Thanks for the advice guys. So this is actually at my "old" job, which I've left for many reasons. I left peacefully with others involved (in that I have good relations with others and leaving was inevitable to pursue better opportunities for everyone actually). But it's an issue for me because in terms of the social network, everyone knows each other and sometimes my current workplace and old workplace collaborate on things.
Also, it is a given-fact that he had been saying things about our group and specifically me. I may not have the social leverage, but basically what happened was that he had said some things about me to other people in that place (not involved with the project). Months later, I developed a friendship with these people (through socials that my place had and mutual hobbies) and after a particularly stressful meeting, I was just venting and stressing out over dinner. They had told me, "Actually... I wasn't going to tell you, but I think you should know. He's been commenting about this all over and saying some things about you before, but i never believed them because I saw that you were working hard and I didn't see you doing any of the things he said." There have been times at bigger meetings, when he'd start criticizing our group and our group's leadership (me....) to other groups, talking about how we would never be able to do this project and finish it. :sad:
And thanks for the broom analogy. I believe that this individual was a broken broom and I made the poor mistake of deciding to use the broom as it was and also decided to start taking on the functions of the broom. We were actually both appointed as co-managers of the project, although he clearly didn't do his part. The ironic part is that he applied for this position but told the boss up-front that he wasn't sure if he could handle it on his own. The boss contacted me and said he believed I was more than capable of this leadership position and asked me to co-manage. Problems arose when he never addressed the fact that he was busy and couldn't fulfill his responsibilities/just flaked on us... in a team, your weakest link is your strength - so if someone is dragging their feet, not doing their things, and saying "we can't do it," it makes it really hard. Plus, since he is one of the leaders, he shouldn't have been the first to "abandon ship," throwing out his responsibilities, and complaining to other passengers that he doesn't know if the co-captain could navigate. Because he IS the other co-captain. Despite him though, we completed our project successfully.
And thanks again for the broom analogy, I will definitely use this mentality in future work with other people.
About future leadership positions, maybe I am being too hard on myself. But I've been thinking about this experience in two ways. 1) It is prepping me to be a better leader in the future, because leadership requires dealing with difficult people and sticky situations (this is what my dad tells me). or 2) It is encouraging me to take more of a follower position, rather than leadership positions, because my desire for harmony and being accepted by the group are compatible with being a "follower" (this is what my mom tells me); whereas being a "leader" requires dealing with conflict and disharmony all the time (not to mention, individual personalities). I used to think #1, but right now I am feeling #2. However, this might be because I am really burned out right now. perhaps this is just an opportunity for me to sit back and take the follower seat until i regain my momentum? hm...
For now I guess I will do this -> "Keep your nose to the grindstone and do exemplary work." However, I think that I should still send him a kindly worded email along the lines of, "I appreciate your opinions, but I believe that they would be better in a setting where we can work on them constructively to improve. In the future, please direct comments to me, rather than involving others." <- something like that, but more gentle and congratulating him on his recent job offer at another place (which he posted all over facebook). I feel that by doing this, I am letting him know that I am aware of what is being said and in a sense I am "checking" him. However, I don't know if this individual is mature enough to handle this email...
Also, it is a given-fact that he had been saying things about our group and specifically me. I may not have the social leverage, but basically what happened was that he had said some things about me to other people in that place (not involved with the project). Months later, I developed a friendship with these people (through socials that my place had and mutual hobbies) and after a particularly stressful meeting, I was just venting and stressing out over dinner. They had told me, "Actually... I wasn't going to tell you, but I think you should know. He's been commenting about this all over and saying some things about you before, but i never believed them because I saw that you were working hard and I didn't see you doing any of the things he said." There have been times at bigger meetings, when he'd start criticizing our group and our group's leadership (me....) to other groups, talking about how we would never be able to do this project and finish it. :sad:
And thanks for the broom analogy. I believe that this individual was a broken broom and I made the poor mistake of deciding to use the broom as it was and also decided to start taking on the functions of the broom. We were actually both appointed as co-managers of the project, although he clearly didn't do his part. The ironic part is that he applied for this position but told the boss up-front that he wasn't sure if he could handle it on his own. The boss contacted me and said he believed I was more than capable of this leadership position and asked me to co-manage. Problems arose when he never addressed the fact that he was busy and couldn't fulfill his responsibilities/just flaked on us... in a team, your weakest link is your strength - so if someone is dragging their feet, not doing their things, and saying "we can't do it," it makes it really hard. Plus, since he is one of the leaders, he shouldn't have been the first to "abandon ship," throwing out his responsibilities, and complaining to other passengers that he doesn't know if the co-captain could navigate. Because he IS the other co-captain. Despite him though, we completed our project successfully.
And thanks again for the broom analogy, I will definitely use this mentality in future work with other people.About future leadership positions, maybe I am being too hard on myself. But I've been thinking about this experience in two ways. 1) It is prepping me to be a better leader in the future, because leadership requires dealing with difficult people and sticky situations (this is what my dad tells me). or 2) It is encouraging me to take more of a follower position, rather than leadership positions, because my desire for harmony and being accepted by the group are compatible with being a "follower" (this is what my mom tells me); whereas being a "leader" requires dealing with conflict and disharmony all the time (not to mention, individual personalities). I used to think #1, but right now I am feeling #2. However, this might be because I am really burned out right now. perhaps this is just an opportunity for me to sit back and take the follower seat until i regain my momentum? hm...
For now I guess I will do this -> "Keep your nose to the grindstone and do exemplary work." However, I think that I should still send him a kindly worded email along the lines of, "I appreciate your opinions, but I believe that they would be better in a setting where we can work on them constructively to improve. In the future, please direct comments to me, rather than involving others." <- something like that, but more gentle and congratulating him on his recent job offer at another place (which he posted all over facebook). I feel that by doing this, I am letting him know that I am aware of what is being said and in a sense I am "checking" him. However, I don't know if this individual is mature enough to handle this email...
