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Discussion Starter #1
as of late ive been asked to have sex i know y

because as of late i look good not to be conceited of myself but where once ive been over weight now after a near 5 months of working out im actually got muscle the "V" shape and my man boobs no longer sag(god im happy about that) pretty much im takeing care of my body and after being in college for a while now im not as shy as i once ive sorta been forced to talk

anyways im a virgin and girls want to take that from me and im feel like giving up because off statistics and fear that i wont find a girl who believes in abstinece seriously there are some girls at my college who seem worse then guys

i just wanted to here some opions and see if there was hope or if i should just get it over with
 

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well why do you want to abstain? because if it's a challenge or something, I support that, but if it's because you think it makes you better than them... then you're wrong.
 

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As long as its by choice, hold onto it! Don't give into peer pressure!
 

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Ask yourself what been a virgin means to you?. It is something that you value or you don't care about it at all?. Also applied the same question to sex. Sex means different things for different people. For some is not more than a shake of hands for others is the ultimate intimate experience. At the end of the day is up to you and what these things represent for you. Every action has consequences and we have to live with them.

Never do anything because of fear or expectations of others. Do things because you want to do them. If you decided to walk away from this, remember that you are still young and you will meet more people down the road, your life is just starting so don't let others pushed you to do something that you don't really want to do. If you want to do it, remember to use protection ;p and what it will mean for the parties involved...just casual sex, friends with benefits, a relationship?. As long as you are comfortable with your decision, there is not a wrong choice.
 

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Think about how you will feel afterwards if you lost your virginity. Do you think you would be disappointed in yourself? Would you feel like you threw something away of value? Would you feel dirty or used? Maybe even depressed?

If so, you should not do it. Just because other people want you to do something, doesn't mean they are right or that they have your best interests in mind. If they want to have sex with you solely based on your looks, then there is a chance, they don't want a relationship with you. If that is so, they probably don't really respect you either. If you lose your virginity to someone who doesn't respect your mind, are you going to be able to respect yourself?

Just stuff to think about.
 

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A mans virginity is just as precious as a girls virginity. Don't give it up just yet, you'll know when the time is right when that special someone comes. :)
 

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(in response to topic word choice)
. . . OR SHOULD I JUST KEEP CHASING PAVEMENTS? EVEN IF IT LEEEEDS NO-WHERE?
-adele reference. sorry, i couldn't resist ;3
 

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Discussion Starter #8
A mans virginity is just as precious as a girls virginity. Don't give it up just yet, you'll know when the time is right when that special someone comes. :)

it was never i challege before to abstain but now it feels like a big
my virginity always felt important to me and the want to share it with someone special
but now its sorta feels like wats the point
because when i meet someone i feel is special to me theres like a 90% chance shes not a virgin (not that not being a virgin is a problem it just presents diffrent problems)

i love the idea off a special someone but after so long and getting to know the world we live in more my faith wavers
i feel weak to say that but thats how i feel
 

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Discussion Starter #9
. . OR SHOULD I JUST KEEP CHASING PAVEMENTS? EVEN IF IT LEEEEDS NO-WHERE?


wat does that even mean lol
 

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Wait, I'm confused. If you don't want to have sex, don't have sex. If you want to lose your virginity to someone special, then wait until that time comes. And I agree, girls want to do it just as much as guys do :tongue:


but now its sorta feels like wats the point
because when i meet someone i feel is special to me theres like a 90% chance shes not a virgin (not that not being a virgin is a problem it just presents diffrent problems)
ooooohhh! I had this same train of thought and that's why I'm not a virgin anymore. So, I understand the frustration... I wanted my first fuck to be with a virgin as well but no guy that I've ever dated was a virgin. I spoke to my friend about it and she was like "well....it's not very common to find 18 year old virgins anymore. just accept it and don't let something like that hold you back from having sex if you really like the guy".



So you want two things: it to be with someone special and for that special someone to be a virgin as well? You might able to find it. But if you find someone very special that isn't a virgin, you shouldn't reject them be/c of that.
 

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Here's my perspective on losing virginity.

If a chick cares too much about it, then she's too self-absorbed to give a second thought about how you feel about it.

The reason why the 'no sex before marriage' rule was created was because back in those days people got married at 12 or 13 (pulling that number out of my ass, but it's around that neighborhood). So back then it was easier to maintain that rule, not so much when that age is shifted by 5-10 years. Plus I believe that 'boyfriend/girlfriend' as it is defined right now is a relatively modern thing, thus it was either single, marriage, or mistres; thus having [casual] sex outside of a relationship created problems. My perspective, no casual sex, but wait until it is someone I feel comfortable having it with; then marriage once we work out most of out relationship kinks.

The first time is almost always a failure, not something I have from experience (let's just say that I win no participation trophies for "boyfriend of the year"); but this is something I have heard from someone giving advice to teenagers.

Do it when you're comfortable, not when somebody else is, not when society tells you to, not when you tell yourself to; only when you are ready for it deep down.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Wait, I'm confused. If you don't want to have sex, don't have sex. If you want to lose your virginity to someone special, then wait until that time comes. And I agree, girls want to do it just as much as guys do :tongue:




ooooohhh! I had this same train of thought and that's why I'm not a virgin anymore. So, I understand the frustration... I wanted my first fuck to be with a virgin as well but no guy that I've ever dated was a virgin. I spoke to my friend about it and she was like "well....it's not very common to find 18 year old virgins anymore. just accept it and don't let something like that hold you back from having sex if you really like the guy".



So you want two things: it to be with someone special and for that special someone to be a virgin as well? You might able to find it. But if you find someone very special that isn't a virgin, you shouldn't reject them be/c of that.
i definately wouldnt reject someone because of them not being a virgin
i think im just gonna wait till i find someone special screw waiting till i get married(unless the special person feels the same way) lol maybe if im lucky ill find someone in the same boat as me (ill just have to wait to rock it till someone comes aboard)
 

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I'm not going to attempt to answer that question for you, because honestly it is your decision to make. I will however give you an opinion.

If you have always envisioned your first intimate experience as something that you wanted to look back on and actually remember with a smile, then it IS something that definitely matters to you. You do not necessarily have to hold out for someone else that is a virgin. In doing that, it limits your chances of meeting someone you are compatible with dramatically. I would however, maybe be selective in finding a mate. Meaning that if a girl shows signs that she has been with a lot of people, then it would indicate that she doesn't share the same feelings or values about sex as you do. It wouldn't be as meaningful to her as it would be to you.

I don't think there is anything wrong with holding onto your virginity for as long as you want to. It has no expiration. You can never go back and redo or relive that moment. If you decide it has real meaning to you then it IS something that you shouldn't take lightly. Find someone you care about. Find someone you want to make a memory with. Wait for someone to come along, even if you don't end up marrying them, where you can look back and smile years from now and have no regrets. I think that is what makes moments like that worth the wait. Too many people have little or no self control. In the end they waste a chance at creating a real moment.... there are only a handful of times in our life where we get a chance to make something lasting and incredible. You will not experience that if you are just looking to get it over with, or settling for someone you have no connection with.
 
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If so many girls want to take that from you, why do you feel like the girl you want to give it to would be turned off by it?

It's your choice who you give up your virginity to. So it's worthwhile to wait for the right person and tell all of the wrong people to fuck off lol
 

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I don't think that there is no point in waiting until marriage, I think if a person waits until they are married there is a certain security in that. It protects the one who abstains. sex can make it hard to break up with someone who is wrong for a person, and intensifies things. If a person is so willing to have sex with someone and bond emotionally and possibly physically (a child) then why wouldn't said person marry the other?

I think if there is something holding a person back from marrying the other person then they shouldn't do it. Because any reason not to get married would be a reason not to have sex, imo.

"I'm not ready."
"We're too young."
"We don't know each other well enough."
"what if we fall out of love?"
"We don't have enough money."*

*although sex is free, babies are not!"
XD
 

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Advice to help you make decisions:

-Just because someone is telling you "you should do this" or "this is the way things are nowadays" does not make it legitimate. My friends are in the 17-21 age bracket, and us non-virgins are the rarity, not the rule. I guess my point is, so what if someone wants you to do something? Does that mean they know what they are talking about, or that it wouldn't be different somewhere else? If you live your life allowing important decisiosn to be swayed by others, especially in value choices, you will always be unhappy cause there is no clear consensus on this. The world is big and full of variety. There are hundreds types of people out there, many of them for whom being a virgin is the norm and many for who it is not. So stop factoring in the voices of others and tune out the noise.

-There is no point in having sex unless you actually want to have sex.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
lol i wish some people who post things would read previous post especially from the person who started the thread....... i already made my descion people from within the first page i knew where this was going from all fellow infps and general population

the only thing i was questioning were my values which i never do which is why i asked im usally steadfast in my values and their un wavering this time was not the same for some reason but like i said

I MADE MY DESCISION
if still got something to say after reading previous post of mine ill be happy to read it
 

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I don't think that there is no point in waiting until marriage, I think if a person waits until they are married there is a certain security in that. It protects the one who abstains. sex can make it hard to break up with someone who is wrong for a person, and intensifies things. If a person is so willing to have sex with someone and bond emotionally and possibly physically (a child) then why wouldn't said person marry the other?

I think if there is something holding a person back from marrying the other person then they shouldn't do it. Because any reason not to get married would be a reason not to have sex, imo.

"I'm not ready."
"We're too young."
"We don't know each other well enough."
"what if we fall out of love?"
"We don't have enough money."*

*although sex is free, babies are not!"
XD
I would have to respectfully disagree. The crux of your arguement is the equation of sex to marriage, when the effect an intent of both are entirely different beasts. Sex is away of expressing ultimate intensity in the moment, a way of saying "I love you" in a way that no manner of expression can come close during a relationship; the effect of child bearing is no longer a factor when having sex due to the many technologies that can prevent the impregnation of a child. The one thing sex cannot and should not imply is long-term commitment, as what drives sex is incidental immediate desire and passion. Marriage however should be a much more calculated move, where the two parties recognize their love and compatibility to make a vow that neither one should throw that away, and keep working towards the relationship; and for making such a vow they gain legal benefits for keeping it and disadvantages when breaking it. Sex is not remotely close in terms of an expression of love, it is saying "I love you right now" where as marriage is "I love you forever".

That said sex and marriage is only as important as the two parties making it. So it should only be thrown around if both people take it lightly, or held sacred if it means the world to them. The most dangerous assumption though is when two people have different views on one or the other but believes it to be universal/right. So one party wants sex/marriage and pushes it on the other party, while the other party withholds depriving the other from their wants/needs. This creates resentment which may cause the relationship to end on a bitter note.

You can believe what you want, but be careful that not everybody else does (this goes for everybody else too :wink:).
 
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