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I'm wasting my existence brooding about my lack of fulfillment. This gets me nowhere. If I could just get to know people more, say hi to strangers, make friends with people I know nothing about, I think I'd be a lot more happy. But when it comes to mustering up the courage to talk to new people, I walk into brick walls halfway through some kind of lame comment about how cold the room is or some shit. It's lonely. I wish I could talk to people, really, but for some reason I just can't do it, I'm afraid I'll be boring, most of all I'm afraid I'll annoy whoever I'm talking to. I feel I'll come off as lame, not worth talking to or getting to know. Excuses to stay in my little sad box. I really want to be able to make new friends... does anyone have any advice as to how to get over this?
 

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I have learned to engage the other person and encourage them to talk about what is of interest to them. That takes the pressure off us to not be boring. And if the conversation is not going well then move on to the next person. Eventually you will find someone to connect to. And this advice is coming from a complete hermit so you can decide to take it or not.
 

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Ah thanks Blue Butterfly, I appreciate the advice... I sometimes run into the problem of seemingly sounding like an interrogator when asking people about their interests. I probably don't, but I'm worried about being too intense. Man am I overanalyzing this, I wish I had my ESFJ mom's natural social skills
 

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focus your attention on the other person entirely, and when they want to know about you, just let the words flow. don't think about how they see you. it's called being yourself. cliche.
 

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Just be mindful those are just stories you've created in your head that don't represent reality. Behaving congruently with those thoughts only reinforces the problem. Only real fix is to ignore those comments you tell yourself in your head, and just approach people. It gets easier with time. If you're in school.. try joining clubs/activities.. makes it much easier.
 

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Well, being a girl should make things a little easier for you than for INFP boys. In all truth, I wish I could have some INFP get-together and do something completely unorthodox. However, most of you punks live on the other side of the planet.

As for your general question, here's what a friend of mine said to me about approaching girls and I said generally the same things you mentioned. He said that when people respond to you, don't take it as them doing you a favor. We all have our mantra, but that gave me a lot of courage to just spring up a chat with most people. I'm still hesitant in some cases, and I have put my foot forward only to be stepped on, but you learn. The reality is that you will have hit and miss conversations with people, but just accept it. Don't expect all good and don't expect all bad.
 

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oh and...if you try to force yourself to talk to people you're not really interested in even holding a conversation with (like a stranger), then it's obvious to them (usually). so try to focus on people that actually seem interesting lol.
 

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Ah thanks Blue Butterfly, I appreciate the advice... I sometimes run into the problem of seemingly sounding like an interrogator when asking people about their interests. I probably don't, but I'm worried about being too intense. Man am I overanalyzing this, I wish I had my ESFJ mom's natural social skills

I know I have limited social skills too. That is why I pointed out that I am a hermit. I have had my times where I was able to be more social but that don't usually last very long. Maybe other INFP's that are not so introverted has better suggestions. I am willing to learn too.
 
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In all truth, I wish I could have some INFP get-together and do something completely unorthodox.
I'm always thinking that *sigh*
 

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I generally experience the same problem.

I can't find a good balance between interesting and crazy/passionate/unorthodox/revolutionary. Most of my opinions on life and everything are enough to scare any newly-met person away, unless they share similar beliefs. So I just end up being boring because I have nothing to say. I'm not really shy or scared to talk to people. They just find me boring and unemotional because I shut myself out from the outside unless I really know them. I CAN be interesting/fun/witty around people I know... but I never get to know anyone so it's like this self-perpetuating cycle of loneliness.

I'm going to try and focus on being more amiable this school year.
 

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Ah thanks Blue Butterfly, I appreciate the advice... I sometimes run into the problem of seemingly sounding like an interrogator when asking people about their interests. I probably don't, but I'm worried about being too intense. Man am I overanalyzing this, I wish I had my ESFJ mom's natural social skills
That's when having a set of stock "encouragement" phrases comes in handy. Things like "Oh really? Tell me more." or "I never thought of it that way. Could you elaborate?" (Naturally you use the level of language that is either a) natural to you or b) natural to them. Either way you come across transparently.)

But, also, a lot of the time just saying "uh-huh", "oh?", and nodding will keep people talking away. And when they run out of steam and walk away, they will tell people what a great conversationalist you are. No, really.

INFPs don't have the natural social skills of ENFs but we look, listen, and learn. Use your analysis skills to observe how others do it and then pick the phrases that work best and feel best for you.

Utilize your strengths and skills to accomplish what you want to achieve. Then you don't have to worry about what others have that you don't, they will become envious of the skills and strengths that you naturally have.
 

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Well, being a girl should make things a little easier for you than for INFP boys. In all truth, I wish I could have some INFP get-together and do something completely unorthodox. However, most of you punks live on the other side of the planet.

As for your general question, here's what a friend of mine said to me about approaching girls and I said generally the same things you mentioned. He said that when people respond to you, don't take it as them doing you a favor. We all have our mantra, but that gave me a lot of courage to just spring up a chat with most people. I'm still hesitant in some cases, and I have put my foot forward only to be stepped on, but you learn. The reality is that you will have hit and miss conversations with people, but just accept it. Don't expect all good and don't expect all bad.
where do you live? UK? i knew it.
 
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I generally experience the same problem.

I can't find a good balance between interesting and crazy/passionate/unorthodox/revolutionary. Most of my opinions on life and everything are enough to scare any newly-met person away, unless they share similar beliefs. So I just end up being boring because I have nothing to say. I'm not really shy or scared to talk to people. They just find me boring and unemotional because I shut myself out from the outside unless I really know them. I CAN be interesting/fun/witty around people I know... but I never get to know anyone so it's like this self-perpetuating cycle of loneliness.

I'm going to try and focus on being more amiable this school year.
I've gradually moved towards showing who I am to everyone and letting them decide to back off rather than the other way round. Most of my life, however, I've been exactly the same. When I moved to my new high school in grade 10, I didn't speak word to my new 'friends' for a couple months ... then I started talking and man do I talk ahaha. Even then, I don't think they understood me at all and so I didn't show myself all that much. Also, I was dull as a board when I worked in fast food because I had literally nothing in common with my coworkers (all they talked about was partying, getting drunk, and all the sex they had).
 
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Utilize your strengths and skills to accomplish what you want to achieve. Then you don't have to worry about what others have that you don't, they will become envious of the skills and strengths that you naturally have.
Indeed, brotha!
I see a lot of INFPs kind of afraid of being too weird or unlikeable and thus shying themselves from the world. then they wonder why they don't meet anyone they like. it's a problem set up by the complainer, in my opinion!
 
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Alright, you and me!

I'm going to climb a Volcano (inactive) in Washington State, all set?
As long as I get to ride piggy back :laughing:
 

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Ah thanks Blue Butterfly, I appreciate the advice... I sometimes run into the problem of seemingly sounding like an interrogator when asking people about their interests. I probably don't, but I'm worried about being too intense.
I also agree with Blue Butterfly's advice, and I also used to worry about coming across as an "interrogator". Something that I've found really helps with this is that you shouldn't just ask questions, but should also comment upon what people say when they answer your questions. This shows that you're not only interested in what they're saying, but also that you listened to the answer of your question.

If all you do is ask questions, then you're not showing people that you really care about what they're saying, and the constant questions may come across as weird.

The key thing to me about the whole question-asking strategy is that it lets the other person decide what topics to talk about, and like Blue Butterfly said, it kind of takes the pressure off of you. But you can do this by asking a question, and then after the person finishes answering, say something to either validate what they said, add something to it, or even offer your own perspective on it or disagree with it. The key thing is that you're talking about something that interests them...you show them that you value what they're talking about since you're not jumping to your own topic.

So I've always felt the whole thing isn't necessarily about the questions, but about the idea of choosing to talk about something the other person likes. Questions are the best way to start this up, but you don't have to only ask questions.


I think it's ok to "over"-analyze it at first, but once you get more experience talking to people, all of it comes more naturally and you don't have to force yourself to do these things.
 

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where do you live? UK? i knew it.
Nah, Vancouver, Canada.

How'd you get UK? I want to go visit the UK, I heard the girl to guy ratio are some good odds for me.
 
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