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Sister Clashing

406 Views 3 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  hal0hal0
I was in the middle of writing a letter I didn't plan on sending when asked to reveal a little more about my sister and our clashing. I certainly went more personal this time. I appreciate all of your all's transparency through your own troubles.
She is older than I am by a couple years, now that we are adults we don't speak even though I'd like to.
I apologize for my rambling ahead of time, when it comes to matters of the heart I only how to say things through stories.
Thank you for your advice ahead of time.

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Ok sooooo

I have an INFJ sis & an ESFP sis. (My mom always calls me the medium in between two extremes).

So just as someone with perspective from my sisters on both ends.

My thoughts is that I can see maybe from extremes of generalizing of course.

See what you may not realize is that young INFJs can be well intended in their thrist for knowledge growth and helping people and relationships, but it can be very off putting when its delivered in a way of wanting to help others. Even if well intended.

I get that she is acting insane (my ESFP sister reacts and reasons insane too) But.....

You DO sound self righteous (even if it comes from a well intended place), and ESFPs certainly do not like being belittled. At least my ESFP sis.

I guess where I am going with this is your trying to fix her. She does not want you to take it upon yourself to fix her.

She does not hate you because you do not want to make poor choices in your life. She resents you because you DO think your superior (at least sub consciously).

I think that you take too much of this problem HER problem & your parents problem on yourself, and if you stayed out if it, it may help calm the waters.

You are very irritated with what she gets from others people, maybe you should let her work that out.

My INFJ sis has a knack for being completely well intended and just down right delusional, oblivious, self righteous, and naive at times.

Ok so now to my ESFP sis, yeah your right I know personally they can be completely hell bent on a mission to just fuck up their lives if unhealthy. My ESFP sis is absolutely not able to constructively listen to any concerns on her choices like ever. She can be down right childish and irrational. Her coping skills for having a bad day tend to be something to self medicate but then just adds to her problems. So I totally get what its like to deal with an addict ESFP. So I am not dismissing how frustrating it can be to deal with a drugged out Fi user. I am not dismissing you or your concerns on her behavior. I am simply saying that its not so much your place to weigh in with your insight, advice, and opinion, commonly to her. Your mom is a big girl and can duke it out with her daughter in due time, your sticking your nose in is intrusive. Its also alienating your sister (even if your well intended). You do not need to strategically place yourself their on your parents side.

I strongly think that you need to step back way back and not concern yourself with it right now. You have confronted her plenty. She does not need anyone pointing up her screwing up, she knows she is a screw up its why she is choosing to self medicate. Even if in the moment she is irrational with parents grandparents whatever, they are grown ups that can duke it out. Stay out of all their business is my input.

I hope you take what I say constructively and well intended. As one with same functions I can get some of your frustration as far as Fe vs Fi stuff. But as an SP I can also see your sisters fuck off attitude coming out and getting why your setting it off in her.

SPs I think are very prideful and would rather be wrong and wait to do something right without it implied or directed, then be right but do it because someone else is directing it. The more you impose whats right the more likely your pissing her right the fuck off.

Also I think she is using harder drugs then weed (no offence but the side effects your describing sound like way more going on then weed).

Anyways I am saying that as the middle child as far as the spectrum on all that. I was crazy wild when younger, and absolutely hated my INFJs take on any of it, granted i grew out of it. (Ironically she got wilder in her mid 20s point you still have alot of growing to do). My ESFP sis is likely a lifer as far as lifestyle but hell thats her choice ultimately. When shes asked my opinion I have been honest but I do not SOLICIT my advice, opinion, or morals. As someone who has been there and done that I think you are being way too critical tho of your sis in the sense that she is only 22, she does have plenty of time to change. If she ends up 40 like my ESFP sis then maybe you should assume its a life style choice. Just saying I was the wildest in the bunch under 22, and I am probably the most straight edged now in terms of substances and lifestyles. Those things can all change quite alot.

BTW me & my INFJ sis are tight now, guess who came back and apologized alot, no not me it was her for being so high and mighty to me when I was in a shitty place in my life. Anyways like i said she got wilder in her mid 20s now she is coming up on 30 and seems to be mellowing out a bit but she is alot more humble and realistic on the world.

I am not speaking to my ESFP sis so I know how that can feel. Basically it comes down to that I cannot even understand her gibberish tho, she snorts so many pills, and meth she is a fragment of the soccer mom I once knew. Our dad was a drug addict tho and died a few years back, pushed her over the edge. What I mean by unhealthy ESFP will use any bad day or bad thing as excuse to self medicate. which only perpetuates the problem. She has the coping skills of a 15 year old because of all her drug use. Something you need to consider while dealing with your sis is harder drugs do possess you when in the grip. (She is not the sister you know when high as a kite strung out.)
I appreciate your feedback, @Cinnamon83. I truly do.

My sister and I speak very little, actually. We stopped talking about 4-5 years ago.
I know it must sound that way, especially to her.

The fights we had when I was 17 were about as much interaction we've had and that was years ago.
We have spoken once after and not much can be said for the rest.

I do not tell her any of this.
I do not call her a screw up and would certainly never place myself on a platform or belittle her in any way like that. That would be insane and you're correct, it would be self-righteous, hence why I do not confront her about her wrongs. She is an adult and can handle the consequences of her actions.
I came here for advice and as such I proceeded to vent, possibly too much.

I am only upset that she is choosing to harm herself and I also keep that to myself as well.

However, I appreciate your insight.

I am re-working this post in the advice from a friend and it will be deleted soon so please do not take offense to this in any way.
Thanks again.
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