Like if they say something like "sometimes, something beautiful can come out of a tough situation" or "without the bad, we couldn't know the good"...they make it sound like w/o that negative event, we couldn't possibly appreciate the good that came afterward.
That'd be like saying, well w/o that can of salmon failing you, you wouldn't have had the chance to use your creativity to open it, so you're better off that it failed because now you can REALLY appreciate your creativity.
That's the kind of stupid that makes me angry. *sigh*
I can understand and appreciate where this comes from, especially within the context of explaining that somehow the bad caused the good. I think where I see the frustration with this here is that it comes across as trying to sugar-coat the bad, and also kind of invalidating the emotional reaction and very real effects of negative circumstances. There's also the issue of cliches in that they come across as being hollow. That's the impression I get. I'm not sure if that's an accurate understanding.
I do tell myself certain things to do with the good/bad dichotomy however, but not in the same context. I guess for me I look at it less as, "good comes out of bad," and more as . . . I don't have the phrasing down, but, "good and bad are both part of life, and and as much as the bad is, well, bad, I suppose I can create meaning, or learning in the context of handling that bad experience which is good." I know that's explained terribly. I have better examples.
One way I look of it is like a wheel. That the circumstances of life are always going up and down and that sometimes life is up, and sometimes it's down, and that yes, some of this happens well outside of my sphere of influence. What I strive for, in this model, is to be the hub of the wheel, to be able to stay centered through the ups and downs that occur, which for me comes from a place of accepting that the wheel is spinning at all and that I inevitably have a place on it. This is just how I see it for myself.
Another way to explain is by thinking of myself as a furnace. Pain, abuse, hurt, tragedy go in, and I process them, and that doesn't change the awfulness or difficulty of what that means, or anything like that because pain is pain, but I also look at it from the perspective of how I'm going to process it. Because that awful thing has happened to me, it becomes part of my experience and, as part of my experience, it becomes part of me, so I have to think, how do I want that to manifest in my thoughts and perceptions, in my interactions? I feel like if I lock it up and ignore it, then it seeps out, which puts the control on the event, the tragedy. I look at it as giving the power of my very soul away to the pain, but if I can process the pain of whatever experience happened (in my own time and way, of course) then I can convert that into things like compassion, empathy, increased understanding and awareness.
I suppose if I was to summarize my own sort of experience of the good/bad dichotomy issue it would be that, "pain is pain, but pain with meaning can become strength and healing."
That's just my own perspective on it, and I'm not directing anything at anyone. This is just more what was triggered in my thought process by particular statements, and I'm sort of just expanding on that.
Anyway! Moving forward!
I do experience frustration at objects and sometimes people. I'm usually pretty in control of my frustration because I'm most interested in deconstructing the emotional experience to figure out the source of it which usually chills me right out, but when I'm short on time, or overwhelmed, or just plain old not-feeling-it, I can get a little short.
I have a story: I have this plastic thing for poaching eggs in the microwave. It works amazingly about 60% of the time. Usually, I'm not too bothered when it doesn't work right because eggs in the microwave is always a dicey adventure at best. One day, however, I was going through some pretty awful life circumstances and I wanted some poached eggs, but didn't want to get out a pot and turn on the stove, so I decided to give this thing a go.
Needless to say, it was not within the 60% of success stories. So of course I called the egg poacher some pretty unkind things and basically verbally "hulked out," on it. My SO, of course, is very uncomfortable with overt displays of emotion, so he was a bit uncomfortable.
Ultimately, the issue wasn't entirely about the egg poacher. It was about a lot of other stuff -- stress, frustration, grief. Emotions that, in the course of holding-it-all-together, I hadn't taken the time to deal with. It was such a simple thing, the frustration of struggling with an object to reach breakfast town that just pulled on some weak spot in my head and all the other things came out. It was never about the egg poacher. It was about the feeling of being incapable in my life on a broad spectrum.
Of course, I know better than to set myself up for those situations, but it happens from time to time in moments of extreme stress. Usually when I feel that frustration creeping up, I turn it into a joke. For example, if I'm out with friends and I'm struggling with something ridiculous like, opening a coffee or whatever, I'll just start talking to the object like I would as if it was a person. "Look, coffee, I get it. I'm trying to put this lid on you, and you just aren't having it today, and I don't really understand whats going on that this is not a day for you to cooperate with being lidded, I want you to understand that this is highly inconvenient for me, so I hope we can discuss this together and come to an understanding." Failing to then cooperate, I would perhaps put the cup up to my cheek and pat it gently, offering whispered reassurances that I will be there to support it's new role as a cup with a lid. Which, of course either generates laughter from those I'm with, or they just shake their heads at me because they already know I'm weird.
(No, really, I went out for dinner with a friend once, and I was not in a good place, and I kept talking to my food as I ate my meal. She found it amusing.)
There are some people I find I have less patience for than others, but I wouldn't really say short temper. I do get a little more "short" around my family, but that's its own beast.
