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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I messed up.
Since last year, there has been a guy whom I’ve been good friends with. We were in the same friend group, always hung out together, and just enjoyed each other’s company. After most of our friends left the school, we began spending more alone time together. Aside from the classes we scheduled to take together, we began studying together, going out to eat, cooking, shopping, and soon were spending literally every waking moment together. When some of our friends started dating, we became each other’s +1s and often went on double dates. This semester, we were inseparable.

As we got closer in recent months, he began talking about us dating. I joked around, brushing it off - though with a slight underlying curiosity as to what would happen if we did. A lot of people already thought we were dating, and - at this point - it might have just been easier to put a label on it. It was clear to everyone else that we thought of each other than more than friends. Unfortunately, neither of us had the guts to step up and take our friendship to the next level.

About a month ago, a group of new students joined our school. One of these students was a girl who - as I later found out - was head over heels for my friend. Upon hearing the news from other sources, I found the idea cute and asked my friend if he knew of her. He was aware of her interest but claimed she wasn’t “cute” and constantly complained about her. However, imo, she was intelligent, cute, and a pretty lucky catch for my friend. I teased him about giving her a chance, although he always met my remarks with disdain. Maybe a part of me wanted to use this opportunity to test my own feelings for him. Or maybe my heart just wanted the peace of knowing if he actually liked her or not...
Less than two weeks passed before they had hung out a few times with a group of other new students. He shared little detail about the occasions, and if anything, just complained about her being too “clingy and annoying” and admitted he’d rather spend time with me. It was because of these comments that I was taken by such surprise when - less than 2 weeks after they had met - I found out that he and the other girl had become girlfriend and boyfriend.

Initially, I felt betrayal. It was only by asking my friend, his roommate, that I came to this understanding. A jealous part of me wanted to keep him for myself. As someone who hates cheating, I realized that it would be best if I started keeping my distance from my friend. Despite having encouraged him to give her a chance, the suddenness of their relationship tore my unprepared heart. I understand that my feelings were so selfish.

I’ll try to make the rest of this story short.
After I found out, the next day, the first thing he said to me was “ahhh, if only you had gone out with me... You were the one I really liked.” He must have heard I’d found out about the relationship, which he now neither admitted nor denied.
Why would he say this now!! Rude? Selfish? No.... Fair. I simply told him that he’s lucky to have gotten such a cute girl, and that I wish them the best of luck.
Still, after being asked repeatedly by others why I seemed so sad, I ended up voicing my heartbrokenness to a friend, who eventually snitched and told my guy friend. After hearing the news, he came back more emotional that I had ever seen him. He asked why I hadn’t told him before, and I apologized for hiding my feelings. The logical part of me wondered if I only began liking him because he was less available, and likely out of jealousy... Still, this was so different from anything I had ever experienced. Until now, many of my close friends had been guys, and I was never really down when any of them got girlfriends. (Embarrassingly enough) I’d never even gotten interested enough in one person to have a real boyfriend.

We finally got around to sharing our feelings. He told me that she asked him out, and that he didn’t have the heart to say no to being her bf - after all, he didn’t know how I really felt, and he might as well give it a shot. I told him I genuinely supported their relationship and that I thought he shouldn’t be so negative about her right off the bat. If he really didn’t like her, I said it’d be best for them both if he broke it off, but since it seemed like there was potential, I told him it seemed early to quit. Looking back, I see how selfish I was acting in saying these things. I sincerely apologized for sharing my feelings at such a bad time and asked that we start spending time apart.

Two more weeks have passed. Now, he’s come back, more emotional than ever, and told me he prefers spending time with me. Although he has finally come to see her as “cute”, he said he couldn’t get over not being with me all the time. “I don’t know what to do... Tell me what you want me to do....” I feel like he wants me to tell him to break up with her..? But he said that he feels so bad breaking her heart. Then again, out of nowhere, he just kissed me last week. I pushed him away and said that that was unacceptable. He has since apologized, very genuinely, time and time again. Seeing how he cheated, for her sake, I almost feel like they should break up...

I apologize for the super long read, and I thank anyone who made it this far.

I feel overcome with disappointment in myself for having even the slightest desire for him to break up with the girl (for selfish reasons). Just imagining how heartbreaking it would be to have a girl like me getting in the way, or having a new boyfriend who kissed another girl just makes me want to cry.

In two weeks, school will be over, and I will be going back to Asia for the rest of summer. I felt that, with me away, the two might bond more and that he might be able to forget about me. However, he decided to go back for a month as well and has re-offered his hospitality as well as a tour of his city. “Who knows, maybe we’ll be broken up by then.” Right now, it sounds like the only definite plan they have is a double date to Disneyland in a few weeks, which he told me he wishes he’d never agreed to.

If you were me, what would you do?
I really feel like I’ve been a terrible, shady, unfair person to my friend and the girlfriend, more than anything. If my friend does end up breaking up with her, should I date him?
The girl will be moving back to her home country in winter, but he and I still have 2 years of college left together. From what he told me he realized yesterday, it’s been a while since he’s liked anyone in the way that he likes me (yet he’s still with the other girl).
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you so much for reading my rant. I think that the idea of dating someone in general is just a really big deal for me, since I’ve never really officially been in a relationship before >< That, and the fact that he and the girl are still dating
 

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Thank you so much for reading my rant. I think that the idea of dating someone in general is just a really big deal for me, since I’ve never really officially been in a relationship before >< That, and the fact that he and the girl are still dating
There's nothing wrong with being selfish when it comes to romance. You don't want to spend the rest of your life regretting not giving it a shot. We always regret the things we don't do in life. What's the worst that could happen? You would know for sure if it's meant to be or not.
 

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You would do this girl a service if you told her boyfriend to break up with her, I don't see how it benefits her to date someone who obviously doesn't love her. That being said, your friend clearly lacks assertiveness... it's like you decide about his life, he entrusts painful decisions to you, which is uncool (but you telling him to give that girl a chance wasn't a smart move too so you're quits). He's really fond of you. So, instead of making all 3 of you so sad, just go for it ! Allow yourself to be happy !
 

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I think it's pretty clear you guys are both scared of either being rejected, or dating not working out. I get it, we get it, the human race all gets it- things not working out hurts, there's no way to sugar coat it..

You know how I learned to overcome this? I was about 17-18, there was this INFP in my class I was really into. I literally fancied her instantly, and decided to pursue her. We had great chemistry, and literally used to spend all class flirting loudly with each other- probably making everyone sitting around us feel uncomfortable lol. However, my previous experiences I'd been in social groups with girls and we'd sort of just "got together" without having to say anything- I hadn't "asked a girl out" before. I probably refused to see it, but the idea of it terrified me so much that I think about halfway through the year I just stopped thinking about it, and I even went out on "dates" with another girl. Toward the end of the year things started to ramp up though- I was part of the hipster group hanging out in the smoking shed, while she was a "nice girl" who hung out in the library, but I noticed she would hover round to talk to me even though she would never normally come to the areas I used to hang out, find excuses to talk about homework, if I was doing work in the library before lesson she'd wait for me to finish so we could walk together, etc. If I asked her to pass me a pencil she'd brush literally tomato red. It was the most obvious thing, it's blatently obvious now, and I was pretty sure even then.. I knew she was absolutely infatuated with me, and I was with her too. Things come to a point during final exams, because it's now my last chance to ask. After exams she waits for me, and we walk together. I still remember this moment, it's not as crushing anymore since it's been many years, and I've experienced worse heartbreak by now, but at some point it was because the details are still imprinted in my brain. At a certain point as we are about to part, she looks at me expectancy....... and I say goodbye- I know what she expects, she wants me to ask her out, but I am WAYYYY too terrified, I am literally shaking a little bit. When it doesn't come, I can see it in her face- a mixture of confusion and hurt. She walks the wrong way in her disorientation, before realising she drove in and the car park is in the other direction. I see her walk with a numb expression on her face, and honestly I don't know what is the matter with me. I feel this crazy sense of loss and regret, but I'm still too scared, so I just let it go. Just let it go and watch it float away. Literally the lamest I've maybe ever felt.

I think I was gutted about that for about a solid year- but in my case I needed that to happen, because I needed to know how much regret sucks, so that I would never fail to ask someone out again. Why am I telling that unnecessarily convoluted story from nearly a decade ago? Partly I have no idea, but I'm also trying to say that it's honestly just better to learn the lesson the easy way than the hard way. I actually saw that girl again last year wearing business attire- there was a flicker of recognition and then we just walked past each other.

but yeah, I've never regretted heartbreak, while I definitely regretted that moment of not taking the chance at all.
 

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I messed up.
Since last year, there has been a guy whom I’ve been good friends with. We were in the same friend group, always hung out together, and just enjoyed each other’s company. After most of our friends left the school, we began spending more alone time together. Aside from the classes we scheduled to take together, we began studying together, going out to eat, cooking, shopping, and soon were spending literally every waking moment together. When some of our friends started dating, we became each other’s +1s and often went on double dates. This semester, we were inseparable.

As we got closer in recent months, he began talking about us dating. I joked around, brushing it off - though with a slight underlying curiosity as to what would happen if we did. A lot of people already thought we were dating, and - at this point - it might have just been easier to put a label on it. It was clear to everyone else that we thought of each other than more than friends. Unfortunately, neither of us had the guts to step up and take our friendship to the next level.

About a month ago, a group of new students joined our school. One of these students was a girl who - as I later found out - was head over heels for my friend. Upon hearing the news from other sources, I found the idea cute and asked my friend if he knew of her. He was aware of her interest but claimed she wasn’t “cute” and constantly complained about her. However, imo, she was intelligent, cute, and a pretty lucky catch for my friend. I teased him about giving her a chance, although he always met my remarks with disdain. Maybe a part of me wanted to use this opportunity to test my own feelings for him. Or maybe my heart just wanted the peace of knowing if he actually liked her or not...
Less than two weeks passed before they had hung out a few times with a group of other new students. He shared little detail about the occasions, and if anything, just complained about her being too “clingy and annoying” and admitted he’d rather spend time with me. It was because of these comments that I was taken by such surprise when - less than 2 weeks after they had met - I found out that he and the other girl had become girlfriend and boyfriend.

Initially, I felt betrayal. It was only by asking my friend, his roommate, that I came to this understanding. A jealous part of me wanted to keep him for myself. As someone who hates cheating, I realized that it would be best if I started keeping my distance from my friend. Despite having encouraged him to give her a chance, the suddenness of their relationship tore my unprepared heart. I understand that my feelings were so selfish.

I’ll try to make the rest of this story short.
After I found out, the next day, the first thing he said to me was “ahhh, if only you had gone out with me... You were the one I really liked.” He must have heard I’d found out about the relationship, which he now neither admitted nor denied.
Why would he say this now!! Rude? Selfish? No.... Fair. I simply told him that he’s lucky to have gotten such a cute girl, and that I wish them the best of luck.
Still, after being asked repeatedly by others why I seemed so sad, I ended up voicing my heartbrokenness to a friend, who eventually snitched and told my guy friend. After hearing the news, he came back more emotional that I had ever seen him. He asked why I hadn’t told him before, and I apologized for hiding my feelings. The logical part of me wondered if I only began liking him because he was less available, and likely out of jealousy... Still, this was so different from anything I had ever experienced. Until now, many of my close friends had been guys, and I was never really down when any of them got girlfriends. (Embarrassingly enough) I’d never even gotten interested enough in one person to have a real boyfriend.

We finally got around to sharing our feelings. He told me that she asked him out, and that he didn’t have the heart to say no to being her bf - after all, he didn’t know how I really felt, and he might as well give it a shot. I told him I genuinely supported their relationship and that I thought he shouldn’t be so negative about her right off the bat. If he really didn’t like her, I said it’d be best for them both if he broke it off, but since it seemed like there was potential, I told him it seemed early to quit. Looking back, I see how selfish I was acting in saying these things. I sincerely apologized for sharing my feelings at such a bad time and asked that we start spending time apart.

Two more weeks have passed. Now, he’s come back, more emotional than ever, and told me he prefers spending time with me. Although he has finally come to see her as “cute”, he said he couldn’t get over not being with me all the time. “I don’t know what to do... Tell me what you want me to do....” I feel like he wants me to tell him to break up with her..? But he said that he feels so bad breaking her heart. Then again, out of nowhere, he just kissed me last week. I pushed him away and said that that was unacceptable. He has since apologized, very genuinely, time and time again. Seeing how he cheated, for her sake, I almost feel like they should break up...

I apologize for the super long read, and I thank anyone who made it this far.

I feel overcome with disappointment in myself for having even the slightest desire for him to break up with the girl (for selfish reasons). Just imagining how heartbreaking it would be to have a girl like me getting in the way, or having a new boyfriend who kissed another girl just makes me want to cry.

In two weeks, school will be over, and I will be going back to Asia for the rest of summer. I felt that, with me away, the two might bond more and that he might be able to forget about me. However, he decided to go back for a month as well and has re-offered his hospitality as well as a tour of his city. “Who knows, maybe we’ll be broken up by then.” Right now, it sounds like the only definite plan they have is a double date to Disneyland in a few weeks, which he told me he wishes he’d never agreed to.

If you were me, what would you do?
I really feel like I’ve been a terrible, shady, unfair person to my friend and the girlfriend, more than anything. If my friend does end up breaking up with her, should I date him?
The girl will be moving back to her home country in winter, but he and I still have 2 years of college left together. From what he told me he realized yesterday, it’s been a while since he’s liked anyone in the way that he likes me (yet he’s still with the other girl).
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Ditch him. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but you are well out of his league. If you date him, you will eventually grow sick and tired of his needy behaviour, and leave him. It will break his heart, and you will eat yourself out of guilt. Never date down as an ENFP. No one should date down, but due to the naturally high levels of emotional intelligence Enfps possess, dependent people grow extremely attached to us, and when we eventually break their hearts, we know exactly how deep the damage is, and the subsequent guilt can destroy us.

You're an extremely rare flower. Innocent, yet somewhat mature. Don't settle for a loser.
 

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You should definitely give this chance to this important friendship. You were there first, this girl is the newcomer. He is obviously miserable not dating you. Date him and no regrets if you think there is any chance at al of there being romance there, finding a friendship that is very important to grow into a romance sounds amazing. my advice as someone who thought like you and was much in the same situation. Friend to romance is perfect...
No regrets...
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
There's nothing wrong with being selfish when it comes to romance. You don't want to spend the rest of your life regretting not giving it a shot. We always regret the things we don't do in life. What's the worst that could happen? You would know for sure if it's meant to be or not.
I’m not sure I want to be selfish, but I really don’t want to regret not taking this step either. In the end, I feel like there’s always something to regret... I just have to decide if this will become one of those things
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
You would do this girl a service if you told her boyfriend to break up with her, I don't see how it benefits her to date someone who obviously doesn't love her. That being said, your friend clearly lacks assertiveness... it's like you decide about his life, he entrusts painful decisions to you, which is uncool (but you telling him to give that girl a chance wasn't a smart move too so you're quits). He's really fond of you. So, instead of making all 3 of you so sad, just go for it ! Allow yourself to be happy !
Regardless of whether my friend and I date or not, I agree that it’d be in the girl’s best interests if she stopped dating him. If I was in her position, and knew all of the things he’d been telling me, I’d want to break up too ):

A bit unrelated, but I was definitely surprised when he seemed okay cheating on her with me. I asked him if he’d cheat on me if we dated, and he said there’s no way... considering how close our relationship is, I want to feel that I’m really that special to him, but I imagine that’s what most cheaters say....
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I think it's pretty clear you guys are both scared of either being rejected, or dating not working out. I get it, we get it, the human race all gets it- things not working out hurts, there's no way to sugar coat it..

You know how I learned to overcome this? I was about 17-18, there was this INFP in my class I was really into. I literally fancied her instantly, and decided to pursue her. We had great chemistry, and literally used to spend all class flirting loudly with each other- probably making everyone sitting around us feel uncomfortable lol. However, my previous experiences I'd been in social groups with girls and we'd sort of just "got together" without having to say anything- I hadn't "asked a girl out" before. I probably refused to see it, but the idea of it terrified me so much that I think about halfway through the year I just stopped thinking about it, and I even went out on "dates" with another girl. Toward the end of the year things started to ramp up though- I was part of the hipster group hanging out in the smoking shed, while she was a "nice girl" who hung out in the library, but I noticed she would hover round to talk to me even though she would never normally come to the areas I used to hang out, find excuses to talk about homework, if I was doing work in the library before lesson she'd wait for me to finish so we could walk together, etc. If I asked her to pass me a pencil she'd brush literally tomato red. It was the most obvious thing, it's blatently obvious now, and I was pretty sure even then.. I knew she was absolutely infatuated with me, and I was with her too. Things come to a point during final exams, because it's now my last chance to ask. After exams she waits for me, and we walk together. I still remember this moment, it's not as crushing anymore since it's been many years, and I've experienced worse heartbreak by now, but at some point it was because the details are still imprinted in my brain. At a certain point as we are about to part, she looks at me expectancy....... and I say goodbye- I know what she expects, she wants me to ask her out, but I am WAYYYY too terrified, I am literally shaking a little bit. When it doesn't come, I can see it in her face- a mixture of confusion and hurt. She walks the wrong way in her disorientation, before realising she drove in and the car park is in the other direction. I see her walk with a numb expression on her face, and honestly I don't know what is the matter with me. I feel this crazy sense of loss and regret, but I'm still too scared, so I just let it go. Just let it go and watch it float away. Literally the lamest I've maybe ever felt.

I think I was gutted about that for about a solid year- but in my case I needed that to happen, because I needed to know how much regret sucks, so that I would never fail to ask someone out again. Why am I telling that unnecessarily convoluted story from nearly a decade ago? Partly I have no idea, but I'm also trying to say that it's honestly just better to learn the lesson the easy way than the hard way. I actually saw that girl again last year wearing business attire- there was a flicker of recognition and then we just walked past each other.

but yeah, I've never regretted heartbreak, while I definitely regretted that moment of not taking the chance at all.
Thank you so much for sharing your story!!!! It’s so sweet, so innocent, but so heartbreaking at the same time )’: I’m currently 19, and I feel like what I’m going through might be similar to how you felt at that age... the only difference might just be that I don’t (or didn’t) feel as much of a romantic attraction to the guy. If anything, for the first month or so I actually thought he might be gay haha
In my mind, he was just another friend, but now I see that he was so much more. Your story really makes me want to try taking that step and seeing if things will work out for us. I’ll let you know if they do&#55357;&#56844;&#55357;&#56911;
 

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A bit unrelated, but I was definitely surprised when he seemed okay cheating on her with me. I asked him if he’d cheat on me if we dated, and he said there’s no way... considering how close our relationship is, I want to feel that I’m really that special to him, but I imagine that’s what most cheaters say....
It is, but that does not mean this guy is a cheater. He is probably just a needy guy who confuses his want for your ability to take away his insecurities with love. If he is indeed a needy guy, then he more than likely wants you so badly that he is willing to sacrifice anything, including his values in order to get closer to you. This is a quality naive women find attractive. An ENFJ friend of mine gets his heart broken every other month because he is a needy guy who will do anything to be with whatever woman he is pursuing. They fall for his vulnerability and uncompromising desire. A month or 2 later, the magic wears off, women grow aware of his needy behaviour, and they dump him. He gets heartbroken, smokes a lot of weed, tells me all about it, I quietly laugh on the inside, he thanks me for listening and says he feels better and asks me if I'll be his wing man at which point I usually burst out in laughter as I remember why I'm friends with this nut case in the first place. I have a special place in my heart for crack heads who are high on being themselves. :eek:h:
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
While I haven’t had the chance to reply to everyone’s comments, I want to say thank you all so much! Your input has really helped me in seeing the situation from different perspectives.
On another note (although idk if anyone is interested lol), I’d like to add an update to the story.
Despite knowing I should spend time apart from him, I’ve found this especially difficult since we really only have two more weeks together before summer break. I hate that I can’t turn down his invitations to study or go shopping together despite everything I’d previously said. As for him, while I’m still not entirely sure of his feelings, he becomes very clingy whenever we are alone. Elevators, escalators, and any deserted parts of school have pretty much become chances for him to try to kiss me. Despite my feelings, I continue to push him away. He still claims that he doesn’t like his girlfriend, although it seems she’s now become someone he considers a friend. I’ve come to the knowledge that she’s spent some nights with him, and between this and the fact that he’s been so touchy towards myself lately, I finally came to the point of telling him it’s either her or me. His response: he’ll try to move their relationship towards breaking up... although, he really doesn’t want to make his gf cry; in the meantime, he looks forward to the time that we will spend in japan together and hopes to take me on a real date then.
For now, tomorrow is our geol101 final, so we’ll spend the rest of the night together studying.
As much as I enjoy my friend’s company, I’ve grown tired of his indecisiveness, as well as my lameness in not being able to stay away, and really just wish I could stop having feelings for him. Anything to remove myself from this messy cheating situation.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
In other words -
I feel like this relationship is messing me up as a person and I should probably just drop him.
 

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In other words -
I feel like this relationship is messing me up as a person and I should probably just drop him.
My questions were wrong, I had to read the update.
You mean.... he says he likes you.... you have clearly said that you like him?
Yet he didn't immediately break up with the new gf and go with you?

Not cool. Not what I expected. I'd tell him drop her now or else forget it.
 
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
My questions were wrong, I had to read the update.
You mean.... he says he likes you.... you have clearly said that you like him?
Yet he didn't immediately break up with the new gf and go with you?

Not cool. Not what I expected. I'd tell him drop her now or else forget it.
This is wrong, right?

We’ve made it clear on multiple occasions that we truly like each other...

We hadn’t gotten to studying yet when he left to go to the gym with another guy. He just called asking where I was, saying he’d meet me with the gf so we could all study together. But...Wouldn’t that make anyone uncomfortable...???

He doesn’t understand my reasoning, and I’ve decided to study alone.
 

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This is wrong, right?

We’ve made it clear on multiple occasions that we truly like each other...

We hadn’t gotten to studying yet when he left to go to the gym with another guy. He just called asking where I was, saying he’d meet me with the gf so we could all study together. But...Wouldn’t that make anyone uncomfortable...???

He doesn’t understand my reasoning, and I’ve decided to study alone.
It sounds like due to the past communication and probably everyone being inexperienced, everything is really confusing. Make sure you are communicating your expectations and feelings very clearly, and find out what he wants very clearly, otherwise you might have regrets later. As long as you've got the clear communication then I think you'll know what to do.
 
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While I haven’t had the chance to reply to everyone’s comments, I want to say thank you all so much! Your input has really helped me in seeing the situation from different perspectives.
On another note (although idk if anyone is interested lol), I’d like to add an update to the story.
Despite knowing I should spend time apart from him, I’ve found this especially difficult since we really only have two more weeks together before summer break. I hate that I can’t turn down his invitations to study or go shopping together despite everything I’d previously said. As for him, while I’m still not entirely sure of his feelings, he becomes very clingy whenever we are alone. Elevators, escalators, and any deserted parts of school have pretty much become chances for him to try to kiss me. Despite my feelings, I continue to push him away. He still claims that he doesn’t like his girlfriend, although it seems she’s now become someone he considers a friend. I’ve come to the knowledge that she’s spent some nights with him, and between this and the fact that he’s been so touchy towards myself lately, I finally came to the point of telling him it’s either her or me. His response: he’ll try to move their relationship towards breaking up... although, he really doesn’t want to make his gf cry; in the meantime, he looks forward to the time that we will spend in japan together and hopes to take me on a real date then.
For now, tomorrow is our geol101 final, so we’ll spend the rest of the night together studying.
As much as I enjoy my friend’s company, I’ve grown tired of his indecisiveness, as well as my lameness in not being able to stay away, and really just wish I could stop having feelings for him. Anything to remove myself from this messy cheating situation.
I've read through the whole thread and I gotta say... I think it's best in the long run if you drop him. It'll hurt, but I think you can do better. It would probably be good for him, too.

You called him indecisive, but it's a whole lot more than indecision here: there's a lot of cowardice. He isn't breaking up with his girlfriend, not because he's indecisive, but because he refuses to face the music and rip the band-aid off. You need to realize something: he's going to drag this poor girl through the mud for weeks or months or more and destroy her mentally and emotionally for who knows how long because he's not man enough to be up front and honest with her about what he wants and feels. If you think a breakup would hurt her now, imagine how she'll be hurting in a few weeks? He hasn't broken up with her, not because he cares about her feelings, but because he cares about his comfort. You cannot build a long-term relationship with a man like that because they will not work through life's problems with you, simply because dealing with problems makes them feel uncomfortable.

Even when what he is doing to avoid this responsibility is morally wrong (cheating, repeatedly), he would still rather do that than confront the responsibility. He would rather avoid the problem than do what is kind. Make no mistake: he isn't avoiding the breakup because he cares about her feelings - he's avoiding it because he doesn't want to have to deal with it because it makes him uncomfortable. Can your conscience allow you to be with someone like that in the long run? Judging by what you've already said, I seriously doubt it, and I think if you ever did get into that place where you could, you'd have to be in pretty rough shape.

Is there a possibility he could mature and work on this aspect of himself? Yes, but don't bank on it, and don't wait around hoping for it. You need to be working on the exact same thing in yourself. (You are not without some responsibility in this situation, but you're already aware of that.)

Believe me when I tell you that you do not want to be lugging a man-child around for the rest of your life trying to get him to communicate clearly with you while he pushes responsibilities off on you the whole time.

I think you will have some regrets about this situation either way in the long run, but I think it's pretty obvious which way will ultimately cause you more of them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I thank everyone again for the truly helpful insight and input you’ve so kindly provided. Though I’d forgotten about this post for a while, I feel compelled to add an update to this thread in case someone out there is in a similar situation.
As of recently, I have finally come to my senses and realized that this guy was not the one to chase. In the end, things broke off because I was unwilling to meet his needs in bed.... I couldn’t comply to his desires because of our different beliefs and values, but as I realized, it wasn’t worth trying to being with someone who constantly wanted what I couldn’t and wouldn’t give him. By broke off, maybe what I mean is that... my feelings finally faded. For him, on the other hand - I’m not sure they’ve changed, for better or for worse. In addition to promising to take me out a lot over break, I hear from others that he still talks about me to his gf.
What finally helped me to get over this guy was a new, unexpected character. This new man... He is kind, incredibly thoughtful, caring, compassionate, funny, and someone who I can talk through issues with instead of having to feel like I’m working on them alone, like the previously mentioned guy. This new guy is completely understanding of my limits and doesn’t want to strip me of the values I’ve clung to for my entire life. Our approach to everything is very similar, and since we have similar desires in a relationship, I feel that this might really last a while.
I am so grateful for this new guy for helping me to see that there are people who are a way better fit for myself than the last person!
If anyone was in a similar situation, I hope it doesn’t take you too long to realize the flaws/inevitable differences in someone, as it did for me.
And, I hope true love finds you soon :)
 

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@creampuff62. Thank you for the update. You’re young, there is lots to learn and you just learned a big one: never be with anyone who pressures you to drop your values or be less than who you are. Awesome!
 
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