it, because we're too empathetic.

I'm sorry she was cruel to you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Everything that doesn't kill me (no pun intended) only makes me stronger. And I do believe all the people that have been mean to me have helped make me a stronger person.

This is when my extreme empathy seems to really nip me in the butt. I have a friend who loved her. I can almost feel his grief. No, I can feel it.
 
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God gave you the last laugh and youve wasted it.
:(

Just kidding, I admire this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
*sigh* It will pass. When the guy looses some of his grief, it will be easier with me to deal with it.

Thanks for the site! I'm taking the quiz right now.
 

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There was this girl who was just horrible to me when I went to school with her. She was truly the second most evil and mean person I had ever met.

She died this morning in a car accident.

I feel sad. Weirdly enough.

I know some friends who, if in my position, would have been like "Hahaha, that's what you get!"

and yet I'm sad.
Well I'm impressed that you're sad. If one of the meanest people I ever met died, I can't say I would be supremely upset.

I may be a really nice person, but I'm not a religious figure.
 

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There was this girl who was just horrible to me when I went to school with her. She was truly the second most evil and mean person I had ever met.

She died this morning in a car accident.

I feel sad. Weirdly enough.

I know some friends who, if in my position, would have been like "Hahaha, that's what you get!"

and yet I'm sad.
I'd be sad as well. I'd for one thing pity them that they were mean to me and probably others and wonder why they were... another thing is that I'd still think about the people who loved them and they loved. And I'd wonder how they were when they were nice and what might have made them lovable. Maybe I would not actively brood over it. But that's what I'd feel and partly think in a way...

So I can really see how you can be sad about this.
 
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I had an experience similar to this. A girl from high school (keep in mind that at the time I had been out of school for nearly 10 years) passed away. My memories of her were not pleasant ones. The way she treated people, the way she was popular and seemed to care less about anyone not worthy of her attention...it was sickening. Much like you I also felt bad after hearing about her death. I realized even though my experience with her was not great there were other people out there that cared for her. A husband, parents, siblings, a child - they would all be heartbroken. Her passing was unfortunate because for all those people, she had meant the world. How could I not feel sad for her and for them?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thank you everyone for your insight. I feel very sad for the one that loved her.

What makes me mad and sad is in that town, about 90% of the people are mean. VERY mean. Hence, they all like each other because they are all mean. I'm glad I moved away.
 
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OK to be Sad and have some mixed emotion.

There was this girl who was just horrible to me when I went to school with her. She was truly the second most evil and mean person I had ever met.

She died this morning in a car accident.

I feel sad. Weirdly enough.

I know some friends who, if in my position, would have been like "Hahaha, that's what you get!"

and yet I'm sad.
Thank you everyone for your insight. I feel very sad for the one that loved her.

What makes me mad and sad is in that town, about 90% of the people are mean. VERY mean. Hence, they all like each other because they are all mean. I'm glad I moved away.
wondersueak,

Be yourself...Be human...BE INFJ!!!

you have great perspective for a younger person. i just had to add the third 'Be', your message this morning is uplifting to me. I'm not implying that other Types cannot do what you are doing, but I just felt like adding that, in my small moment of enthusiasm!

although quite discouraged in my life presently, a peer told me that a heart without malice is a great heart, and that i am this way. i don't mean malice in legal terminology, but in terms of simply not wanting to act in ways that harm others. a lesson in compassion this morning! some people would air out their dislike for people, even after they have passed, not good. thank you for reminding me to reflect this morning.

and don't second guess or worry your instinct to feel sorrow. in a larger scale of understanding, whether or not you are coming from this perspective with awareness or not. by feeling what you are feeling, you are comprehending that although this person was mean to you, that your experience with them is only a fraction of their entire life, and yes, they likely had loving relationships with many, even though she didn't mesh with you.

meanness is a complex behavior. i will not speak further of this person, as they have passed, but generally, her meanness could have been a reaction to your kindness, or possibly, a desire to connect. often persons who are mean to others are unhappy from within, and don't express themselves well. she could have been reaching out to you in her own way. it was likely nothing personal, you just captured her interest for a while, because of your caring nature. don't worry. your instincts are good, and it is ok to feel sad, and for sure, be there for others, as best as you can, as they grieve.

it seems like this person has passed at a young age? it is a sad event for those that knew her, likely, in which ever way they knew her -- regardless if the encounter was positive or negative. I'm glad you got to move away, it seems the town you were in, was filled with unhappiness, likely. your chance for a new beginning. your attitude didn't suit where you were, hopefully you are blossoming where you are now, wherever that is.

I know EXACTLY what you mean - it's called schadenfreude, satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune, and no INFJ would ever feel it, because we're too empathetic.

I'm sorry she was cruel to you.
Introverted Innovator,

Thank you. I have been looking for that word for a while now. I experience that a bit, where people derive pleasure from my circumstances. I think the word is German? I too, don't indulge in that feeling. I don't feel 'right' with it. But I can see the glaze over another's eyes when they get into that pleasure zone. It is sick but something of study for me, when it happens, because I don't 'go there'. I just knew it was something...'freude' :)
 
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I delight in being of service, Female INFJ. You are most welcome.
 

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This reminds me of when one of my high school bullies was killed while drunk at the wheel. Over the PA system they announced his death the following day and stated that we were to stand for a moment of silence.

Yeah, fuck that. My 'moment of silence' was spent snagging an extra bag of chips from the vending machine. I skipped class that afternoon and ended up at an awesome party later that evening. It was a good day.

There are plenty of other people in this world who will waste their sympathies on people like him, so I don't really feel like I have to.
 

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There was this girl who was just horrible to me when I went to school with her. She was truly the second most evil and mean person I had ever met.

She died this morning in a car accident.

I feel sad. Weirdly enough.

I know some friends who, if in my position, would have been like "Hahaha, that's what you get!"

and yet I'm sad.
Good on you! I would be wondering about the nature of your letters if you could have laughed off/took pleasure in a death.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Thank you!

Yes, she died very young. 14. No one should die young. Even the worse of people. I admit, I have done mean things to people when I have been in bad spots, but I wouldn't like dieing young very well. She has family and friends that loved her, and to them, she was as I am to my family and friends. A treasure, that doesn't deserve to be taken.
 

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It's a response we've evolved so we'll look out for each other. That way our chances of survival go up.

Although personally, I'm going to have to side with Zomboy, when mean people die it sucks for them because now they'll be remembered as assholes. Oh well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Very true. She will always be remembered in a horrible way by me. But any young death is sad.
 
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