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Discussion Starter #1
there's an ISFP i am crushing on but i cannot seem to get a good read on him. sometimes i think he likes me and he shares his innermost thoughts with me and tells me that he doesn't do that with just anyone. that leads me to believe that i am at least important enough in his life that he is willing to open up. then there are times he'll say things out of the blue almost like he's testing the waters to gauge my reaction to them, but because i am not certain of his feelings for me, as a fellow Feeler, i have my guard/walls up so i don't end up hurt if the feelings aren't reciporcated. He gives intense eye contact when we talk and it seems like he's really listening. Then there are times i feel like he ignores me and doesn't want to spend any time with me if given the opportunity. then i feel totally disapointed that perhaps he doesn't like me in that way and i am totally reading into it. am i losing my mind? what are signs that an ISFP male is interested but afraid to make a move? Should I say something?
 

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Funny, that describes what position I am with someone else to the letter... but I'm on the other side of the situation. The only thing you can do is make a move in a social situation(preferred if it includes alcohol, you can pass it off as drunken stupidity if it goes all wrong), if something happens it happens, if not talk about it and reassess. I know, sounds a little extreme, but being direct will get you nowhere in my experience(we will run for the hills), if he is forced into a situation that he isn't comfortable with(and for me at least, it wouldn't be as bad in a social environment where alcohol is involved).

Sorry if this isn't too helpful but you need to be patient with us, we aren't too good at rushing relationships...

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk 2
 

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Oh my GOSH I totally feel your pain. As an ISFP you'd think it would be easy to understand an ISFP male.... but that doesn't seem to be the case. When he talks to me he leans into me and stares into my eyes like he's staring right into my soul... I know that sounds corny, but that's really what it feels like. He gives me hugs, and asks how I am, then he might ignore me for a while, and he never attempts to contact me when we're not together. He drives me mad, but I love him more every time I see him. I'm conflicted because I feel like since we don't talk when we're away from each other unless I make the first move, he must not be that into me. When you like someone, you try to stay close to them, right? I'm so confused...
 

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Discussion Starter #4
YES! I 100%, totally get what you're saying. This ISFP male drives me lunatic with his mixed signals. One minute he's like you said looking at your like he's staring right into your soul, and knows when you are down but then pulls away and ignores you and it totally drives you insane and you left wondering what you did wrong. I also agree with you on the whole needing to make the first move after he ignores you and i also feel he must not be that into me if thats the case. HOW DO YOU DEAL??????
 

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Honestly, I just cry. *sigh* That darn Fi. If it was anyone else I could move on, but he's the sweetest and loveliest person I've ever met. There is no one NO ONE that comes close. I wish he could just tell me how he feels. Apparently ISFP, plus male brain equals inability to share feelings with words. Is he just shy? Or is he just trying to be nice and he really doesn't like me? (This is my internal struggle almost every day)
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I'm right with ya. I cry too. A LOT. i know it's not worth my tears, but heck, i cry. I have the exact same internal struggle. he loves me, he loves me not. maybe we are just too much the idealist feelers and hope too much.
 

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I kind of have this thing... I try to keep up texting at least.
Honestly I just need to disappear for a bit sometimes. It's selfish in a way, I hope no one has come to tears because of this, but yeah... He's definitely into you~ When I'm into someone, it doesn't end so easily, it's constant in my head...

Does it help if we say "we need time off from everything. Not you, it's everything? Be back in a week or something?" (And y'know... mean it)

I don't know how to mediate this, because it's a keen sense of needing to be alone for a while.
 

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In my experience, if you think an ISFP might be into you, they are full throttle into you :laughing: They are a hard-to-read bunch, and don't have the "I know what I want"-ness of a J or Fe-using type. But things that let me know, were: initiating a conversation with you and making prolonged, unbroken eye contact (they are rather shy, at least in my experience), and the story is all told by nonverbal communication, and in their eyes. Fe users have a great deal of verbal cues they will use to convey interest, while the ISFP seems to be all nonverbal in that regard, at least in the beginning.
 

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Wow, I didn't realise but us ISFP males can be dicks haha.

Don't read the long periods of no contact as him not being into you. We can just be extremely introverted. Also we go with the flow so much that we don't often get "proactive" about organising to meet. But trust me when you do contact them, they're ecstatic about it.

That has been my experience at least. I hope it helps.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
wow, you guys are all so amazingly wonderful. thanks for posting and trying to help me decipher and make sense of all this ISFP's behavior. @benr3600: my ISFP now rarely initiates and it's either me fearing his rejection and closing myself off or him truly not wanting to talk to me anymore. also his eye contact is breaking off. when we do talk, he'll look but then look away more often than keeping the steady gaze like he used to. As for them being "full throttle" what if multiple females thinks he's into them too, then what? does that mean he's "full throttle" into all them too?? that would be a heartbreaking travesty if it were.
@Supernaut: yeah, i get your "go with the flow"-ness the ISFP seem to be notorious for. that's cool, but sometimes, the hot and cold, is total dick behavior.
 

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Yeah I totally understand.

I honestly don't have a heap of experience with dating/relationships but it's something I will definitely be taking note of in the future.
 

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@benr3600: my ISFP now rarely initiates and it's either me fearing his rejection and closing myself off or him truly not wanting to talk to me anymore. also his eye contact is breaking off. when we do talk, he'll look but then look away more often than keeping the steady gaze like he used to. As for them being "full throttle" what if multiple females thinks he's into them too, then what? does that mean he's "full throttle" into all them too?? that would be a heartbreaking travesty if it were.
I never said they will commonly initiate conversation. The ISFP has by far the most subtle approach to attraction I have ever seen. In fact, I would have to say the most difficult of any type to initiate with is the ISFP male, because society expects males to be assertive, and the ISFP simply isn't. Are there multiple females who feel he is into them? Maybe they are confused; maybe you are. I wish I knew what advice to give you on that topic. I would just focus on his nonverbal communication, and honestly, try to be assertive with him. Worst case scenario he ends this period of limbo that I know too well :sad:
 

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I never said they will commonly initiate conversation. The ISFP has by far the most subtle approach to attraction I have ever seen. I
So true. I feel like it's a constant cat and mouse game though. When you're chasing they might suddenly pull this disappearing act. By the time they "come to a decision", at least in my case, you already move on since you don't want to make yourself vulnerable only to get hurt. ISFPs will step up their game dramatically if they are into you, but you sort of have to put the puzzle pieces together realizing that all the "subtle" hints taken together illustrate an interest in you that is not so subtle after all.

EDIT: and speak of the devil. just got a text from ISFP I'm referring to. lol
 

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So true. I feel like it's a constant cat and mouse game though. When you're chasing they might suddenly pull this disappearing act. By the time they "come to a decision", at least in my case, you already move on since you don't want to make yourself vulnerable only to get hurt. ISFPs will step up their game dramatically if they are into you, but you sort of have to put the puzzle pieces together realizing that all the "subtle" hints taken together illustrate an interest in you that is not so subtle after all.
l
You arent kidding. I enjoy the challenge, but what I dont enjoy is having zero logical basis on which to set up shop in the game. Sorry, but the "I'm selfish enough to only be open .1% of the time, love and your chest pains be damned" is as quick a way to break your heart as well as mine, as anything. How a guy is supposed to remain confident, is beyond me. So I have decided to end things. Hopefully she learns her lesson but I fear she will make the same mistakes, especially since she takes the simpleton advice of an ESTP who has never been in love, as gospel. I'm done. I understand her immaturity played a great part in things, but I can only hold onto the potential that requires her to put the adult pants on, for so long. Never before have I felt the pain actually make a significant impact on me, physically.
 

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You arent kidding. I enjoy the challenge, but what I dont enjoy is having zero logical basis on which to set up shop in the game. Sorry, but the "I'm selfish enough to only be open .1% of the time, love and your chest pains be damned" is as quick a way to break your heart as well as mine, as anything. How a guy is supposed to remain confident, is beyond me. So I have decided to end things. Hopefully she learns her lesson but I fear she will make the same mistakes, especially since she takes the simpleton advice of an ESTP who has never been in love, as gospel. I'm done. I understand her immaturity played a great part in things, but I can only hold onto the potential that requires her to put the adult pants on, for so long. Never before have I felt the pain actually make a significant impact on me, physically.
Nah…you can't remain confident because staying in a situation like that means giving up your self-respect if you're compromising your basic needs.

On a side note, I find it a little bit funny that a male INTJ and ENTP are having this discussion. I think it points out that some NTs are very capable at being open with their feelings. Stereotypes be gone!
 

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Discussion Starter #16
quite the observation @downsowf. I wonder if ISFP females behave differently than ISFP males. But totally feels like cat and mouse. right now, the ISFP has pulled away, i feel like chasing but i don't want to because i don't know if he's pulling away to tell me to back off and leave him alone because he not interested or he feels he's given me a ton of hints he's interestd and i'm not reciporcating therefore he feels he needs to move on to avoid heartbreak of his own heart. sucks this stupid game.
 

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Nah…you can't remain confident because staying in a situation like that means giving up your self-respect if you're compromising your basic needs.

On a side note, I find it a little bit funny that a male INTJ and ENTP are having this discussion. I think it points out that some NTs are very capable at being open with their feelings. Stereotypes be gone!
Exactly. You reach a point where you realize that you're the only one giving. And yeah I guess it is ironic. There must be something about the ISFPs because there is never a shortage of NTs making these threads in despair. lol.
 

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quite the observation @downsowf. I wonder if ISFP females behave differently than ISFP males. But totally feels like cat and mouse. right now, the ISFP has pulled away, i feel like chasing but i don't want to because i don't know if he's pulling away to tell me to back off and leave him alone because he not interested or he feels he's given me a ton of hints he's interestd and i'm not reciporcating therefore he feels he needs to move on to avoid heartbreak of his own heart. sucks this stupid game.
Apparently they don't. It is very very very taxing, psychologically and emotionally. I don't believe it is a "cat and mouse game" as much as it is, as young adults, they seriously don't know for sure what they feel, or want. There is a constant vacillation between them being nice/into you, and the "disappearing act" that downsowf mentioned, where they flee like a goldfish when you hit the tank, for days at a time, at the first hint of you not being able to read their mind in time and are too late; for you to wonder whether or not they will ever be back and be extremely stressed for that time.
 

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I wonder if ISFP females behave differently than ISFP males.
That is what I've been wondering. I'm an ISFP female, and still can't quite understand the logic of the ISFP male I'm into. He seems to take the ISFP free spirit to a whole new level. Maybe as a woman I have more need for constant emotional connection than he does. It's confusing for me because usually I'm the coy one, but in this case I have to step it up and flat out tell him what I want or he doesn't get the hint. We go through periods where it's great and we totally get each other on the same level, then all of the sudden for no apparent reason he pulls back and it's almost like nothing happened. I spend a lot of time rebuilding to the point of emotional intimacy, just to get half a step further than last time, and the process repeats itself. There's just something about him that keeps me coming back. Something that makes me feel like I need him, because he's so lovely, and I couldn't live without such a lovely being in my life. Otherwise, I would never put up with this for as long as I have.
 

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Apparently they don't. It is very very very taxing, psychologically and emotionally. I don't believe it is a "cat and mouse game" as much as it is, as young adults, they seriously don't know for sure what they feel, or want. There is a constant vacillation between them being nice/into you, and the "disappearing act" that downsowf mentioned, where they flee like a goldfish when you hit the tank, for days at a time, at the first hint of you not being able to read their mind in time and are too late; for you to wonder whether or not they will ever be back and be extremely stressed for that time.
YES, yes, this is EXACTLY right. Thank you for putting that so clearly into words.
 
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