Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 22 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
ok so i have this thing about me that i SUBCONSCIOUSLY believe all people are inherently good.Especially the people who were kind/ showed acts of kindness to me before.

(no , I'm not a kid who doesn't know what the real world is like. i experienced the real world before i know EXACTLY what it is like. i have gotten into argumentative conflicts and fights in high school, and experienced first hand the realities of real life during my first job. been there done that.)

i know that the real world is not all fun and games. people are not nice , they don't really give a shit about you. YET, i always have this strong expectation for people to be kind and nice people and when they even SLIGHTLY go below this expectation i become irritated.

the reason i get irritated is because i SUBCONSCIOUSLY have this strong expectation of them to be good/ nice and kind so if they don't then i get irritated. You can kind of compared this to like for example: " if you trust a friend and they betray you" wouldn't you also be irritated/ mad?

this isn't even limited to friends/ strangers. like for example since i view my parents as good people they are usually kind and nice to me most of the time. sometimes when they are in a bad mood they start being a little bit mean to me. And then I'm shocked and i go into an very emotional meditational phrase in my room. the things that would go into my mind is things like

" if they don't give a fuck , i don't give a fuck"

" how could they do this? i thought we were cool?"

but deep down inside i still care and that's why i get sensitive because i CARE. ( believe it or not, sometimes i even cry)

and no I'm not a hypocrite , because i ALWAYS live up to my own expectation of others.

Another thing i'd like to add is that sometimes when I'm overly sensitive i become very defensive and unkind..... and i kind of eliminate all possibilities of becoming friends with someone who PROBABLY( still a chance they did , in fact most of the time my Fi instinct is right) didn't mean to offend me in the first place..... which leads me to question myself if i should really follow my innate feelings?


but then again for INFP's our innate feelings is like our superpower...... we can sense if someone is being genuine or not. we can tell if someone is fake or real, good or bad......... From my experience Fi usually leads me to the right direction.......

Final thing that i'd like to point out is that it seems like most INFP's here aren't really that sensitive at all...... i see more Ne than Fi tbh with most INFP's here. I seem to score the maximum for Fi in the PerC cognitive functions test based on "Jung's cognitive" http://cognitivequiz.com/quiz.html
so maybe that is why?

am i the only "overly sensitive" person here? and should INFP's follow their own innate feelings ( i think we should , but i want to hear your opinions)

NOTE: after reading this you probably think I'm a very heated up person. but I'm actually usually a very quiet and passive person. until i actually become offended. ( even then it feels like struggling to break out of a cage , but sometimes i do break out) :)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,802 Posts
Well, I have to say that I'm actually pretty emotionally sensitive myself. I agree with you that most people are generally good, kind, and willing to be there for someone. In my opinion it sounds like your other functions might be a little underdeveloped. I know Fi can be pretty harsh sometimes (I know from experience trust me!), but getting out there and seeing different perspectives other than your own is a very healthy move in my opinion. Doing so will help develop your other functions.

I echo your frustrations when people come off as cold and unkind, I really do. But here's the thing; there might be a very good reason for it. For example, these people might just be having a bad day. They might be stressed out. They might be coming off as unkind, but they might not mean to. I feel like when I understand where the unkind person is coming from, it really helps me deal with this a lot.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 · (Edited)
Well, I have to say that I'm actually pretty emotionally sensitive myself. I agree with you that most people are generally good, kind, and willing to be there for someone. In my opinion it sounds like your other functions might be a little underdeveloped. I know Fi can be pretty harsh sometimes (I know from experience trust me!), but getting out there and seeing different perspectives other than your own is a very healthy move in my opinion. Doing so will help develop your other functions.

I echo your frustrations when people come off as cold and unkind, I really do. But here's the thing; there might be a very good reason for it. For example, these people might just be having a bad day. They might be stressed out. They might be coming off as unkind, but they might not mean to. I feel like when I understand where the unkind person is coming from, it really helps me deal with this a lot.
i do see the other possibilities of why people may be mean/unkind and sometimes it makes me feel better but i have to remind myself. it just doesn't come naturally like Fi does.

i score moderate for Ne. i think the others might have more than average Ne?

i think it only helps sometimes but not always. it also leads me to have other thoughts like.

"so just because they are mad they abandon their own moral code?" ( such as the golden rule?) what does this mean about their true nature? why do they have to be like this?

the above is somewhat hypocritical but it is kind of what i think lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,436 Posts
I enjoy a slight naivety, and I assure you that good hearted people will love you for it.
That being said, a lot of bad behaviour can actually be explained away by remembering that others have different understandings of what is going on and what is right to do. To understand everything is to forgive everything. So what you see as harshness might to others be the only way to make you understand what to do to survive. It is an therefore act of kindness, no matter if it serves its proper purpose or not.

Sorry for bringing this up again, but another interpretation of this is that you might be an ISFP and therefore you take things more at face value and find other INFPs to be so relatively intuitive.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Thread Killer

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,063 Posts
"so just because they are mad they abandon their own moral code?" ( such as the golden rule?) what does this mean about their true nature? why do they have to be like this?
As the philosopher Mike Tyson once said: "Everybody has a plan until they get hit".

For the OP: The cool part about Fi is that you begin to learn more about other people, and your own observations/natural bias. I love studying history and traveling for that reason: getting into other people's mindsets. Last summer I was lucky enough to visit a state that's known for politics counter to my own. If you hang out with these people, you realize they're just regular people, getting from point A to point B.

Speaking of sensitivity, while I'm a verbal/linguistic learner, I tend to get in trouble by using my colloquial definitions while listening to words. My definition/image of a "poor person", for example, may vary drastically from another persons', especially when it comes to the debate on welfare/min wage. If another's definition is "lazy person unwilling to help themselves advance in society", well then we're going to have some disagreements!

You mentioned hypocritical thinking, which I want to touch on. Forgive me for projecting, but a part of my maturation centers around this concept. Teenage/young adult me HATED hypocrites. It was the worst thing you could be. Today: while I still dislike hypocrites in extreme examples, I also know that: we are human, therefore we are all full of s*** in some shape or form. Realizing that makes things less black and white to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
I enjoy a slight naivety, and I assure you that good hearted people will love you for it.
That being said, a lot of bad behaviour can actually be explained away by remembering that others have different understandings of what is going on and what is right to do. To understand everything is to forgive everything. So what you see as harshness might to others be the only way to make you understand what to do to survive. It is an therefore act of kindness, no matter if it serves its proper purpose or not.

Sorry for bringing this up again, but another interpretation of this is that you might be an ISFP and therefore you take things more at face value and find other INFPs to be so relatively intuitive.
yea trust me lol, i have spent TON of time trying to figure out if i am an INFP or ISFP. I'm definitely an INFP. there's like no doubt lol.

I'm always future orientated and i always think of the most ridiculous but in my favor ideas....... I'm not spontaneous and i don't have the urge to laugh or dance when watching funny / hearing music.( unless it's an INFPish kind of funny)

i always worry about a lot of things because i think of "what ifs" even the things that have .0000000% chance of happening i still consider it a possibility.

when i was little 1-13 , i always looked into the clouds and sometimes i'd imagine a giant spider in the sky and i'd be really scared lol. especially when it is night time.

when i see at trees at night. it gives me a creepy feeling because i think it might be alive and some kind of mysterious creature .

the thought of thunderstorm at the ocean scares me , because of how freighting and mysterious it is.

i know these things doesn't mean much . but i have spent so much time trying to figure out ISFP or INFP. and the results are DEFINITELY

INFP.


what does "face value" mean though?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,436 Posts
what does "face value" mean though?
What I mean by it in this case is that you look at a behaviour and use the most concrete evidence to interpret what is going on. You don't try to "look behind the curtain" to guess a more complex reason why people do what they do (or at least I get the impression that that isn't your natural tendency). This might of course also be due to an over-reliance on Fi and you should do what @TheSonderer says and look for alternative perspectives.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Thread Killer

·
Registered
Joined
·
993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
What I mean by it in this case is that you look at a behaviour and use the most concrete evidence to interpret what is going on. You don't try to "look behind the curtain" to guess a more complex reason why people do what they do (or at least I get the impression that that isn't your natural tendency). This might of course also be due to an over-reliance on Fi and you should do what @TheSonderer says and look for alternative perspectives.
hmmm do you think I'm an ISFP? what makes you think this?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,448 Posts
No. It's not a wise idea to follow your innate feelings all the time.

What if you get into a disagreement with someone and you became so angry with them your innate feeling tells you to kill them.
Are you gonna follow that feeling too and just go ahead with it?

And cognitive functions tests aren't always accurate, don't rely too much on those tests, those tests had me typed as INTJ when I hardly use Te.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
No. It's not a wise idea to follow your innate feelings all the time.

What if you get into a disagreement with someone and you became so angry with them your innate feeling tells you to kill them.
Are you gonna follow that feeling too and just go ahead with it?

And cognitive functions tests aren't always accurate, don't rely too much on those tests, those tests had me typed as INTJ when I hardly use Te.
well I'm an INFP description wise and test wise........
cognitive wise too.......

idk do you think I'm not an INFP? why or why not?

my innate feelings never tell me to kill people lol this is true for most Fi users. we would never kill unless we were raised to be an killer?

imo cognitive functions test is the most accurate. you prob just mistyped, after all it completely depends on you to do the test. the test isn't alive.

plus you can't be biased and stuff........( it's really complicated , that's why most people mistype at first)

anyways of course you'd have to do some more research and match the pieces up and see if it fits...... which i did.

thanks for the post though. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
356 Posts
No, I don't think we should follow our innate feelings all the time. We aren't always going to be right, and our feelings won't always be rational. That's why we need well-developed Ne and Si; they keep Fi in check.

I used to be a lot like you describe--being immensely upset if someone falls even a little under expectations. I would sulk about it for an unnecessary amount of time. Today, I still have high standards for friends and I automatically assume everyone will be polite and nice, except I've become more forgiving and I'm able to forget easier. I think it's just a matter of learning to accept people will make mistakes and/or are still maturing, and that some people will never mature. And in the case of the latter, just cut off from them and move on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
530 Posts
@the401 I think you bring up some issues that are not uncommon for INFPs. At least I relate myself. I don't really have any answers for you, but I think it's worthwhile to discuss and get some insight from others who have overcome these issues.

ok so i have this thing about me that i SUBCONSCIOUSLY believe all people are inherently good.Especially the people who were kind/ showed acts of kindness to me before.
the reason i get irritated is because i SUBCONSCIOUSLY have this strong expectation of them to be good/ nice and kind so if they don't then i get irritated.
Over time I went from believing, like you, that most people are good deep down to thinking that if they are not innately good, then they should try to be. So, with that shift I tried to sort through the people who are good and the people who are not. This has made me more aware of the reality of how people are, but I am skeptical whether it's ultimately put me in a better place. I am angry with people a lot and, of course, that's not a good way to go through life.

"so just because they are mad they abandon their own moral code?" ( such as the golden rule?) what does this mean about their true nature? why do they have to be like this?
This might sound awful, but I let people around me get into situations where they have to make a choice as to what to do without any outside influence pushing them in one direction or another, and I watch to see what kind of person they are. When I believed that everyone was good deep down, it was easy to make excuses for them. Now it just makes for a lot of disappointment, but I can't believe everyone is good again. It's like I had one pair of rose-coloured glasses and they were lost.

It seems it's the expectations and beliefs that are the issue here, though I am not too sure how you would go about changing those in a meaningful way. MBTI theory would say that you should use your Ne to get a more objective understanding of the world that influences your Fi beliefs and expectations. You could also use some kind of cognitive therapy approach (or whatever it's called) to become aware of your beliefs/expectations and questions them. But that is theory and operating at a conscious intellectual level. Changing your initial emotional reactions requires going deeper and others' experiences can't provide the template that will work for you.

like for example since i view my parents as good people they are usually kind and nice to me most of the time. sometimes when they are in a bad mood they start being a little bit mean to me. And then I'm shocked and i go into an very emotional meditational phrase in my room. the things that would go into my mind is things like

" if they don't give a fuck , i don't give a fuck"

" how could they do this? i thought we were cool?"

but deep down inside i still care and that's why i get sensitive because i CARE. ( believe it or not, sometimes i even cry)

and no I'm not a hypocrite , because i ALWAYS live up to my own expectation of others.
Another thing i'd like to add is that sometimes when I'm overly sensitive i become very defensive and unkind..... and i kind of eliminate all possibilities of becoming friends with someone who PROBABLY( still a chance they did , in fact most of the time my Fi instinct is right) didn't mean to offend me in the first place..... which leads me to question myself if i should really follow my innate feelings?
I do these kinds of things too. It's a very strict, absolutist, black-and-white way to deal with the world. Back to theory: Fi values can be incredibly strong and clear, and an INFP can hold fast to the demands of their values at any cost. At the cost of relationships, meaningful life experiences, fill in the blank.

Reading about your situation, it's very easy for me to, first, relate to your reactions to those situations and, second, to see that those reactions are not entirely appropriate to the situations. However, I haven't got a clue what to suggest you do about it because I know when I am stuck in one of those judgements against someone else, most of the time I try to wait things out for new information that will change the situation (thanks Ne), but I usually still hold to that judgement against the other people (either I'm still nursing it while waiting, or I come back to the same assessment of the situation). There are times though when I have glimmers of an alternative, like when you say you question whether you should really trust your innate feelings. From the outside looking in that niggling doubt sounds like a pretty big clue that there is something more you need to incorporate into your understanding of the situation.

This reminds of times that I have had that niggling doubt and some alternative perspective I recognized. While I may have incorporated that new perspective into my own understanding, it usually didn't come across to the people I was having issues with, and that's one thing that I would focus on trying to consciously do differently; that is, communicating in some way to the other person/people how my attitude and understanding have changed.


but then again for INFP's our innate feelings is like our superpower...... we can sense if someone is being genuine or not. we can tell if someone is fake or real, good or bad......... From my experience Fi usually leads me to the right direction.......
It's still our superpower, but it's not always right and doesn't always lead us into situations we want to be in. The MBTI theory says that Ne is supposed to provide Fi objective information about the world to make it more well-rounded or realistic. And I always had this conception that this process effectively enhanced Fi, like an upgrade or something, and it would still hum along happily. But actually, just writing this now, I think that maybe Ne is more disruptive than that when we really take the information it presents us seriously - I mean when we don't pick and choose what suits Fi's agenda. What do you do when Ne presents information that simply conflicts with the values, beliefs and expectations you hold? This is maybe getting a bit more intense than you intended for this thread, but I think this is the crux of the conflict. The last thing I want to do is compromise a value that I truly believe in and the only way that is going to happen is if I am not understanding something correctly and I am given new information that improves my understanding.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,448 Posts
well I'm an INFP description wise and test wise........
cognitive wise too.......

idk do you think I'm not an INFP? why or why not?

my innate feelings never tell me to kill people lol this is true for most Fi users. we would never kill unless we were raised to be an killer?

imo cognitive functions test is the most accurate. you prob just mistyped, after all it completely depends on you to do the test. the test isn't alive.

plus you can't be biased and stuff........( it's really complicated , that's why most people mistype at first)

anyways of course you'd have to do some more research and match the pieces up and see if it fits...... which i did.

thanks for the post though. :)

I think probably ENFP or ExFJ, I don't know, but I don't think you are an Fi dom. There is just this certain expressiveness in you that is usually not found in Fi doms. Not sure how to explain it either, it's a vibe thing I supposed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,481 Posts
Human beings in general tend to psychologically project themselves onto others so this is likely why you're shocked when encountering cruelty. You don't expect it because you expect them to be benevolent.

Ex. It's common for scam artists to believe that most other people are scam artists. They notoriously over estimate the percentage of people who engage in that type of behavior. Jealous people often believe others are jealous of them, gossips are often overly preoccupied about their reputation, a cheating spouse often becomes paranoid that their spouse is cheating, etc. etc.

You're not naive just subject to a mechanism very common to the human psyche.

I'd recommend that you try not to avoid encountering shock at cruelty. That's a sign that you have a healthy psychic structure. Instead work at how to be more resilient after the initial storm which entails 1. Not beating yourself up over it, realizing your human. 2. Reaching out to others. 3. Taking productive action. 4. Often, feeling forgiveness for the person down the line.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I think probably ENFP or ExFJ, I don't know, but I don't think you are an Fi dom. There is just this certain expressiveness in you that is usually not found in Fi doms. Not sure how to explain it either, it's a vibe thing I supposed.
lol stereotypes much?

to say that I'm not a fi-dom...... is just out of the question imo......

if you don't mind would you elaborate on this?

i considered an ENFP too before for a long time before. doesn't match at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,448 Posts
lol stereotypes much?

to say that I'm not a fi-dom...... is just out of the question imo......

if you don't mind would you elaborate on this?

i considered an ENFP too before for a long time before. doesn't match at all.

It's just that Fi doms naturally have a slightly more reserved demeanor about them due to Fi being their dominant function, I occasionally lurk around the INFP forum and this is what I've noticed about the INFPs here.

You have a slightly more bubbly demeanor about you, I don't know whether that bubbliness I saw in you is Ne or Fe, but you remind me of a few ENFPs and ExFJs on here. Your writing style also doesn't seem like a Ji dom.

If you noticed the INFPs on here, their writing style tends to be quite structured and even a little serious.

But then again, I don't know you very well so I'm unable to type you, I'm generally hesitant to type people online.
I need to know someone in real life for years before I am able to type them accurately, most people are generally too complex to be able to type them via one interaction. If you feel that Fi dom fits you better, then just go with Fi dom.
And my post wasn't meant to be offensive btw, I only gave you my opinion because you asked for my opinion earlier, but my opinion might not be accurate because I don't know much about you and I am only going by my impressions.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
It's just that Fi doms naturally have a slightly more reserved demeanor about them due to Fi being their dominant function, I occasionally lurk around the INFP forum and this is what I've noticed about the INFPs here.

You have a slightly more bubbly demeanor about you, I don't know whether that bubbliness I saw in you is Ne or Fe, but you remind me of a few ENFPs and ExFJs on here. Your writing style also doesn't seem like a Ji dom.

If you noticed the INFPs on here, their writing style tends to be quite structured and even a little serious.

But then again, I don't know you very well so I'm unable to type you, I'm generally hesitant to type people online.
I need to know someone in real life for years before I am able to type them accurately, most people are generally too complex to be able to type them via one interaction. If you feel that Fi dom fits you better, then just go with Fi dom.
And my post wasn't meant to be offensive btw, I only gave you my opinion because you asked for my opinion earlier, but my opinion might not be accurate because I don't know much about you and I am only going by my impressions.
oh yea i prob sounded a bit not happy? it was a mistake lol, sorry it's just how i type. i mean no offense lol.

hmmmm maybe it's just fi EXPLODING?.

most INFP's here are female though. that DEFINITELY has an impact on the writing styles..... ( well imo lol)

but then again. this is the common misconception that FI is xxx because in reality Fi can be used in anything depending on your "personal value system". it doesn't have to be reserved or aggressive.

anyways just my thought on this lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,436 Posts
oh yea i prob sounded a bit not happy? it was a mistake lol, sorry it's just how i type. i mean no offense lol.

hmmmm maybe it's just fi EXPLODING?.

most INFP's here are female though. that DEFINITELY has an impact on the writing styles..... ( well imo lol)

but then again. this is the common misconception that FI is xxx because in reality Fi can be used in anything depending on your "personal value system". it doesn't have to be reserved or aggressive.

anyways just my thought on this lol.
I think the writing style is very akin to what many SPs do. It's to the point, resembles spoken language, tries to make an impact on the reader and might even sound a bit aggressive when trying to make a point. You seem to be unaware of this, so it's hard for me to see it as FJ. They are more conscious of how they address others.
I remember a girl who was uncertain of her type, and she wrote a lot like you, and everybody kept telling her that she had "a lot of Te in her writing." I didn't think so. She was just being factual and trying to create an impact which is more like Se instead.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Thread Killer
1 - 20 of 22 Posts
Top