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My friend has been acting romantic with me for ages like buying and offering me things, giving me compliments, holding my hand etc but there has never been anything like sex between us. I have been developing feelings for him but it has been difficult for me to be vocal about them for various reasons. For those who care, I am and INFP and he's an ENTP.


I recently heard however that he's dating another woman. It broke my heart as I felt there was a lot of potential between us. When I told him I had feelings for him and I am upset he felt genuinely surprised. He said he might have sensed something but that he doesn't know what to say and that he is very touched. I asked what touched ment here and he answered that he cares for me a lot and feels something deeply but he doesn't know what it is. He also said he could see us as a couple in the future. He continued that he sees me in a new light, although it was not clear what is meant either.

He would still like to see me though and has promised to fetch me for the airport and hang around at his place when we next meet. I don't know how I can cope with that because my heart is broken and I feel I can't get over the fact he's having another woman. Despite the friendships I am thinking of cutting him off my life even though the pain feels unbearable. We have shared a lot after all.
 

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Could be unfortunate timing, could be that the jealousy was the kick you needed to become more acutely aware of your feelings, but from his perspective he probably pursued you, got the impression it wasn't mutual and that you'd just stay friends, and moved on to someone else in the meantime.

It's kind of a no fault situation, not really the sort of thing that would usually stand behind cutting someone off, telling him you might need a break to sort out your feelings might not be unreasonable though, and it does mean you leave yourself an opening to reconnect as friends at a later date, possibly genuinely just friends, possibly as a friend wanting more and waiting to see if his current relationship not work out. Or, you can meet him and try to pursue him back, taking the risk you might not and go further into broken hearted state, and the risk that you might win him over, thereby doing something sort of shitty to someone who has done nothing to deserve it (his current girlfriend).
 

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I agree with @Tropes that it's bad timing. However, he does have a girlfriend, so I think you should treat him like any acquaintance who has a wife or girlfriend--hands off! Forget about him picking you up at the airport and all that, unless you and he and the other woman are all okay with open relationships (and it sounds like that's not the case).

You've said what you had to say, and if he ever finds himself single again he might contact you. Or not.
 

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To be fair, we ENTPs are useless when it comes to recognizing and naming feelings. Other than being hungry and sleepy, we can't tell what we feel. He sounds as though he hadn't thought about you that way before your mentioning it, but he seems open to something, doesn't he?
If I were you I'd be patient, let him figure out how he feels before he could tell you. But you can still be quite decisive in your feelings, no rushing nor intimidating, but knowing what you want is always something we ENTPs apreciate.
 
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He’s a player, “dating another woman”

“he felt genuinely surprised” yes he was surprised that you found out. And you let him wriggle out of it with a few sentimental cliches,

“he cares for me a lot and feels something deeply but he doesn't know what it is.” what rubbish! He either cares for you or he doesn't its not rocket science.

“He also said he could see us as a couple in the future.” That's convenient of him, especially as he has just got caught out cheating on you

“He continued that he sees me in a new light, although it was not clear what is meant either.”

He meant that he has finally found out your weaknesses and he will be able to use you for his benefit later on when he gets dumped by the other woman he is seeing.

Find someone who really loves you and is not playing with your feelings.
 

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He’s a player, “dating another woman”

“he felt genuinely surprised” yes he was surprised that you found out. And you let him wriggle out of it with a few sentimental cliches,

“he cares for me a lot and feels something deeply but he doesn't know what it is.” what rubbish! He either cares for you or he doesn't its not rocket science.

“He also said he could see us as a couple in the future.” That's convenient of him, especially as he has just got caught out cheating on you

“He continued that he sees me in a new light, although it was not clear what is meant either.”

He meant that he has finally found out your weaknesses and he will be able to use you for his benefit later on when he gets dumped by the other woman he is seeing.

Find someone who really loves you and is not playing with your feelings.
Don't be stupid, he perused her and she showed no interest so he gave up and found another girl. She's the one who is messed up only deciding to reciprocate his feelings after she learns he has a girlfriend.
 

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He's trying to keep his options open is what it sounds like to me. He's waiting for one of you to jump in and force his hand. He wants to know how badly you want him. Show him, or cut him off.
 
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My friend has been acting romantic with me for ages like buying and offering me things, giving me compliments, holding my hand etc but there has never been anything like sex between us. I have been developing feelings for him but it has been difficult for me to be vocal about them for various reasons. For those who care, I am and INFP and he's an ENTP.


I recently heard however that he's dating another woman. It broke my heart as I felt there was a lot of potential between us. When I told him I had feelings for him and I am upset he felt genuinely surprised. He said he might have sensed something but that he doesn't know what to say and that he is very touched. I asked what touched ment here and he answered that he cares for me a lot and feels something deeply but he doesn't know what it is. He also said he could see us as a couple in the future. He continued that he sees me in a new light, although it was not clear what is meant either.

He would still like to see me though and has promised to fetch me for the airport and hang around at his place when we next meet. I don't know how I can cope with that because my heart is broken and I feel I can't get over the fact he's having another woman. Despite the friendships I am thinking of cutting him off my life even though the pain feels unbearable. We have shared a lot after all.
on one hand, if they are only "dating" it doesn't mean he has agreed to exclusive relationship with the other person. on the other hand, apparently he hasn't viewed you as a potential partner in the past, and if the only reason he is now is because you made him aware of it, he sounds like a dud. i'd probably cut him loose in the romantic sense. if he is a good friend though it might be worth keeping him around as a friend only. (and possibly seeing what may develop but not expecting anything to) in any case i'd let him take the lead if he chooses to unless you don't mind being like the bossy one in a relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Don't be stupid, he perused her and she showed no interest so he gave up and found another girl. She's the one who is messed up only deciding to reciprocate his feelings after she learns he has a girlfriend.
Thank you for your input. This might be problem here. I was afraid to show him affection because he was still going through divorce during last summer. I was also so surprised how he took me in his arms one night last summer and kissed my face. I was too excited and paralyzed with emotion to do anything back except holding his hands. But I have afterwards written him how he makes my heart flutter and I'd love spend more alone time with to get to know him better.

That is why his reaction seemed so bizarre, like he hadn't understood how much I like him. There must be something with the ENTP, I think.

Now after learning that I have feelings for him he STILLS wants to fetch me from the airport, visit galleries and art museums with me and invites me to his house to stay the night when his girlfriend is not there. It is madness for me.
 

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To be fair, we ENTPs are useless when it comes to recognizing and naming feelings. Other than being hungry and sleepy, we can't tell what we feel. He sounds as though he hadn't thought about you that way before your mentioning it, but he seems open to something, doesn't he?
If I were you I'd be patient, let him figure out how he feels before he could tell you. But you can still be quite decisive in your feelings, no rushing nor intimidating, but knowing what you want is always something we ENTPs apreciate.
This exactly what I am wondering about. He can be weirdly official and distant in written communication like e-mails, but when we have seen each other he pays for my lunch, looks at me silently and smiles, mirrors my movements and touches me and says what a lovely person I am. It almost like his affection for me bleeds through in face-to-face communication through his impersonally rational, conscious ego.

As his behavior has been... well flirtatious it is difficult for me to understand how it such a surprise that I might have developed feelings. Now he offers to fetch me from the airport and invites me to his appartement to be alone with him and to his family's house in the countryside where we could be together even he dates someone else.

His dating is not that serious though, as he has been with someone just couple of months. He also confessed me being single is very difficult for him so he has had to meet someone. Maybe I have some hope as he said to me directly he could see something for us in the future but he doesn't know what he feels. So strange.
 

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You two either should fully choose for each other, otherwise do what is best for your own sanity.

Make sure you have really tried everything to make you two happen, because he may not realize you two belong together (if that is the case, I think it might, but I cannot know that) while he seems not sure on things himself.

He could be dating a safer option he doesn't truly love like you two do/would.

I don't know how serious he is with her. I don't know if they are and will be truly right for/happy with each other. It kinda sounds to me like you two will based on this, but it's based on this.

Perhaps wait the relationship out? If there's hope it won't last, I think you should without regretting cutting him out of your life like that. ...?
 

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You two either should fully choose for each other, otherwise do what is best for your own sanity.

Make sure you have really tried everything to make you two happen, because he may not realize you two belong together (if that is the case, I think it might, but I cannot know that) while he seems not sure on things himself.

He could be dating a safer option he doesn't truly love like you two do/would.

I don't know how serious he is with her. I don't know if they are and will be truly right for/happy with each other. It kinda sounds to me like you two will based on this, but it's based on this.

Perhaps wait the relationship out? If there's hope it won't last, I think you should without regretting cutting him out of your life like that. ...?
Thank you.

I do believe that we could belong together as well... that's why this weird friendzoning with a hint of hope is really baffling.

I might want to wait for him until he has made up his mind. He wants so see me after all, and spend quality time with me despite of his relationship. All I know is that he's looking forward to see me, can't be single due to his childhood issues, he cares about me a lot, feels something deeply for me and he could see a future for us. He has also said he admires me intellectually and thinks I have genius ideas, so of course it might be that his fascination is just cerebral.

ENTPs seem so hard to read and understand though. It's like a weird mix of hot and cold. All I have right now is to wait.
 

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Ah, and I also forgot to mention that when he said to me that he sees me in a new light I asked him what it meant. He said that from now on he can behave differently towards me. I said what it meant, did it mean that we cant kiss or hug like before. He laughed and said of course not .. go figure.
 

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Thank you.

I do believe that we could belong together as well... that's why this weird friendzoning with a hint of hope is really baffling.

I might want to wait for him until he has made up his mind. He wants so see me after all, and spend quality time with me despite of his relationship. All I know is that he's looking forward to see me, can't be single due to his childhood issues, he cares about me a lot, feels something deeply for me and he could see a future for us. He has also said he admires me intellectually and thinks I have genius ideas, so of course it might be that his fascination is just cerebral.

ENTPs seem so hard to read and understand though. It's like a weird mix of hot and cold. All I have right now is to wait.
It reminds me kinda of my year. Which makes me give the feeling you two could end up together, but I don't know enough to actually predict that same outcome, or a different outcome.

I would be curious in his reasons being with her now, and what for his the differences are in what exactly kind of affect you have on him, and what she has on him. That could say a lot.
 
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