[cbelle]

I now know how ISTP's show affection in a relationship (physical care, reaffirming touches, gifts) and I was curious to know how they would best like affection shown to them by a girlfriend/boyfriend. Do they prefer the same as they give, or are they turned on by something different? Is there any way of showing love that you DO NOT like?

Just looking for some tips.

 

[Thrifty Walrus]

I'm not an ISTP, but close enough I guess lol.

I personally would want you to do little things. Vacuum, do dishes, housework, cutting the grass, getting groceries (without me) etc. That might sound sexist, and I don't EXPECT you to do it, but just doing extra little things turns me on. Like if I came home and my bed was made and the bathroom cleaned, ooooh, I would freak out (in a good way). But realistically, maybe filling up my car with gas or something? Hm, you get the idea, I can't think of any non stereotypical things atm (unfortunately XD)

Also, in regards to what turns me on, not necessarily showing ME love, but getting me on is when I see a woman do something motherly. I work at a waterpark, and there was this lost little boy and one of the girls I work with went out and helped him and carried him (he was like 4) omg I freaked out in my pants.

Obviously this is all very "traditional" type stuff, and in no way do I want a "traditional" wife/girlfriend, but when you pepper those types of things into a regular modern relationship it helps a lot (imo).

 

[OctoberSkye]

Acts of service are always win. Like, washing my car because I'm too lazy to do it myself. Or recording my favorite show because I'm too lazy to do it myself. Or making me a sandwich because I'm too la-
yeah, there's a trend here.

The idea is that I don't really NEED any of these things done, but knowing it'd make me happy without me having to tell him would pretty much be the best ever.

I like all the other shows of love, too. The only thing I might have a problem with is non-stop physical affection to the point where I suffocate and die.

 

[cbelle]

Acts of service are always win. Like, washing my car because I'm too lazy to do it myself. Or recording my favorite show because I'm too lazy to do it myself. Or making me a sandwich because I'm too la-
yeah, there's a trend here.

The idea is that I don't really NEED any of these things done, but knowing it'd make me happy without me having to tell him would pretty much be the best ever.

I like all the other shows of love, too. The only thing I might have a problem with is non-stop physical affection to the point where I suffocate and die.

Do you like "being taken care of" then? That's kind of what I've noticed with my ISTP. I mentioned tucking him in for bed and stroking his face till he fell asleep and he REALLY liked that idea (I was surprised but pleased to have hit the spot). Of course, not taken care of in any suffocating way, but all of you are smart enough to know what I mean.

And thanks INTP for your post, though it's a little weird how much you freak out about things. :happy:

 

[OctoberSkye]

Do you like "being taken care of" then?

Yeah, pretty much.

That's kind of what I've noticed with my ISTP. I mentioned tucking him in for bed and stroking his face till he fell asleep and he REALLY liked that idea (I was surprised but pleased to have hit the spot).

That's sweet.

 

[Thrifty Walrus]

I agree with octoberskye. You basically explained what I wanted to say much simpler and better

Acts of service is what I wanted to say so badly and I just couldn't find the words XD

lol and I exaggerated with the freaking out, well, on the inside I was freaking out, I guess that goes to show you just how much the little "acts of service" mean! To IXTP's anyways

 

[ClarifiedMind]

I agree with everyone else...acts of service. Or taking notice of the things I like without me telling you...things that are thoughtful. My husband surprised me with a red netbook. I like the netbook sure, but what I was really touched by was the fact it was red which is my favorite color. A co-worker bought me a little change purse key chain when she went on vacation. I love that thing...just because she thought of me when she could have easily forgotten.

What not to do. I don't like big productions (like parties in my honor, big lavish gifts, etc.). I also don't like out pours of emotion (I love you sooo much, you complete me, where have you been all my life...I die a little inside with that type of stuff)

 

[Packey]

Do you like "being taken care of" then? That's kind of what I've noticed with my ISTP. I mentioned tucking him in for bed and stroking his face till he fell asleep and he REALLY liked that idea (I was surprised but pleased to have hit the spot). Of course, not taken care of in any suffocating way, but all of you are smart enough to know what I mean.

Dear gods no, I'd probably put a wall around my bed if someone tried to do that. It would be an incredible invasion of my boundaries. I don't think that's an ISTP thing though, I just have a revulsion to such tender acts. It would feel as if you're treating me like a child, like you're taking control from me.

 

[gpky]

I agree with everyone else...acts of service. Or taking notice of the things I like without me telling you...things that are thoughtful. My husband surprised me with a red netbook. I like the netbook sure, but what I was really touched by was the fact it was red which is my favorite color. A co-worker bought me a little change purse key chain when she went on vacation. I love that thing...just because she thought of me when she could have easily forgotten.

What not to do. I don't like big productions (like parties in my honor, big lavish gifts, etc.). I also don't like out pours of emotion (I love you sooo much, you complete me, where have you been all my life...I die a little inside with that type of stuff)

Exact sentiments. For me, it's never how much the person has spent in terms of money. It's about how much thought has gone into the gesture. Would any ISTPs out there dispute the statement that for a typical ISTP, intentions are generally more important than the outcomes?

It's even better when someone does something for me without me having to ask - it says so much more! And also, I don't like to ask - it feels like I'm imposing.

 

[ThoughtProcess]

Yep, actions speak far louder than words. I'll also admit that I enjoy being taken care of even though I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

As far as actual affection, basically anything sensual (ie: the senses and their operation, not necessarily sexual) without being too clingy.

 

[madhatter]

Yes, I agree with the others. Feed me, and you'll have a friend for life! :wink:

 

[AEIOU]

You're asking the wrong people. The person you should be asking is the person you want to show the affection to!
There are (according to Gary Chapman) 5 Love Languages.

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

My personal preferences are to receive Physical Touch and to spend Quality Time.
Sure, Acts of Service are nice, but they don't do much for me.

Would I wash your car for you? Maybe, maybe not. But, I'd much rather wash your car with you or have you help me wash my car. That way we could get the job done in half the time. Also it would be an opportunity to talk a little and if it was a nice summer day we could mix in a little bit of play too. I would splash you with some soap suds or wet you down with the hose and then enjoy seeing you through a wet Tee shirt! What was basically a chore, all of a sudden becomes (slightly) fun!

Everyones Love Language is different. Ask or discern from the person you want to show the affection for. Once you discover what it is, you'll really be making headway.

 

[U-80]

Dear gods no, I'd probably put a wall around my bed if someone tried to do that. It would be an incredible invasion of my boundaries. I don't think that's an ISTP thing though, I just have a revulsion to such tender acts. It would feel as if you're treating me like a child, like you're taking control from me.

Oh good, I'm not the only one.

Oddly enough, I do have a wall around my bed. But it's for different reasons. ;-)

 

[cbelle]

You're asking the wrong people. The person you should be asking is the person you want to show the affection to!
There are (according to Gary Chapman) 5 Love Languages.

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

My personal preferences are to receive Physical Touch and to spend Quality Time.
Sure, Acts of Service are nice, but they don't do much for me.

Would I wash your car for you? Maybe, maybe not. But, I'd much rather wash your car with you or have you help me wash my car. That way we could get the job done in half the time. Also it would be an opportunity to talk a little and if it was a nice summer day we could mix in a little bit of play too. I would splash you with some soap suds or wet you down with the hose and then enjoy seeing you through a wet Tee shirt! What was basically a chore, all of a sudden becomes (slightly) fun!

Everyones Love Language is different. Ask or discern from the person you want to show the affection for. Once you discover what it is, you'll really be making headway.

Thank you very much. I have a question, however: is the love language you give the same as you would like to receive?

I like what you said about sharing an activity or doing a project together. Sounds like fun to me!

 

[cbelle]

I agree with everyone else...acts of service. Or taking notice of the things I like without me telling you...things that are thoughtful. My husband surprised me with a red netbook. I like the netbook sure, but what I was really touched by was the fact it was red which is my favorite color. A co-worker bought me a little change purse key chain when she went on vacation. I love that thing...just because she thought of me when she could have easily forgotten.

What not to do. I don't like big productions (like parties in my honor, big lavish gifts, etc.). I also don't like out pours of emotion (I love you sooo much, you complete me, where have you been all my life...I die a little inside with that type of stuff)

That's a good thing to keep in mind: favorite colors and such. And I agree about big parties, big weddings, etc: no, no no no.

 

[The Great One]

I now know how ISTP's show affection in a relationship (physical care, reaffirming touches, gifts) and I was curious to know how they would best like affection shown to them by a girlfriend/boyfriend. Do they prefer the same as they give, or are they turned on by something different? Is there any way of showing love that you DO NOT like?

Just looking for some tips.

I assume that the ISTP would like physical touch the most because they are such kinesthetic people.

 

[cbelle]

I assume that the ISTP would like physical touch the most because they are such kinesthetic people.

I have also noticed he seems to enjoy physical touch a lot! And not necessarily sexual touch; as ThoughtProcess said, just sensual, not always sexual. That gives me a lot of relief because I don't always feel like touching in a sexual way - I just enjoy touching, and feeling the textures of his skin and making him smile, things like that (I did not mean that to sound so... mushy. :crazy

 

[Antithesis]

I assume that the ISTP would like physical touch the most because they are such kinesthetic people.

Definitely.

 

[The Great One]

I have also noticed he seems to enjoy physical touch a lot! And not necessarily sexual touch; as ThoughtProcess said, just sensual, not always sexual. That gives me a lot of relief because I don't always feel like touching in a sexual way - I just enjoy touching, and feeling the textures of his skin and making him smile, things like that (I did not mean that to sound so... mushy. :crazy

What happened to the virgin till' marriage thing? I guess that went out the window huh?

 

[Antithesis]

What happened to the virgin till' marriage thing? I guess that went out the window huh?

It always does... because sex is too awesome.