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Discussion Starter #1
I was curious to know, how can one tell if INFP likes him/her and is just being shy or truly dislikes him/her?

From my own experience, I noticed that I tend to act very similarly around my crush and around people I just do not care about at all, and I am INFP myself :D That is I just bluntly ignore/avoid this guy because of the fear of making a fool out of myself, keep conversations short and any kind of contact to the minimum. It could almost seem as if I disliked him. Having read some articles out there I noticed that I am not the only one acting like that. Therefore I started wondering about this thing.

So are there any differences in the attitude INFP shows to someone special and to those he/she do not like at all? Answers from male INFPs are especially welcome :)
 

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Try reading body language.

When I have to interact with someone I don't like I usually turn away from this person and keep my head level or slightly up. I do not fidget as much if at all. My feet stop shaking and I become rigid.

When I am talking to someone I am interested in I find myself turned toward them but with my head slightly to the side and down. I lean in slightly and I try to keep my eyes below theirs. My hands usually have to be playing with something. Or in my pockets. If I am sitting one or both of my feet will be shaking or I'll have my legs crossed.

There is also a difference between a forced smile with no teeth and a coy smile with teeth. In a conflict it is a sign of aggression to bare ones teeth so most of the time I find that in a conflicting situation I will not smile with teeth as not to send an aggressive signal. A coy smile will usually show teeth.

Also pay attention to their walk when they leave. If they walk a bit stiff it is a bad sign, but if they are normal or a bit too loose it is a good sign. Too loose just means they are lost in thought (possibly about you) and arn't paying attention to what they are doing. And if they look back it is a very good sign for you.
 

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I'm not sure what people could pick up from the outside but i'd feel uneasy and people I feel uneasy with I have a very very hard time talking to. Not because im afraid or what ever but more I don't wish to talk to this person at all because something about them feels grotesque to me and having to enduring such a person isn't worth it.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
It is so interesting to read your answers, I notice many similarities between the way I act around people I do not like too. Another thing I noticed is that sometimes I can be overly polite to them. While with those I have feelings for, yet am trying to hide them, I can be too cold. I guess that is the difference in my behavior when it comes to such situations.
 

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MOTM January 2013
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I won't talk to them or ill simply argue their point of view(if they really annoy me) and will try to find faults in them, they won't always know about this. Usually its the silent treatment or a somewhat overtly cold rub off as seen to the outside world. Sometimes its like they don't even exist but in actuality, their presence can be intolerable. It really does depend on how much this person has rubbed me up the wrong way. If im not feeling too strong, ill just be polite to them and stay away.
 

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Are we talking simp.ly dislike them, or full on hate them like they're an enemy? If I just don't like them I don't say much to them, make minimal eye contact, give shrot slightly snobish/ sarcastic answers to them. Not take anything they say seriously, and subtly put them below me in my mind. If I flat out hate them, and things are really escelating, I will give them the death stare, and try to avoid them, maybe openly mock them. OR I will act nice and coridal, biding my time untill revenge. But that's like extreme cases.
 

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If I ignore you, give really abrupt answers to your questions, seem to withdraw from you and avoid you, I dislike you. I'm not one to get angry with people visibly, I just whinge about them later... that's bad really.
 

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i'm overly polite with people that i dislike (or just don't care about). i don't want to give them anything to hold against me, but i keep answers short and simple, don't joke around with them, and take the first possible exit.
 

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Do you mean dislike romantically? If so, I really hate to hurt people's feelings....so I won't be blunt and straight-forward but I get really fickle...like not answering texts, bailing out on dates at the last minute, making excuses not to see them. I had a couple of guys that were interested in me but I really just didnt have the guts to tell hurt someone's feelings upfront so I was sort of passive aggressive about everything and over time they sort of got the message that I just didnt like them in a romantic way. I actually hate that I do that.

Dislike a person in general-- once again, I wont say it but my body language and attitude would scream uncomfortable (compared to how I am usually). I get pretty standoffish, serious, my body language would be very closed. I dont say anything because I honestly just dont like drama.
 

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If I dislike someone I will do my best to avoid them. If that's impossible, I will be cordial but they will be able to tell that I am not a big fan. It's very hard for me to be fake. I'm pretty sincere, if not in words my body language says it all.
 

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I also avoid them but I sometimes glare at them if they really piss me off so bad.
 
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The same as most of the people on here - avoidance. No eye contact when they talk to me. Using no facial expressions at all. Responding minimally with just slight nodding or non-words. My voice tone will have no affect, totally monotone. I think you can usually tell in my face when I don't like you very much. I tend to scowl and look mad. I'm not going to smile at you if I dislike you. Not even a little grin. If I do attempt a smile, it will be a sarcastic one. I might roll my eyes. And if you are prodding me to talk to you, I'll probably be combative and argue with you, pull apart the things you are saying, be sarcastic, rude, etc.

Ugh, just typing that puts me in a bad mood. I do not like being like that. I try not to dislike anyone.
 

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Avoidance. If it's really bad, they stop existing in my eyes.
 
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I don't want to dislike people at all, its not even something im proud of admitting how I am when I dislike someone. Hating/disliking people seems to take up a lot of my energy conserve because its all too easy to become bitter and let stuff simmer and therefore the only person I am hurting is myself. I hate disliking people but there are just some people that I just dispise regardless.
 

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It all depends on how much I dislike the person.

Dislike- I'm polite but try to get away as soon as possible.

Almost hate equiv. to frustrated- I give short replies and try not looking at them.

Hate- avoid at all costs.
 

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Do you mean dislike romantically? If so, I really hate to hurt people's feelings....so I won't be blunt and straight-forward but I get really fickle...like not answering texts, bailing out on dates at the last minute, making excuses not to see them. I had a couple of guys that were interested in me but I really just didnt have the guts to tell hurt someone's feelings upfront so I was sort of passive aggressive about everything and over time they sort of got the message that I just didnt like them in a romantic way. I actually hate that I do that.
There's a reason you hate it, even though your intentions are good. Deep down, you know that perhaps it's not the wisest way to handle it. But how then do you go about not hurting these people's feelings?

Analyze your values, and whether what you are doing actually achieves the purpose meant. Often, a few INFPs that don't like conflict, or hurting other people's feelings, will try to retreat or disappear, in an ostrich like manner, hoping that when all is "said and done" the conflict is magically gone, or that the other person "got the message". However, I question whether such "fickleness and "flakiness" actually "helps them" get the message, for in practice it is more hurting and abusive than just telling them you are not interested-are you doing this to safeguard yourself from conflict, or to REALLY not hurt their feelings? Because if you want to avoid hurting others, you'll be polite but will eventually NEED to confront them about what the situation really is, rather than giving out "passive-aggressive" hints that some won't take (my hint: it is usually more hurtful to be left wondering "what's going on?!" than to be told that somebody is not really interested in you; also, people are not supposed to take hints, but to really know why is it that they are being avoided.)

I am not attacking you, but wanted you to understand why is it that whenever there's a choice of not telling somebody the truth so that they won't be "hurt", and disappering to avoid such conflict, the latter is almost always the worse and MOST hurting/rude choice. Nothing will be won-you will be more stressed by your avoidance endeavors, and the other person will be (quite unfairly) kept in the dark (plus in the end, as beautiful a person you must be, it also doesn't make you look good, which I am sure you'll rather avoid.)

We don't have to tell people that we don't like them, of course. :) One can be honest while being polite. But is the disappearing/avoidance act really warranted? I don't believe it is a justifiable "INFP trait", even though it seems to happen often with INFPs (most of us really hate conflict.) But instead of running away from the situation, I feel it will be better for everybody involved if we just face our fears, let the person know where do he/she stands (no need to be rude or "fight" to achieve this), and let the chapter end, if it needs to end (rather than keeping the ending open to interpretation, as an unfinished chapter.)

Summary: telling the truth may hurt; avoidance/disappearing acts/flakiness in order for people to get "messages" always hurts more, so the "mission" of "not hurting his/her feelings" is NOT achieved by the second method. So, always go for the first choice, in a polite way-people deserve to know where do they stand, especially in relationship situations.
 
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