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I was debating this with my aunt, who most of the time just drives me up the wall. She thinks that parents have every right to monitor what their child does on the internet. To a small extent, I agree that they technically have the RIGHT to do it since parents generally the ones that buy computers for their kids. But honestly, I feel like it's an invasion of privacy and is just down right creepy. I feel like if parents worry so much about their kids giving out too much information online or forming online relationships with strangers, they should inform their kids of the dangers of doing this and have a serious talk to them about it early on. It just feels like freaking STALKING or peeping for goodness sake!

I am honestly more open with how I feel online and usually have personal conversations with my friends online (not random strangers online--my real friends HAHA). It's almost like writing in a diary, so I would feel like my privacy is being threatened.

What do you guys think?

Why this is in the INFP section.... is because I just like you guys. You guys give nice, elaborate answers.
 

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I think allowing a certain amount of freedom is a good thing as long as the child is responsible, isn't misusing it, and understands the dangers. Perhaps occasionally checking in can be okay, but stalking is crossing the line. If the relationship between the parent and child is good, there should already be some kind of mutual trust.
 

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If I had a kid I wouldn't even let them use the internet until they were 14-15. I probably wouldn't monitor them because I know I hate that sort of thing, but I would try to warn them about the dangers and such.
 

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I don't want to say if it's right or wrong, because if I had a kid myself, I'd be at least a bit scared about what kind of stuff they find in there.

But looking back to all the knowledge I've discovered through internet, I would not stop someone else from doing similar things. I started seriously exploring the internet when I was around 11, although back then the internet wasn't like what it is today. Still, I wouldn't be what I am today without my freedom in the internet, seriously. (It was especially important because I was basically always trapped at home in real life. Few friends, can't get anywhere without a car). I think if I weren't so addicted to the internet, I might have tried to satisfy my curiosities by actually mixing with the party/sex/drugs kids. You see, getting high on ("corrupting") knowledge without physical harm is obviously better to parents.

So I think parents should not be able to monitor and censor kids from things that are out there (even in the real world). As for internet safety, all they can do is make sure that their kids know the risks of doing certain things, and hope that their kids would believe at least parts of it and be responsible and intelligent enough to not get in trouble. The kids should be fine if they weren't some Myspace/chatroom or camera ho and don't have a credit/debit card or give away their SSN.

But then, your parents probably know less about the internet than you do :p

By the way, you know, I always tell really private stories of my experiences online, but so far I've never gotten in trouble from it. Maybe it's partly because I never really had online friends (just many online acquaintances). So it's almost like being anonymous. I think internet is a great place for venting and giving/receiving honest opinions. I don't like it when it starts becoming a stage for popularity contests and personal dramas, because it's like real life with the bad parts magnified.
 

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I treat my kids as the individuals they are. My wife and I do our best to explain rules about sharing information, and they seem to get it. We give them freedom, but we check up on them and keep a dialog going regarding what they are doing, who they talk to. We have warned them that they really have no idea who they are talking to and that there are sick adults who pretend to be kids.

You youngsters need to understand, us parents feel the need to protect you from these creeps. Parents didn't have the internet when we were you age, so it may be difficult for some to relate to their kids in regards to online activities.
 

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Lol, yes.

As my kid, your privacy is a privilege, not a right. And even then I can violate it at any time because lol, I am your parent. As my responsibility to make sure you don't end up majorly misinformed, corrupted and/or dead, I am going to monitor the hell out of you if I feel like it. Sure, I'll pretend to "respect" your "freedom," but ultimately all decisions are mine.
 

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Lol, yes.

As my kid, your privacy is a privilege, not a right. And even then I can violate it at any time because lol, I am your parent. As my responsibility to make sure you don't end up majorly misinformed, corrupted and/or dead, I am going to monitor the hell out of you if I feel like it. Sure, I'll pretend to "respect" your "freedom," but ultimately all decisions are mine.
I dont want to start a arguement but.... are you a troll? Considering your name and what you said, you simply dont sound like a INFP at all and sound outright mean and cruel, If your are kindly leave this forum, Now.

If that is your actual opinion im not sure what to say other than maybe retake the test and check if your actually a INFP because im doubting it.

Thanks and have a nice day.
 

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I think allowing a certain amount of freedom is a good thing as long as the child is responsible, isn't misusing it, and understands the dangers. Perhaps occasionally checking in can be okay, but stalking is crossing the line. If the relationship between the parent and child is good, there should already be some kind of mutual trust.
Yeah, I see parents' main role as equipping their children to live healthy, successful, independent lives so that no monitoring is necessary.

Some kids are more liable to get themselves into trouble and be untrustworthy, and thus need more oversight; other kids are better at perceiving what is good vs bad for them, and monitoring themselves.

The goal shouldn't be to monitor and control indefinitely, it should be to raise a child to eventually monitor their own behavior sufficiently enough to live successfully and happily. If that means some children need more oversight, though, then so be it.

I dont want to start a arguement but.... are you a troll? Considering your name and what you said, you simply dont sound like a INFP at all and sound outright mean and cruel, If your are kindly leave this forum, Now.

If that is your actual opinion im not sure what to say other than maybe retake the test and check if your actually a INFP because im doubting it.

Thanks and have a nice day.
I'm not really appreciative when people's first response to comments is to try to un-type or re-type the poster, regardless. It's irrelevant and essentially just a form of passive-aggression. Focus on content instead.
 

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I believe every parent should at least have the right to ask their kids what they're looking at on the internet. If rapport exists between parent and child, their simply shouldn't be any trouble within the issue at hand I feel. When I eventually have kids one day, I'll want to give them a lot of freedom (Not enough so they can do absolutely anything, but I want to be flexible), but I will show them the ropes regardless of whether they appreciate it or not, as teaching them good values is a necessity.

Growing up, I was never monitored on the internet by my parents or anyone else. I was very quickly able to teach myself the ropes and I adapted very easily to the environment due to my iNtuitive self. However, not everyone is like that. No child and no parent will be perfect, there are going to be exceptions at times.

Edit - nvm
 

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I dont want to start a arguement but.... are you a troll? Considering your name and what you said, you simply dont sound like a INFP at all and sound outright mean and cruel, If your are kindly leave this forum, Now.

If that is your actual opinion im not sure what to say other than maybe retake the test and check if your actually a INFP because im doubting it.

Thanks and have a nice day.
I love Her user name!

You need to understand what it is like being a parent and INFP in this world. We have those dark thoughts and don't want ANYTHING bad happening to our kiddies, quite a combo. I am highly introverted but, mess with my kids and I have no problem unleashing my fury on you.

You shouldn't be so quick to accuse someone of being a troll, did you even look at her previous posts?
 

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There seems to be a bigger question behind the question, which is to what extent do parents have the right to control their children? I'm thinking to the extent of preventing the kid from causing harm to him/herself or to others. "Harm" could be mental, emotional or physical. Other than that, I think its a good idea to let kids explore their interests, and find out what their strengths are, to help them decide what they want to be when they grow up.

When it comes to the internet, there is a bunch of software out there that block offensive websites, so I would use something like that to prevent young kids from looking at porn. The only problem would be at what age do you stop using a family filter. 18 would be an obvious answer, but kids become sexually active years before then, and if you stop teens from looking at porn they'll just find other ways to satisfy their sexual desires, including actual sex or buying porn from the store. If you were to, say, stop using the filter at age 15, it would be like saying "you're allowed to look at porn now."
 

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I dont want to start a arguement but.... are you a troll? Considering your name and what you said, you simply dont sound like a INFP at all and sound outright mean and cruel, If your are kindly leave this forum, Now.

If that is your actual opinion im not sure what to say other than maybe retake the test and check if your actually a INFP because im doubting it.
Sorry you don't like my username :crying: No, I'm not a troll and what I said is my real opinion. I suggest you read a little about cognitive functions and stop relying so heavily on those tests (or "the test") before you assume all INFPs are going to take a similar stance on things--especially parenting which is a very personal matter. I don't think anything I said was mean or cruel, merely authoritative.


I love Her user name!
[hug smiley] (there is none ;-;)
 

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To those parents that have posted in this thread, I'm curious as to at what age you would stop monitoring their internet usage.

Growing up, this was a real source of frustration for me(Teenage years). Even recently, when I've moved back at home at twenty-two(hopefully this will be ending soon!), I've had some fights with them about this subject. I would never leave my laptop open where they could get to it, I do not trust them. They want to install a filter on my computer. This is not a good situation for me and probably not a good one for them, but at the moment I have no money(I'm working on this!) and nowhere to go. This is probably quite an extreme case!
 
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Sorry you don't like my username :crying: No, I'm not a troll and what I said is my real opinion. I suggest you read a little about cognitive functions and stop relying so heavily on those tests (or "the test") before you assume all INFPs are going to take a similar stance on things--especially parenting which is a very personal matter. I don't think anything I said was mean or cruel, merely authoritative.


[hug smiley] (there is none ;-;)

Okay then sorry for being mean then DX, Just seemed kinda mean to me is all...........=( That and trolls tend to often have names similarly looking to yours.
 

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When it comes to the internet, there is a bunch of software out there that block offensive websites, so I would use something like that to prevent young kids from looking at porn.
My dad never installed one of these when I was younger, and I think I'd have been offended if he did. There existed an open dialogue between us which entailed a certain amount of trust. I don't think I would want to censor the Internet for my hypothetical child, which is why such strict monitoring would be so important. If I discovered s/he came across something I thought needed explaining, well then we'd sit down and discuss it.


Even recently, when I've moved back at home at twenty-two(hopefully this will be ending soon!), I've had some fights with them about this subject. I would never leave my laptop open where they could get to it, I do not trust them. They want to install a filter on my computer.
Lol, yikes. I didn't make the distinction clear in my first post but by monitoring I don't necessarily mean restricting or censoring, though there are times where that might be the case. But not once you move out... even if you come back for a bit. By that age I'd have more respect for you as an individual.
 

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Lol, yikes. I didn't make the distinction clear in my first post but by monitoring I don't necessarily mean restricting or censoring, though there are times where that might be the case. But not once you move out... even if you come back for a bit. By that age I'd have more respect for you as an individual.
Im curious at what age you would stop strictly monitoring your child, or what age you would have "more respect for you as a individual" just curious (trying to not be mean, feeling a bit guilty about that now DX)

Alot of my curiosity stems from the fact im 14 and glad ive never been monitored in term of my internet usage.
 

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Yes. My computer, my internet connection, my kid. My responsibility. Imagine the internet being a place to visit. The shelves would be lined with porn, lies, hatred, misinformation, etc. Would you let your kid wander into that place? It would be illegal if it existed.
Sorry, my kid's life is teacups, trains and tutus until adulthood. He will be educated on such adult things properly when he is a teenager, not by bigboobypron.com
 

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Parents have not only the right, but the obligation be aware of what their children are doing and responsible for protecting them. With that said, I think good parenting results in little to no actual monitoring and a lot of honest, loving communication about everything under the sun.
 

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I'm a huge advocate for freedom / privacy, but the internet is not a pretty place. I think some of the material can be desensitizing and very bad for children.

But good parenting doesn't come from power, it comes from respect and trust.

When I have my own kids, I won't ever control them, but I'll sure as hell try to make sure that they see me as a better place to learn about life than Yahoo Answers.
 

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There seems to be a bigger question behind the question, which is to what extent do parents have the right to control their children? I'm thinking to the extent of preventing the kid from causing harm to him/herself or to others. "Harm" could be mental, emotional or physical. Other than that, I think its a good idea to let kids explore their interests, and find out what their strengths are, to help them decide what they want to be when they grow up.

When it comes to the internet, there is a bunch of software out there that block offensive websites, so I would use something like that to prevent young kids from looking at porn. The only problem would be at what age do you stop using a family filter. 18 would be an obvious answer, but kids become sexually active years before then, and if you stop teens from looking at porn they'll just find other ways to satisfy their sexual desires, including actual sex or buying porn from the store. If you were to, say, stop using the filter at age 15, it would be like saying "you're allowed to look at porn now."
I definitely agree with the first bit, but I think the problem arises when parents see every situation as potentially dangerous for their child. Basically, life is dangerous, and there are some parents who feel that as a result they have to protect their child (child being a general term, I'm talking about kids old enough to use the internet) 24/7. I don't know how my parents managed to do such a good job creating fair and safe boundaries for me, but I was lucky in that regard.

I think I might use that software when the kid was really young, say under 12, and hope it would just prevent them from stumbling on anything they wouldn't want to see (what 10-year-old is going to search for porn anyway? well... actually, who knows). But I was a kid who had very free reign of the internet and I was free to explore all sorts of graphic images no one would ever have wanted me to see (lol). Was I appalled by what I saw? Yep. Did it cause psychological damage? None as far as I am aware. Did it cause me to start having sex prematurely? Decidedly not. Was it an education (of sorts)? Definitely.

I guess basically what I'm saying is that I don't think looking at porn sites is going to make a kid change his/her natural tendencies; if he/she is going to start having sex at a young age, he/she will do so regardless of whether or not mom and dad installed an internet porn filter.

I will add, though, that at 17 I may be lacking some perspective on this issue (maybe my psychological damage will show itself soon!) and also that I can't assume every kid would react the way I did. Also, I know there are plenty of things on the internet scarier than porn, and as for how to keep your child safe from those things I'm not sure. Cyberbullies...? Old men disguised as teenagers? My middle school had presenters come to talk to us about internet safety, which was uncomfortable at the time but definitely made an impact. I think that was a good decision on the school's part. My mom used to ask me to show her which websites I visited, probably because she read somewhere that was a good thing for moms to do, but she wasn't very persistent and I never did show her anything (anyway, I spent most of my time on Neopets. Haha.)

As for actually watching what kids do on the internet? Maybe when they're really little. Over... I don't know, 10 or 11, definitely by 12--no! don't monitor your kid! Particularly not by sneaky screen-sharing means, because the kid will be bound to discover it and feel completely betrayed. If my parents had insisted on watching my internet use, I would have felt that my privacy was invaded and that my maturity was being questioned. By 12 kids have instant message conversations with their friends about serious things like who they have crushes on. Just because they don't want to show those conversations to their parents doesn't mean they're doing something wrong; kids have a need for privacy just as adults do.

That is my take on the matter...
 
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