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Just kidding..

But seriously, I've become insanely out of touch with my surroundings, peer group, and the conformity of my area. Lately to counteract a persistent loom and gloom I've taken up writing once again in a journally way. In many ways this is as freeing as it is encapsulating. While I get my thoughts and feelings off of my chest where I would have no vocal authority or capacity to share, I only dig myself deeper in worsening my outlook in realizing, man, this really sucks. Melancholy is an addicting state to be in, personally, I believe it's healthy if used in a healthy way, which I am clearly not. My question; How exactly do you shut your inner voice up (rude as it may be) to allow some breathing room? Hobbies are a no brainer, but not the end all, my mind can't for a moment remain structured enough to grasp my interest in the moment which requires memorization with loose groundings of interpretation.

Generally speaking this is just a prolonged state that seems unshakable. Right now to make headway into some positive growth I'm seeing a counselor. What was laid out for me is that I'm probably 'sensitive' and need to erect some sort of barrier against others so I can have at least a foundation to work from instead of the sporadic schizoid I've morphed into. Fine and dandy n' all, but this damned internal monolog is killing me. So, how do you hush it up?
 

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This will sound stupid but I stop focusing on the negative things around me and instead carry around happy inner "currents".
For example, in class I am often afraid to speak up and feel everyone is staring at me for reasons i canot fathom... it APPEARS I get weird looks all the time and I always think I hear people gossiping about me, saying my name. I am not sure if this is true or not. People have disliked me or gossiped about me for no apparent reason before just cause... I think I come off as vulnerable... anyways... so I could easily feel very terrible about this and wonder, "Did she really say that?"
Instead I think, I am happy to be here and want to get good at Spanish
and that is what I am thinking
and I figure-- there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. I can't control other people. I can only control me. I'd adapt my behavior if there was something wrong with it, but there isn't. There are people who like me and if these strangers don't that is their problem. Now I will answer this Spanish problem!
I don't know. I think infps assign themselves way too much responsibility and blame-- so if someone doesn't like you or you get one nasty comment then your entire world becomes "I am a terrible person"- here's athought-- why is the other person always right? Why do we assume we are deserving of such thoughts? I don't know...
I don't know what function is responsible for this or whatever, but here's what I have noticed, bear with me:

I exist on an imperfect world view. Things are slanted towards negativity. Despite other people not percieving in this way, I percieve myself starting on a negative playing field. I am more sensitive to things wrong with my character, apprearance and performance. I start at -10 and need to work my way up from there. I am aware that I am tilted; I am seeing things other peopel do not even see in regards to themself.
So I give myself 10 positive points of benefit of the doubt, of pure ignorance is bliss, of positivity and not worrying about things. Of purposeful happiness or disregard to negative things, and working on and working steadily in spite of these things.
This way I can react normally. So normally let's say I think I hear people in class whispering hateful things about me and then one of them tries to talk to me in class, I get really defensive and awkward thinking, "There is something about me they hate, is it how I dress, how i walk, how I talk, is what i said stupid, are they being passive aggressive, what should I do?" and I kind of shut down. If I have chosen not to take those whispers into account, even if they were real, if I treat it like there was a clean slate, then I can act more normal, make a joke, feel relaxed, and it will not spiral into a negative feedback loop thingy.
Basically I need to expend more effort to be happy than most peopel cause it is not my default.
I figure this averages me out to be an average person.
 

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I find that focusing on someone else is a great way to stop focusing on yourself so much. Other people want someone to listen to them, too, and sometimes it's fun to just sit there and let someone else dish out all their inner turmoils onto you so that you can listen intently and empathize. The cool thing about empathizing is that you can actually take yourself out of your own world and put yourself in someone else's world for a change. It's like fantasy, but it's real life. Escape into someone else's mind and let them open up to you. Try to ask questions to clarify things about them, try to understand them as best as you can. I think doing this helps me grow as a person and takes me out of my fenced in mind abyss.

Then there's that quote by Neiztsche about how if you stare into the abyss for too long, the abyss will start to stare into you. I totally believe that is true and it sounds like that is happening to you too. So start widening your abyss to include other people's abysses and eventually the abyss will seem more like a beautiful ocean. :)
 

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This will sound stupid but I stop focusing on the negative things around me and instead carry around happy inner "currents".
For example, in class I am often afraid to speak up and feel everyone is staring at me for reasons i canot fathom... it APPEARS I get weird looks all the time and I always think I hear people gossiping about me, saying my name. I am not sure if this is true or not. People have disliked me or gossiped about me for no apparent reason before just cause... I think I come off as vulnerable... anyways... so I could easily feel very terrible about this and wonder, "Did she really say that?"
Instead I think, I am happy to be here and want to get good at Spanish
and that is what I am thinking
and I figure-- there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. I can't control other people. I can only control me. I'd adapt my behavior if there was something wrong with it, but there isn't. There are people who like me and if these strangers don't that is their problem. Now I will answer this Spanish problem!
I don't know. I think infps assign themselves way too much responsibility and blame-- so if someone doesn't like you or you get one nasty comment then your entire world becomes "I am a terrible person"- here's athought-- why is the other person always right? Why do we assume we are deserving of such thoughts? I don't know...
I don't know what function is responsible for this or whatever, but here's what I have noticed, bear with me:

I exist on an imperfect world view. Things are slanted towards negativity. Despite other people not percieving in this way, I percieve myself starting on a negative playing field. I am more sensitive to things wrong with my character, apprearance and performance. I start at -10 and need to work my way up from there. I am aware that I am tilted; I am seeing things other peopel do not even see in regards to themself.
So I give myself 10 positive points of benefit of the doubt, of pure ignorance is bliss, of positivity and not worrying about things. Of purposeful happiness or disregard to negative things, and working on and working steadily in spite of these things.
This way I can react normally. So normally let's say I think I hear people in class whispering hateful things about me and then one of them tries to talk to me in class, I get really defensive and awkward thinking, "There is something about me they hate, is it how I dress, how i walk, how I talk, is what i said stupid, are they being passive aggressive, what should I do?" and I kind of shut down. If I have chosen not to take those whispers into account, even if they were real, if I treat it like there was a clean slate, then I can act more normal, make a joke, feel relaxed, and it will not spiral into a negative feedback loop thingy.
Basically I need to expend more effort to be happy than most peopel cause it is not my default.
I figure this averages me out to be an average person.
Yeah! A positive feedback loop of gloom, where negativity feeds off itself! I think about this all the time and try to do the same, though it can be challenging some days! The good news is that it works the other way too and you can build momentum with positivity! Woohoo!!
 

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Sensory input like music and nature
Remove myself from whatever environment it is where I'm most vulnerable to that. So, go for a drive, take a walk, etc.
Exercise
Meditate - I don't meditate per se, but I do make it a point to just take a breath and let everything go for a few minutes or more. After doing this I was amazed at how much stress I carried physically, and the extent to which it affected my mood.

And if you find something that works, don't stop. I sometimes forget that I need to do these things to stay healthy, even though I enjoy them. It's just like drinking water before you get dehydrated or eating before you're starving.

I know none of this is revelatory but it's what works for me.
 

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Get out of your head. If you can't focus on solitary activities, then you need to interact with people (which is probably better anyway). During the interactions, focus on the other person, not yourself. Think about what they probably feel - that is NOT in relation to you (ie. NOT "how do they feel about me?"). You're sensitive probably because you take too many things personally (and many of us are guilty of that). Focusing on others helps you see that it isn't about you. When people are rude, terse, or seem critical, it's often not about you. They have their own crap they're dealing with & that's where they're coming from. You adjust your perspective when you listen to & observe people and see that they're swimming in complex feelings & coping with life problems, just like you are. The upside is you feel less alone, because you suddenly can relate to people.
 
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