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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Back in 2016, I met a guy online after he made a video about My Little Pony and MBTI. (I can't go into too much detail because I'm gonna talk about a few things that he might not want people to know about.) He had mentioned in one video that he had been in a Fi-Si loop, so I asked him for help figuring out if I was experiencing one (I am), and we became friends. He's nine-and-a-half years older than me, but it doesn't feel like it. We have a lot in common. We have some disagreements because of different religious beliefs (we're both Christians, but he thinks that Harry Potter is against the Bible and homosexuality is wrong while I love Harry Potter and I believe that homosexuality IS NOT a sin), but most of the time we just avoid the topics. But he ships Twilight and Princess Celestia and he feels bad about it, so I decided to try to convince him that it's okay so he wouldn't feel bad anymore. And one of his arguments against it... is that he thinks it's a choice. I tried to explain that it's NOT a choice. I would never have chosen to be bisexual if I had a choice. When I was in eighth grade and realized that I'm bisexual, I felt horrible. (At the time, I thought it was wrong.) I was already very depressed, and realizing that I'm into girls made me feel even worse. I attempted suicide for the first time that year, and a later suicide attempt was triggered by my dad temporarily convincing me that homosexuality is wrong. (I stopped being a Christian in ninth grade. I became a Christian again in November of 2016.) So he seriously thinks that I'm stupid enough to choose something that made me even more depressed! He tried to convince me that something that has caused me A LOT of suffering isn't even real, and I thought he was my friend! (He seems to think that he's suffered just as much as I have, but I've attempted suicide so many times I've lost count while he never acted on his suicidal thoughts, so I'm not sure that's true.) So I blocked him today. But I miss him already... He's one of the few people who I really felt comfortable talking to about all my problems. There are two girls named Brittney and Fiona who I used to talk to about my problems, but I can't anymore. Brittney was overwhelmed by all my problems because she's never had any mental health issues and she felt like she needed to help me but she didn't know how, and Fiona is so busy that she never replies to my text messages anymore. I only talk to her at church. I have a few other friends (sort of), but I can't just suddenly start telling any of them about my problems. I hardly talk to them. I guess they're really more like acquaintances. So now I have no-one. Maybe I should unblock him, but it's really horrible that he told me that something that has caused a lot of suffering for me isn't real. I can think of one other thing that might convince him that I'm not choosing this... But it's really hard to argue with him because he never gives me a chance to respond to anything he says. Should I unblock him and try one last time, or should I just give up? I just can't continue being friends with someone who thinks that I'm choosing to be bisexual when it caused me so much pain when I thought it was wrong. Even though I know he's wrong about me choosing to be bisexual (and about it being wrong), I still feel stupid because he thinks I'm stupid...
 

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Judging from this, it’s a very scary thing that you made a suicide attempt on an issue like this and I’m going to make a guess that you’re in high school. When I was in high school, I did the exact same thing, and I’m gonna tell you now, suicidal ideation is not worth it, there is so much more to experience in life and the world changes your perspective of things as you grow older, just naturally. If Personality Studies state anything important, it would be that, we are bound to develop, change and become stronger and happier versions of ourselves.

what would be the best option for someone else. Write me a story, of someone being given the same situation as you, and tell me what this character (I.e. Peter) would do if he was facing these same challenges, tell me what would be the better option as well, as what would bring him, greatest happiness, and what he needs to look out for.

You will gain greater clarity by doing this.


the way I see this personal situation is, block him as you get to decide who is in or outside your life, and that is based on your own autonomy. Some people are toxic and bring you down, and you need to learn that life demands you have courage to cut certain people out and keep certain people in.

That’s called being independent. Later on in life, you will have a better grasp of it, when you start living by yourself and learning the ropes, but in high school it can be a bit difficult to understand what it truly means. So, be independent
 

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Judging from what you said, you are a responsible and truly good person, for having a moral and religious focus in your life, and following what is right and wrong, even if t meant a compromise on your own physical security and livelihood.

It’s also important to know what you personally value and how I ended up getting to an understanding of that, is through asking personal questions, who do I want to be remembered as? What type of friend?

if you know what you value in the confrontation of death, suicide is less likely an option, because you will find something to live for in time.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
No, I'm not in high school... I'm 20, which you could've learned by looking at my profile. I'm less than two years younger than you. And all but one of my suicide attempts were between the ages of 13 and 15. (Well... All but two if trying to stop breathing when I was nine because I seriously thought it would kill me counts as a suicide attempt. It wasn't a breath-holding tantrum like my dad thought it was. I actually wanted to die. But when my sister told my dad that I was holding my breath while I was in time-out, all he had to do to get me to change my mind was tell me that my body is God's temple and I can't destroy God's temple.) I actually DO live by myself.
 

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EvilShoutyRudolph
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I like pretzels! There, solved it!
 

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Could you not just agree to disagree on this topic and make a deal not to talk about it again, or at least not in a judgmental way?

It might help if you realize that his belief that homosexuality is wrong is not really a choice either. It's probably something that was taught to him and it's very hard to disprove it, so he has no reason to question his belief. Of course it's possible that he might change his mind, but that's probably not going to happen any time soon.

So the question of whether to unblock him depends on whether you think you can respect each other's beliefs, either by not talking about this particular topic, or by doing so in a respectful way.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Could you not just agree to disagree on this topic and make a deal not to talk about it again, or at least not in a judgmental way?

It might help if you realize that his belief that homosexuality is wrong is not really a choice either. It's probably something that was taught to him and it's very hard to disprove it, so he has no reason to question his belief. Of course it's possible that he might change his mind, but that's probably not going to happen any time soon.

So the question of whether to unblock him depends on whether you think you can respect each other's beliefs, either by not talking about this particular topic, or by doing so in a respectful way.
The problem isn't that he thinks it's wrong. Obviously I would prefer if he didn't think that, but I can tolerate it if he at least recognizes that it isn't a choice. The issue is that he thinks I CHOSE to be bisexual, even though it made me even more severely depressed than I would've normally been. He thinks I could just choose for it to go away. Obviously I can't choose for it to go away or I would've! Why would I continue to choose such a thing when it was causing me so much pain?! Wouldn't YOU be offended if your "friend" thought that you were just choosing something that was causing you a lot of pain, even though you seriously had no control over it?! Believe me, I really did try to not be into girls, but I couldn't! There is one more thing that might prove to him that it's real, but I can't post it here because it has to do with sex and I'm worried that it would get deleted.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Also, I only blocked him on Facebook. He has other ways of contacting me. I'm kind of hoping that he'll email me and apologize... But he probably won't.
 

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That's sad sometimes to lose a friend, but sometimes it happens and there's nothing we can do about it.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
That's sad sometimes to lose a friend, but sometimes it happens and there's nothing we can do about it.

You understand that I don't have anyone else who I can talk to about serious stuff, right? Fiona's too busy to reply to my text messages and Brittney got totally overwhelmed when I told her about my problems. I moved in September and I don't make friends quickly or easily, so I only have two friends who I talk to regularly (really just once a week): Fiona and a girl named Ashton. (I'm living in an apartment that my grandparents own, so they require me to go to the church that they went to back when they lived here and will be attending when they move back. Fiona and Ashton are both girls from church.) I've known Fiona since I was 10 (I visited my grandparents for a week when I was 10 and they chose a girl from church around my age for me to play with and that was Fiona) and she's someone who I can talk to without her getting overwhelmed by my problems, but she's so busy with work, college, and dance class that she almost never replies to my text messages. And I hardly know Ashton. I don't even have her phone number. Becoming close friends with her would take months and months, if it would happen at all. Plus she's only 16, so I shouldn't burden her with my problems. And if I get accepted into Job Corps, I won't get to talk to Fiona at all because I won't be going to the center in my city (they don't have any trades I'm interested in) and I'll have to start over completely. (And I'm always afraid that I'll make people hate me, which causes making friends to take forever.) I might go to the Job Corps center where I used to live and then I'll be able to see my friends again, but only if I decide I'd rather be a computer technician than a pharmacy technician. If I decide to be a pharmacy technician, I'll have to go to Nevada or something. I'm guessing the reason neither of the centers in Arizona have pharmacy technician as a possible career path is because the requirements to become a pharmacy technician aren't as strict here.
 

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The problem isn't that he thinks it's wrong. Obviously I would prefer if he didn't think that, but I can tolerate it if he at least recognizes that it isn't a choice. The issue is that he thinks I CHOSE to be bisexual, even though it made me even more severely depressed than I would've normally been. He thinks I could just choose for it to go away. Obviously I can't choose for it to go away or I would've! Why would I continue to choose such a thing when it was causing me so much pain?! Wouldn't YOU be offended if your "friend" thought that you were just choosing something that was causing you a lot of pain, even though you seriously had no control over it?! Believe me, I really did try to not be into girls, but I couldn't! There is one more thing that might prove to him that it's real, but I can't post it here because it has to do with sex and I'm worried that it would get deleted.
I'm not sure how I would feel if one of my friends thought I chose something that was outside my control and caused me a lot of pain. I've luckily never had to experience that. I can imagine it would be very painful though.

The point I was trying to make however is that he was probably just taught that homosexuality is a choice and doesn't understand that it isn't, and that claiming it is is very painful for you.

Basically, I would suggest you give him another chance. Tell him his friendship means a lot to you and try to explain to him (again) why you're hurt.
 
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