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I'm agitated. So much so that instead of doing my Dharma routine I am on here.

Pickles isn't well, and I know she could die today or soon. The baby rats I'll be getting in a couple weeks--I have to choose one of the two females left, don't have their eyes open yet so I have to wait for that distraction.

We've got cat fleas from the person who lived here before me; I have welts on my feet and legs. The cat spent most, perhaps all its time in the Yoga Room where I meditated; out here in the living room feels too exposed and new, so I am procrastinating getting down to business.

Not just that; it's the time. I am waking up earlier, and I try to meditate either just before or right after I take my afternoon medication.

So, I am actually OK.

It's the agitation; worried about Pickles; trying to distract myself from the natural process:

All rats have short lives--and her own has been an incredibly happy one; she is still happy in between bouts of sleeping for hours at a time... and pain-free when she is unconscious.

I did look at her dying mindfully for a while, then I couldn't keep it up.

I love that girl.

It's gonna hurt like hell when she goes--babies or no babies, but having babies to care for, another life cycle beginning, will help.

I don't blame myself for wanting Pickles to last until the first baby gets here, and longer...
 
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