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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been working for almost a month with my boss. During the interview, we got along very well and I know that was one of the reasons I got hired, on top my interview performance/test. The problem is that I feel that his interest towards me is going far beyond the professional level and I don't know how I should approach this whole thing.

He has asked within the first week to got out to lunch with. I accepted the invitation because I didn't want to be rude, and I thought it was normal for a subordinate and boss to have "business" lunch in the beginning to be on friendly terms.

Also he is a very good guy, very nice and patient to work with. Always helping me out etc. He is attractive in his own way, and we have a lot, I mean so many things in common that left me thinking that maybe he is the one. Because my position is only temporary/contract, I knew that we will part ways eventually. So this would be a nice time to get to know each other and if I see possibilities, after we part our ways, we can keep in touch see where the relationships goes.

Anyway, we butted heads after the second week but resolved it quite well, which left me thinking that it could really work with him since we seem to be able to work out conflict easily.

However, I felt uncomfortable going out with him because of the way other people were looking at me at work. I saw the one co-worker looking at me. With the ability to read people well, I knew he was thinking that the only reason why I got the job was because I used my feminine side, which is absolutely not TRUE. Anyway, I declined the lunch offers because of what my other people might assume.

Some other things he does for me: one time he drove me home because I currently have no transportation. He bought me desserts and gave me a gift for a job well down. This was after work so no one at work was aware this happened

Then I FOUND OUT he has a girlfriend. He told me that he was just dating and that the relationship was long distance and was still undefined. After finding this out, I declined his offers to go out. Just last week he asked me to go to Chinese food. The following day after, he completely ignores me to get my attention.

I am just so confused about how I feel about this whole thing. If he wasn't my boss or he doesn't have a girlfriend I knew I would date him without hesitation since the potential between us is great. However I feel like I met the RIGHT person at the WRONG place and the WRONG time.

I don't want to completely cut him off because there is potential between us. I just keep thinking...when he breaks up with his girlfriend or when he stops becoming my boss. At the same time though, there are moments when I just want to be left alone by him and I just want to work in peace without the mind games.

I just felt really odd last week when he completely ignored me, not sure if it was because I was hurt emotionally or it was because as a supervisor he should not be treating me in that way. I don't know how I feel about the whole thing and how I should act. I'm quite sure I'm not in love with him yet, but I do like him a little knowing that because of our background, commonality and shared passions there is definitely potential.

I'm not sure how to approach this whole thing, so any advice is appreciated. Thank you in advance.
 

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Seems like an opportunity, and I think you should go for it. I would normally suggest avoiding romances at work, but your work situation is temporary, so I am not seeing any good reason why not. However, my number one rule for this context is: do NOT take love advice from people on the Internet. You are the person who knows the issue best and can make the best judgment.
 

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If I didn't already have an account, I would probably sign up just voice my opposition towards dating a co-worker, especially your boss. That's how strongly I feel about it. I've done it, multiples times, and it's just bad. Not that it could never work for someone else, but I feel they would be an exception to the rule.

However, I'd continue to get to know him, in a platonic manner without literally going out together. Keep it friendly, but professional. Then, once you no longer work there, you can take it to the next step. His girlfriend is concerning, though. I wonder how she would feel knowing her long-distance boyfriend was keeping his options open. It's something he needs to resolve and wrap up before involving someone else.

Strong potential like that is something you shouldn't just walk away from, but I would be cautious considering the circumstances.
 

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I get where you're coming from, many of us spend a lot of time at work and get to know our coworkers better than most other people. To top it off, if you work extremely long hours, your windows for meeting someone is limited. However, dating up or down the hierarchy at work can be very problematic and you have to weigh the alternatives and consequences carefully.
 

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Nope. He's your boss. Don't touch that. Aside from the potential for power abuse, your place might have some sort of policy against it or at least frown on the idea. And it arguably does send a bad impression, as you've seen. When he asks you out again, explain the situation to him; if he continues to sulk and ignore you, he's a big baby, and consider whether you want to deal with that sort of thing in a man. After you no longer work there, if you want to proceed, you should consider what exactly he wants from you (considering he has a girlfriend) and whether you're OK with that position. Might not hurt to consider the girlfriend's feelings either; it would suck to be in her position, and if this isn't an open relationship, and he's cheating on her, he's likely to do it to you as well.
 

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Look at it this way:

- Work will be awkward if you date you boss.
- The colleagues will think you are fucking your way to the top (unavoidable)
- If the relationship goes sour you WILL lose your job, the respect of the ppl you worked with and probably some level of self respect as well.

In general its a bad idea unless you find another job and date the guy afterward.

He also has a girlfriend. If he is hitting on you while in a relationship that is not a good sign. he is also not using his brain or thinking much of you considering the above problems you'd have.

^^ I recommend getting the fuck out, too many red flags.

Sometimes I think people (myself included) should just beat ths shit out of their hearts and listen to their brain for a change. There are times when emotions mislead you, now is such a time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks for the feedback. I forgot to add that his girlfriend is currently visiting him for a couple of weeks. So it feels so weird that he's still showing his interest to me even when she's here. That's why I am currently declining his offers. Its just a real weird situation. If he extends my contract or offer full time opportunity, I'm considering declining. I just feel awkward about the whole thing and my emotions are getting a little bit involved too I just realize, and the working with him in close proximity with him liking me might lead to me falling in love which will lead to a lot of complications, given that he is my boss and he has a girlfriend.

Also I wish he would be more direct and upfront about his intentions. I don't want to open up to him first about this situation because he might deny it and then i look like fool. If he really want to pursue me, then eventually he will break up with his girlfriend. But I feel that he is using his girlfriend to make me jealous or get a rise out of me. I just can't play any mind game anymore.

I'm going to just be professional. If he really wants to pursue me then he would have to be honest and direct about this whole thing, and also he needs to breakup with his girlfriend. The only thing I'm afraid of is that he might treat differently since he is my superior if I reject him. It would not be fun to go to work if that's the case. I'm just going to keep it professional and once my contract is over I'll leave. I'm just have to guard my heart... glad I'm not in love but at the same time, I know I have to guard it well these following months.
 

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Ask about the girlfriend, because some LDRs are fantasy relationships. Ask how many times he slept with her, went out on dates,seen each other in person. If it's a lot, then it's not a fantasy relationship. Beyond that, dating bosses is bad news. If you do date your boss, tell people about, usually with the right connection, and if it's a chain or something other, they will transfer one of you. It happens all the time. This will remove any headaches. Beyond that,this is an accident waiting to happen. For instance, other females. When you're work review comes up, if you get high marks, and other female co-workers get low marks, and they know about the fling, they'll be using it against you.

Little story, so my brother works at this failing company, it's so bad the Dean was having sex on company time, doing stupid with his girlfriend. One day they came out of the copying room together,my brother saw it, they got scared. But since the company was a joke, it didn't matter. Then new people came in, and they turned to my brother, 'is there anything we should know to fix our dire situation?' My brother told them about the dean. The Dean got sacked. It's a for profit college. So watch your back on this.

They had like three students show up just to keep up appearances...
 

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I was in a weird situation like this at my last job before I moved out of state. My boss and I would talk a lot about my relationship and some of the issues I was having with my guy (and his father who tried being all domineering and getting into our relationship and whatnot), as well as some of the stuff I had going on at home. Him and I actually have a lot in common and we were "buddies" so to speak at work (always had each others' backs and such). He eventually started to buy me breakfast randomly (lunch here and there) and one day surprised me at work by buying me car stuff (windshield wiper fluid, windshield wipers, car scent stuff ,etc.) after I got my new car. At one point we were texting each other a lot and we ended up having to stop because it was going a little too far.

I personally would avoid this guy. I mean sure he may be "available" should he break up with his girlfriend but who is to say he wouldn't start pursuing "the next best thing" if you were to start dating? Dating co-workers, especially your boss is something a lot of people would frown upon although to tell you the truth it's probably more commonplace than we may think.

It seems to me as though in this case, if this is a temporary job and if you get another job afterwards then well I don't think it's too horrible to keep in contact on a platonic level. I would however take precaution as I said before with this guy. He seems rather "iffy" because he is coming onto you in my opinion pretty strongly despite having a girlfriend. The fact he didn't really tell you about this beforehand says a lot for me personally.
Saying "oh he needs to leave his girlfriend" in your head is not the best sign if you ask me, especially with how this guy is acting while in a relationship? That there raised a red flag for me.

Whatever you choose to do, please think things through with a clear mind and not rely strictly on feel-good emotions to do this either.
 
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