Yeah I guess that's true too. It seems like even though I've met N-types in real life as friends, I've hardly ever met an N-type in real life that was a romantic prospect (as opposed to meeting them online). Obviously its hard to meet N-types in general because they're rare, but I'm not sure why the discrepancy between meeting N-friends and N- potential romantic partners. Anyway, Sensors are just a lot more likely to meet in real life, and I'm really resistant to do online dating. It's just so depressing. Maybe that's a needless block I should get over, I dunno.
Why do you find online dating depressing? Did you find it depressing before you tried it or do you think you just feel that way now based on your past experiences that were unsuccessful? This may be obvious, but not every N type individual you meet is going to be a compatible match or your soulmate or whatever you want to call it. It only takes one. Perhaps they were more dismissive but in a way, I think they did you a favor if the feeling was not mutual. There are so many people in the world, I have a hard time believing you won't eventually encounter someone where you both naturally enjoy the conversation and it's not one-sided.
Yeah, online the pool of people is bigger so it makes it more likely to run into an intuitive type and/or your compatible match because there are simply more people to choose from. So I say don't limit yourself there. I probably would have gone that route myself (deliberate online dating sites etc.) if I had not met my husband. When I did it, meeting people online was not as socially acceptable as it is now so I'm glad that is no longer the case. We had to jump over hurdles with people's reactions to it. But I'm different in that the online world suits me well since I'm shy and i express myself well through text (but of course there's Skype now too!) so I see it as a great tool though I'm also aware it can become a crutch in some sense too. I actually still use it to meet compatible friends and have had much success that way.
But it's just so hard to know if you're actually settling or not. What if I go my whole life just waiting for the perfect person and never entertain anything less than perfect, and then end up alone, missing out on plenty of opportunities that would have been great? Even I think back on my ISFP, I don't think "I was wasting my time, I shouldn't have settled for him", I think "I'm so glad that happened to me even though I knew it wouldn't last."
Well there's "perfect" or unrealistic expectations and then there's being more selective based on compatibility based on reasonble/attainable criteria such as deal breakers and core things that are important to you. It sounds like common interests and invigorating/flowing conversation are at least two things that are pretty important to you. Perhaps you've grown a bit discouraged based on past experiences and have a hard time believing you'll meet someone who is THAT compatible with you but like I said, it really only takes one.
Settling just means you become overly accomodating and make exceptions for people when it comes to your core criteria because you think that's as good as it gets. It may sound like a cold decision making process but it sounds like it was one that you originally had and then there was a shift after your other experiences. I am not sure if what you experienced with your ISFP and the way things went with the NT's and NF's you met online made you feel a bit guilty for how your original decision making process was. I don't think there's anything wrong with following your intuition and feelings on things especially if it normally leads you in a wise direction. After all, you weren't wrong about your ISFP because it did not turn into a lasting relationship. Which is not to say it didn't prove to be a valuable learning experience for you and a solid friendship (or however you want to label it now). But any experience has the potential to be a learning exprience so I guess my logic is, why not do it with a more compatible match?
I look at relationships a bit like a business in the sense that we should both be looking for how this relationship benefits both of us and it shouldn't be lop-sided. That is meant as a kindness because it protects all parties involved. If you start investing in someone who isn't all that compatible, it becomes harder to move on after awhile, because you've invested so much, most people would rather stay than take a loss (I'm not saying that applies to you, just talking). Now, if your goal is to collect as much relationship experience as possible rather than finding someone compatible, then ignore everything I've said. It really depends what your goal is. However, if it's to find someone compatible, then it helps to get in tune with the core things you really want and core things that would be a deal breaker. Now, obviously there's some things you may not know you want or don't want based on a lack of more experience, but just based on what you've experienced already, there are some things that seem to be pretty clear and there's probably even more things if you gave it more thought (perhaps you already have). I'm not trying to minimize your experience with the ISFP, by the way or say it was a waste of time in your case. Perhaps that was cold of me to say about my own experience but that's honestly how I felt for various reasons. I don't believe it's wise to create baggage in myself and others until I landed on the right person. Some people don't have the same philosphy as I do and see it differently so that's just the way I see things.
You may feel that your ISFP was the most amazing relationship you have had so far or that nothing can currently top it (or you're romanticizing it a bit) but when you meet a more compatible match, I am sure you will feel differently and I think that is how it should be because obviously you wound't want to constantly be comparing (in a negative way) the person you ended up with to a past love. Time spent with the wrong person is time you could have spent with the right person but it's also true on their side as well even if they currently just have a more laid back attitude towards relationships. They probably will not always feel that way. Or maybe they will but you know, I'm just rambling at this point lol.
Another point that's not really related but should be mentioned-- I have two other ISFPs in my life (my sister and a friend who thinks he's INTP) who are actually super good at having intellectual idea-based, intuitive conversations.
And one ISTP (my uncle) who is really fun to talk to as well.
That's great
Maybe they've got well developed Ni? Makes me wonder what their enneatypes are too since that's often an influence. I know of an INFJ on here (no longer active) who is happily married to an ISFP and another who seems to be naturally attracted to SP types. So like I said, it really depends what the INFJ is looking for in someone because we're not all looking for the same things.
Some INFJ's prefer to have someone who can get them out of their head and be more active (like an SP could provide) or maybe someone who could ground them more. So yeah, to each their own
I haven't really met that many ISFP's. Only one online and she was a total sweetheart. I enjoyed our conversation, we just didn't become lasting friends is all because it naturally died out. We also have an ISTP friend who is awesome but I don't feel that way about all ISTP's...so a lot of it is individual quirks too
Like I said, I think it's better to see who you're naturally attracted to (though yeah, sometimes we're attracted to people for unhealthy reasons...I mean outside of that, for healthy reasons). I notice a trend in myself to get in friendships with mainly INxx types. That's probably because I like analyzing and thinking about things to death lol.
