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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So basically every girl i know is either:
1) not single;
2) single, but not interested in me;
3) single, but i'm not interested in her;
4) single, but i don't know her enough and there is next to zero way to get to know her without looking like a creep.

Just to be more precise, 2) and 3) are the same person, 4) is a set of N random girls of which i totally lost count, and 1) is a set with the cardinality of the continuum (for dummies: bigger than infinite).

One doesn't simply meet a girl who is single with the right characteristics, and that's even harder for an INTP.

How do i even single girls?
Please provide step-by-step scheme thx :laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Step 1
Online dating
Step 2
Lower standards
Step 3
Cry when no one messages you
Step 4
Give up
Step 5
Find girlfriend after a year of inactivity on dating website
Step 6
Cheer
The "you find it as soon as you stop looking for it" concept may actually make sense. Someone should run a huge social experiment on it just to see how often it actually works.
But apart from that, my difficulty mostly resides in finding new available girls. A lot of people have problems reading into their intentions or opening to them once they already know them, that's not my case, my problem is even before the beginning. I mean, how in earth do people actually find new partners? They purchase them on Google Play?
 

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So basically every girl i know is either:
1) not single;
2) single, but not interested in me;
3) single, but i'm not interested in her;
4) single, but i don't know her enough and there is next to zero way to get to know her without looking like a creep.

One doesn't simply meet a girl who is single with the right characteristics, and that's even harder for an INTP.
One does simply meet a girl with the right characteristics. And, then there will still be differences to be negotiated etcetera. But, like anything in life it usually takes a lot of effort to meet such person.

So, how to meet a person where mutual attraction exists without seeming creepy? Be friends with a lot of people. If you are friends with a girl first you won't come across as creepy and you are more likely to recognize characteristics that really do appeal to you.

Difficult for an introvert, yes?

Can you ask your friends to include you more when they socialize? Be proactive in planning things and inviting people? Put yourself out to attend things that include your interests? Online date? Travel?

Have you worked on yourself so you have interests and qualities attractive for someone else? If you are doing all these things and meeting people, it will happen and it will be amazing. The hard part is just relaxing until it does.
 

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The "you find it as soon as you stop looking for it" concept may actually make sense. Someone should run a huge social experiment on it just to see how often it actually works.
But apart from that, my difficulty mostly resides in finding new available girls. A lot of people have problems reading into their intentions or opening to them once they already know them, that's not my case, my problem is even before the beginning. I mean, how in earth do people actually find new partners? They purchase them on Google Play?
I think the whole "you find it when you stop looking for it thing" is like you sort of stop caring so you lose track of time so lets say in 5 years you find someone and by that time you've accepted being ~5eva alone~ so when it happens you're like WHAT WOW IT really is true ~i found it~. That's what I think about that.

Have you been going to new places or like joining new activities that would force you to meet new people??
 

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The "you find it as soon as you stop looking for it" concept may actually make sense. Someone should run a huge social experiment on it just to see how often it actually works.
But apart from that, my difficulty mostly resides in finding new available girls. A lot of people have problems reading into their intentions or opening to them once they already know them, that's not my case, my problem is even before the beginning. I mean, how in earth do people actually find new partners? They purchase them on Google Play?
Go to new environments. Somewhere where you can regularly meet new people
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I think the whole "you find it when you stop looking for it thing" is like you sort of stop caring so you lose track of time so lets say in 5 years you find someone and by that time you've accepted being ~5eva alone~ so when it happens you're like WHAT WOW IT really is true ~i found it~. That's what I think about that.
Yeah, it probably works like that.

One does simply meet a girl with the right characteristics. And, then there will still be differences to be negotiated etcetera. But, like anything in life it usually takes a lot of effort to meet such person.
I should specify that what i'm currently looking for is exploration, not "the right person". I say this because honestly i still don't fully know what i want from a relationship and i think the best way to find it is by trial and error (i don't know if that's just me, honestly i think everyone is like this but most people don't realize it or don't want to admit it). Hence i don't even care that much about setting myself with who knows what kind of standards, i just have to find someone who is free and is willing to try.

Have you worked on yourself so you have interests and qualities attractive for someone else?
I hear this a lot. I honestly can't fully understand what it means, mostly because of what i just said above. If i try to pose that same question in reverse, "what kind of interests and qualities would i find attractive in someone else?", i don't know the answer, and hence it looks a bit silly to me that people expect me to have some kind of pre-defined qualities. I mean, i consider myself to be too young at 21 to know such things with any degree of certainty. Surely i realize there are some people who have plenty of experience at this age, but i don't think they are a lot and that's not what i'm looking for anyway.

Not that i don't have interests and qualities, of course. But i can't figure out what other people expect, since i myself don't expect much from other people.

Have you been going to new places or like joining new activities that would force you to meet new people??
So, how to meet a person where mutual attraction exists without seeming creepy? Be friends with a lot of people. If you are friends with a girl first you won't come across as creepy and you are more likely to recognize characteristics that really do appeal to you.

Difficult for an introvert, yes?

Can you ask your friends to include you more when they socialize? Be proactive in planning things and inviting people? Put yourself out to attend things that include your interests? Online date? Travel?
Go to new environments. Somewhere where you can regularly meet new people
I quote these together since they basically say the same things.

Really, that's easier said than done. And even when it gets done, it's not obvious that you find someone, either. I don't have a lot of friends but i have friends who are friends with a lot of people, and they themselves struggle in finding new available girls. Recently a new inside meme-joke has born between us just for this reason, "there exists no single girl ever" which sounds like the famous "there are no girls on the internet".
And that's to say i don't find i can rely on my friends' connections for this matter.

As far as going to new places and joining new activities, i'm not doing any of these at the moment. I also can't imagine how i could realistically do that. Give some example?

And for online dating, that seems doable until you realize that the girl-guy ratio is really not in guys favor. Girls have mostly likely seen the same kinds of questions and requests and whatever many times over every day, especially if they are even remotely attractive or interesting. Unless you find ways to really stand out, you'll be lost in the crowd.
 

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As far as going to new places and joining new activities, i'm not doing any of these at the moment. I also can't imagine how i could realistically do that. Give some example?
Sorry about that, I "get" what you are looking for now.

Go to craigslist for where you live to the Community section and look under "Activities" to find free things that fall under your interests. Take a 'wingman' and attend.

Go to concerts that interest you. Outdoor concerts are particularly good as they are a more chill vibe and you can lay blankets next to people that interest you or literally bump up to people as you dance.

There are some interesting studies done on ratios of single women-to-men done in different cities also. You may be in a zone that is more difficult. Travel is amazing for meeting single people. At 21 it doesn't have to be expensive. Staying in hostels and backpacking is a great way to meet people. Travelling on trains, waiting in airports, going to foreign tourist sites all open up exciting "meet opportunities". A goal?
 

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Stop looking and start discovering. Before writing anyone off as "not interesting", get to know them a bit better. Some things are hidden beneath the surface of the first impression :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Sorry about that, I "get" what you are looking for now.

Go to craigslist for where you live to the Community section and look under "Activities" to find free things that fall under your interests. Take a 'wingman' and attend.

Go to concerts that interest you. Outdoor concerts are particularly good as they are a more chill vibe and you can lay blankets next to people that interest you or literally bump up to people as you dance.

There are some interesting studies done on ratios of single women-to-men done in different cities also. You may be in a zone that is more difficult. Travel is amazing for meeting single people. At 21 it doesn't have to be expensive. Staying in hostels and backpacking is a great way to meet people. Travelling on trains, waiting in airports, going to foreign tourist sites all open up exciting "meet opportunities". A goal?
Craigslist is no deal for me since the listing in my zone is literally empty apart from scam and gay men (and when i say "my zone" i mean in a 300km radius from where i live).

Concerts... maybe it's doable, maybe not. I'll try, although they are a bit rare in my area.

I currently don't have the time nor the possibility to travel but that could be ok in the future.

Stop looking and start discovering. Before writing anyone off as "not interesting", get to know them a bit better. Some things are hidden beneath the surface of the first impression :)
Screw having standards, just meet a person and nature will take its course.
That's what i'm trying to do, my problem is indeed (1) meeting a person and (2) starting the interaction. When i said "right characteristics" i was a bit misleading, i clarified what i really meant in my previous post.

Step 1. Collect Underpants
Step 2. ????
Step 3. Marriage!
That sounds like a deal, too bad i'm not looking for marriage yet.
 

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lol

i was at the club once and i asked a girl to dance and she was like "i have a boyfriend" and i was like "just one? i have like 6 girlfriends". she was not amused.

i also like the one where the girl is like "i'm a lesbian" and i was like "that's fine, is your girlfriend bisexual though?".

women hate me, man.

most of the time, you don't ask what her relationship status is. i assume she's single until i'm told otherwise. or if there's a ring.
 

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I feel you man. I haven't been looking, I'm 21 and still nothing. I don't think a girl has ever showed interest in me. Gotta be patient I guess, but it does have an impact on one's self-esteem. Being single makes me feel less valued
 

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true. the truth is, if you put any man and any woman in a room for a length of time, eventually they're going to have sex. that's just life.
That would make an interesting experiment. I wonder if they would also fall in love with one another eventually too.
 

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I feel you man. I haven't been looking, I'm 21 and still nothing. I don't think a girl has ever showed interest in me. Gotta be patient I guess, but it does have an impact on one's self-esteem. Being single makes me feel less valued
I was exactly the same way (I'm 21, never noticed a girl being interested in me), until recently. It is possible, but you have to make contact with new girls. And probably have a lot of luck.
 
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