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If you're in a relationship and your Significant other has been hasn't been able to hold a job for roughly half a year or a year would that be seen as a red flag?

For example they got fired after a month of working because their employer felt they seem tired or the environment wasn't good. Also if they lost their job because of the coronavirus pandemic.

They had some temporary jobs in between but roughly for 2-3 weeks or a month.
 

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If they lost their job during a worldwide pandemic or struggling to find a job during it, it isn't a sign of anything. But yes, there are limits and what your limits are depend on the people in the relationship. If I'd tried to help them get out of a rut, like therapy or taking up some activity or going to school, and they weren't holding up their end to move forward, I wouldn't put up with it for very long. If I saw they were actively trying to deal with whatever the reason for their unemployment was, I could give them the benefit of the doubt.
 

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As long as you don't depend on their finances, it should not matter if it's a gap in their life or they are struggling in some way. It may mean something if you cannot do much together because they are not winning enough money, but is everything about money? They lost their job during a pandemic, along with a million other people. How old are they? Have they been for long in the country?
Do you perhaps mean that they struggle with their career, that your significant other doesn't have or want to have a career, or that they don't have the necessary studies and qualifications to get a decent wage when compared to yours and that you prefer individuals on a more equal footing financially-wise?
 

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Maybe. It depends on why the person hasn't been able to keep a job and what types of issues you are willing to deal with in the relationship. Being unable to keep a job due to being disabled is different than being unable to keep a job due to alcoholism is different than being unable to keep a job due to lacking reliable transportation.
 

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If you're in a relationship and your Significant other has been hasn't been able to hold a job for roughly half a year or a year would that be seen as a red flag?
If you're in a relationship and your significant other walks around trying to find reasons to dump you would that be seen as a red flag?
 

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I would never judge someone over that.. There are so many aspects to a person than just their conforming to society's prejudices.

I mostly go by their level of integrity. If you're a person of integrity, then I am more likely to give you a chance. If you're not, there's no way in hell I'd be willing to even hang out with you.
 

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If you're in a relationship and your Significant other has been hasn't been able to hold a job for roughly half a year or a year would that be seen as a red flag?

For example they got fired after a month of working because their employer felt they seem tired or the environment wasn't good. Also if they lost their job because of the coronavirus pandemic.

They had some temporary jobs in between but roughly for 2-3 weeks or a month.
When the costs of being in a relationship becomes higher than the consequences of getting out of it, you should know. Ask yourself how you feel about it. Don't stay in a relationship where you are being drained and not getting anything in return. A relationship should be symbiotic in nature. They should build you up as you build them up.
 

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Significant other not been able to hold a job
Personally wouldn't want a SO who isn't working. If they bounce between jobs often then that's fine, so long as they're making money.
 

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This is such a subjective thing. Are they stealing or doing unethical things at work and keep getting fired? Not showing up at all or behaving inappropriately with colleagues? Or could it be something like bipolar disorder where this is a common struggle and characteristic of the disorder, and your partner would need help to succeed.

If someone doesn't have to work, good for them. However I have personally experienced that when people (men especially) don't work, they become more depressed and have insecurities that can be damaging. I feel like for self-worth, to distract you sometimes even, and stability/independence work is important. I think even the people who aren't working would say similar, in may cases.
 

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If you're in a relationship and your Significant other has been hasn't been able to hold a job for roughly half a year or a year would that be seen as a red flag?

For example they got fired after a month of working because their employer felt they seem tired or the environment wasn't good. Also if they lost their job because of the coronavirus pandemic.

They had some temporary jobs in between but roughly for 2-3 weeks or a month.

I think it's a red flag to date someone who judges another person for being unable to hold down a job. It makes me wonder that if I ever end up bedridden someday, would he end up judging me and end up abandoning me too?

I happened to be that person who is unable to hold down a job, and this is because I have certain conditions such as autism, depression, and anxiety that is preventing me from holding down a job, and I'll often get fired during probation periods for learning things too slowly at work.
There is a huge difference between a disabled person vs a lazy person. Just because a person has certain disabilities in them that hinders them from holding down a job doesn't mean that they are being lazy.
If I have a SO who judges me for being unable to hold down a job, I would break up with him. I'd rather end up homeless on the streets, than to be with an overly judgemental person who only knows how to judge me instead of trying to understand where I came from.
 

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I wouldn't care. Infact I'd prefer they focus on setting up their own business rather than being a subordinate to someone else that doesn't even respect them; or maybe help me with my own business if they want to take part in some joint-venture that won't exploit their labour.

I was always secretly fuming how my ex was given long work hours, shitty pay and she clearly disliked her jobs. Made me wonder how many more people are in her position and it pisses me off.
 

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During a pandemic, It won't matter what the employers' reasonings are, the odds are likely they want to lay off some people. After one month, your significant other hasn't even been fully tried yet. It usually takes 3 months to figure out. So now you have to look at your SO's past jobs. Did he hold his last job or the job before that for some time? Did his positions move up since then (regardless of how long he stayed)? Were there any jobs at all that he stayed for a while? Questions like these. You don't have to answer.
 

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Yes it could be, depending on the reason for them not being able to hold down the job. It could say something negative about their character - e.g sloppiness/laziness, poor work ethic, low frustration tolerance, anger problems, difficulty in getting along with others or accepting authority, dishonesty, impulsiveness etc. - a host of things! I once dated someone who got jobs easily but left them within 2-3 months. He turned out to be very unstable individual who got frustrated very easily when things around him weren't 'perfect;, and of course, no job is 'perfect', so.... It was definitely a red flag in that case.
 

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No it wouldn’t bother me - if my partner makes me feel content and I like them a lot then I wouldn’t judge them upon it . It wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me - my focus pertains to how they treat me and those around them , it’s hard to find a person that I can connect with . I have a lot of friends who finished masters degree and couldn’t find a job or hold onto a job .

My partner was working on and off during the first 5 years of our relationship- and I didn’t work at all my junior year of college - neither of us were bothered by that fact .

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I agree with what Zeri said about their job history and resume would be more telling than just a current instance or time period.

I’ve been working on call part time since I left my job in late December. I’ve made sure to stay employed for my resume. But I’ve also made sure to use this time to prioritize. But in my case I could do that because leading up to my leaving my full time job I worked my ass off so much I had a large PTO check, a share paid to me, a decent tax return because I over paid the prior year, and because I was pushed out for being in a lesbian relationship with a superior I absolutely capitalized on unemployment which I paid in. (Hey this all happened pre covid can’t help that timing). Anyways I paid my bills up 9 months. With all that. I’m working on some healing and rest and relaxing I’ve had a few people give me shit but I lay into them me working 70-80 hours for 3 years is the equivalent of time I’m taking right now to fricken regroup. I’ve also taken this time to focus on making a power point and writing a business plan not only for myself but also for another person asking me to help them. As well as focused on helping my daughters with school and life. And I’m focusing on getting some workshops and certifications which help beef my resume up.

So I’m unsure if your mate is like doing what I’m saying. Or if they are just someone who can’t hold a job down period. If it’s just someone who has terrible work history and no long term employment I personally wouldn’t deal with that. If it’s someone in a faze I would not be worried. Also age matters. I’m 36 I expect anyone In my age group to be able to hold a job down. But I also understand people can work hard and have stable employment and then shit hits the fan. So as many others said all depends case by case.

Also factors: does this person pay their bills? Do they take care of their financial needs or are they using you?

Just thought about like if they have a history of depending on other people financially like family or partners I’d say fuck no to that. Unless they are a housewife raising your kids I’d squash that if they have a history of financial dependency.
 

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I wouldn't say so at least by itself. Given the current economic crisis and pandemic this year it is understandable to not have a job. That said it depends on what they are doing when not having a job. Are they bettering themselves in some way? Emotionally/physically/mentally/education/training. Are they making honest efforts on their own to try and find a job? I would take it as a huge yellow flag if they weren't doing anything at all during this time and a red flag if they were just trying to take financial advantage of you. That's just my 2 cents.
 

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The better question imo is : what if the person you're dating has more than enough money to get by, but you're getting none of it ? Do you stay with them or not ?
To me this would be more revealing than anything that is being answered in this thread so far. Because so far all I'm seeing here is "marriage > common finances > if they don't work I lose money and they get my money". Which a lot of the time is exactly what's happening, so much so that a good portion of divorces are filed over that very issue and also a frequent reason why people would date but not get married.
 

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It's not a "red flag" in itself. But it depends on your values and what kind of life you want to live whether or not that will work with your lifestyle.

Some impacting considerations could be whether you want to have children or start a family in the future and if you could support several dependents on your own income, whether you want to buy a house with a partner, whether you have expensive tastes and want to be able to share your affluent lifestyle with another affluent individual etc.

I personally would not date anyone who wanted to start a family, but I especially wouldn't date anyone who wanted to start a family and didn't seem to be able to hold a job, because I'm not rich and some lifestyles are expensive.

Obviously, if I was independently wealthy or came from a rich family without ever really having to worry about my own financial security, I would probably feel differently. Same if I had different goals for the future (I wouldn't choose that now even if I were rich).

So while I don't think it's fair to call it a "red flag," I do think that it's important to consider your values and your lifestyle choices, and what works with that. And to be upfront about lifestyle goals (kids, house, travel, affluent tastes) in case your values and lifestyle choices don't line up with the other person's.
 
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