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What are your experiences being single? I never really realized this until recently, but as a person I've jumped from relationship to relationship (despite only being in 3 relationships in the last 11 years), and now have been presented the "opportunity" to be single. I've also lingered in and "held onto" the relationship well past any sort of healthy level to me.

I committed to myself that I'd stay single for at least a year--not something I know if I can or even should attempt--as I feel it very likely for doing so would be a strong growing experience.

What about the rest of you NTP sx/sp's? (Or sx/so's maybe? I don't know what an xNTP sx/so would be like, though.)

- How have you experienced relationships?
- Have you been single for long periods of time?
- What have been your motivations, problems, or good and bad points of existing as an sx/xx NTP?
 

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I have a hard time clearing out my past so I try not to get involved, because it never turns out well.

And I don't think you can be so and something else. so means you are well adjusted, having a firm background with both sx and sp. You only need to have a double-stacking (sx/sp or sp/sx) if you don't see yourself as so.

As far as my problems with being sx and INTP, I am extremely intense when I invest in anything in any way, and I forget myself in the process of the activity, paying little to no attention to anything else, like offending people.
 

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I find it really easy to move on but I really feel like I need to be in a relationship. I just really like sex and talking with an intelligent woman also makes me almost as happy as sex does.
 

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I've been single for about a year. Not by choice, but after two really bad and long relationships, I have become far more selective. Combine that with the fact that I haven't flirted for 9 years (prior to this year), I need more practice, and lack opportunities to perfect my game.

Our roads have been similar, friend. I knew those relationships were doomed (figured that out pretty early), yet I couldn't put a stop to them.

Should you stay single for a year? Perhaps, it would probably be good for you. You never know how life will turn out, though ; maybe in 2 months you will meet someone that would be great for you.

More importantly, you should use this time to figure out what kind of person you want / need (if you haven't already). I've read somewhere that INTPs are one of the harder types to match. In my case, I am pretty sure this is accurate information.

If you want my two cents, a relationship is meant to be a positive experience. You can't be compatible with everyone. Some people will grow together, and others will sabotage each other's development, knowingly or not. There are always hardships in relationships, but when more shit happens than good over a long period of time, it's time to get out.
 
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Discussion Starter #5
I've been single for about a year. Not by choice, but after two really bad and long relationships, I have become far more selective. Combine that with the fact that I haven't flirted for 9 years (prior to this year), I need more practice, and lack opportunities to perfect my game.

Our roads have been similar, friend. I knew those relationships were doomed (figured that out pretty early), yet I couldn't put a stop to them.

Should you stay single for a year? Perhaps, it would probably be good for you. You never know how life will turn out, though ; maybe in 2 months you will meet someone that would be great for you.

More importantly, you should use this time to figure out what kind of person you want / need (if you haven't already). I've read somewhere that INTPs are one of the harder types to match. In my case, I am pretty sure this is accurate information.

If you want my two cents, a relationship is meant to be a positive experience. You can't be compatible with everyone. Some people will grow together, and others will sabotage each other's development, knowingly or not. There are always hardships in relationships, but when more shit happens than good over a long period of time, it's time to get out.
Thanks for your comment.

Is this thread normally accessible by everyone else? It seems I am unable to access this thread (after creating it) unless I manually type in the address.
 

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Thanks for your comment.

Is this thread normally accessible by everyone else? It seems I am unable to access this thread (after creating it) unless I manually type in the address.
The thread's accessible to me. I found it via the forum. Maybe you unsubscribed to it by mistake?
 

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Discussion Starter #7

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INTP 5w4 sx/sp.


How have you experienced relationships?

I'm definitely on the line, with a wing that is almost balanced with my main and an NPIT on that "24 types of INTP" thread that goes around sometimes.

What it means is that, while still being predominately the detached thinker who needs my space, I really really really have a desire for the sort of deep intimacy that SX's and idealistic romance that 4's seem to want... and I feel like because of who I am, I kind of undermine that effort and I will never quite find it in this world.

Relationships mostly for me seem to be about obligation (which I don't like), and while I have developed a respect for that as far as it goes (and I'm also very faithful and loyal to a partner), I've had only one I can think of that was more of the idealistic intimacy that I've wanted... and even that could be difficult because my partner was an INFP and so I couldn't equal that level of caring... I tried, but I couldn't quite engage enough to leave my partner as satisfied as we both wanted. (That's not why we broke up, it simply created some problems at the time -- he wanted me to read his mind and actively ask more questions if I thought he might be upset, where I tended to respect his space.)

- Have you been single for long periods of time?

I only had a few relationships (mostly insignificant) before I met and married my now-ex shortly out of college. We were together for 15 years before separating, and it's been six years since our separation and hopefully the divorce will be final within the next two months. For me, also, I intuitively knew the separation meant the marriage was over, so I considered myself single at that point. I did not go looking, but when I met INFP guy, it was too much of a click to ignore.

But it's been a few years since that ended and I've been alone ever since. That's been difficult sometimes; I like my space, but I also don't like feeling completely isolated. I want to have those few really close, really committed, cherished relationships that are our "secret space." When I was with INFP guy, that's what it felt like -- our own private intimate little world and garden that was just about the two of us, that was just ours alone.

- What have been your motivations, problems, or good and bad points of existing as an sx/xx NTP?

I listed some of them above.

I want to be intimate, while retaining my autonomy.
I want to be very close but some of that closeness comes out of spending time in the mundane things with each other.

Whenever I get too close or share too much, I can sometimes feel fear and want to pull back. Even when I think my partner will still accept me. I think the problem is that my brain cannot really understand love or why someone would love me, so I just feel fear that if I tell someone too much about who I am, he will decide i'm no longer worth it. Which seems silly, because I don't think I'm a bad or lousy person, but it's not about how I see myself but how my partner might. So finding the love I want is a huge risk for me, and if I can't bring myself to take the risk, then I don't even see the point in trying -- i no longer want to do a "fake/shallow" relationship, after struggling in a marriage that was more about roles than individuals.

The SX and the NTP thing also typically makes me unhappy with a "generic/typical" relationship and I'm looking for a special intuitive connection, which narrows the dating pool considerably. But I did put in that 15 years and worked through a lot of things, and I raised a family, so that need is no longer there -- if I'm ever in another relationship, it's going to be because I think it's special and that we can be very close to each other.
 
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Discussion Starter #10
@Jennywocky - Yes, while it's interesting that Socionics and other types are supposedly "ideal" for the NTP, I feel like (maybe the INTP more so than the ENTP) tends to really need that intuitive connection. (For example, Socionics says "check out the ESFP," but I know an ESFP and I'd never get along with her.)

I understand the theory where types "compliment each other" perfectly well, but I believe there are some types (or individuals) who really "need" someone on their exact wavelength to truly be happy. (To be fulfilled in their relationship.)
 

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@Jennywocky - Yes, while it's interesting that Socionics and other types are supposedly "ideal" for the NTP, I feel like (maybe the INTP more so than the ENTP) tends to really need that intuitive connection. (For example, Socionics says "check out the ESFP," but I know an ESFP and I'd never get along with her.)

I understand the theory where types "compliment each other" perfectly well, but I believe there are some types (or individuals) who really "need" someone on their exact wavelength to truly be happy. (To be fulfilled in their relationship.)
yes, and I'm not even sure whether it's entire types or whether it's just enough to say there are particular individuals who happen to be looking for a complementary partner and other individuals who are looking for a similar/like partner.

for me personally, I need someone I'm fairly close in sync with to feel that depth and connection, vs someone very different. if I were with an ESFP, the relationship would always feel surface to me and kind of effusive, no matter how well I knew him.
 

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Meh, no idea about the enneagramm stuff really, for what it is worth however I typically rank 5w6 or something, most commonly anyway.

- How have you experienced relationships?
Yes, I'd limit that however to a single one realistically - at least when solely limiting it to romantic relationships.

- Have you been single for long periods of time?
Define long. I entered my first at around 20, ever since it ended (several years ago) I generally tend to have 0,5 to 1,5 year 'dry spells' (shows my active participation on that part :mellow:) but all the lays between the ended relationship would not rank anywhere in my relationship books rather than temporary FwB or fuck buddies for that matter. Currently it's been around 6 months give or take.

So perhaps the answer remains a plain "yes", though. It's not so bad, while it's not so great, either. I'd like to think I've low standards or am not particularly picky but apparently what I do want is fairly out of reach for many to provide, at least at this point in their lives (mid 20's). I don't watch TV, I don't go to the movies, I'm not active in clubs, I don't care about celebs. Whatever I choose to do I generally do by myself and when it comes to socializing I generally need a beer or two to get going in order to not remain too quiet, detached and/or disinterested.

I enjoy the plain mundane crap such as doing 'nothing' seemingly. Reading, thinking, philosophizing - May it be in a chair, in my bed, on the balcony, on the bus or in a park on a bench. It's not exiting, it's not thrilling, there's no burning passion and emotional rollercoaster rather than enjoying being in its simplest form.

Whoever can't do that (or doesn't want to),worships celebs and/or seeks new thrills 24/7 I consider plainly incompatible - at least if their open-mindedness seems to be limited, as the chances of accepting me for what I do, want and am are otherwise fairly slim to none. What a bore indeed.

- What have been your motivations, problems, or good and bad points of existing as an sx/xx NTP?
Well, not quite sure what you're asking. I try to live within healthy boundaries, to know what's appropriate and what is not. To know what I need and what I don't. To know that I want something to function and couldn't care less about its look. As such I live a simple life, at least that's the way I see it. There's no point in extensive wealth that goes beyond what I need - as such I rather refine, fine-adjust and tweak myself day by day trying to reach the epitome of my personal potential humanity.

The other day it struck me; "What is self-awareness if not the ability/tool to overcome ourselves as often as necessary?" At the bottom line that is what separates us as beings from all else on this world, be a shame if that goes to waste by chasing illusions and shadows thinking they'd provide happiness.

Potential problem areas in the past was my rigid mindset, close mindedness and high and lows of acute misanthropy which still comes and goes (to an extend) these days if I lose balance - also I don't connect really well with a lot of people. I'm the oddball, I'm the crazy one. Understandingly if I put myself in their shoes; it however is me spotting their pattern and not the other way around, so there isn't much to do but to accept it and move on with life. I feel separated from a lot of people, but it's not a bad thing or a separatism that fuels me with anger and bitterness. Quite the opposite, I'd like more people to walk the road I'm walking or have walked for that matter.

Society or people just doesn't seem to be too appreciative of these rather (in my mind) basic mindsets - it's unfortunate but not the point I feel alienated or lonely. Not anymore anyway, as I've come across a few lights of hope here and there at last - so not everything is doomed and as someone who thinks of himself to be often-times the "better one" (for a lack of better term, not in the sense of entitlement or larger ego) it is also my responsibility to work things between others and myself out for as long as it is within my fields of interest.

So at the very bottom line, I'd love to find someone who could just love me for these things, or at least respect them but generally the divide in interests is too large to overcome with good-will alone (unless it's the self-less genuine kind), unless both sides have equal amount. If I don't intuitively like a person or think it yields potential I'm generally better off with staying clear. I enjoy my own life first and foremost and expect others to do the same, on their own, without that enjoyment being placed on relationships to unhealthy degrees, which I find often to be the case.

In fact I may only ever been truly enthusiastic towards girls/women when I was caught within my (anima) projections, as soon as they are gone my interest disintegrates quickly, mostly because they don't and/or can't live up to it (not even remotely, mind you). Chances are I'm not someone to fulfill the projected animus roles at all, either. So it's a tad tricky, I guess :mellow:
 

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I'm currently on relationship hibernation and it's been a little over 2 years. I've gone out with some guys however, but they just didn't play the ol' heartstrings like before. Currently waiting on somebody awesome to wake me up from my slumber, otherwise I'm cool with being single. It gets boring and lonely sometimes, but I get by.
 

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- How have you experienced relationships?

No, that is my problem I am struggling with. I have spent enormous amount of time trying to find someone during holidays (mostly online), but the problem is that what I am looking for is not available there, I am looking to the future and I dont want to waste time with someone with no chance of development and low compatibility... I gave up...

- What have been your motivations, problems, or good and bad points of existing as an sx/xx NTP?

I have a huge conflict between INTP 5w6 9w1 2w1 and sx/sp/so... The enneagram and personality dont really need another person and I am always doubting logically why do I do all the attempts to find someone, why do I contact people online and stuff, I cant find any logical reason for it, it is all SX kicking in, some inner need to find someone to love, it is like brain fighting heart and no matter how hard the brain tries to suppress the heart the heart still hurts and asks for someone. If I counted the time I spent thinking about it, it would be probably the longest procrastination time during holidays... It is not about the sex, it is about some kind of personal connection and closeness, friends cant really help you much in that situation. Yet to achieve this closeness and connection I would need someone at least a bit special and just somebody wouldnt solve it I guess...

The struggle is terrible....
 
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Thanks @Erbse for your insight here. I've recently (as in this week) been moving more toward the idea of putting pause on parts of my life, simplifying it down, and essentially trying to stop my mind from being so busy. I've had some fantastic tips from others (@Moop) regarding this too, and want to incorporate that "slow down, reflect" idea into my upcoming single life.
 
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