[Scarlet Winter]

I was wondering what you each think on this subject. I'm talking romantic relationships.
I feel like age is just a number, it can be a useful bit of information but I don't think it should matter in itself.
Of course I wouldn't be in a romantic relationship with anyone under age. Aside from that I would care about how it would affect everyone involved, but numbers?
What do you think?

 

[Nasmoe]

Kind of depends for me. If it is just two people who care about and love each other, age shouldn't get in the way. If someone is dating someone because of how old they are or because they want to live some type of fantasy out where they are with a young person for some, I guess stereotypical reason, like a young person is naive or an old person has money or something like that I don't think it's cool.

 

[Musician6120]

Personally, I'd say no more than an 8 year age difference in either direction. It feels kind of funny to put a set number to it, though, maybe even immature. I guess having some sort of guideline is not bad, though. I think at a certain point you'd have to wonder what 2 people would have in common with really wide age differences. That's one of just a few things I think are important that are on the shallow side, but at least I admit it! :happy:

 

[Molock]

When there is more than eight years of different I find it strange. I don't tell people what to do but 8 years is the maximum difference for me. When I see 24 year old women dating 50+ year old men I feel a little sick (the reverse is also true).

 

[Leroy]

Yeah I don't really believe in too many set boundaries for establishing a relationship. But at the same time a whole decade of or more of life for one of the parties I feel has to do something too it

 

[PorlockVisitor]

It completely depends on what point people are in their lives.

If we're talking a 13 year old and 18 year old, yeah. That matters. HUGE difference, so much happens in those 5 years!
18 and a 23 year old... hmm that's better. However, there's still a difference in maturity.
Especially when it gets to the older girl vs. older guy thing, as guys tend to mature much more slowly...

I think once both people are over age 25 age shouldn't matter too much, however big the difference!

Of course, there are always exceptions in these scenarios. Some people are ready for real love at younger ages, some aren't ready until they're much older. It depends strongly on the individuals.

Edit: I agree that a 50 year age difference can be creepy, but it's really not any of my business. You never know what exactly is going on!

 

[Mutatio NOmenis]

The age difference shouldn't be more than 25% of older partner's lifespan. And no paedophilia (no kids below 17) if you're over 20.

 

[Tunesimah]

Age shouldn't matter... unless it does. I mean just inherent in age gaps is different generations and experiences aren't going to be the same... so it's going to be that much more difficult to make a connection. The human experience should be similar enough, but on the surface it's going to be hard sometimes.

But if it isn't hard, and you make a great connection and have this awesome relationship... well then who cares... go be amazing together. Why make an issue if it isn't an issue...

 

[rowingineden]

Age does kinda matter. I don't really want to be with somebody my age because most people my age are so chronically immature and underdeveloped, and they're just not on my level. Younger, of course, is an even worse idea. Frankly, I don't think I should be seeing anybody under the age of 25, but oh well, I have to work my odds, right?

 

[Darkestblue]

My first love was 8 year older than me.:laughing: Age definitely doesn't phase me.

 

[virtualvortexrider]

I just realized I don't have a real opinion on this. I guess I'm open for anything and nothing then. :frustrating:

 

[ponyjoyride]

I've dated a man who was 9 years older than me. When he told me he had his 30th birthday coming I thought he felt a bit uncomfortable that I was still 20. I mean, the age difference was a bit odd and I sometimes thought what is his problem for not having company of his own age but I had a huge crush on him. He was an ESTP and I think the N/S barrier was a bigger problem in our relationship than age so I just finally stopped seeing him.

If both parties are okay with the age difference I think it doesn't matter. However if you're under 30 you prabably should try to have a relationship with someone of your own age. Just because I think there are a lot of changes in that period life. It was strange that he was already working and earning money and I was still studying and had constant lack of money. We had totally different situations in life and everything that was for me new and cool was something he had already experienced years ago.

 

[virtualvortexrider]

I've dated a man who was 9 years older than me. When he told me he had his 30th birthday coming I thought he felt a bit uncomfortable that I was still 20. I mean, the age difference was a bit odd and I sometimes thought what is his problem for not having company of his own age but I had a huge crush on him. He was an ESTP and I think the N/S barrier was a bigger problem in our relationship than age so I just finally stopped seeing him.

If both parties are okay with the age difference I think it doesn't matter. However if you're under 30 you prabably should try to have a relationship with someone of your own age. Just because I think there are a lot of changes in that period life. It was strange that he was already working and earning money and I was still studying and had constant lack of money. We had totally different situations in life and everything that was for me new and cool was something he had already experienced years ago.

Yeah I get that one.

 

[kindaconfused]

My wife is 6 years younger than me. Much more than that would be a little strange. If you love someone, it shouldn't matter much.

 

[itrick]

This poll does not have an option to indicate:

- age does not matter
- age outside of legality does not matter
- this is too personal a thing to generalize

etc.

Honestly, the law is the law is the law. There are age laws to protect children from relationships.

Other than that, I think there needs to be a degree of consideration beyond simple it's ok or it's not ok. You need to look at the two individuals involved.

 

[SenhorFrio]

Age is nothing, who am i to refuse it?

 

[android654]

Age does kinda matter. I don't really want to be with somebody my age because most people my age are so chronically immature and underdeveloped, and they're just not on my level. Younger, of course, is an even worse idea. Frankly, I don't think I should be seeing anybody under the age of 25, but oh well, I have to work my odds, right?

I was about to post something similar. The question of physical age isn't as important as maturity.

 

[clear umbrella]

For questions like these, it always depends on other things.

I agree with itrick. There are many things that go into a relationship. And depending on both partners' histories, circumstances, and needs, age may or may not matter. To say resolutely that age gaps are good or bad is to ignore those details.

When I was 19, I dated someone who was 38. It was easy for us to talk because we were interested in a lot of the same things. Aside from my maturity, it helped that there were several things that made him seem a lot younger (but not necessarily less mature) than other men his own age. He spent about 12 years training as a professional olympic athlete and was very fit. Then he decided to go to grad school, which was in a field that generally takes students more than 6 years to finish. He was never married and had no children. So by the time I met him, he never had a "real" or "traditional" job, he looked very young, and he didn't act like a pessimistic single dad. He was like any other mid-20s grad student, except more well-mannered than anyone I had ever met. It didn't work out, but I still consider this relationship/friendship one of the best I ever had.

And when I was 17, I dated someone who was 23. I was more mature than he was, and it was fun. But he was more serious about it than I was.

I recently read a few articles that claimed men benefited in terms of how long they lived from marrying younger women. The younger the women, the longer the life-span for men. For women, it's totally different. Women had shorter life-spans with any age differences in BOTH directions. So women didn't get any longevity benefits from marriage, period. The only way to avoid a decrease in life-span was for women to marry someone exactly their age. And keep in mind, even in marrying someone the same age as her, there was no added benefit, only the avoidance of a "penalty". And in any case, all of this research I've mentioned might not matter in the face of love. It only matters if you believe in probabilities/statistics/extending your life, or whatever. :tongue:

If age gaps matters to you, then you'll probably never find yourself dating someone much older or younger than you. And you'll have that opinion for other people.

If age gaps don't matter to you, then you probably have dated/married (or knew a successful age-gap relationship/marriage) much older or younger, and it worked out well for you. And you'll have that opinion for other people.

I've dated many guys my own age, and for the most part, didn't like the experience very much. With that said, now I'm dating someone a year younger than me, and I'm enjoying it a lot.

Let us be not so quick to judge, so that we may evaluate situations for what they are rather than what we want them to be.

 

[Scarlet Winter]

Thanks for all your responses. This was my first poll and I did find myself a little stumped on what questions to ask. So, my apologies to any who weren't happy with the lay out and thank you for kindly pointing it out.
The largest age difference in a relationship I've personally had was six years. So far this was my best relationship. He was older than I was. I am 36 but people usually guess my age at 25. I not only physically look younger but I am very playfull and flexable and come across younger in my manner. On the other end of it I am able to get along nicely with those much older than myself. The reason this topic came to my mind was. I am single and I find most of the best guys to be married or much younger than myself at this point. While I have no natural inclination to be put off by any age difference I was interested in hearing from you all, my fellow INFP's on this.

 

[Flora]

In theory: when there is love, age doesnt matter at all. (of course as long as legal).

In practice: I think some age differences work better than others. Ideally I think the man should be up to ten years older. Any more and it's still fine, but you might get more of a "generation" gap. I think that what matters is that you are in the same "phase" of your life, more than exact age. For example, the phase when both are ready to have children, or both have been through the children phase and fancy time for themselves, or the exploring life phase, or the settle down and wanting a mortgage phase..you get my drift. I think the tradicional set up where the man is older simply tends to work better. I personally would be very uncomfortable with a younger man. One reason is because I tend to prefer people older than me in general, always have, friends and females too. Also because, and this is shallow, I would be concerned about aging much faster than my younger partner and feeling insecure about my looks.