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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've run across differing opinions on wishlists, and I feel like it's related to personality, but I'm not entirely sure how. There seems to generally be two types.

A) Some people seem to find getting wishlists from others to be a bit demanding. They also tend to feel that trying to shop from a list sort of... cramps their style you might say. They want to figure out what someone would like for themselves and personally select the gift. This way it feels like it's really from their heart, and communicates something. Shopping from a list feels rather empty; the person may as well just buy those things for himself. Likewise they don't like giving out wishlists because it feels rather selfish and they want to know that someone else really put thought into the gift. It really does seem like the act of giving, the relationship of giving, the communication of giving is the focus here. "It's the thought that counts."

B) Some people pester others to give them wishlists before they go out shopping. They tend to second guess their ideas of what to get someone, wanting absolute certainty that this gift is going to be used and appreciated, rather than guessing as to whether it will be liked or whether the person doesn't already have it. Buying without a list runs the risk of it being a waste. Having a list also enables more efficient shopping as they have a specific item they can go in, get it, and get out, rather than browsing for inspiration. Likewise they would usually rather have someone just ask what they want rather than having loads of crap shoved at them instead of what they actually want. They'd rather people just save their money than spend it on something they never really wanted in the first place. The thought is nice and all... but, it's pointless if the gift isn't going to actually be used. People can communicate they care about you minus the gift that's going moulder in the back of the closet till you have a garage-sale.

Do you fall into either of these categories? What traits (or functions) do you think might be responsible for your opinion on this matter?

It's my vague guess that possibly Fe would be more prone to A. For myself I feel like my Fi 'idealism' leads me to B because I want to give someone the gift that they will want Most. I could give them any number of nice things that they would probably like, but I want to choose the best gift, the one that they would pick for themselves, and it's rare that I would know what that would be without them telling me, so I always want to ask someone before buying something for them. (You can imagine I don't really do surprise gifts well, because I can't help but try and check with them, even if roundaboutly to make sure they like it and don't already have it).
 

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I am a *BIG* fan of wishlists. I want to know exactly what someone wants so I can get a gift that I know they will enjoy and will use. My husband, my kids, and I all have had Amazon wishlists for years. When someone asks what we want, I provide them with the links to our list. They are long lists, so there's plenty to choose from and we will be surprised. Now, if someone gets me something that *isn't* on my list, I am very grateful and appreciative... I'm not bothered by that at all. But if you're going to ask what I want, specifically... check the list.

My step-mom hates this. She doesn't understand Amazon and doesn't want to shop "from a list"... yet, she'll ask us what we want, lol. I do not like having to "guess" what someone wants as a gift. If they don't give me some specifics, they are either going to get money or something that I make myself (a handmade book/journal/sketchbook, something I knit, homemade makeup/body care products, etc). Making gifts is fine... but I don't always have time for it. I'd really just rather have a list.
 

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B for me, definitely. I can be pretty good at guessing what someone would like, but too much of the time they already have the thing. And unwanted gifts are just clutter; a gift card would be more meaningful.

A seems more like equating mindreading with love, which is unfair; that kind of connection is awesome, but it's not the only way to express caring. However, if I think someone truly means it when they tell me to pick out something, I will, and if they get doubles or something useless/unwanted, it's on them, not me.
 
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I like them. I prefer to give people what they want and get what I want. Using wishlists there are no more unwanted gifts!
 
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Mostly A. Personally, I hate making wishlists because I don't want to assume an amount the other person wants to spend on me. And I love surprises and assume other people will, too.

An exception would be my INTP father because he has such eccentric, specific taste. I can usually get an idea out of him but want to throw in a lil something he wasn't expecting. This year he asked for guitar gig bags and I'm sneaking in a collectors Beatle's tin with guitar picks.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I am a *BIG* fan of wishlists. I want to know exactly what someone wants so I can get a gift that I know they will enjoy and will use. My husband, my kids, and I all have had Amazon wishlists for years. When someone asks what we want, I provide them with the links to our list. They are long lists, so there's plenty to choose from and we will be surprised. Now, if someone gets me something that *isn't* on my list, I am very grateful and appreciative... I'm not bothered by that at all. But if you're going to ask what I want, specifically... check the list.

My step-mom hates this. She doesn't understand Amazon and doesn't want to shop "from a list"... yet, she'll ask us what we want, lol.
This reminds me of my mom. I'm like you and like to provide long lists so there is plenty for others to choose from. In my mind it's being nice to the other person because there's a range of types of gifts, different places they might find them, and prices. However, no matter how much I explain this to my mom, she considers the longer the list = the more selfish and demanding you are, as if you're expecting her to get you everything off the list.

Additionally, she will ask what people want, but then she pretty much disregards it. Well... she tells you she uses it as a 'starting point suggestion' but.... this results in things like I mention want a James Bond movie and she buys me some other suspense genre book that isn't even about james bond. I mean... really? Now I may like the gift anyway, and it's not that I'm not grateful, but to me I just don't really understand why you WOULDN'T just go get the thing you actually know they want?! Seems like someone will be a lot more excited about something they have been hoping to get, than something they didn't even know existed until now. That's my perspective on it anyways.

Also, just have to add that there are people who tend to buy things they want for themselves for other people because they feel guilty about buying it for themselves. This would also be something my mother does, and doesn't even realize she is doing it. So.. that's something to stop and consider when you're shopping. Just saying....


B for me, definitely. I can be pretty good at guessing what someone would like, but too much of the time they already have the thing. And unwanted gifts are just clutter; a gift card would be more meaningful.
YES! I don't understand the attitude that gift-cards are lame, they are the BEST gifts!

A seems more like equating mindreading with love, which is unfair; that kind of connection is awesome, but it's not the only way to express caring.
Indeed.

And I love surprises and assume other people will, too.
I think this is a good point. While giving a variety of things on a list does allow for an element of surprise, I know that for myself I find that half of the joy in a gift is the anticipation of it - which means I have to know I'm probably getting it. When it's a surprise it's over too quickly. I can be excited as I wait anxiously to unwrap it, but then there's an extra burst of excitement when I actually open it. Whereas, when I have no idea what's in those boxes I don't really feel all that anticipatory before hand, I don't even really think about it.
 

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B.

I'm not good at gift-giving at the best of times. I'd just as soon give no gifts than have to mindread what someone wants, with the added possibility of butthurt when I don't navigate the protocol of proper psychic gift-giving correctly.

Yes, I like wishlists. They take the guesswork out of everything.
 

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I'm naturally inclined towards A, but I can suck it up and do either. Why get upset because someone has a wish list? The gift giving is about them anyways.
 
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