Showing vulnerability
[Enneagram Type 6]
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Intriguing questions!
I believe that I have a tendency to show my vulnerability, or basically wear it on my sleeve. Not on here generally; this is more of a platform for me to gather ideas from and just a place to have general intellectual discourse. Generally speaking, though, it is easy for me to be vulnerable. Even so much so that I semi-unconsciously use it as a way of trying to connect people on the basis of a desire for empathy. Negativity and vulnerability have tendency for me to be ways I ask for attention.
Those I would actually trust enough with my vulnerability would be really close friends. Sharing it with them helps. Generally I can notice when I've overshared, usually I notice I don't even trust the person, or I was anxious to such a degree I felt like there was no other option than just to vent. What I desire to learn is to recognize when I'm acting out of loneliness or frustration and start re-framing and coping with things by myself. It's usually when I get stubborn and insist on doing things by myself, that I profit the most from being vulnerable with trusted ones.
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I find it tough to answer this question. I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, which is part of it.
I imagine I tend to show vulnerability very often, in the sense that my persona often takes the shape of an uncertain, scared, helpless, meek little thing. I don't feel it's -real- vulnerability, because I do believe myself to be very independent and very opinionated, though it is not at all obvious to outside observers.
Well... I'm not sure of how to answer this either, as I do not really feel all that vulnerable, I just come across that way.
I have a big issue with showing vulnerability and in general I will never show it. I am an ENTJ and Sexual 6. In general, I hate weakness. I hate feeling incompetent and I hate feeling powerless. I feel like I always have to be strong because the thought of being vulnerable is unacceptable. I don't really trust anyone with my vulnerability, not even with a partner or close friends and family. To expose your vulnerability to someone is to expose your weakness which again is unacceptable to me. This fixation I have to project strength is so strong that I can't differentiate fear from vulnerability. I feel like I always have to be strong and I always have to know my shit. If I open up and trust someone with my vulnerability, I feel the weakness that I've worked so hard to eradicate.
If I do try to reveal some sort of vulnerability its a more minor thing, and I am very careful about the way I do it. Otherwise nope, hide it all. I'm better equipped to handle my own emotions and insecurities than other people are, they usually make me feel worse. So that's why I go to great lengths to hide it in public and around my loved ones.
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I'm similar to @irregularpopcorn about this. I can appear vulnerable even when I'm not so much. (I don't know if it matters, but I apparently don't come off as Anxious-like in the first place.) Ultimately, I don't think I hide my vulnerabilities that much. I don't feel holding those things inside makes you any stronger than speaking about them, but I don't go parading them about. Honestly, I feel like sharing your vulnerabilities makes you look stronger than not, in a way.
But I'm also trying to not conflate this with being open about my faults... So there's that. I'm really open about my faults (and my strengths).
Depending on the situation, I get angry or scared. If it's something I don't want to reveal, I get angry. If it's something I want to reveal, I get scared. A lot of my vulnerabilities come from sharing things that mean a lot to me, which is scary: too many people mishandle my emotions and are rude about things I enjoy. Some vulnerabilities play on my life situation and how I choose to deal with it, and these make me angry. Physical vulnerability... I don't know, it's sort of a fact of life to be (very obviously) physically vulnerable as a handicapped person, so I can't really hide that side of it even if I wanted to; I can and do take steps to avoid being taken advantage of, and I'm wary about it and don't talk much about it, but I don't obsess over it. I'd talk to someone safe if I felt overly uncomfortable, I would think. Luckily I've not been in that particular situation so far.
But I'm also trying to not conflate this with being open about my faults... So there's that. I'm really open about my faults (and my strengths).
Depending on the situation, I get angry or scared. If it's something I don't want to reveal, I get angry. If it's something I want to reveal, I get scared. A lot of my vulnerabilities come from sharing things that mean a lot to me, which is scary: too many people mishandle my emotions and are rude about things I enjoy. Some vulnerabilities play on my life situation and how I choose to deal with it, and these make me angry. Physical vulnerability... I don't know, it's sort of a fact of life to be (very obviously) physically vulnerable as a handicapped person, so I can't really hide that side of it even if I wanted to; I can and do take steps to avoid being taken advantage of, and I'm wary about it and don't talk much about it, but I don't obsess over it. I'd talk to someone safe if I felt overly uncomfortable, I would think. Luckily I've not been in that particular situation so far.
I have a love/hate relationship with it. I'm kind of all or nothing - an open book or closed book. In one moment, it can feel great to be vulnerable, to open up and bare your soul to someone and in the next, it suddenly crashes over me how much I shared. Did I really say those things? And I start to cringe because it's deeply uncomfortable. It's like feeling you've been violated but knowing you did it to yourself. Of course, it's not really a big deal in the long run but in that moment, I do feel over exposed and vulnerable.
I'm more inclined to hide it I think though....pride gets in the way so I also have a love/hate relationship with Pride lol. It's funny because I deeply desire to be vulnerable (because it leads to intimacy which I crave) and yet I fear it the most. I think I fear rejection and disappointment. I feel it less when I fully embrace and love myself and the change and learning that comes with living life. Rising to the challenge and the fear instead of quivering and worrying how all these things I have shown will come off to others.
It helps build my self-confidence.
I'm more inclined to hide it I think though....pride gets in the way so I also have a love/hate relationship with Pride lol. It's funny because I deeply desire to be vulnerable (because it leads to intimacy which I crave) and yet I fear it the most. I think I fear rejection and disappointment. I feel it less when I fully embrace and love myself and the change and learning that comes with living life. Rising to the challenge and the fear instead of quivering and worrying how all these things I have shown will come off to others.
My husband and close friends. Yes, it helps tremendously when they are supportive, understanding and encouraging
It helps build my self-confidence.
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I definitely hide it in any group larger than 3 people.
I think it's healthy to show it in groups of 2 or 3.
There will be occasions where it'll come back to haunt you, but overall it's worth letting go of the stress.
I think it's healthy to show it in groups of 2 or 3.
There will be occasions where it'll come back to haunt you, but overall it's worth letting go of the stress.
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Sometimes I think everyone can see my vulnerabilities, even though people can't. When it comes to hiding or showing it, I think it depends on the situation. Most of the time I just want to pass as an invisible presence, so I guess I'm pretty good at hiding. There are other times, especially when I'm with a significant other, when my vulnerabilities show in quite an unhealthy way I think. I tend to become belligerent in some situations. Still, when I feel I can trust someone, which is kinda rare, my vulnerabilities are expressed in an open, respectful way.
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What's your relationship to showing vulnerability?
I want to be able to, probably at least partly due to my sx variant. And in some ways, I'm vulnerable with everyone, because my humor is often self-depreciative. I actually kind of use my humor to weed out who I would or wouldn't want to talk more with, judging by their responses. But when people openly suggest I'm depressed or whatever because of the types of jokes I make, I keep my distance from them. It's this weird thing about me where I need to be the one who initiates more serious conversation (which I only do with a few people. I have a checklist in my mind full of qualities I look for to detect if I can have real talk with them. Some include: "Do they seem like they're too friendly?" "How non-judgmental do they seem?")
If someone else tries to discuss it with me first, especially if I haven't decided they check out, I have this instant fear that it's because they want to act like my superior and try to pretend they're flawless/try to make themselves look better compared to me, so I for the most part don't engage with them.
Are you more inclined to show it or hide it.
It's a mix of both at first, as the above answer might indicate. Depending on what someone does with a little of my vulnerability, I'll decide I feel more or less safe opening up to them more. But ideally, I like having close friendships where we're both very vulnerable to one another.
Who would you trust your vulnerability with if you are afraid of showing it? Does it help?
Deep down, I think everyone is a bit vindictive, and everyone will use my vulnerability against me at some point or other. I never feel 100% trust towards anyone. But there are certain people who I'm willing to chance it with, anyway, because even if they become vindictive at some point, it's likely just out of temporary anger/it doesn't mean they just want to use me in some way.
That said, I mostly only ever share pretty much everything with my parents, my best friend, and boyfriend. It does help because I couldn't stand thinking I had no one on my side the way they are.
I want to be able to, probably at least partly due to my sx variant. And in some ways, I'm vulnerable with everyone, because my humor is often self-depreciative. I actually kind of use my humor to weed out who I would or wouldn't want to talk more with, judging by their responses. But when people openly suggest I'm depressed or whatever because of the types of jokes I make, I keep my distance from them. It's this weird thing about me where I need to be the one who initiates more serious conversation (which I only do with a few people. I have a checklist in my mind full of qualities I look for to detect if I can have real talk with them. Some include: "Do they seem like they're too friendly?" "How non-judgmental do they seem?")
If someone else tries to discuss it with me first, especially if I haven't decided they check out, I have this instant fear that it's because they want to act like my superior and try to pretend they're flawless/try to make themselves look better compared to me, so I for the most part don't engage with them.
Are you more inclined to show it or hide it.
It's a mix of both at first, as the above answer might indicate. Depending on what someone does with a little of my vulnerability, I'll decide I feel more or less safe opening up to them more. But ideally, I like having close friendships where we're both very vulnerable to one another.
Who would you trust your vulnerability with if you are afraid of showing it? Does it help?
Deep down, I think everyone is a bit vindictive, and everyone will use my vulnerability against me at some point or other. I never feel 100% trust towards anyone. But there are certain people who I'm willing to chance it with, anyway, because even if they become vindictive at some point, it's likely just out of temporary anger/it doesn't mean they just want to use me in some way.
That said, I mostly only ever share pretty much everything with my parents, my best friend, and boyfriend. It does help because I couldn't stand thinking I had no one on my side the way they are.
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It kind of depends I guess. I don't mind showing a bit of vulnerability,as a lot of times I have to admit that I'm struggling or in need of assistance or if I need to empathize with someone every now and then. It's never something big though, I try to never share my most vulnerable self with others. I'm very stubborn in that respect, and often have difficulty asking for help or admitting that I'm incapable or hurt even when I am (which sucks but... eh?). I don't like to appear like a coward or as weak because it feels dangerous and also probably because I have an ego lol. A lot of times I appear vulnerable to others because I am so outwardly anxious though.
I only really share my vulnerabilities with the person who I am closest to. It's sort of helpful purely because they can help me out sometimes and I don't feel bad or weak taking help from them because I often help them. I occasionally entrust my vulnerable side with others, mostly for the purpose of appearing empathetic and relatable so people feel less bad about their own vulnerabilities.
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I'm really hesitant on showing weakness. Even with people I trust and love, I only showcase so much vulnerability - not all of it.
In this world, some level of confidence is key. If you can't project confidence, then you're dead in the water in terms of relationships, careers, and more.
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Hide, definitely. Showing vulnerability is one of my biggest fears, I feel like people will take advantage of me if I do. They'll probably judge me negatively from it. It's also not something that I think people I don't trust should know.
It takes a long time for me to show vulnerability to people, I've only shown it to immediate family. They've given advice for some of my problems, but other than that it doesn't help much. Yet it doesn't hurt me, so I don't mind.
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